NC with everyone (for a few days)

[Guest guest]

I've gone NC with everyone out there for right now. I'll call someone when I

feel like it and I have to go to a one hour class tomorrow morning plus see a

few clients in the afternoon, so I'll talk to someone besides my son very soon,

I just don't feel like talking to anyone for right now.

I put nada on speaker again and talked to her thru my son, via my iPad, a couple

of days ago. I COULD have talked, but my laryngitis was pretty bad that day and

I just didn't feel like it. She of course managed to prattle on but not for very

long because only hearing my son repeat what I had typed for replies or

questions was not very satisfying for her. It did get kind of funny toward the

end because my son quickly realized that he could just make stuff up and had

great fun with THAT. She called again yesterday hoping to talk and I still

haven't called her back. Right now I am sad and I am vulnerable and she is the

LAST person I want to talk to!

I transferred my husbands ashes into the box that his dad made for him sometime

after midnight on the first. I can't tell that to nada. I can't sit there and

watch her manipulate it into being all about her and her husband dying four

years ago. I had reached out to a friend for some guidance. She lost her husband

to a massive heart attack years ago. She said she would help me and then

nothing. Not one word since. I'm starting to think that I reached out to another

nada without realizing it.

The holidays sucked. My husbands cousins, that were supposed to make us welcome

and take us into their family for Christmas, instead made me and my BIL feel

like interlopers and second class citizens. They made an awful thing, our first

Christmas without my son's father, my husband, truly horrible. Fortunately my

son didn't seem to absorb this. Some of my friends were very kind and had I

known how terrible the cousins were going to be, I would have taken my friends

invitations over the family's.

I barely sleep some nights. I cry myself to sleep many of those nights. I have

been trying so hard to just hold myself together and still get stuff done,

dishes, laundry, pay the bills, take a shower. I know that today feels so

horrible because I am probably PMSing. I can usually talk myself out of this but

I just don't have it in me today. I'm supposed to put away the decorations

today. I don't know if I'll get around to it or not.

Basically I'm tired, I'm heartbroken and I am soo pissed off that I have had to

devote so much energy into protecting myself from nada instead of grieving for

my husband and taking care of my son.

C

[Guest guest]

(((((CmeBfree)))))

I hope that taking some real No Contact time off from your nada will help. You

deserve to have some private time to just process all this and grieve without

her interference and intrusiveness and hostility.

You can always come here and share your feelings with your fellow KOs; I know

this helps me to have this Group to talk to, and I hope it can help you too.

-Annie

>

> I've gone NC with everyone out there for right now. I'll call someone when I

feel like it and I have to go to a one hour class tomorrow morning plus see a

few clients in the afternoon, so I'll talk to someone besides my son very soon,

I just don't feel like talking to anyone for right now.

>

> I put nada on speaker again and talked to her thru my son, via my iPad, a

couple of days ago. I COULD have talked, but my laryngitis was pretty bad that

day and I just didn't feel like it. She of course managed to prattle on but not

for very long because only hearing my son repeat what I had typed for replies or

questions was not very satisfying for her. It did get kind of funny toward the

end because my son quickly realized that he could just make stuff up and had

great fun with THAT. She called again yesterday hoping to talk and I still

haven't called her back. Right now I am sad and I am vulnerable and she is the

LAST person I want to talk to!

>

> I transferred my husbands ashes into the box that his dad made for him

sometime after midnight on the first. I can't tell that to nada. I can't sit

there and watch her manipulate it into being all about her and her husband dying

four years ago. I had reached out to a friend for some guidance. She lost her

husband to a massive heart attack years ago. She said she would help me and then

nothing. Not one word since. I'm starting to think that I reached out to another

nada without realizing it.

>

> The holidays sucked. My husbands cousins, that were supposed to make us

welcome and take us into their family for Christmas, instead made me and my BIL

feel like interlopers and second class citizens. They made an awful thing, our

first Christmas without my son's father, my husband, truly horrible.

Fortunately my son didn't seem to absorb this. Some of my friends were very kind

and had I known how terrible the cousins were going to be, I would have taken my

friends invitations over the family's.

>

> I barely sleep some nights. I cry myself to sleep many of those nights. I have

been trying so hard to just hold myself together and still get stuff done,

dishes, laundry, pay the bills, take a shower. I know that today feels so

horrible because I am probably PMSing. I can usually talk myself out of this but

I just don't have it in me today. I'm supposed to put away the decorations

today. I don't know if I'll get around to it or not.

