Re: thoughts on the term NADA appology

[Guest guest]

I was not offended I just like discussions. I thought we could all share our

personal reasons for the term. I felt the same way you did at first about the

term, but once I started using it I found in a limited way it works for me. I am

not judging you.I am sorry that anyone would invalidate you, I did not intend

that at all. I support you in your journey, and considering I have spent my

whole life being unfairly judged for having feelings, I would never want to give

the impression that I question your pain. I have the same issue with that as you

it seems. honestly reading the posts here sometimes, I feel like I have no real

problems. but then I remember how hurt and scared I have felt my whole life. and

how I have struggled to overcome false beliefs forced on me by BPD. and here I

feel like I am allowed to own my problems. I used your statement as a jumping

off point, not a judgment I too have a loving, but very twisted mother. I hope

you feel safe and supported here. and please forgive me I did not mean to hurt

you.

Meikjn

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > a recent post talked about how it is not respectful to use the term

> > Nada.(I don't call her nada, I still see her and respect her as my mother,

> > though I understand why some of you use that name!)

> >

> > I agree. sometimes. it is wrong to call a person Nada all the time. some

> > of my mother is her illness, and some of her is a loving mother. the fact

> > is that all of us are a mixture of good bad, irrational, rational, and

> > somewhere in-between. my long term goal is a relationship with her in which

> > I feel validated(not by her because she can't offer that), human and able

> > to see the parts that are likable in myself and her, and ignore the rest.

> >

> > I have a personal belief that in the next life people with mental illness

> > will not be bound by it anymore.

> >

> > that is one reason I want to heal as well as establish and maintain a

> > relationship with my mother in spite of NADA.

> >

> > I use the term on this message board because here is where I dump my

> > feelings and seek my revenge on NADA. Nada is the part of her that is sick,

> > crewel, manipulative, and abusive. but I have a mother too.

> >

> > Nada is the BP in my mother, and not the parts I like.

> >

> > I would never accuse her of being a crappy mom to her face whether it is

> > true or not. I really do believe she tried to do what she could for me. I

> > am no longer willing to take it for granted that she did everything she

> > should, or that could be done, but that is not the same thing.

> >

> > her delusions keep her semi-sane. without them she has nothing. so she

> > clings to them at the expense of all else. if her sanity dictates that she

> > sees things in me that are only her projections, than I need to learn the

> > truth, and believe it, and I am working towards not trying to prove her

> > wrong anymore, because I can't. because she can't admit she is wrong. she

> > believes it all with a fierce conviction.

> >

> > so Nada and Mother both exist in the same person.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Meikjn, I am willing to bet that you have plenty of horrific stories to tell.

I'm guessing that like many of us, you might be so use to the abuse that when

you hear something even worse than what you experienced, you think, " well, it

wasn't as bad as this person's so, I guess I shouldn't complain. " I guess this

because we all do this. We invalidate ourselves because someone had it worse.

The emotional abuse we suffered (and physical but I want to speak to the

emotional) is so far off of the norm but we were kids so we don't know that. We

are conditioned to think it's normal. So don't let your conditioning from a BPD

mother or father allow yourself to invalidate the bad things that happened to

you. Many of us can attest to here that our situations maybe weren't as bad as

others; I certainly feel that way sometimes. But then I'll confide in a friend

who had a nonBPD mother about how I had to talk my mom out of suicide all the

time, which to me doesn't seem as bad as some have had it, and the friend will

look at me, horrified and with disbelief that anyone would grow up with that.

So I just wanted to say that your feelings are totally valid, regardless of how

bad you think it was or wasn't. I think we have these strange-colored glasses on

so we don't actually know how bad it was until someone else validates us that it

was wrong. I know that happens to me.

> >

> > > **

> > >

> > >

> > > a recent post talked about how it is not respectful to use the term

> > > Nada.(I don't call her nada, I still see her and respect her as my mother,

> > > though I understand why some of you use that name!)

> > >

> > > I agree. sometimes. it is wrong to call a person Nada all the time. some

> > > of my mother is her illness, and some of her is a loving mother. the fact

> > > is that all of us are a mixture of good bad, irrational, rational, and

> > > somewhere in-between. my long term goal is a relationship with her in

which

> > > I feel validated(not by her because she can't offer that), human and able

> > > to see the parts that are likable in myself and her, and ignore the rest.

> > >

> > > I have a personal belief that in the next life people with mental illness

> > > will not be bound by it anymore.

> > >

> > > that is one reason I want to heal as well as establish and maintain a

> > > relationship with my mother in spite of NADA.

