Guest guest Posted July 7, 2011 Report Share Posted July 7, 2011 I'm relatively new to this group, and I am so glad I found it. I've always known my mom was not at all like other mothers, but never realized how much until the last few years. I'm not sure I'm ready to share my story of growing up and living with my BPD mom, but I wanted to thank all of you. Reading your messages made me realize has helped me realize, I'm not alone, and other people do understand. Others know what the furious outbursts are like, how the guilt affects you, how the cold shoulder combined with ridiculous demands is just so horribly confusing. Finding this group has helped me understand that it's okay that taking care of myself is a priority, that I'm still a good daughter if I don't meet her needs, desires and whims, and that nothing I do will ever REALLY give her the happiness or satisfaction she so craves. This has helped me deal with her in a healthier manner for me, and encouraged me in setting boundaries and standing up for myself. My husband and I are expecting our first child in a few months, and I absolutely refuse to let her influence, manipulate or drive wedges in our small family. Our baby does not have to be scared of Grandma. Thank you for all the support you provide others and have unknowingly provided me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 7, 2011 Report Share Posted July 7, 2011 awesome to hear!! congratulations. i am a new mom, too, to a 5-month old. if you ever feel like you want your " mommy " like i did right after my baby was born, remember that there are other people to help meet your needs and your mom likely won't be capable. i went through a period after she was born that i felt grief all over again that i couldn't just call my mom and share with her the things other people get to share with their moms when they first have children. there are so many things about the experience that i ended up feeling like " i wonder if my mom felt this way or had this same issue " and then i remember my mom doesn't feel things like i do (or lots of other people for that matter). that when i was born, she likely felt excited to have someone to love HER rather than the other way around. she was probably overwhelmed by the fact that - gasp! - i had NEEDS that had to be met without any reward for her in return. i feel so grateful to be a mom that isn't going to impart my mom's " mothering " style on to future generations. but i also feel sad for the fact that i am missing out on the bonding experience so many of my friends got to have with their moms. visits in the hospital, helping at home those first weeks, and passing on the stories of what it was like for them in those early days. if i called my mom, she would make it all about her and probably try and guilt trip ME for being born and causing her so much grief. good lord. anyway, if you ever feel sad that you can't share the experience with your mom like you'd like, feel free to email me. i'll be happy for you! charlotte " don't go to the hardware store looking for bread, and then you won't be disappointed when it's not there " > > I'm relatively new to this group, and I am so glad I found it. I've always known my mom was not at all like other mothers, but never realized how much until the last few years. I'm not sure I'm ready to share my story of growing up and living with my BPD mom, but I wanted to thank all of you. > > Reading your messages made me realize has helped me realize, I'm not alone, and other people do understand. Others know what the furious outbursts are like, how the guilt affects you, how the cold shoulder combined with ridiculous demands is just so horribly confusing. Finding this group has helped me understand that it's okay that taking care of myself is a priority, that I'm still a good daughter if I don't meet her needs, desires and whims, and that nothing I do will ever REALLY give her the happiness or satisfaction she so craves. This has helped me deal with her in a healthier manner for me, and encouraged me in setting boundaries and standing up for myself. > > My husband and I are expecting our first child in a few months, and I absolutely refuse to let her influence, manipulate or drive wedges in our small family. Our baby does not have to be scared of Grandma. Thank you for all the support you provide others and have unknowingly provided me! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2011 Report Share Posted July 8, 2011 How exciting for you--looking forward to motherhood! I wish you all the joy with all the new experiences ahead for you! Becoming a parent ourselves often leads us to make new choices in how we deal with our BPD/NPD parents. The new life we bring into the world must take priority, and we become more clear in how much/little we are willing to 'humor' the BPD in our lives. You sound like you are already getting clear on lots of those points. Good for you! We are hear for you when/if you want to share more. Enjoy this wonderful time! > > I'm relatively new to this group, and I am so glad I found it. I've always known my mom was not at all like other mothers, but never realized how much until the last few years. I'm not sure I'm ready to