>

> Basically I'm tired, I'm heartbroken and I am soo pissed off that I have had

to devote so much energy into protecting myself from nada instead of grieving

for my husband and taking care of my son.

>

> C

>

[Guest guest]

I wish I could say the right thing. sometimes when my pain is deep I feel like

such a sponge. I feel like I am taking advantage of my friends. only people who

I can really trust can take that. and I have trouble trusting them. I hate that

we can't talk about things that are important to us with our own mothers.

Sometimes maternal sympathy would be wonderful. if I could I would spend the day

with you we would talk, cry, watch horribly sad movies like hope floats and sob

shamelessly. and the kids would go to Disneyland with trustworthy sympathetic

and kind adults who would take the time to go at whatever pace the kids want and

buy them all the junk food they can eat.

no one has a right to rob you of grief. I would be pissed too. I think you need

a break from that.

lots of love <3 <3 <3

I hope you find peace.

Meikjn

> >

> > I've gone NC with everyone out there for right now. I'll call someone when I

feel like it and I have to go to a one hour class tomorrow morning plus see a

few clients in the afternoon, so I'll talk to someone besides my son very soon,

I just don't feel like talking to anyone for right now.

> >

> > I put nada on speaker again and talked to her thru my son, via my iPad, a

couple of days ago. I COULD have talked, but my laryngitis was pretty bad that

day and I just didn't feel like it. She of course managed to prattle on but not

for very long because only hearing my son repeat what I had typed for replies or

questions was not very satisfying for her. It did get kind of funny toward the

end because my son quickly realized that he could just make stuff up and had

great fun with THAT. She called again yesterday hoping to talk and I still

haven't called her back. Right now I am sad and I am vulnerable and she is the

LAST person I want to talk to!

> >

> > I transferred my husbands ashes into the box that his dad made for him

sometime after midnight on the first. I can't tell that to nada. I can't sit

there and watch her manipulate it into being all about her and her husband dying

four years ago. I had reached out to a friend for some guidance. She lost her

husband to a massive heart attack years ago. She said she would help me and then

nothing. Not one word since. I'm starting to think that I reached out to another

nada without realizing it.

> >

> > The holidays sucked. My husbands cousins, that were supposed to make us

welcome and take us into their family for Christmas, instead made me and my BIL

feel like interlopers and second class citizens. They made an awful thing, our

first Christmas without my son's father, my husband, truly horrible.

Fortunately my son didn't seem to absorb this. Some of my friends were very kind

and had I known how terrible the cousins were going to be, I would have taken my

friends invitations over the family's.

> >

> > I barely sleep some nights. I cry myself to sleep many of those nights. I

have been trying so hard to just hold myself together and still get stuff done,

dishes, laundry, pay the bills, take a shower. I know that today feels so

horrible because I am probably PMSing. I can usually talk myself out of this but

I just don't have it in me today. I'm supposed to put away the decorations

today. I don't know if I'll get around to it or not.

> >

> > Basically I'm tired, I'm heartbroken and I am soo pissed off that I have had

to devote so much energy into protecting myself from nada instead of grieving

for my husband and taking care of my son.

> >

> > C

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My heart breaks for you! I am sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you are

going thru, I wish I could give u a hug it sounds like you are in need. I am

glad you have your son to share in the grieving with. You can email me anytime

you need someone to listen. If you email me I can even give you my number so,

that u know u always have a friend who understands what you are going thru

that's just a phone call away. My this year bring much happiness and healing

into your life!

Hugs and Love

B

Sent from my BlackBerry® device on the Simple Mobile network

NC with everyone (for a few days)

I've gone NC with everyone out there for right now. I'll call someone when I

feel like it and I have to go to a one hour class tomorrow morning plus see a

few clients in the afternoon, so I'll talk to someone besides my son very soon,

I just don't feel like talking to anyone for right now.

I put nada on speaker again and talked to her thru my son, via my iPad, a couple

of days ago. I COULD have talked, but my laryngitis was pretty bad that day and

I just didn't feel like it. She of course managed to prattle on but not for very

long because only hearing my son repeat what I had typed for replies or

questions was not very satisfying for her. It did get kind of funny toward the

end because my son quickly realized that he could just make stuff up and had

great fun with THAT. She called again yesterday hoping to talk and I still

haven't called her back. Right now I am sad and I am vulnerable and she is the

LAST person I want to talk to!

I transferred my husbands ashes into the box that his dad made for him sometime

after midnight on the first. I can't tell that to nada. I can't sit there and

watch her manipulate it into being all about her and her husband dying four

years ago. I had reached out to a friend for some guidance. She lost her husband

to a massive heart attack years ago. She said she would help me and then

nothing. Not one word since. I'm starting to think that I reached out to another

nada without realizing it.

