Nada making you question the character of your husband or own child...

[Guest guest]

My nada has never liked my husband, mainly because my relationship with him

meant I was no longer listening to her as much and she was not able to exert as

much control over me. This has caused many problems between my nada and I over

the 26 years of my marriage yet my nada was usually able to achieve the upper

hand which left me with a feeling of doubt in my mind about the character of my

husband. I mean, if my nada disliked him so much, then I was left to wonder if

maybe she was right on some points and maybe just maybe he was broken in some

ways.

When my oldest son came along, my nada disliked him as well. Again, he was

taking me away from her I suppose. This child of mine was cast by my nada as

spoiled, and as rotten as my fada (whom my nada divorced). My nada even got most

of my siblings to buy into her line of thinking so that they hate him now as

well. Again, I was left wondering, is my child broken somehow? My nada must

know...

This ability of my nada to encourage me to question how I felt about my own

husband and son, is unbelievable but just goes to show how far reaching the

control and brainwashing a BPD can have over their child.

I have been NC with my nada for over a month now and two amazing things have

happened since then. The first is that I keep having these feelings of my nada

being very small or far away. It startles me almost when I get this feeling. But

what I realized the other day is that what I am sensing is her control over me

striking, kinda like the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz when she

gets water thrown on her and she screams " I'm shrinking, I'm shrinking!!! " That

indeed she is.

The other feeling I have been having came to me on Christmas Day as I sat on the

couch by myself while the rest of my family was off in other rooms. I had this

incredible feeling of peace come over me as I realized how wonderful my husband

and boys are. That they really are great people and I am so very blessed to have

them in my life. Gone was the cloud of doubt about them that my nada had laid in

thick over the years.

I am a bit embarrassed to admit that I have even had the feelings I mentioned

above and wonder if anyone else has experienced anything like that. Has your

nada been able to get you to question the character of those you love? Even your

own child?

[Guest guest]

Hi Darcy,

My answer to you question is " yes " . In fact, my nada made me question ANY

relationship I had outside of her. She always had a problem with my friends,

boyfriends, etc. In fact, my nada had something negative to say about everything

in my life that had nothing to do with her.

When I first started dating my husband, it was in the midst of my " lightbulb "

moment with nada, so things were not at their best between us anyway. Nada

accused my husband (my boyfriend at the time) of brainwashing me and all kinds

of crazy stuff. It was the real thing between me and him, and she saw it as a

serious threat against her.

Just goes along with the major fear of abandonment that all our nadas have.

It takes time, but eventually we learn to trust our OWN judgement of the people

in our lives. Nada's ability to make you question the intentions of your loved

ones is only a sign of her fear of abandonment.

~Sara Jo

>

> My nada has never liked my husband, mainly because my relationship with him

meant I was no longer listening to her as much and she was not able to exert as

much control over me. This has caused many problems between my nada and I over

the 26 years of my marriage yet my nada was usually able to achieve the upper

hand which left me with a feeling of doubt in my mind about the character of my

husband. I mean, if my nada disliked him so much, then I was left to wonder if

maybe she was right on some points and maybe just maybe he was broken in some

ways.

>

> When my oldest son came along, my nada disliked him as well. Again, he was

taking me away from her I suppose. This child of mine was cast by my nada as

spoiled, and as rotten as my fada (whom my nada divorced). My nada even got most

of my siblings to buy into her line of thinking so that they hate him now as

well. Again, I was left wondering, is my child broken somehow? My nada must

know...

>

> This ability of my nada to encourage me to question how I felt about my own

husband and son, is unbelievable but just goes to show how far reaching the

control and brainwashing a BPD can have over their child.

>

> I have been NC with my nada for over a month now and two amazing things have

happened since then. The first is that I keep having these feelings of my nada

being very small or far away. It startles me almost when I get this feeling. But

what I realized the other day is that what I am sensing is her control over me

striking, kinda like the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz when she

gets water thrown on her and she screams " I'm shrinking, I'm shrinking!!! " That

indeed she is.

