Re: Having a tough day and need a little support

[Guest guest]

Just reading that started twisting up my insides, and she's not even related to

me!

You have my sympathy!

>

> I haven't been on in a while -- my MIL goes in cycles and things were pretty

quiet up until last week. The emails just won't stop. This one just showed up

in MY 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER's EMAIL and MY EMAIL, despite being addressed to my

husband. Clearly, this email is out of line no matter who it was sent to, but I

can't help but wonder how this got sent to my daughter? Was it a mistake? I

would sure like to think so, but I know better.

>

> Here it is --

> *********

> RSVP

> I have great news for you!! I will not be attending GRANDDAUGHTER's birthday

party!

> I don't have a choice, do I, SON? Most or all of the attendees are the those

who have believed your outrageous lies about me. If I did attend, it would be

like walking into the lion's den. It would be similar to when I walked into

NIECE's reception. Apparently everyone believed SISTER-IN-LAW's " drama queen "

false accusations which she used to humiliate me. (as I have told you before,

at this point I had no idea of what the reason was. I still don't know the

truth.)

> This is just one example why I cannot attend my granddaughter's party. Why

would anyone want to suffer humiliation like that? You don't want me there, my

grandchildren don't want me there(don't deny this any longer because you know

I'm right), all those who have heard your lies and accusations you " brainwashed "

to believe that I am " public enemy #1 " .

>

> If you're looking for attention or sympathy, find someone else to " destroy "

and take THEIR lives away like you have done to me. It probably won't give you

as much enjoyment as you get from humiliating me.

>

> Your accusation regarding my phone going dead and not calling back is an

example of taking the truth (I did call back on my cell) and turning it around

to suit your selfish purpose.

>

> Another example of twisting the truth is when you stated that you have read

the info I sent to you about mental illness. That's what you tell others! What

you don't do,is tell others the truth, which is " I don't know why " . I know!!!

If you told the truth, it wouldn't have the impact that you seem to need, so you

lie.

> You have used me to boost your own ego. Why? You have proved it to me many,

many times, that you really don't care how this affects me. You will continue to

do this for selfish reasons to keep up the appearance, which you have created,

to get that " Oh, Poor SON " reaction that you desparately need, without any

regard to my feelings.

>

> Let's make a deal! You apologize to me for the hurtful lies and accusations

you've told others and I won't humiliate you by telling anyone that you have

said, " I'm sorry " or " I was WRONG " . Deal????

>

> Just think, , this e-mail will give you the opportunity to get the " OH,

POOR SON " reaction from those who believe what you say is the truth.

> All you have to do is STOP the pain you cause me is simple. STOP talking

about me.

>

> I hope this explains the reasons why I can't be there for GRANDAUGHTER's

party. Besides, consider my absence a gift to everyone! OOPS my error! No one

will notice that I'm not there, just like always.

> I would love to come just to piss everyone off!!!

>

> ****

> Okay, deep cleansing breath.

>

> 1) There is no birthday party. There was no invitation. My daughter is

having a friend's party and that's it. She hasn't had a family party since she

was 2. She will be 12 in two weeks.

>

> 2) The NIECE's wedding was four years ago. Long story --- my MIL made a scene

but everyone just moved on and ignored it. She brings it up at least 3 times

per year.

>

> 3) Lies? Ugh. I can't even respond.

>

> 4) STOP TALKING ABOUT HER? It would probably kill her to know we don't talk

about her. It takes too much energy. We've all just moved on with our lives.

>

> I guess I am just having one of those days. I've been living with this

insanity for 20 years and I'm completely and utterly exhausted from it. We

haven't seen my MIL in 3 years. But she still manages to wedge herself in our

lives with these ranting emails.

>

> Thanks for listening. :-/

>

[Guest guest]

Bizymom,

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. I think we all know

that it got sent to your daughter because she intentionally

included your daughter in the list of recipients. I wonder who

else she sent it to? It sounds like something meant for others

to read so that they can be made to see how much you and your

husband have wronged her and how she's totally innocent. Like

many of our nadas, she seems to be showing a need to be the

center of attention and total lack of any sense of responsbility

for her own actions.

Why aren't you blocking her e-mails from appearing in your

mailboxes? Almost all e-mail clients have some way of doing

that. Life is so much less stressful when if you don't have to

see things like this.

At 02:14 PM 07/04/2011 bizymom2 wrote:

>I haven't been on in a while -- my MIL goes in cycles and

>things were pretty quiet up until last week. The emails just

>won't stop. This one just showed up in MY 11 YEAR OLD

>DAUGHTER's EMAIL and MY EMAIL, despite being addressed to my

>husband. Clearly, this email is out of line no matter who it

>was sent to, but I can't help but wonder how this got sent to

>my daughter? Was it a mistake? I would sure like to think so,

>but I know better.

>

>Here it is --

>*********

>RSVP

>I have great news for you!! I will not be attending

>GRANDDAUGHTER's birthday party!

>I don't have a choice, do I, SON? Most or all of the attendees

>are the those who have believed your outrageous lies about

>me. If I did attend, it would be like walking into the lion's

>den. It would be similar to when I walked into NIECE's

>reception. Apparently everyone believed SISTER-IN-LAW's " drama

>queen " false accusations which she used to humiliate me. (as I

>have told you before, at this point I had no idea of what the

>reason was. I still don't know the truth.)

>This is just one example why I cannot attend my granddaughter's

>party. Why would anyone want to suffer humiliation like

>that? You don't want me there, my grandchildren don't want me

>there(don't deny this any longer because you know I'm right),

>all those who have heard your lies and accusations you

> " brainwashed " to believe that I am " public enemy #1 " .

>

>If you're looking for attention or sympathy, find someone else

>to " destroy " and take THEIR lives away like you have done to

>me. It probably won't give you as much enjoyment as you get

>from humiliating me.

>

>Your accusation regarding my phone going dead and not calling

>back is an example of taking the truth (I did call back on my

>cell) and turning it around to suit your selfish purpose.

>

>Another example of twisting the truth is when you stated that

>you have read the info I sent to you about mental

>illness. That's what you tell others! What you don't do,is

>tell others the truth, which is " I don't know why " . I

>know!!! If you told the truth, it wouldn't have the impact

>that you seem to need, so you lie.

