Dependent Personality Disorder

[Guest guest]

Hi list-eners, I am realizing these days that my split-good sister and also one

of my closest friends both seem to have 'dependent personality disorder'. I'm

wondering if anyone knows some good links or books on this? I found the

standard wikipedia and dsm stuff, but it's not very helpful. I'd like to find

some links that describe behaviour patterns and personalities in lay terms, like

the UBM descriptions. Just to help me make more sense of it--because I am

grieving them both.

Their actions go beyond the typical 'co-dependent' description that is often

thrown out there. Both of them are really just pathological about it. They are

exceedingly kind when they are not 'attached' to an abuser, but those instances

can be few and far between. Once they 'attach' to a guy, they are GONE--they

just disappear. They don't become less accessible, they literally disappear.

They are no longer physically present, they don't respond to emails or texts,

they do not participate in anyone's life...they are just. Gone. In my Golden

Sister's case, being co-D also seems to involve being pathologically invested in

my parents' reality--which involves helping them split me completely bad, always

(literally, always) reporting any word I say back to them, never spending time

alone with me or ever befriending me...helping nada attack me as her little

flying monkey tag-team girl...

Ugh. This has come up because I'm remembering this morning, in the horrible

times that I used to visit 'home' over xmas, that my sister was NEVER AROUND.

Not even for a minute. She would disappear to stay at the house of whichever

boyfriend she was with at the time, leaving me completely alone with nada, 24/7,

for all the time I was home. She would not do anything with me, at ALL. I was

entirely devalued. The only time she would ever show up--EVER!!--was if we were

doing something in public and my narcissist father was there. At that point,

she would show up with dude x. To enforce, I think, her superior status in the

foo. But if there was no public to observe her superiority, she had no use for

my company, and she would literally disappear.

She's been trying to pressure me to attend family functions lately and I find

that amazing. She was never a friend to me, at all--just someone who showed up

at family functions or outings to enforce my black sheep status. She was never

even PRESENT. She was ALWAYS with dude x, even when she was high school or

college aged and technically lived at home.

It troubles me--and my good friend too--because I sense strongly that there are

real people in there somewhere, people who do not *need to abuse, just to

'connect' to their chosen Co-D fix person. So. Links on this disorder?

--Charlie

[Guest guest]

If you go to google books, you can look up a book there called " Personality

Disorders " by Maj. I find it to be a really comprehensive reference for

all the personality disorders. The book costs a fortune, but through google

books you can read parts of it for free. Look up Dependent Personality Disorder

in the Table of Contents and " Go To " those pages. After you have read some

specified amount, the program will cut you off, but you will still get a lot out

of it. Some pages will be missing as well. It is written for clinicians and

professionals, so it's not a super easy read, but you'll get tonnes of

information.

If you have trouble, let me know. I may be able to get some information from it

to you another way.

HC

>

> Hi list-eners, I am realizing these days that my split-good sister and also

one of my closest friends both seem to have 'dependent personality disorder'.

I'm wondering if anyone knows some good links or books on this? I found the

standard wikipedia and dsm stuff, but it's not very helpful. I'd like to find

some links that describe behaviour patterns and personalities in lay terms, like

the UBM descriptions. Just to help me make more sense of it--because I am

grieving them both.

>

> Their actions go beyond the typical 'co-dependent' description that is often

thrown out there. Both of them are really just pathological about it. They are

exceedingly kind when they are not 'attached' to an abuser, but those instances

can be few and far between. Once they 'attach' to a guy, they are GONE--they

just disappear. They don't become less accessible, they literally disappear.

They are no longer physically present, they don't respond to emails or texts,

they do not participate in anyone's life...they are just. Gone. In my Golden

Sister's case, being co-D also seems to involve being pathologically invested in

my parents' reality--which involves helping them split me completely bad, always

(literally, always) reporting any word I say back to them, never spending time

alone with me or ever befriending me...helping nada attack me as her little

flying monkey tag-team girl...

>

> Ugh. This has come up because I'm remembering this morning, in the horrible

times that I used to visit 'home' over xmas, that my sister was NEVER AROUND.

Not even for a minute. She would disappear to stay at the house of whichever

boyfriend she was with at the time, leaving me completely alone with nada, 24/7,

for all the time I was home. She would not do anything with me, at ALL. I was

entirely devalued. The only time she would ever show up--EVER!!--was if we were

doing something in public and my narcissist father was there. At that point,

she would show up with dude x. To enforce, I think, her superior status in the

foo. But if there was no public to observe her superiority, she had no use for

my company, and she would literally disappear.

>

> She's been trying to pressure me to attend family functions lately and I find

that amazing. She was never a friend to me, at all--just someone who showed up

at family functions or outings to enforce my black sheep status. She was never

even PRESENT. She was ALWAYS with dude x, even when she was high school or

college aged and technically lived at home.

>

> It troubles me--and my good friend too--because I sense strongly that there

are real people in there somewhere, people who do not *need to abuse, just to

'connect' to their chosen Co-D fix person. So. Links on this disorder?

>

> --Charlie

>

[Guest guest]

The only other link I've seen is http://outofthefog.net

>

> Hi list-eners, I am realizing these days that my split-good sister and also

one of my closest friends both seem to have 'dependent personality disorder'.

I'm wondering if anyone knows some good links or books on this? I found the

standard wikipedia and dsm stuff, but it's not very helpful. I'd like to find

some links that describe behaviour patterns and personalities in lay terms, like

the UBM descriptions. Just to help me make more sense of it--because I am

grieving them both.

>

> Their actions go beyond the typical 'co-dependent' description that is often

thrown out there. Both of them are really just pathological about it. They are

exceedingly kind when they are not 'attached' to an abuser, but those instances

can be few and far between. Once they 'attach' to a guy, they are GONE--they

just disappear. They don't become less accessible, they literally disappear.

They are no longer physically present, they don't respond to emails or texts,

they do not participate in anyone's life...they are just. Gone. In my Golden

Sister's case, being co-D also seems to involve being pathologically invested in

my parents' reality--which involves helping them split me completely bad, always

(literally, always) reporting any word I say back to them, never spending time

alone with me or ever befriending me...helping nada attack me as her little

flying monkey tag-team girl...

>

> Ugh. This has come up because I'm remembering this morning, in the horrible

times that I used to visit 'home' over xmas, that my sister was NEVER AROUND.

Not even for a minute. She would disappear to stay at the house of whichever

boyfriend she was with at the time, leaving me completely alone with nada, 24/7,

for all the time I was home. She would not do anything with me, at ALL. I was

entirely devalued. The only time she would ever show up--EVER!!--was if we were

doing something in public and my narcissist father was there. At that point,

she would show up with dude x. To enforce, I think, her superior status in the

foo. But if there was no public to observe her superiority, she had no use for

my company, and she would literally disappear.

>

> She's been trying to pressure me to attend family functions lately and I find

that amazing. She was never a friend to me, at all--just someone who showed up

at family functions or outings to enforce my black sheep status. She was never

even PRESENT. She was ALWAYS with dude x, even when she was high school or

college aged and technically lived at home.

>

> It troubles me--and my good friend too--because I sense strongly that there

are real people in there somewhere, people who do not *need to abuse, just to

'connect' to their chosen Co-D fix person. So. Links on this disorder?

>

> --Charlie

>