>

> The other feeling I have been having came to me on Christmas Day as I sat on

the couch by myself while the rest of my family was off in other rooms. I had

this incredible feeling of peace come over me as I realized how wonderful my

husband and boys are. That they really are great people and I am so very blessed

to have them in my life. Gone was the cloud of doubt about them that my nada had

laid in thick over the years.

>

> I am a bit embarrassed to admit that I have even had the feelings I mentioned

above and wonder if anyone else has experienced anything like that. Has your

nada been able to get you to question the character of those you love? Even your

own child?

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Darcy,

Tears just welled up in my eyes as I read your post. I was so touched when you

said that a feeling of peace came over you and that you were blessed to have

your husband and sons in your life.

I know that feeling of relief of the scales finally falling from the eyes. That

in itself is a blessing. You are seeing them as yourself which also means that

you are experiencing yourself as yourself and not through the distorted lens of

your nadas perceptions.

I used to feel like I could not have an opinion or make a decision without first

knowing what my nada wanted me to feel. It was paralyzing. I had already

mostly broken away by the time I had my own children (I had them really late in

life) so she didn't get to poison my perceptions of them, but she was starting

to try. And she certainly poisoned my perceptions of many, many other people,

including and especially of myself.

I walked around with the burden of feeling that I was " bad " most of life,

because she made me feel that way. I finally shed that awful feeling only

recently after years of intense therapy with a really gifted psychologist (I had

to work my way through some not so gifted ones before I found her.)

So, yes, I know exactly where you are coming from and I am relieved and excited

for you that you are having this experience.

HC

>

> My nada has never liked my husband, mainly because my relationship with him

meant I was no longer listening to her as much and she was not able to exert as

much control over me. This has caused many problems between my nada and I over

the 26 years of my marriage yet my nada was usually able to achieve the upper

hand which left me with a feeling of doubt in my mind about the character of my

husband. I mean, if my nada disliked him so much, then I was left to wonder if

maybe she was right on some points and maybe just maybe he was broken in some

ways.

>

> When my oldest son came along, my nada disliked him as well. Again, he was

taking me away from her I suppose. This child of mine was cast by my nada as

spoiled, and as rotten as my fada (whom my nada divorced). My nada even got most

of my siblings to buy into her line of thinking so that they hate him now as

well. Again, I was left wondering, is my child broken somehow? My nada must

know...

>

> This ability of my nada to encourage me to question how I felt about my own

husband and son, is unbelievable but just goes to show how far reaching the

control and brainwashing a BPD can have over their child.

>

> I have been NC with my nada for over a month now and two amazing things have

happened since then. The first is that I keep having these feelings of my nada

being very small or far away. It startles me almost when I get this feeling. But

what I realized the other day is that what I am sensing is her control over me

striking, kinda like the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz when she

gets water thrown on her and she screams " I'm shrinking, I'm shrinking!!! " That

indeed she is.

>

> The other feeling I have been having came to me on Christmas Day as I sat on

the couch by myself while the rest of my family was off in other rooms. I had

this incredible feeling of peace come over me as I realized how wonderful my

husband and boys are. That they really are great people and I am so very blessed

to have them in my life. Gone was the cloud of doubt about them that my nada had

laid in thick over the years.

>

> I am a bit embarrassed to admit that I have even had the feelings I mentioned

above and wonder if anyone else has experienced anything like that. Has your

nada been able to get you to question the character of those you love? Even your

own child?

>

[Guest guest]

My nada had a tendency to tell me inappropriate things about my dad; nada felt

that dad was a womanizer and was continuously sneaking around and having affairs

behind her back; she both loved him and despised him. Believing that my dad was

that kind of person made me think less him, I'm sorry to say.

At the time, as a child and young teen I had no way of knowing that my mother

had fixed delusions and paranoid thoughts about people. I had no way of knowing

that my own mother was quite mentally ill. (And I believed that her

irritability, her hair-trigger temper and perfectionism and the way she screamed

at me, terrorized me, physically assaulted me, and told me I was not good

enough, smart enough, etc., was my fault, too.)