>You have used me to boost your own ego. Why? You have proved

>it to me many, many times, that you really don't care how this

>affects me. You will continue to do this for selfish reasons to

>keep up the appearance, which you have created, to get that

> " Oh, Poor SON " reaction that you desparately need, without any

>regard to my feelings.

>

>Let's make a deal! You apologize to me for the hurtful lies

>and accusations you've told others and I won't humiliate you by

>telling anyone that you have said, " I'm sorry " or " I was

>WRONG " . Deal????

>

>Just think, , this e-mail will give you the opportunity to

>get the " OH, POOR SON " reaction from those who believe what you

>say is the truth.

>All you have to do is STOP the pain you cause me is

>simple. STOP talking about me.

>

>I hope this explains the reasons why I can't be there for

>GRANDAUGHTER's party. Besides, consider my absence a gift to

>everyone! OOPS my error! No one will notice that I'm not

>there, just like always.

>I would love to come just to piss everyone off!!!

>

>****

>Okay, deep cleansing breath.

>

>1) There is no birthday party. There was no invitation. My

>daughter is having a friend's party and that's it. She hasn't

>had a family party since she was 2. She will be 12 in two

>weeks.

>

>2) The NIECE's wedding was four years ago. Long story --- my

>MIL made a scene but everyone just moved on and ignored

>it. She brings it up at least 3 times per year.

>

>3) Lies? Ugh. I can't even respond.

>

>4) STOP TALKING ABOUT HER? It would probably kill her to know

>we don't talk about her. It takes too much energy. We've all

>just moved on with our lives.

>

>I guess I am just having one of those days. I've been living

>with this insanity for 20 years and I'm completely and utterly

>exhausted from it. We haven't seen my MIL in 3 years. But she

>still manages to wedge herself in our lives with these ranting

>emails.

>

>Thanks for listening. :-/

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

I'm so sorry your daughter received that ugly message from her grand-nada

( " not-a-grandma " ); it was clearly intended to inflict guilt and pain on her.

I'm willing to bet money it was deliberate.

Borderline pd sometimes expresses itself with delusional thinking and paranoid

thinking, and sometimes obsessive thinking; that's what this letter sounds like

to me. She has created a " conspiracy " in her mind that " everyone at the party

hates me " and she is obsessing about this false belief that her

relatives/friends have been invited to your daughter's birthday party and she

has been left out, when the party is only going to be for friends, not

relatives.

Its kind of sad, really, that the person with bpd will conjure up these paranoid

fantasies and then fling vitriolic abuse at her loved ones over something that

isn't even real.

Has MIL ever been formally diagnosed? Would she be open to getting treatment?

Sadly, most individuals with personality disorder will not seek treatment. Only

you can know whether suggesting it would make things worse or not.

Meanwhile, maybe you could block your daughter's inbox from grand-nada's e-mail

so she won't be receiving any more hate-mail from grand-nada.

-Annie

>

> I haven't been on in a while -- my MIL goes in cycles and things were pretty

quiet up until last week. The emails just won't stop. This one just showed up

in MY 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER's EMAIL and MY EMAIL, despite being addressed to my

husband. Clearly, this email is out of line no matter who it was sent to, but I

can't help but wonder how this got sent to my daughter? Was it a mistake? I

would sure like to think so, but I know better.

>

> Here it is --

> *********

> RSVP

> I have great news for you!! I will not be attending GRANDDAUGHTER's birthday

party!

> I don't have a choice, do I, SON? Most or all of the attendees are the those

who have believed your outrageous lies about me. If I did attend, it would be

like walking into the lion's den. It would be similar to when I walked into

NIECE's reception. Apparently everyone believed SISTER-IN-LAW's " drama queen "

false accusations which she used to humiliate me. (as I have told you before,

at this point I had no idea of what the reason was. I still don't know the

truth.)

> This is just one example why I cannot attend my granddaughter's party. Why

would anyone want to suffer humiliation like that? You don't want me there, my

grandchildren don't want me there(don't deny this any longer because you know

I'm right), all those who have heard your lies and accusations you " brainwashed "

to believe that I am " public enemy #1 " .

>

> If you're looking for attention or sympathy, find someone else to " destroy "

and take THEIR lives away like you have done to me. It probably won't give you

as much enjoyment as you get from humiliating me.

>

> Your accusation regarding my phone going dead and not calling back is an

example of taking the truth (I did call back on my cell) and turning it around

to suit your selfish purpose.

>

> Another example of twisting the truth is when you stated that you have read

the info I sent to you about mental illness. That's what you tell others! What

you don't do,is tell others the truth, which is " I don't know why " . I know!!!

If you told the truth, it wouldn't have the impact that you seem to need, so you

lie.

> You have used me to boost your own ego. Why? You have proved it to me many,

many times, that you really don't care how this affects me. You will continue to

do this for selfish reasons to keep up the appearance, which you have created,

to get that " Oh, Poor SON " reaction that you desparately need, without any

regard to my feelings.

>

> Let's make a deal! You apologize to me for the hurtful lies and accusations

you've told others and I won't humiliate you by telling anyone that you have

said, " I'm sorry " or " I was WRONG " . Deal????

>

> Just think, , this e-mail will give you the opportunity to get the " OH,

POOR SON " reaction from those who believe what you say is the truth.

> All you have to do is STOP the pain you cause me is simple. STOP talking

about me.

>

> I hope this explains the reasons why I can't be there for GRANDAUGHTER's

party. Besides, consider my absence a gift to everyone! OOPS my error! No one

will notice that I'm not there, just like always.

> I would love to come just to piss everyone off!!!

>

> ****

> Okay, deep cleansing breath.

>

> 1) There is no birthday party. There was no invitation. My daughter is

having a friend's party and that's it. She hasn't had a family party since she

was 2. She will be 12 in two weeks.

>

> 2) The NIECE's wedding was four years ago. Long story --- my MIL made a scene

but everyone just moved on and ignored it. She brings it up at least 3 times

per year.

>

> 3) Lies? Ugh. I can't even respond.

>

> 4) STOP TALKING ABOUT HER? It would probably kill her to know we don't talk

about her. It takes too much energy. We've all just moved on with our lives.

