Guest guest Posted July 6, 2011 Report Share Posted July 6, 2011 Still working on the situation with my mom (posted a while back about her and my horse, etc.) She is now telling everyone we know mutually that my friend's mother found me a new boarding facility, and that I moved there to specifically ride with friend and friends mom. The truth of the story is, she kicked me out of the barn so I found a boarding stable. Friend and friend's mom liked the place so much they moved their horses to be with me and mine. She is telling everyone that I left her out in the cold so I could trail ride, etc. She and my father have 'disowned me' for being so cruel as to move my horse (her horse was buddy bound to mine, but he is over it). She is constantly talking about how, as a supposed animal lover, I am just cruel and horrible for separating the two horses. My sister (who is 40something and still lives at home...0 self esteem!) is not allowed to talk to me but on a very limited basis. She has to 'sneak around' to talk to me. She also tells my sister repeatedly NOT to tell me that my mom's horse is doing fine. She says " What happens in this house stays in this house, and if you tell your sister anything, I will kick you out! " . I haven't talked to my mom in over a month and I'm perfectly fine with this. However, sister told me that she is buying my husband Christmas gifts. What is that about? She either thinks hubby is siding with HER, or that this will all blow over. I am furious. She also told my farrier (the guy who trims my horse's feet) a bunch of the stupid lies too. Frustrating! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 6, 2011 Report Share Posted July 6, 2011 Seems to me that your nada/mom is kind of a control freak. She is trying to control the public perception of this incident by casting herself as the saintly victim and casting you as the demonic villain of an awful daughter. My advice is to just kind of sigh and look sad when people outside the family tell you ugly or mean things that your nada has been saying about you. Just say, " Yeah, I know. My mom says things like that; its very sad, actually. " Without going into detail and vilifying her. Unless a person is really, really good at acting the part of the saint in public very consistently (some Cluster B's can do this) most people will eventually figure out that something's not quite right/not adding up with her behaviors and will not buy into everything she says. That's good that your sister will try and remain in contact with you even though its risky for her. Its good that you guys have each other. You can't control what your nada says, or what she does. So what if she is buying Christmas presents for your husband? He doesn't have to accept them, or maybe she's actually planning to apologize and try to behave better? ... probably not. But, all you can do is maintain your boundaries in a way that works for you, and let momster and dad have their dysfunctional lives, if that's what they want. Just my two cent's worth. -Annie > > Still working on the situation with my mom (posted a while back about her and my > horse, etc.) > She is now telling everyone we know mutually that my friend's mother found me a > new boarding facility, and that > I moved there to specifically ride with friend and friends mom. > > The truth of the story is, she kicked me out of the barn so I found a boarding > stable. > Friend and friend's mom liked the place so much they moved their horses to be > with me and mine. > > She is telling everyone that I left her out in the cold so I could trail ride, > etc. > > She and my father have 'disowned me' for being so cruel as to move my horse (her > horse was buddy bound to mine, but > he is over it). > She is constantly talking about how, as a supposed animal lover, I am just cruel > and horrible for separating the two horses. > > My sister (who is 40something and still lives at home...0 self esteem!) is not > allowed to talk to me but on a very limited basis. > She has to 'sneak around' to talk to me. She also tells my sister repeatedly > NOT to tell me that my mom's horse is doing fine. > She says " What happens in this house stays in this house, and if you tell your > sister anything, I will kick you out! " . > > I haven't talked to my mom in over a month and I'm perfectly fine with this. > > However, sister told me that she is buying my husband Christmas gifts. > > > What is that about? She either thinks hubby is siding with HER, or that this > will all blow over. > > I am furious. > She also told my farrier (the guy who trims my horse's feet) a bunch of the > stupid lies too. > > Frustrating! > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 6, 2011 Report Share Posted July 6, 2011 She is DEFINITELY a control freak, dictionary definition. Thank you for the solution about how to react to the people outside of the family. I am going to try that. Talked to my therapist today, especially about the 'smear campaign' my nada is starting. She gave me a phrase to think about which is great: " What other people think of me is none of my business. " I like this! ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wed, July 6, 2011 3:06:59 PM Subject: Re: Another update. Seems to me that your nada/mom is kind of a control freak. She is trying to control the public perception of this incident by casting herself as the saintly victim and casting you as the demonic villain of an awful daughter. My advice is to just kind of sigh and look sad when people outside the family tell you ugly or mean things that your nada has been saying about you. Just say, " Yeah, I know. My mom says things like that; its very sad, actually. " Without going into detail and vilifying her. Unless a person is really, really good at acting the part of the saint in public very consistently (some Cluster B's can do this) most people will eventually figure out that something's not quite right/not adding up with her behaviors and will not buy into everything she says. That's good that your sister will try and remain in contact with you even though its risky for her. Its good that you guys have each other. You can't control what your nada says, or what she does. So what if she is buying Christmas presents for your husband? He doesn't have to accept them, or maybe she's actually planning to apologize and try to behave better? ... probably not. But, all you can do is maintain your boundaries in a way that works for you, and let momster and dad have their dysfunctional lives, if that's what they want. Just my two cent's worth. -Annie > > Still working on the situation with my mom (posted a while back about her and >my > > horse, etc.) > She is now telling everyone we know mutually that my friend's mother found me a > > new boarding facility, and that > I moved there to specifically ride with friend and friends mom. > > The truth of the story is, she kicked me out of the barn so I found a boarding > stable. > Friend and friend's mom liked the place so much they moved their horses to be > with me and mine. > > She is telling everyone that I left her out in the cold so I could trail ride, > etc. > > She and my father have 'disowned me' for being so cruel as to move my horse >(her > > horse was buddy bound to mine, but > he is over it). > She is constantly talking about how, as a supposed animal lover, I am just >cruel > > and horrible for separating the two horses. > > My sister (who is 40something and still lives at home...0 self esteem!) is not > allowed to talk to me but on a very limited basis. > She has to 'sneak around' to talk to me. She also tells my sister repeatedly > NOT to tell me that my mom's horse is doing fine. > She says " What happens in this house stays in this house, and if you tell your > > sister anything, I will kick you out! " . > > I haven't talked to my mom in over a month and I'm perfectly fine with this. > > However, sister told me that she is buying my husband Christmas gifts. > > > What is that about? She either thinks hubby is siding with HER, or that this > will all blow over. > > I am furious. > She also told my farrier (the guy who trims my horse's feet) a bunch of the > stupid lies too. > > Frustrating! > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 6, 2011 Report Share Posted July 6, 2011 That lines from Drag Race, by the way :-) > ** > > > She is DEFINITELY a control freak, dictionary definition. > Thank you for the solution about how to react to the people outside of the > family. > I am going to try that. > > Talked to my therapist today, especially about the 'smear campaign' my nada > is > starting. > She gave me a phrase to think about which is great: > " What other people think of me is none of my business. " > > I like this! > > ________________________________ > > To: WTOAdultChildren1 > Sent: Wed, July 6, 2011 3:06:59 PM > Subject: Re: Another update. > > > Seems to me that your nada/mom is kind of a control freak. She is trying to > > control the public perception of this incident by casting herself as the > saintly > victim and casting you as the demonic villain of an awful daughter. > > My advice is to just kind of sigh and look sad when people outside the > family > tell you ugly or mean things that your nada has been saying about you. Just > > say, " Yeah, I know. My mom says things like that; its very sad, actually. " > Without going into detail and vilifying her. > > Unless a person is really, really good at acting the part of the saint in > public > very consistently (some Cluster B's can do this) most people will > eventually > figure out that something's not quite right/not adding up with her > behaviors and > will not buy into everything she says. > > That's good that your sister will try and remain in contact with you even > though > its risky for her. Its good that you guys have each other. > > You can't control what your nada says, or what she does. So what if she is > buying Christmas presents for your husband? He doesn't have to accept them, > or > maybe she's actually planning to apologize and try to behave better? ... > probably not. > > But, all you can do is maintain your boundaries in a way that works for > you, and > let momster and dad have their dysfunctional lives, if that's what they > want. > > Just my two cent's worth. > > -Annie > > > > > > Still working on the situation with my mom (posted a while back about her > and > >my > > > > horse, etc.) > > She is now telling everyone we know mutually that my friend's mother > found me a > > > > new boarding facility, and that > > I moved there to specifically ride with friend and friends mom. > > > > The truth of the story is, she kicked me out of the barn so I found a > boarding > > > stable. > > Friend and friend's mom liked the place so much they moved their horses > to be > > with me and mine. > > > > She is telling everyone that I left her out in the cold so I could trail > ride, > > > etc. > > > > She