I'd grown up hearing that my mother's parents were awful to her. Nada had told

me and Sister repeatedly that her father beat her often, had a hair-trigger

temper, and that she was afraid of him but loved him anyway. Nada told me that

her mother rejected her and didn't love her at all, and preferred her older

sister. And yet, my nada insisted, demanded, that at least once a month and

usually twice a month we would go have Sunday dinner at her parents' home, along

with her two sisters and their families, plus we'd go on family vacations

together and visit other relatives together.

It was only after I'd reached my late teen years/early adult years, after

observing and experiencing my grandparents'/relatives' behavior over a great

deal of time and interaction, that the HUGE disconnect between how they actually

behaved and what my mother was claiming... became obvious. I had also observed

that my own mother was the only person I knew who was verbally abusive to

others; my mother had her own older sister in tears often, reviling her with

hateful accusations at these " family get-togethers " but nobody, and I mean

NOBODY ever stood up to my mother and told her to knock it off. My nada

apparently had her foo as afraid of her as I was (and dad and Sister were.)

Its hard for us to comprehend just exactly how much power a mother has, or a

father has, over their child. These are the individuals who actually in a very

real sense *tell us who we are*, and tell us what the world is like; the parent

literally *defines reality for their child*, and the influence parents have

over their child can indeed stretch into the child's adult years. Nobody else

in our lives can ever have that much influence on us, because their influence

started before we were born.

-Annie

>

> My nada has never liked my husband, mainly because my relationship with him

meant I was no longer listening to her as much and she was not able to exert as

much control over me. This has caused many problems between my nada and I over

the 26 years of my marriage yet my nada was usually able to achieve the upper

hand which left me with a feeling of doubt in my mind about the character of my

husband. I mean, if my nada disliked him so much, then I was left to wonder if

maybe she was right on some points and maybe just maybe he was broken in some

ways.

>

> When my oldest son came along, my nada disliked him as well. Again, he was

taking me away from her I suppose. This child of mine was cast by my nada as

spoiled, and as rotten as my fada (whom my nada divorced). My nada even got most

of my siblings to buy into her line of thinking so that they hate him now as

well. Again, I was left wondering, is my child broken somehow? My nada must

know...

>

> This ability of my nada to encourage me to question how I felt about my own

husband and son, is unbelievable but just goes to show how far reaching the

control and brainwashing a BPD can have over their child.

>

> I have been NC with my nada for over a month now and two amazing things have

happened since then. The first is that I keep having these feelings of my nada

being very small or far away. It startles me almost when I get this feeling. But

what I realized the other day is that what I am sensing is her control over me

striking, kinda like the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz when she

gets water thrown on her and she screams " I'm shrinking, I'm shrinking!!! " That

indeed she is.

>

> The other feeling I have been having came to me on Christmas Day as I sat on

the couch by myself while the rest of my family was off in other rooms. I had

this incredible feeling of peace come over me as I realized how wonderful my

husband and boys are. That they really are great people and I am so very blessed

to have them in my life. Gone was the cloud of doubt about them that my nada had

laid in thick over the years.

>

> I am a bit embarrassed to admit that I have even had the feelings I mentioned

above and wonder if anyone else has experienced anything like that. Has your

nada been able to get you to question the character of those you love? Even your

own child?

>

[Guest guest]

I had a revelation the last couple months about this very thing. Growing up I

was in a prestigious choir. I really wanted to join and my nada reluctantly

agreed. all I ever heard about it was how it was so expensive, and she had my

sibs. saying it too. she even made them jealous about the money she spent on me

and not them. and she convinced me that the director was hateful and mean and

horrible to me. I stayed in the choir because I LOVED it and it still fills me

with nostalgia thinking about it. it was one of very few emotionally safe places

in my life. I don't need to list all the amazing things the director(s) did for

me, but without them I would not be a musician today.

Nada had me convinced she was mean she even claims to this day that the director

is responsible for my flaws in music. that is the only lie I chose to ignore

even someone as enmeshed as me knew that was just going too far.

My husband likes her name and wanted to name one of our 3 girls that, but I

refused because I thought I did not like her.

I now know that she was a very powerful positive force in my life, and the way I

felt with her was happy and safe. she was strict, but kind, and I feel ashamed

that I ever thought she was mean to me. it was always a lie.

My NADA has no friends. it is sad but true. when she gets close to people she

becomes judgmental, and starts talking bad about them, and she has a hard time

being around them.

there is one women who was my Sunday school teacher for years. she is still

" friends " with her. she does things with her sometimes, but she has very little

good to say about her.

I used to think this woman was a liar, because Nada claims that you cant trust a

word she says. I am friends with some of her kids, and it went far enough that I

used to pity them for having a mom who is a constant liar. I really wish I could

get to know her now that I know that Nada is the liar.

Nada also has very little good to say about the in-laws. they are to blame for

everything she does not like.one example is she likes to say the in-laws are

controlling and don't want children whenever anyone goes on birth control (she

wants us to all give birth until it kills us so she can have more babies) she

has favorites and scapegoats among the grand kids too.

she likes to hint that my DH is keeping me from visiting them more, but since

that is a matter of money,time, and convenience, (not to mention a mutual

decision) it has never really been something I believe.

I think it is really easy to fall into the black and white thinking. I used to

mistrust people for pretty dumb things for a long time.

I am sorry she manipulated you. it is a hard realization sometimes.

> >

> > My nada has never liked my husband, mainly because my relationship with him

meant I was no longer listening to her as much and she was not able to exert as

much control over me. This has caused many problems between my nada and I over

the 26 years of my marriage yet my nada was usually able to achieve the upper

hand which left me with a feeling of doubt in my mind about the character of my

husband. I mean, if my nada disliked him so much, then I was left to wonder if

maybe she was right on some points and maybe just maybe he was broken in some

ways.

> >

> > When my oldest son came along, my nada disliked him as well. Again, he was

taking me away from her I suppose. This child of mine was cast by my nada as

spoiled, and as rotten as my fada (whom my nada divorced). My nada even got most

of my siblings to buy into her line of thinking so that they hate him now as

well. Again, I was left wondering, is my child broken somehow? My nada must

know...

> >

> > This ability of my nada to encourage me to question how I felt about my own

husband and son, is unbelievable but just goes to show how far reaching the

control and brainwashing a BPD can have over their child.

> >

> > I have been NC with my nada for over a month now and two amazing things have

happened since then. The first is that I keep having these feelings of my nada

being very small or far away. It startles me almost when I get this feeling. But

what I realized the other day is that what I am sensing is her control over me

striking, kinda like the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz when she

gets water thrown on her and she screams " I'm shrinking, I'm shrinking!!! " That

indeed she is.

> >

> > The other feeling I have been having came to me on Christmas Day as I sat on

the couch by myself while the rest of my family was off in other rooms. I had

this incredible feeling of peace come over me as I realized how wonderful my

husband and boys are. That they really are great people and I am so very blessed

to have them in my life. Gone was the cloud of doubt about them that my nada had

laid in thick over the years.

> >

> > I am a bit embarrassed to admit that I have even had the feelings I

mentioned above and wonder if anyone else has experienced anything like that.

Has your nada been able to get you to question the character of those you love?

Even your own child?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Nada's are very good at manipulation, causing confusion, and making you feel

guilty.

I really liked this paragraph you wrote:

<<The other feeling I have been having came to me on Christmas Day as I sat on

the

couch by myself while the rest of my family was off in other rooms. I had this

incredible feeling of peace come over me as I realized how wonderful my husband

and boys are. That they really are great people and I am so very blessed to have

them in my life. Gone was the cloud of doubt about them that my nada had laid in

thick over the years.>>

Go with that!!! When in doubt, go with the peace that is deep down in your

heart because it is the truth! If something causes anxiety, confusion,

darkness, etc. it is not the truth. If something causes deep inner peace,

understanding, light, and a lasting peace at that... it almost always is the

truth.

>

> My nada has never liked my husband, mainly because my relationship with him

meant I was no longer listening to her as much and she was not able to exert as

much control over me. This has caused many problems between my nada and I over

the 26 years of my marriage yet my nada was usually able to achieve the upper

hand which left me with a feeling of doubt in my mind about the character of my

husband. I mean, if my nada disliked him so much, then I was left to wonder if

maybe she was right on some points and maybe just maybe he was broken in some

ways.

>

> When my oldest son came along, my nada disliked him as well. Again, he was

taking me away from her I suppose. This child of mine was cast by my nada as

spoiled, and as rotten as my fada (whom my nada divorced). My nada even got most

of my siblings to buy into her line of thinking so that they hate him now as

well. Again, I was left wondering, is my child broken somehow? My nada must

know...

>

> This ability of my nada to encourage me to question how I felt about my own

husband and son, is unbelievable but just goes to show how far reaching the

control and brainwashing a BPD can have over their child.

>

> I have been NC with my nada for over a month now and two amazing things have

happened since then. The first is that I keep having these feelings of my nada

being very small or far away. It startles me almost when I get this feeling. But

what I realized the other day is that what I am sensing is her control over me

striking, kinda like the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz when she

gets water thrown on her and she screams " I'm shrinking, I'm shrinking!!! " That

indeed she is.

>

> The other feeling I have been having came to me on Christmas Day as I sat on

the couch by myself while the rest of my family was off in other rooms. I had

this incredible feeling of peace come over me as I realized how wonderful my

husband and boys are. That they really are great people and I am so very blessed

to have them in my life. Gone was the cloud of doubt about them that my nada had

laid in thick over the years.

>

> I am a bit embarrassed to admit that I have even had the feelings I mentioned

above and wonder if anyone else has experienced anything like that. Has your

nada been able to get you to question the character of those you love? Even your

own child?

>

[Guest guest]

HI Darcy,

Yes, the answer to that is yes. Deep down inside, where no one else can see, I

have sometimes wondered if there was any grain of truth to some of the negative

things my nada and nada MIL have said through the years about my family. I know

what you mean by embarrased, and I would add angry, that any mother would say

such negative things about their own child's family. Because usually it would be

something inferred or implied that if you called them on it they would say that

wasn't what they meant and give you that look like , so you think that, eh?!

Now that I am aware of BPD and what that means to my relationship with my nada

and MIL it doesn't happen, and not being around them or talking to them very

little does help a lot. I just steer the conversation to about nada or MIL. Not

hard to do as they love to talk about themselves. And I feel like the craziness

of nada is less potent now because I don't see her or talk to her as often. I

haven't gone totally NC, but have definately cut way back. It just isn't safe or

healthy to be around it much.

My MIL is so toxic that she has said to my DH more than once that if it wasn't

for me he wouldn't have the house we have, or the life we have. She puts him

down by complimenting me in a sideways kind of way. So hurtful and mean and

toxic. I think subconciously, over years of being put down it is near impossible

not to question if his nada wasn't right about some of the mean things she has

said to him. Why can't she just tell him she is proud of what he and I have

built together? She just doesn't - always a cut or a joke or undermining.

I think we've all been fooled by our nadas at some time or another - either by

wondering if what they have said about us or our loved one had a grain of truth

in it. I am thankful that I have gotten out of the maze enough to know I am in

one with nada and MIL.

Forgive yourself for giving her words any weight. Who knew we'd have to

disregard our own mother's ideaswords about ourselves or our loved ones? It goes

against everything we've been taught socially.

> >

> > My nada has never liked my husband, mainly because my relationship with him

meant I was no longer listening to her as much and she was not able to exert as

much control over me. This has caused many problems between my nada and I over

the 26 years of my marriage yet my nada was usually able to achieve the upper

hand which left me with a feeling of doubt in my mind about the character of my

husband. I mean, if my nada disliked him so much, then I was left to wonder if

maybe she was right on some points and maybe just maybe he was broken in some

ways.

> >

> > When my oldest son came along, my nada disliked him as well. Again, he was

taking me away from her I suppose. This child of mine was cast by my nada as

spoiled, and as rotten as my fada (whom my nada divorced). My nada even got most

of my siblings to buy into her line of thinking so that they hate him now as

well. Again, I was left wondering, is my child broken somehow? My nada must

know...