>

> I guess I am just having one of those days. I've been living with this

insanity for 20 years and I'm completely and utterly exhausted from it. We

haven't seen my MIL in 3 years. But she still manages to wedge herself in our

lives with these ranting emails.

>

> Thanks for listening. :-/

>

[Guest guest]

>

> I haven't been on in a while -- my MIL goes in cycles and things were pretty

quiet up until last week. The emails just won't stop. This one just showed up

in MY 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER's EMAIL and MY EMAIL, despite being addressed to my

husband. Clearly, this email is out of line no matter who it was sent to, but I

can't help but wonder how this got sent to my daughter? Was it a mistake? I

would sure like to think so, but I know better.

You are right. That is out of line for anyone, and completely inappropriate to

send to your child. That is one unsafe person who has shown you she is not to be

trusted to have contact with your daughter! Time to set up the email block on

dd's account, if you ask me.

> 4) STOP TALKING ABOUT HER? It would probably kill her to know we don't talk

about her. It takes too much energy. We've all just moved on with our lives.

>

You mean your life doesn't revolve around her even when she's not there? ;-)

Good for you! This tirade doesn't deserve a minute of your time or energy, and

definitely not the dignity of a response from you.

[Guest guest]

WOW..I totally felt like that was my mother.I'm so sorry that your family

had to read that. Especially your daughter. That was low. My mother is doing

that right now to my kids, my brother and his kids. Demonizing me to them

trying to get them to take sides.

Fortunately that is what the DELETE button was made for {:0) Put trash

where it belongs!

Stacey aka~~Velvet_Tears74~~

Whatever it takes.....

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of bizymom2

Sent: Monday, July 04, 2011 1:15 PM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: Having a tough day and need a little support

I haven't been on in a while -- my MIL goes in cycles and things were pretty

quiet up until last week. The emails just won't stop. This one just showed

up in MY 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER's EMAIL and MY EMAIL, despite being addressed

to my husband. Clearly, this email is out of line no matter who it was sent

to, but I can't help but wonder how this got sent to my daughter? Was it a

mistake? I would sure like to think so, but I know better.

Here it is --

*********

RSVP

I have great news for you!! I will not be attending GRANDDAUGHTER's birthday

party!

I don't have a choice, do I, SON? Most or all of the attendees are the those

who have believed your outrageous lies about me. If I did attend, it would

be like walking into the lion's den. It would be similar to when I walked

into NIECE's reception. Apparently everyone believed SISTER-IN-LAW's " drama

queen " false accusations which she used to humiliate me. (as I have told you

before, at this point I had no idea of what the reason was. I still don't

know the truth.)

This is just one example why I cannot attend my granddaughter's party. Why

would anyone want to suffer humiliation like that? You don't want me there,

my grandchildren don't want me there(don't deny this any longer because you

know I'm right), all those who have heard your lies and accusations you

" brainwashed " to believe that I am " public enemy #1 " .

If you're looking for attention or sympathy, find someone else to " destroy "

and take THEIR lives away like you have done to me. It probably won't give

you as much enjoyment as you get from humiliating me.

Your accusation regarding my phone going dead and not calling back is an

example of taking the truth (I did call back on my cell) and turning it

around to suit your selfish purpose.

Another example of twisting the truth is when you stated that you have read

the info I sent to you about mental illness. That's what you tell others!

What you don't do,is tell others the truth, which is " I don't know why " . I

know!!! If you told the truth, it wouldn't have the impact that you seem to

need, so you lie.

You have used me to boost your own ego. Why? You have proved it to me many,

many times, that you really don't care how this affects me. You will

continue to do this for selfish reasons to keep up the appearance, which you

have created, to get that " Oh, Poor SON " reaction that you desparately need,

without any regard to my feelings.

Let's make a deal! You apologize to me for the hurtful lies and accusations

you've told others and I won't humiliate you by telling anyone that you have

said, " I'm sorry " or " I was WRONG " . Deal????

Just think, , this e-mail will give you the opportunity to get the " OH,

POOR SON " reaction from those who believe what you say is the truth.

All you have to do is STOP the pain you cause me is simple. STOP talking

about me.

I hope this explains the reasons why I can't be there for GRANDAUGHTER's

party. Besides, consider my absence a gift to everyone! OOPS my error! No

one will notice that I'm not there, just like always.

I would love to come just to piss everyone off!!!

****

Okay, deep cleansing breath.

1) There is no birthday party. There was no invitation. My daughter is

having a friend's party and that's it. She hasn't had a family party since

she was 2. She will be 12 in two weeks.

2) The NIECE's wedding was four years ago. Long story --- my MIL made a

scene but everyone just moved on and ignored it. She brings it up at least 3

times per year.

3) Lies? Ugh. I can't even respond.

4) STOP TALKING ABOUT HER? It would probably kill her to know we don't talk

about her. It takes too much energy. We've all just moved on with our lives.

I guess I am just having one of those days. I've been living with this

insanity for 20 years and I'm completely and utterly exhausted from it. We

haven't seen my MIL in 3 years. But she still manages to wedge herself in

our lives with these ranting emails.

Thanks for listening. :-/

[Guest guest]

Oh my God, what an ordeal just listening to her.

She's definitely got the martyr bit down perfectly. I feel for you and your

husband (and kids, how awful she sent this to your daughter, too; that wasn't an

accident).

My mother does this often as well: " you don't love me, your kids don't love me,

you don't want me there, nobody wants me there. " They need help but won't get

it.

>

> I haven't been on in a while -- my MIL goes in cycles and things were pretty

quiet up until last week. The emails just won't stop. This one just showed up

in MY 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER's EMAIL and MY EMAIL, despite being addressed to my

husband. Clearly, this email is out of line no matter who it was sent to, but I

can't help but wonder how this got sent to my daughter? Was it a mistake? I

would sure like to think so, but I know better.

>

> Here it is --

> *********

> RSVP

> I have great news for you!! I will not be attending GRANDDAUGHTER's birthday

party!

> I don't have a choice, do I, SON? Most or all of the attendees are the those

who have believed your outrageous lies about me. If I did attend, it would be

like walking into the lion's den. It would be similar to when I walked into

NIECE's reception. Apparently everyone believed SISTER-IN-LAW's " drama queen "

false accusations which she used to humiliate me. (as I have told you before,

at this point I had no idea of what the reason was. I still don't know the

truth.)

> This is just one example why I cannot attend my granddaughter's party. Why

would anyone want to suffer humiliation like that? You don't want me there, my

grandchildren don't want me there(don't deny this any longer because you know

I'm right), all those who have heard your lies and accusations you " brainwashed "

to believe that I am " public enemy #1 " .

>

> If you're looking for attention or sympathy, find someone else to " destroy "

and take THEIR lives away like you have done to me. It probably won't give you

as much enjoyment as you get from humiliating me.

>

> Your accusation regarding my phone going dead and not calling back is an

example of taking the truth (I did call back on my cell) and turning it around

to suit your selfish purpose.

>

> Another example of twisting the truth is when you stated that you have read

the info I sent to you about mental illness. That's what you tell others! What

you don't do,is tell others the truth, which is " I don't know why " . I know!!!

If you told the truth, it wouldn't have the impact that you seem to need, so you

lie.

> You have used me to boost your own ego. Why? You have proved it to me many,

many times, that you really don't care how this affects me. You will continue to

do this for selfish reasons to keep up the appearance, which you have created,

to get that " Oh, Poor SON " reaction that you desparately need, without any

regard to my feelings.

>

> Let's make a deal! You apologize to me for the hurtful lies and accusations

you've told others and I won't humiliate you by telling anyone that you have

said, " I'm sorry " or " I was WRONG " . Deal????

>

> Just think, , this e-mail will give you the opportunity to get the " OH,

POOR SON " reaction from those who believe what you say is the truth.

> All you have to do is STOP the pain you cause me is simple. STOP talking

about me.

>

> I hope this explains the reasons why I can't be there for GRANDAUGHTER's

party. Besides, consider my absence a gift to everyone! OOPS my error! No one

will notice that I'm not there, just like always.

> I would love to come just to piss everyone off!!!

>

> ****

> Okay, deep cleansing breath.

>

> 1) There is no birthday party. There was no invitation. My daughter is

having a friend's party and that's it. She hasn't had a family party since she

was 2. She will be 12 in two weeks.

>

> 2) The NIECE's wedding was four years ago. Long story --- my MIL made a scene

but everyone just moved on and ignored it. She brings it up at least 3 times

per year.

>

> 3) Lies? Ugh. I can't even respond.

>

> 4) STOP TALKING ABOUT HER? It would probably kill her to know we don't talk

about her. It takes too much energy. We've all just moved on with our lives.

>

> I guess I am just having one of those days. I've been living with this

insanity for 20 years and I'm completely and utterly exhausted from it. We

haven't seen my MIL in 3 years. But she still manages to wedge herself in our

lives with these ranting emails.

>

> Thanks for listening. :-/

>

[Guest guest]

wowwwwwwwwwww.

sigh...

it's funny I could relate to the part about the cell phone. my sister does this

to me all the time. her phone always 'goes dead' when I call her. when this

happens to me I put it on the charger. with her she will say, 'my phone is about

to go dead and we might get cut off' then we get cut off. she is a bit of a

narcissist and if it's not about her she just isnt interested. she hangs up on

me literally every time I call her. So I just don't call her anymore. Which I

guess suits her...it's a bummer but it is what it is.

i am tired just from reading that email. I would want to tell her if that email

was a court case it would get thrown out from lack of evidence.

It's not worth responding to, the woman definitely needs help. I can see reading

that letter what my therapist was talking about about how apparently therapists

say it is really draining to work with bpd's. What on earth...Hugs.

>

> I haven't been on in a while -- my MIL goes in cycles and things were pretty

quiet up until last week. The emails just won't stop. This one just showed up

in MY 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER's EMAIL and MY EMAIL, despite being addressed to my

husband. Clearly, this email is out of line no matter who it was sent to, but I

can't help but wonder how this got sent to my daughter? Was it a mistake? I

would sure like to think so, but I know better.

>

> Here it is --

> *********

> RSVP

> I have great news for you!! I will not be attending GRANDDAUGHTER's birthday

party!

> I don't have a choice, do I, SON? Most or all of the attendees are the those

who have believed your outrageous lies about me. If I did attend, it would be

like walking into the lion's den. It would be similar to when I walked into

NIECE's reception. Apparently everyone believed SISTER-IN-LAW's " drama queen "

false accusations which she used to humiliate me. (as I have told you before,

at this point I had no idea of what the reason was. I still don't know the

truth.)

> This is just one example why I cannot attend my granddaughter's party. Why

would anyone want to suffer humiliation like that? You don't want me there, my

grandchildren don't want me there(don't deny this any longer because you know

I'm right), all those who have heard your lies and accusations you " brainwashed "

to believe that I am " public enemy #1 " .

>

> If you're looking for attention or sympathy, find someone else to " destroy "

and take THEIR lives away like you have done to me. It probably won't give you

as much enjoyment as you get from humiliating me.

>

> Your accusation regarding my phone going dead and not calling back is an

example of taking the truth (I did call back on my cell) and turning it around

to suit your selfish purpose.

>

> Another example of twisting the truth is when you stated that you have read

the info I sent to you about mental illness. That's what you tell others! What

you don't do,is tell others the truth, which is " I don't know why " . I know!!!

If you told the truth, it wouldn't have the impact that you seem to need, so you

lie.

> You have used me to boost your own ego. Why? You have proved it to me many,

many times, that you really don't care how this affects me. You will continue to

do this for selfish reasons to keep up the appearance, which you have created,

to get that " Oh, Poor SON " reaction that you desparately need, without any

regard to my feelings.

>

> Let's make a deal! You apologize to me for the hurtful lies and accusations

you've told others and I won't humiliate you by telling anyone that you have

said, " I'm sorry " or " I was WRONG " . Deal????

>

> Just think, , this e-mail will give you the opportunity to get the " OH,

POOR SON " reaction from those who believe what you say is the truth.

> All you have to do is STOP the pain you cause me is simple. STOP talking

about me.

>

> I hope this explains the reasons why I can't be there for GRANDAUGHTER's

party. Besides, consider my absence a gift to everyone! OOPS my error! No one

will notice that I'm not there, just like always.

> I would love to come just to piss everyone off!!!

>

> ****

> Okay, deep cleansing breath.

>

> 1) There is no birthday party. There was no invitation. My daughter is

having a friend's party and that's it. She hasn't had a family party since she

was 2. She will be 12 in two weeks.

>

> 2) The NIECE's wedding was four years ago. Long story --- my MIL made a scene

but everyone just moved on and ignored it. She brings it up at least 3 times

per year.

>

> 3) Lies? Ugh. I can't even respond.

>

> 4) STOP TALKING ABOUT HER? It would probably kill her to know we don't talk

about her. It takes too much energy. We've all just moved on with our lives.

>

> I guess I am just having one of those days. I've been living with this

insanity for 20 years and I'm completely and utterly exhausted from it. We

haven't seen my MIL in 3 years. But she still manages to wedge herself in our

lives with these ranting emails.

>

> Thanks for listening. :-/

>

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry Bizymom, but my first reaction was to roll on the ground laughing.

Wow! MIL really thinks she is the center of your universe, doesn't she?

Talk about a pity-party-I-want-attention email. So every one doesn't like her,

so somehow she's decided that's your problem? She's not coming to the party

(which apparently doesn't exist) and so she thinks you should feel bad? Everyone

at the party (who apparently will all be 12 but will still be her former best

friends?) thinks she's crazy because you've told (a bunch of 12 year old girls)

that her MIL is crazy? Wow, she really thinks a lot of herself to think that you

would be so obsessed you would say bad things about her to 12 year olds.

I would just laugh and delete. It's too laughable to take seriously.

Of course, you might have to explain to your daughter. Get those email filters

working so it doesn't happen again. But this is one to just laugh off.

>

> I haven't been on in a while -- my MIL goes in cycles and things were pretty

quiet up until last week. The emails just won't stop. This one just showed up

in MY 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER's EMAIL and MY EMAIL, despite being addressed to my

husband. Clearly, this email is out of line no matter who it was sent to, but I

can't help but wonder how this got sent to my daughter? Was it a mistake? I

would sure like to think so, but I know better.

>

> Here it is --

> *********

> RSVP

> I have great news for you!! I will not be attending GRANDDAUGHTER's birthday

party!

> I don't have a choice, do I, SON? Most or all of the attendees are the those

who have believed your outrageous lies about me. If I did attend, it would be

like walking into the lion's den. It would be similar to when I walked into

NIECE's reception. Apparently everyone believed SISTER-IN-LAW's " drama queen "

false accusations which she used to humiliate me. (as I have told you before,

at this point I had no idea of what the reason was. I still don't know the

truth.)

> This is just one example why I cannot attend my granddaughter's party. Why

would anyone want to suffer humiliation like that? You don't want me there, my

grandchildren don't want me there(don't deny this any longer because you know

I'm right), all those who have heard your lies and accusations you " brainwashed "

to believe that I am " public enemy #1 " .

>

> If you're looking for attention or sympathy, find someone else to " destroy "

and take THEIR lives away like you have done to me. It probably won't give you

as much enjoyment as you get from humiliating me.

>

> Your accusation regarding my phone going dead and not calling back is an

example of taking the truth (I did call back on my cell) and turning it around

to suit your selfish purpose.

>

> Another example of twisting the truth is when you stated that you have read

the info I sent to you about mental illness. That's what you tell others! What

you don't do,is tell others the truth, which is " I don't know why " . I know!!!

If you told the truth, it wouldn't have the impact that you seem to need, so you

lie.

> You have used me to boost your own ego. Why? You have proved it to me many,

many times, that you really don't care how this affects me. You will continue to

do this for selfish reasons to keep up the appearance, which you have created,

to get that " Oh, Poor SON " reaction that you desparately need, without any

regard to my feelings.

>

> Let's make a deal! You apologize to me for the hurtful lies and accusations

you've told others and I won't humiliate you by telling anyone that you have

said, " I'm sorry " or " I was WRONG " . Deal????

>

> Just think, , this e-mail will give you the opportunity to get the " OH,

POOR SON " reaction from those who believe what you say is the truth.

> All you have to do is STOP the pain you cause me is simple. STOP talking

about me.

>

> I hope this explains the reasons why I can't be there for GRANDAUGHTER's

party. Besides, consider my absence a gift to everyone! OOPS my error! No one

will notice that I'm not there, just like always.

> I would love to come just to piss everyone off!!!

>

> ****

> Okay, deep cleansing breath.

>

> 1) There is no birthday party. There was no invitation. My daughter is

having a friend's party and that's it. She hasn't had a family party since she

was 2. She will be 12 in two weeks.

>

> 2) The NIECE's wedding was four years ago. Long story --- my MIL made a scene

but everyone just moved on and ignored it. She brings it up at least 3 times

per year.

>

> 3) Lies? Ugh. I can't even respond.

>

> 4) STOP TALKING ABOUT HER? It would probably kill her to know we don't talk

about her. It takes too much energy. We've all just moved on with our lives.

>

> I guess I am just having one of those days. I've been living with this

insanity for 20 years and I'm completely and utterly exhausted from it. We

haven't seen my MIL in 3 years. But she still manages to wedge herself in our

lives with these ranting emails.

>

> Thanks for listening. :-/

>

[Guest guest]

Wow! That email is NASTY! How is your little girl doing? Poor baby! I think I

agree with the others - she sent it to her on purpose. What a bitch! Yes, block

her and consider not responding at all - not your husband, daughter or you. If

she asks about it later...why not tell her your computers all died and you lost

a bunch of emails? Mwahahaha!!!!

> >

> > I haven't been on in a while -- my MIL goes in cycles and things were pretty

quiet up until last week. The emails just won't stop. This one just showed up

in MY 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER's EMAIL and MY EMAIL, despite being addressed to my

husband. Clearly, this email is out of line no matter who it was sent to, but I

can't help but wonder how this got sent to my daughter? Was it a mistake? I

would sure like to think so, but I know better.

> >

> > Here it is --

> > *********

> > RSVP

> > I have great news for you!! I will not be attending GRANDDAUGHTER's

birthday party!

> > I don't have a choice, do I, SON? Most or all of the attendees are the

those who have believed your outrageous lies about me. If I did attend, it

would be like walking into the lion's den. It would be similar to when I walked

into NIECE's reception. Apparently everyone believed SISTER-IN-LAW's " drama

queen " false accusations which she used to humiliate me. (as I have told you

before, at this point I had no idea of what the reason was. I still don't know

the truth.)

> > This is just one example why I cannot attend my granddaughter's party. Why

would anyone want to suffer humiliation like that? You don't want me there, my

grandchildren don't want me there(don't deny this any longer because you know

I'm right), all those who have heard your lies and accusations you " brainwashed "

to believe that I am " public enemy #1 " .

> >

> > If you're looking for attention or sympathy, find someone else to " destroy "

and take THEIR lives away like you have done to me. It probably won't give you

as much enjoyment as you get from humiliating me.

> >

> > Your accusation regarding my phone going dead and not calling back is an

example of taking the truth (I did call back on my cell) and turning it around

to suit your selfish purpose.

> >

> > Another example of twisting the truth is when you stated that you have read

the info I sent to you about mental illness. That's what you tell others! What

you don't do,is tell others the truth, which is " I don't know why " . I know!!!

If you told the truth, it wouldn't have the impact that you seem to need, so you

lie.

> > You have used me to boost your own ego. Why? You have proved it to me

many, many times, that you really don't care how this affects me. You will

continue to do this for selfish reasons to keep up the appearance, which you

have created, to get that " Oh, Poor SON " reaction that you desparately need,

without any regard to my feelings.

> >

> > Let's make a deal! You apologize to me for the hurtful lies and accusations

you've told others and I won't humiliate you by telling anyone that you have

said, " I'm sorry " or " I was WRONG " . Deal????

> >

> > Just think, , this e-mail will give you the opportunity to get the " OH,

POOR SON " reaction from those who believe what you say is the truth.

> > All you have to do is STOP the pain you cause me is simple. STOP talking

about me.

> >

> > I hope this explains the reasons why I can't be there for GRANDAUGHTER's

party. Besides, consider my absence a gift to everyone! OOPS my error! No one

will notice that I'm not there, just like always.

> > I would love to come just to piss everyone off!!!

> >

> > ****

> > Okay, deep cleansing breath.

> >

> > 1) There is no birthday party. There was no invitation. My daughter is

having a friend's party and that's it. She hasn't had a family party since she

was 2. She will be 12 in two weeks.

> >

> > 2) The NIECE's wedding was four years ago. Long story --- my MIL made a

scene but everyone just moved on and ignored it. She brings it up at least 3

times per year.

> >

> > 3) Lies? Ugh. I can't even respond.

> >

> > 4) STOP TALKING ABOUT HER? It would probably kill her to know we don't talk

about her. It takes too much energy. We've all just moved on with our lives.

> >

> > I guess I am just having one of those days. I've been living with this

insanity for 20 years and I'm completely and utterly exhausted from it. We

haven't seen my MIL in 3 years. But she still manages to wedge herself in our

lives with these ranting emails.

> >

> > Thanks for listening. :-/

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wow! Thanks for all of the replies. I was tied up for a few days and just got

back online. Thanks so much for giving me the lift I desperately needed. Since

then, there have been 2 more emails, now accusing us of turning our

grandchildren away from her because every time she tries to " chat " with them on

facebook, they go offline. All of the times she cited, my kids were at camp, or

in the pool, or somewhere away from the computer. Classic. I've now discovered

how to block the " chat " feature so while she can still be friends with them on

FB (this is something we are still debating), she won't " see " them online and

then they won't " ignore " her. Oh, the effort. It is all just so exhausting.

As to whether or not to block her emails altogether, I would love to, but DH

thinks that would ignite a bigger firestorm. As for blocking my kids' email

addresses --- most of the time she does send nice notes and ecards to them. Of

course, that is more drama because when she sends a " Just Because " ecard, she

goes crazy if the kids don't send another ecard back within 24 hours. Good

grief, it is all just too much.

My dilemma with the kids is I don't want them to resent us for not letting them

have a relationship with their grandmother. We've gradually let them in on

knowing that their grandmother has a mental illness and that no one deserves to

be treated badly. We let them know she loves them but she doesn't know how to

show it and sometimes she ends up hurting people. We don't force them to

communicate with her, but we don't block them either. They are both amazingly

mature about the whole thing. They've seen her in action and they really seem

to get it. I always wonder if we are doing the right thing.

Someone asked if she had been formally diagnosed - no, she has not. Her

therapist has diagnosed her with ADHD, depression and anxiety. We once tried to

suggest there may be more going on and asked if she would seek help and, well,

you can imagine how that went. She wants to use her mental illness to her

advantage but thinks it gives her carte blanche to behave badly. The rest of us

are responsible for her inability to recover. We are to blame for her continued

mood swings. We are terrible people for not being more supportive.

Most of the time I am fairly immune to it all, but for some reason that email

really got to me. And the funny thing is, that isn't even close to the worst

one she's ever sent!!!! Just caught me on a bad day I guess.

Anyway, I wish I could personally thank each and every one of you for taking the

time to read and post a response. You have no idea how much it helps.

Thanks again.

Bizymom

>

> I haven't been on in a while -- my MIL goes in cycles and things were pretty

quiet up until last week. The emails just won't stop. This one just showed up

in MY 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER's EMAIL and MY EMAIL, despite being addressed to my

husband. Clearly, this email is out of line no matter who it was sent to, but I

can't help but wonder how this got sent to my daughter? Was it a mistake? I

would sure like to think so, but I know better.

>

> Here it is --

> *********

> RSVP

> I have great news for you!! I will not be attending GRANDDAUGHTER's birthday

party!

> I don't have a choice, do I, SON? Most or all of the attendees are the those

who have believed your outrageous lies about me. If I did attend, it would be

like walking into the lion's den. It would be similar to when I walked into

NIECE's reception. Apparently everyone believed SISTER-IN-LAW's " drama queen "

false accusations which she used to humiliate me. (as I have told you before,

at this point I had no idea of what the reason was. I still don't know the

truth.)

> This is just one example why I cannot attend my granddaughter's party. Why

would anyone want to suffer humiliation like that? You don't want me there, my

grandchildren don't want me there(don't deny this any longer because you know

I'm right), all those who have heard your lies and accusations you " brainwashed "

to believe that I am " public enemy #1 " .

>

> If you're looking for attention or sympathy, find someone else to " destroy "

and take THEIR lives away like you have done to me. It probably won't give you

as much enjoyment as you get from humiliating me.

>

> Your accusation regarding my phone going dead and not calling back is an

example of taking the truth (I did call back on my cell) and turning it around

to suit your selfish purpose.

>

> Another example of twisting the truth is when you stated that you have read

the info I sent to you about mental illness. That's what you tell others! What

you don't do,is tell others the truth, which is " I don't know why " . I know!!!

If you told the truth, it wouldn't have the impact that you seem to need, so you

lie.

> You have used me to boost your own ego. Why? You have proved it to me many,

many times, that you really don't care how this affects me. You will continue to

do this for selfish reasons to keep up the appearance, which you have created,

to get that " Oh, Poor SON " reaction that you desparately need, without any

regard to my feelings.

>

> Let's make a deal! You apologize to me for the hurtful lies and accusations

you've told others and I won't humiliate you by telling anyone that you have

said, " I'm sorry " or " I was WRONG " . Deal????

>

> Just think, , this e-mail will give you the opportunity to get the " OH,

POOR SON " reaction from those who believe what you say is the truth.

> All you have to do is STOP the pain you cause me is simple. STOP talking

about me.

>

> I hope this explains the reasons why I can't be there for GRANDAUGHTER's

party. Besides, consider my absence a gift to everyone! OOPS my error! No one

will notice that I'm not there, just like always.

> I would love to come just to piss everyone off!!!

>

> ****

> Okay, deep cleansing breath.

>

> 1) There is no birthday party. There was no invitation. My daughter is

having a friend's party and that's it. She hasn't had a family party since she

was 2. She will be 12 in two weeks.

>

> 2) The NIECE's wedding was four years ago. Long story --- my MIL made a scene

but everyone just moved on and ignored it. She brings it up at least 3 times

per year.

>

> 3) Lies? Ugh. I can't even respond.

>

> 4) STOP TALKING ABOUT HER? It would probably kill her to know we don't talk

about her. It takes too much energy. We've all just moved on with our lives.

>

> I guess I am just having one of those days. I've been living with this

insanity for 20 years and I'm completely and utterly exhausted from it. We

haven't seen my MIL in 3 years. But she still manages to wedge herself in our

lives with these ranting emails.

>

> Thanks for listening. :-/

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Most of the time I am fairly immune to it all, but for some reason

that email really got to me. And the funny thing is, that isn't even

close to the worst one she's ever sent!!!! Just caught me on a bad day

I guess.

>

Um, it would totally have gotten to me, too, IF MY MOTHER HAD SEND

SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO MY CHILD!!! She is dragging your daughter into

this drama, overtly manipulating her. Why are you surprised that it

bothers you?

> As for blocking my kids' email addresses --- most of the time she does

send nice notes and ecards to them. Of course, that is more drama

because when she sends a " Just Because " ecard, she goes crazy if the

kids don't send another ecard back within 24 hours. Good grief, it is

all just too much.

Of course you are free to make your own decisions, and we all know it is

hard, especially when we don't want to " get in between " the kids and

their grandparents. I'm sorry, but if my mother ever sent something like

that to my child, there would be no way on earth she would continue to

have the privilege of contacting her directly ever again until she could

formulate a genuine apology. Who gives a damn how many cute little

animated e-cards she sends, if she is also willing to slip a little

poison in there whenever she feels like it? She's not even sending your

kids cards because she loves them; she's sending them cards because she

wants to use your children to make her feel good. Otherwise, she

wouldn't be so worked up about whether they sent her something back.

It's not cute. It's not caring. It's not healthy. Protecting your

children from your mother's crazy, abusive behavior by blocking her from

their email accounts is not wrong. They won't be missing anything except

some emotional blackmail.

Sorry if that sounds harsh. I do completely understand how hard it is to

have to take protective steps, and how guilty we can feel for

" interfering " with the grandparent relationship. But you wouldn't be

doing anything at all wrong if you chose to reduce your mother's access

to your children. When we protect our children, we're doing something

right. Your mother is the one who is robbing them of a great

relationship with a grandmother, not you.

[Guest guest]

I would block her from contacting the children directly. She is trying to

put the children in the middle of her games and that is not good or fair for

them. I am sorry that you have to deal with a nada contacting your child.

I know how hard that can be. Hugs.

BB

[Guest guest]

That is because she attacked your child this time. The old " Attack me all you

want, but mess with my kid and you are dead meat! " adage is true.

>

>

> Most of the time I am fairly immune to it all, but for some reason that email

really got to me. And the funny thing is, that isn't even close to the worst

one she's ever sent!!!! Just caught me on a bad day I guess.

[Guest guest]

I just can't stand how they always turn it around and blame US for everything. I

always believe it a little. It's really hard for me to say no, it's not me. I'm

not xyz thing that she says I am. I have to go and hear other people say it to

me, (spouse, father, step-mother) before I can really shake off the accusation.

Then I say to myself - everything she said about me is really about herself. And

then it all makes more sense. She's the selfish crazy one who doesn't care about

my feelings. Not the other way around.

I also try and imagine how a sane normal person would act in the situation that

she is complaining about. And the stark contrast helps me to see that her

behavior is not normal.

good luck!

-Terri

>

> I haven't been on in a while -- my MIL goes in cycles and things were pretty

quiet up until last week. The emails just won't stop. This one just showed up

in MY 11 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER's EMAIL and MY EMAIL, despite being addressed to my

husband. Clearly, this email is out of line no matter who it was sent to, but I

can't help but wonder how this got sent to my daughter? Was it a mistake? I

would sure like to think so, but I know better.

>

> Here it is --

> *********

> RSVP

> I have great news for you!! I will not be attending GRANDDAUGHTER's birthday

party!

> I don't have a choice, do I, SON? Most or all of the attendees are the those

who have believed your outrageous lies about me. If I did attend, it would be

like walking into the lion's den. It would be similar to when I walked into

NIECE's reception. Apparently everyone believed SISTER-IN-LAW's " drama queen "

false accusations which she used to humiliate me. (as I have told you before,

at this point I had no idea of what the reason was. I still don't know the

truth.)