and my father have 'disowned me' for being so cruel as to move my > horse > >(her > > > > horse was buddy bound to mine, but > > he is over it). > > She is constantly talking about how, as a supposed animal lover, I am > just > >cruel > > > > and horrible for separating the two horses. > > > > My sister (who is 40something and still lives at home...0 self esteem!) > is not > > > allowed to talk to me but on a very limited basis. > > She has to 'sneak around' to talk to me. She also tells my sister > repeatedly > > NOT to tell me that my mom's horse is doing fine. > > She says " What happens in this house stays in this house, and if you tell > your > > > > sister anything, I will kick you out! " . > > > > I haven't talked to my mom in over a month and I'm perfectly fine with > this. > > > > However, sister told me that she is buying my husband Christmas gifts. > > > > > > What is that about? She either thinks hubby is siding with HER, or that > this > > will all blow over. > > > > I am furious. > > She also told my farrier (the guy who trims my horse's feet) a bunch of > the > > stupid lies too. > > > > Frustrating! > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 6, 2011 Report Share Posted July 6, 2011 I like your therapist; spot on advice, sez I! -Annie > > > > Still working on the situation with my mom (posted a while back about her and > >my > > > > horse, etc.) > > She is now telling everyone we know mutually that my friend's mother found me a > > > > new boarding facility, and that > > I moved there to specifically ride with friend and friends mom. > > > > The truth of the story is, she kicked me out of the barn so I found a boarding > > > stable. > > Friend and friend's mom liked the place so much they moved their horses to be > > with me and mine. > > > > She is telling everyone that I left her out in the cold so I could trail ride, > > > etc. > > > > She and my father have 'disowned me' for being so cruel as to move my horse > >(her > > > > horse was buddy bound to mine, but > > he is over it). > > She is constantly talking about how, as a supposed animal lover, I am just > >cruel > > > > and horrible for separating the two horses. > > > > My sister (who is 40something and still lives at home...0 self esteem!) is not > > > allowed to talk to me but on a very limited basis. > > She has to 'sneak around' to talk to me. She also tells my sister repeatedly > > NOT to tell me that my mom's horse is doing fine. > > She says " What happens in this house stays in this house, and if you tell your > > > > sister anything, I will kick you out! " . > > > > I haven't talked to my mom in over a month and I'm perfectly fine with this. > > > > However, sister told me that she is buying my husband Christmas gifts. > > > > > > What is that about? She either thinks hubby is siding with HER, or that this > > will all blow over. > > > > I am furious. > > She also told my farrier (the guy who trims my horse's feet) a bunch of the > > stupid lies too. > > > > Frustrating! > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 7, 2011 Report Share Posted July 7, 2011 OMG what a bitch- I'd be tempted to go NC with anyone who was stupid enough to talk to her. . . That's how I handled my nada. But it wasn't terribly hard considering I moved to the big city an hour away and worlds almost never collide. On Wed, Jul 6, 2011 at 6:15 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > ** > > > I like your therapist; spot on advice, sez I! > > -Annie > > > > > > > > Still working on the situation with my mom (posted a while back about > her and > > >my > > > > > > horse, etc.) > > > She is now telling everyone we know mutually that my friend's mother > found me a > > > > > > new boarding facility, and that > > > I moved there to specifically ride with friend and friends mom. > > > > > > The truth of the story is, she kicked me out of the barn so I found a > boarding > > > > > stable. > > > Friend and friend's mom liked the place so much they moved their horses > to be > > > with me and mine. > > > > > > She is telling everyone that I left her out in the cold so I could > trail ride, > > > > > etc. > > > > > > She and my father have 'disowned me' for being so cruel as to move my > horse > > >(her > > > > > > horse was buddy bound to mine, but > > > he is over it). > > > She is constantly talking about how, as a supposed animal lover, I am > just > > >cruel > > > > > > and horrible for separating the two horses. > > > > > > My sister (who is 40something and still lives at home...0 self esteem!) > is not > > > > > allowed to talk to me but on a very limited basis. > > > She has to 'sneak around' to talk to me. She also tells my sister > repeatedly > > > NOT to tell me that my mom's horse is doing fine. > > > She says " What happens in this house stays in this house, and if you > tell your > > > > > > sister anything, I will kick you out! " . > > > > > > I haven't talked to my mom in over a month and I'm perfectly fine with > this. > > > > > > However, sister told me that she is buying my husband Christmas gifts. > > > > > > > > > What is that about? She either thinks hubby is siding with HER, or that > this > > > will all blow over. > > > > > > I am furious. > > > She also told my farrier (the guy who trims my horse's feet) a bunch of > the > > > stupid lies too. > > > > > > Frustrating! > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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