> >

> > This ability of my nada to encourage me to question how I felt about my own

husband and son, is unbelievable but just goes to show how far reaching the

control and brainwashing a BPD can have over their child.

> >

> > I have been NC with my nada for over a month now and two amazing things have

happened since then. The first is that I keep having these feelings of my nada

being very small or far away. It startles me almost when I get this feeling. But

what I realized the other day is that what I am sensing is her control over me

striking, kinda like the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz when she

gets water thrown on her and she screams " I'm shrinking, I'm shrinking!!! " That

indeed she is.

> >

> > The other feeling I have been having came to me on Christmas Day as I sat on

the couch by myself while the rest of my family was off in other rooms. I had

this incredible feeling of peace come over me as I realized how wonderful my

husband and boys are. That they really are great people and I am so very blessed

to have them in my life. Gone was the cloud of doubt about them that my nada had

laid in thick over the years.

> >

> > I am a bit embarrassed to admit that I have even had the feelings I

mentioned above and wonder if anyone else has experienced anything like that.

Has your nada been able to get you to question the character of those you love?

Even your own child?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, Darcy, I can relate to this. Nada recently asked me if I thought my

son-in-law was " controlling " . I found it laughable, as she has only met him 2-3

times in the 8 years he's been married to my daughter. He's in the military,

and they live out of state. Her feeble attempt to continue her mind games. I've

made it clear to all four of my kids that as adults, they can choose whether or

not to even interact with her. My daughter has good boundaries, and still

manages to show nada kindness, sending her a box of goodies at Christmas, etc.

>

> My nada has never liked my husband, mainly because my relationship with him

meant I was no longer listening to her as much and she was not able to exert as

much control over me. This has caused many problems between my nada and I over

the 26 years of my marriage yet my nada was usually able to achieve the upper

hand which left me with a feeling of doubt in my mind about the character of my

husband. I mean, if my nada disliked him so much, then I was left to wonder if

maybe she was right on some points and maybe just maybe he was broken in some

ways.

>

> When my oldest son came along, my nada disliked him as well. Again, he was

taking me away from her I suppose. This child of mine was cast by my nada as

spoiled, and as rotten as my fada (whom my nada divorced). My nada even got most

of my siblings to buy into her line of thinking so that they hate him now as

well. Again, I was left wondering, is my child broken somehow? My nada must

know...

>

> This ability of my nada to encourage me to question how I felt about my own

husband and son, is unbelievable but just goes to show how far reaching the

control and brainwashing a BPD can have over their child.

>

> I have been NC with my nada for over a month now and two amazing things have

happened since then. The first is that I keep having these feelings of my nada

being very small or far away. It startles me almost when I get this feeling. But

what I realized the other day is that what I am sensing is her control over me

striking, kinda like the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz when she

gets water thrown on her and she screams " I'm shrinking, I'm shrinking!!! " That

indeed she is.

>

> The other feeling I have been having came to me on Christmas Day as I sat on

the couch by myself while the rest of my family was off in other rooms. I had

this incredible feeling of peace come over me as I realized how wonderful my

husband and boys are. That they really are great people and I am so very blessed

to have them in my life. Gone was the cloud of doubt about them that my nada had

laid in thick over the years.

>

> I am a bit embarrassed to admit that I have even had the feelings I mentioned

above and wonder if anyone else has experienced anything like that. Has your

nada been able to get you to question the character of those you love? Even your

own child?

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you to all of you who replied to this post of mine. I find your words and

support incredibly helpful. I have been processing things for the last few days,

trying to deal with what it feels like to have a nada with BPD. The initial

feeling of joy upon discovering BPD and finally understanding why my life has

been so hard with my nada, has worn off and I am left with dealing with the ugly

mess of having a BPD nada. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

Darcy

>

> My nada has never liked my husband, mainly because my relationship with him

meant I was no longer listening to her as much and she was not able to exert as

much control over me. This has caused many problems between my nada and I over

the 26 years of my marriage yet my nada was usually able to achieve the upper

hand which left me with a feeling of doubt in my mind about the character of my

husband. I mean, if my nada disliked him so much, then I was left to wonder if

maybe she was right on some points and maybe just maybe he was broken in some

ways.