> > >

> > > I use the term on this message board because here is where I dump my

> > > feelings and seek my revenge on NADA. Nada is the part of her that is

sick,

> > > crewel, manipulative, and abusive. but I have a mother too.

> > >

> > > Nada is the BP in my mother, and not the parts I like.

> > >

> > > I would never accuse her of being a crappy mom to her face whether it is

> > > true or not. I really do believe she tried to do what she could for me. I

> > > am no longer willing to take it for granted that she did everything she

> > > should, or that could be done, but that is not the same thing.

> > >

> > > her delusions keep her semi-sane. without them she has nothing. so she

> > > clings to them at the expense of all else. if her sanity dictates that she

> > > sees things in me that are only her projections, than I need to learn the

> > > truth, and believe it, and I am working towards not trying to prove her

> > > wrong anymore, because I can't. because she can't admit she is wrong. she

> > > believes it all with a fierce conviction.

> > >

> > > so Nada and Mother both exist in the same person.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Oh, it's totally ok! I'm not upset or anything. I just wanted to make

sure I didn't offend anyone by my comment a few days ago, and I felt I

needed to apologize if I had. I support all terms people want to use to

describe the BPD in their lives, and I also support any way people choose

to release their feelings on this forum. I know we all are healing and

dealing with these things in our own individual ways, and none of us have

any room to judge.

Thank you for the apology Meikjn. It's nothing to worry about.

> **

>

>

> Meikjn, I am willing to bet that you have plenty of horrific stories to

> tell. I'm guessing that like many of us, you might be so use to the abuse

> that when you hear something even worse than what you experienced, you

> think, " well, it wasn't as bad as this person's so, I guess I shouldn't

> complain. " I guess this because we all do this. We invalidate ourselves

> because someone had it worse. The emotional abuse we suffered (and physical

> but I want to speak to the emotional) is so far off of the norm but we were

> kids so we don't know that. We are conditioned to think it's normal. So

> don't let your conditioning from a BPD mother or father allow yourself to

> invalidate the bad things that happened to you. Many of us can attest to

> here that our situations maybe weren't as bad as others; I certainly feel

> that way sometimes. But then I'll confide in a friend who had a nonBPD

> mother about how I had to talk my mom out of suicide all the time, which to

> me doesn't seem as bad as some have had it, and the friend will look at me,

> horrified and with disbelief that anyone would grow up with that.

>

> So I just wanted to say that your feelings are totally valid, regardless

> of how bad you think it was or wasn't. I think we have these

> strange-colored glasses on so we don't actually know how bad it was until

> someone else validates us that it was wrong. I know that happens to me.

>

>

>

>

>

> > >

> > > > **

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > a recent post talked about how it is not respectful to use the term

> > > > Nada.(I don't call her nada, I still see her and respect her as my

> mother,

> > > > though I understand why some of you use that name!)

> > > >

> > > > I agree. sometimes. it is wrong to call a person Nada all the time.

> some

> > > > of my mother is her illness, and some of her is a loving mother. the

> fact

> > > > is that all of us are a mixture of good bad, irrational, rational,

> and

> > > > somewhere in-between. my long term goal is a relationship with her

> in which

> > > > I feel validated(not by her because she can't offer that), human and

> able

> > > > to see the parts that are likable in myself and her, and ignore the

> rest.

> > > >

> > > > I have a personal belief that in the next life people with mental

> illness

> > > > will not be bound by it anymore.

> > > >

> > > > that is one reason I want to heal as well as establish and maintain a

> > > > relationship with my mother in spite of NADA.

> > > >

> > > > I use the term on this message board because here is where I dump my

> > > > feelings and seek my revenge on NADA. Nada is the part of her that

> is sick,

> > > > crewel, manipulative, and abusive. but I have a mother too.

> > > >

> > > > Nada is the BP in my mother, and not the parts I like.

> > > >

> > > > I would never accuse her of being a crappy mom to her face whether

> it is

> > > > true or not. I really do believe she tried to do what she could for

> me. I

> > > > am no longer willing to take it for granted that she did everything

> she

> > > > should, or that could be done, but that is not the same thing.

> > > >

> > > > her delusions keep her semi-sane. without them she has nothing. so

> she

> > > > clings to them at the expense of all else. if her sanity dictates

> that she

> > > > sees things in me that are only her projections, than I need to

> learn the

> > > > truth, and believe it, and I am working towards not trying to prove

> her

> > > > wrong anymore, because I can't. because she can't admit she is

> wrong. she

> > > > believes it all with a fierce conviction.

> > > >

> > > > so Nada and Mother both exist in the same person.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >