Guest guest Posted July 6, 2011 Report Share Posted July 6, 2011 Hi, I was raised by a BP mother and have divorced a BP man. I'm a mess. That's the best way to put it: I'm just a mess. I've not spoken to my mother in 2 years; she's mad at me for a perceived slight. I do have to deal with my EX as we have a teen daughter. I want to learn how to heal from my pain and help my daughter deal with her father. At this point, she doesn't really want to be around him much. I look forward to learning from you all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2011 Report Share Posted July 8, 2011 Hi , We are all in various stages of recovering from having BPD family members. I have found a lot of camaraderie & empathy here, as well as inspiration from others. Welcome! > > Hi, > > I was raised by a BP mother and have divorced a BP man. I'm a mess. That's the best way to put it: I'm just a mess. I've not spoken to my mother in 2 years; she's mad at me for a perceived slight. I do have to deal with my EX as we have a teen daughter. > > I want to learn how to heal from my pain and help my daughter deal with her father. At this point, she doesn't really want to be around him much. > > I look forward to learning from you all. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2011 Report Share Posted July 8, 2011 Wow. I just joined, too, and as you can see from my post I am in the same boat, more or less. My mother is still in my life, though less so, and I am in the process of setting up for a divorce (interviewing potential attorneys, etc.). Do you have a therapist? Mine has been INVALUABLE in helping me see the real picture, that life is not like this for everyone. Who knew? I also want to get some help for my kids (all grown; youngest 18) so that I can break this cycle NOW. I'm reading a book called Children of the Self-Absorbed by Nina Brown. It has some great quizzes and some practical advice - some other things I'm not willing tot take the time to do right now, but you take and leave what you will from sources like these, right? It has also helped me understand that my MIL is more than likely an NP, too, and that explains my STB ex's extreme behavior when his parents are around. Luckily (?) all our extended family lives out of state. I didn't talk to my father - the non-BP/NP - for years because of my mother's lies. I needed that time to heal - and that's what I sense you are doing with your mother. Don't beat up on yourself. Trust your reality. We're all with you. > > Hi, > > I was raised by a BP mother and have divorced a BP man. I'm a mess. That's the best way to put it: I'm just a mess. I've not spoken to my mother in 2 years; she's mad at me for a perceived slight. I do have to deal with my EX as we have a teen daughter. > > I want to learn how to heal from my pain and help my daughter deal with her father. At this point, she doesn't really want to be around him much. > > I look forward to learning from you all. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2011 Report Share Posted July 8, 2011 Hi, and Welcome!, Finding this " safe place " has been one of the most life affirming and healing experiences of my life. I hope it will be, for you too.! I think many, many of us feel like a ' hot mess.' Even after years of therapy, I couldn't seem to reach some very deep and wounded parts of myself until I came here. This sight is available 24 hours a day, and , when I am so torn up with grief and confusion, I can come here, anytime, and find someone who has a similar experience, and find a way through the fog and pain. There is also tremendous good humor " Annie's " NOMO BPD " collar, is one example that always makes me grin, and wonderful stories of successful interactions. Best of luck along your journey! Sunspot > ** > > > Hi , > We are all in various stages of recovering from having BPD family members. > I have found a lot of camaraderie & empathy here, as well as inspiration > from others. > > Welcome! > > > > > > Hi, > > > > I was raised by a BP mother and have divorced a BP man. I'm a mess. > That's the best way to put it: I'm just a mess. I've not spoken to my mother > in 2 years; she's mad at me for a perceived slight. I do have to deal with > my EX as we have a teen daughter. > > > > I want to learn how to heal from my pain and help my daughter deal with > her father. At this point, she doesn't really want to be around him much. > > > > I look forward to learning from you all. > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 10, 2011 Report Share Posted July 10, 2011 Thank you. I don't have a therapist. I do have insurance but I don't know where to begin to find one that is knowledgeable about BPD or NPD. My EX has been dx'd with both those as well as BPII. My mother is a Ph.D in psychology and if she has ever actually been dx'd, she's denied it. She's very very good at hiding her true self to anyone on the outside. My EX is just like her. JUST LIKE HER. How nuts am I to have married someone just like her? And the irony? She LOVED him until he " came out " and somehow that got turned into being my fault. She blamed me for being deceived by him and naturally turned it into a slight against her. I could go on and on with my history with her, and with him. It's all pretty similar, though. Lots of emotional abuse, lack of empathy, no respect for me as a human being or my boundaries, lots of ridicule for my feelings, insults, physical abuse, public humiliation, no regard for my interests or accomplishments. Accomplishments were never good enough and my interests are " stupid " . Gosh, my stomach is burning just writing this out, which is why I think it's taken me until now to want to deal with this. I'm in my 40's and am just now facing all this. It's so painful. But, I want to recognize healthy relationships; I want to HAVE healthy relationships and I want my daughter to have them. So, I have to face this and deal. It's going to suck. I choose to not have contact with her, which is easy enough because she's 2,000 miles away, but it's her voice in my head I hear all the time, constantly criticizing, insulting, judging. I have to deal with my EX weekly, but it's easier to walk away from him and not get sucked into his games. How can I get her out of my head? > > > > Hi, > > > > I was raised by a BP mother and have divorced a BP man. I'm a mess. That's the best way to put it: I'm just a mess. I've not spoken to my mother in 2 years; she's mad at me for a perceived slight. I do have to deal with my EX as we have a teen daughter. > > > > I want to learn how to heal from my pain and help my daughter deal with her father. At this point, she doesn't really want to be around him much. > > > > I look forward to learning from you all. > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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