>

> When my oldest son came along, my nada disliked him as well. Again, he was

taking me away from her I suppose. This child of mine was cast by my nada as

spoiled, and as rotten as my fada (whom my nada divorced). My nada even got most

of my siblings to buy into her line of thinking so that they hate him now as

well. Again, I was left wondering, is my child broken somehow? My nada must

know...

>

> This ability of my nada to encourage me to question how I felt about my own

husband and son, is unbelievable but just goes to show how far reaching the

control and brainwashing a BPD can have over their child.

>

> I have been NC with my nada for over a month now and two amazing things have

happened since then. The first is that I keep having these feelings of my nada

being very small or far away. It startles me almost when I get this feeling. But

what I realized the other day is that what I am sensing is her control over me

striking, kinda like the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz when she

gets water thrown on her and she screams " I'm shrinking, I'm shrinking!!! " That

indeed she is.

>

> The other feeling I have been having came to me on Christmas Day as I sat on

the couch by myself while the rest of my family was off in other rooms. I had

this incredible feeling of peace come over me as I realized how wonderful my

husband and boys are. That they really are great people and I am so very blessed

to have them in my life. Gone was the cloud of doubt about them that my nada had

laid in thick over the years.

>

> I am a bit embarrassed to admit that I have even had the feelings I mentioned

above and wonder if anyone else has experienced anything like that. Has your

nada been able to get you to question the character of those you love? Even your

own child?

>

[Guest guest]

Darcy,

I agree with that! And now don't you find yourself wondering what else is just

behind the veil of understanding that you have also missed? I just can't beleive

I didn't know all these years that it was BPD and not something about me!It

shakes all my memories with my nada and changes the lense with which I view the

world. It was a relief to have a name for it, and find this board where others

know about it and understand, but now comes the agony of the fact that it what

it is, and we have to deal with it and the loss it has created in our lives.

> >

> > My nada has never liked my husband, mainly because my relationship with him

meant I was no longer listening to her as much and she was not able to exert as

much control over me. This has caused many problems between my nada and I over

the 26 years of my marriage yet my nada was usually able to achieve the upper

hand which left me with a feeling of doubt in my mind about the character of my

husband. I mean, if my nada disliked him so much, then I was left to wonder if

maybe she was right on some points and maybe just maybe he was broken in some

ways.

> >

> > When my oldest son came along, my nada disliked him as well. Again, he was

taking me away from her I suppose. This child of mine was cast by my nada as

spoiled, and as rotten as my fada (whom my nada divorced). My nada even got most

of my siblings to buy into her line of thinking so that they hate him now as

well. Again, I was left wondering, is my child broken somehow? My nada must

know...

> >

> > This ability of my nada to encourage me to question how I felt about my own

husband and son, is unbelievable but just goes to show how far reaching the

control and brainwashing a BPD can have over their child.

> >

> > I have been NC with my nada for over a month now and two amazing things have

happened since then. The first is that I keep having these feelings of my nada

being very small or far away. It startles me almost when I get this feeling. But

what I realized the other day is that what I am sensing is her control over me

striking, kinda like the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz when she

gets water thrown on her and she screams " I'm shrinking, I'm shrinking!!! " That

indeed she is.

> >

> > The other feeling I have been having came to me on Christmas Day as I sat on

the couch by myself while the rest of my family was off in other rooms. I had

this incredible feeling of peace come over me as I realized how wonderful my

husband and boys are. That they really are great people and I am so very blessed

to have them in my life. Gone was the cloud of doubt about them that my nada had

laid in thick over the years.

> >

> > I am a bit embarrassed to admit that I have even had the feelings I

mentioned above and wonder if anyone else has experienced anything like that.

Has your nada been able to get you to question the character of those you love?

Even your own child?

> >

>