The holidays sucked. My husbands cousins, that were supposed to make us welcome

and take us into their family for Christmas, instead made me and my BIL feel

like interlopers and second class citizens. They made an awful thing, our first

Christmas without my son's father, my husband, truly horrible. Fortunately my

son didn't seem to absorb this. Some of my friends were very kind and had I

known how terrible the cousins were going to be, I would have taken my friends

invitations over the family's.

I barely sleep some nights. I cry myself to sleep many of those nights. I have

been trying so hard to just hold myself together and still get stuff done,

dishes, laundry, pay the bills, take a shower. I know that today feels so

horrible because I am probably PMSing. I can usually talk myself out of this but

I just don't have it in me today. I'm supposed to put away the decorations

today. I don't know if I'll get around to it or not.

Basically I'm tired, I'm heartbroken and I am soo pissed off that I have had to

devote so much energy into protecting myself from nada instead of grieving for

my husband and taking care of my son.

C

[Guest guest]

Thank you for all of your kind responses.

I mostly am a person that just needs to let it all out and be heard. I had

myself a good cry while I wrote the earlier post and then turned off the

computer and started packing away the Christmas decorations. I'm not done yet.

Half of my bed is covered in boxes that need to go into the attic, but I put a

huge dent in it! I always feel better to get up and start working on something

when I am really down. I have a friend that should be coming over in a few days

to help me with wrestling the tree box back up into the loft storage in my yard

barn.

In the process of cleaning up, I've found a few of the latest cards my husband

gave me for birthday, valentines, ect. It made me smile and sad at the same

time. I tucked them away in a drawer for now.

I'm feeling much better now.

C

>

> My heart breaks for you! I am sorry for your loss. I can't imagine what you

are going thru, I wish I could give u a hug it sounds like you are in need. I am

glad you have your son to share in the grieving with. You can email me anytime

you need someone to listen. If you email me I can even give you my number so,

that u know u always have a friend who understands what you are going thru

that's just a phone call away. My this year bring much happiness and healing

into your life!

>

> Hugs and Love

> B

> Sent from my BlackBerry® device on the Simple Mobile network

>

> NC with everyone (for a few days)

>

> I've gone NC with everyone out there for right now. I'll call someone when I

feel like it and I have to go to a one hour class tomorrow morning plus see a

few clients in the afternoon, so I'll talk to someone besides my son very soon,

I just don't feel like talking to anyone for right now.

>

> I put nada on speaker again and talked to her thru my son, via my iPad, a

couple of days ago. I COULD have talked, but my laryngitis was pretty bad that

day and I just didn't feel like it. She of course managed to prattle on but not

for very long because only hearing my son repeat what I had typed for replies or

questions was not very satisfying for her. It did get kind of funny toward the

end because my son quickly realized that he could just make stuff up and had

great fun with THAT. She called again yesterday hoping to talk and I still

haven't called her back. Right now I am sad and I am vulnerable and she is the

LAST person I want to talk to!

>

> I transferred my husbands ashes into the box that his dad made for him

sometime after midnight on the first. I can't tell that to nada. I can't sit

there and watch her manipulate it into being all about her and her husband dying

four years ago. I had reached out to a friend for some guidance. She lost her

husband to a massive heart attack years ago. She said she would help me and then

nothing. Not one word since. I'm starting to think that I reached out to another

nada without realizing it.

>

> The holidays sucked. My husbands cousins, that were supposed to make us

welcome and take us into their family for Christmas, instead made me and my BIL

feel like interlopers and second class citizens. They made an awful thing, our

first Christmas without my son's father, my husband, truly horrible.

Fortunately my son didn't seem to absorb this. Some of my friends were very kind

and had I known how terrible the cousins were going to be, I would have taken my

friends invitations over the family's.

>

> I barely sleep some nights. I cry myself to sleep many of those nights. I have

been trying so hard to just hold myself together and still get stuff done,

dishes, laundry, pay the bills, take a shower. I know that today feels so

horrible because I am probably PMSing. I can usually talk myself out of this but

I just don't have it in me today. I'm supposed to put away the decorations

today. I don't know if I'll get around to it or not.

>

> Basically I'm tired, I'm heartbroken and I am soo pissed off that I have had

to devote so much energy into protecting myself from nada instead of grieving

for my husband and taking care of my son.

>

> C

>

>

>

>

>

>