> This is just one example why I cannot attend my granddaughter's party. Why

would anyone want to suffer humiliation like that? You don't want me there, my

grandchildren don't want me there(don't deny this any longer because you know

I'm right), all those who have heard your lies and accusations you " brainwashed "

to believe that I am " public enemy #1 " .

>

> If you're looking for attention or sympathy, find someone else to " destroy "

and take THEIR lives away like you have done to me. It probably won't give you

as much enjoyment as you get from humiliating me.

>

> Your accusation regarding my phone going dead and not calling back is an

example of taking the truth (I did call back on my cell) and turning it around

to suit your selfish purpose.

>

> Another example of twisting the truth is when you stated that you have read

the info I sent to you about mental illness. That's what you tell others! What

you don't do,is tell others the truth, which is " I don't know why " . I know!!!

If you told the truth, it wouldn't have the impact that you seem to need, so you

lie.

> You have used me to boost your own ego. Why? You have proved it to me many,

many times, that you really don't care how this affects me. You will continue to

do this for selfish reasons to keep up the appearance, which you have created,

to get that " Oh, Poor SON " reaction that you desparately need, without any

regard to my feelings.

>

> Let's make a deal! You apologize to me for the hurtful lies and accusations

you've told others and I won't humiliate you by telling anyone that you have

said, " I'm sorry " or " I was WRONG " . Deal????

>

> Just think, , this e-mail will give you the opportunity to get the " OH,

POOR SON " reaction from those who believe what you say is the truth.

> All you have to do is STOP the pain you cause me is simple. STOP talking

about me.

>

> I hope this explains the reasons why I can't be there for GRANDAUGHTER's

party. Besides, consider my absence a gift to everyone! OOPS my error! No one

will notice that I'm not there, just like always.

> I would love to come just to piss everyone off!!!

>

> ****

> Okay, deep cleansing breath.

>

> 1) There is no birthday party. There was no invitation. My daughter is

having a friend's party and that's it. She hasn't had a family party since she

was 2. She will be 12 in two weeks.

>

> 2) The NIECE's wedding was four years ago. Long story --- my MIL made a scene

but everyone just moved on and ignored it. She brings it up at least 3 times

per year.

>

> 3) Lies? Ugh. I can't even respond.

>

> 4) STOP TALKING ABOUT HER? It would probably kill her to know we don't talk

about her. It takes too much energy. We've all just moved on with our lives.

>

> I guess I am just having one of those days. I've been living with this

insanity for 20 years and I'm completely and utterly exhausted from it. We

haven't seen my MIL in 3 years. But she still manages to wedge herself in our

lives with these ranting emails.

>

> Thanks for listening. :-/

>

[Guest guest]

The adage is so true, I cut contact with my Mom when she stole my child's car

seat. She won't admit it, but I know it's her. she thought she could get to me,

or punish me that way. Little did she know that this time she went too far.

Attack my kid and you're dead is definitely true! It was the excuse I needed in

my head to cut contact with her. And since then, SHE has been the one to

initiate contact, and I have been the one to decide to either answer back, or

not at all!

N

> That is because she attacked your child this time. The old " Attack me all you

want, but mess with my kid and you are dead meat! " adage is true.

>

>

> >

> >

> > Most of the time I am fairly immune to it all, but for some reason that

email really got to me. And the funny thing is, that isn't even close to the

worst one she's ever sent!!!! Just caught me on a bad day I guess.

>

>

[Guest guest]

<snort> Not another nada and a car seat story~~my nada didn't steal the seat,

she just kept rethreading the straps (she obviously knew more than the

manufacturer-lol). The more we told her NO, she just couldn't stop rethreading

it. It was just one of the boundary issues (straw that broke the camel's back)

that led to us going NC for 8 years.

Too funny. These nadas must take a class somewhere to learn what issues to flip

out about.

> > >

> > >

> > > Most of the time I am fairly immune to it all, but for some reason that

email really got to me. And the funny thing is, that isn't even close to the

worst one she's ever sent!!!! Just caught me on a bad day I guess.

> >

> >

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My parents apparently wouldn't use the car seats. Even though we'd drop the car

seats off with the kids, I found out later that they'd take the kids driving

around holding them in the front seat on their laps. And yes, these cars had air

bags, and all of this occured after my nephew almost went blind when an air bag

deployed in his face.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Most of the time I am fairly immune to it all, but for some reason that

email really got to me. And the funny thing is, that isn't even close to the

worst one she's ever sent!!!! Just caught me on a bad day I guess.

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Mine would loosen the straps so much that my daughter could just slide out.

Nada would complain that the straps looked uncomfortable when they were

tight.

> My parents apparently wouldn't use the car seats. Even though we'd drop

the car seats off with the kids, I found out later that they'd take the kids

driving around holding them in the front seat on their laps. And yes, these

cars had air bags, and all of this occured after my nephew almost went blind

when an air bag deployed in his face.

>

>

>> > > >

>> > > >

>> > > > Most of the time I am fairly immune to it all, but for some reason

that email really got to me. And the funny thing is, that isn't even close

to the worst one she's ever sent!!!! Just caught me on a bad day I guess.

>> > >

>> > >

>> >

>> >

>> >

>> >

[Guest guest]

That's so indicative of dysfunctional bpd thinking. Definitely in my opinion,

yes, its in your child's best interest and safety to *never* leave her alone

with her bpd-grandparents since they stubbornly refuse to follow basic safety

precautions RE the child's car seat and think its OK to drive with the baby in

the front seat on n-grandma's lap. Who knows what other crazy crap they might

do or say to your child if you're not right there? They just demonstrate so

clearly, over and over again, that they can't be trusted to follow the parent's

preferences and instructions, so, better to have a nada with hurt feelings than

an injured (or worse) baby.

-Annie

> >> > > >

> >> > > >

> >> > > > Most of the time I am fairly immune to it all, but for some reason

> that email really got to me. And the funny thing is, that isn't even close

> to the worst one she's ever sent!!!! Just caught me on a bad day I guess.

> >> > >

> >> > >

> >> >

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[Guest guest]

Unreal~

> >> > > >

> >> > > >

> >> > > > Most of the time I am fairly immune to it all, but for some reason

> that email really got to me. And the funny thing is, that isn't even close

> to the worst one she's ever sent!!!! Just caught me on a bad day I guess.

> >> > >

> >> > >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >

> >> >