share my story of growing up and living with my BPD mom, but I wanted to thank all of you. > > Reading your messages made me realize has helped me realize, I'm not alone, and other people do understand. Others know what the furious outbursts are like, how the guilt affects you, how the cold shoulder combined with ridiculous demands is just so horribly confusing. Finding this group has helped me understand that it's okay that taking care of myself is a priority, that I'm still a good daughter if I don't meet her needs, desires and whims, and that nothing I do will ever REALLY give her the happiness or satisfaction she so craves. This has helped me deal with her in a healthier manner for me, and encouraged me in setting boundaries and standing up for myself. > > My husband and I are expecting our first child in a few months, and I absolutely refuse to let her influence, manipulate or drive wedges in our small family. Our baby does not have to be scared of Grandma. Thank you for all the support you provide others and have unknowingly provided me! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2011 Report Share Posted July 8, 2011 welcome to the group, it is a great place to get validation for the craziness, that is for sure. congrats on getting ready to start your family! > > I'm relatively new to this group, and I am so glad I found it. I've always known my mom was not at all like other mothers, but never realized how much until the last few years. I'm not sure I'm ready to share my story of growing up and living with my BPD mom, but I wanted to thank all of you. > > Reading your messages made me realize has helped me realize, I'm not alone, and other people do understand. Others know what the furious outbursts are like, how the guilt affects you, how the cold shoulder combined with ridiculous demands is just so horribly confusing. Finding this group has helped me understand that it's okay that taking care of myself is a priority, that I'm still a good daughter if I don't meet her needs, desires and whims, and that nothing I do will ever REALLY give her the happiness or satisfaction she so craves. This has helped me deal with her in a healthier manner for me, and encouraged me in setting boundaries and standing up for myself. > > My husband and I are expecting our first child in a few months, and I absolutely refuse to let her influence, manipulate or drive wedges in our small family. Our baby does not have to be scared of Grandma. Thank you for all the support you provide others and have unknowingly provided me! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2011 Report Share Posted July 8, 2011 Hi I also joined this group when I was pregnant. I had done work previously, but the idea of becoming a mother myself was a hard transition. I thought I would relive the hell of my childhood and was scared to death. So congrats on taking the brave step of deciding to become a mother, and not repeating the past! My nada definitely did a few things that I was NOT ok with in the first year. My child is now 2.5 yrs. I had to draw the line very clearly. I think you'll find that you have more than enough strength to stand up and protect your child. It will be emotional and difficult, but it will also be very very clear to you what is ok and what is NOT ok when you see nada with your baby. Also - I stick to surpervised visits only. No babysitting. I think you'll find a lot of parents in this group do the same. Congrats again! It's wonderful to finally feel that love that was missing in our childhoods! Children are beautiful! -Terri > > I'm relatively new to this group, and I am so glad I found it. I've always known my mom was not at all like other mothers, but never realized how much until the last few years. I'm not sure I'm ready to share my story of growing up and living with my BPD mom, but I wanted to thank all of you. > > Reading your messages made me realize has helped me realize, I'm not alone, and other people do understand. Others know what the furious outbursts are like, how the guilt affects you, how the cold shoulder combined with ridiculous demands is just so horribly confusing. Finding this group has helped me understand that it's okay that taking care of myself is a priority, that I'm still a good daughter if I don't meet her needs, desires and whims, and that nothing I do will ever REALLY give her the happiness or satisfaction she so craves. This has helped me deal with her in a healthier manner for me, and encouraged me in setting boundaries and standing up for myself. > > My husband and I are expecting our first child in a few months, and I absolutely refuse to let her influence, manipulate or drive wedges in our small family. Our baby does not have to be scared of Grandma. Thank you for all the support you provide others and have unknowingly provided me! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 8, 2011 Report Share Posted July 8, 2011 I don't allow her with my children alone. I HAVE to be there. I sensed this even before I knew she had BPD. Your decision is the correct one, better safe than sorry! N > Hi > > I also joined this group when I was pregnant. I had done work previously, but the idea of becoming a mother myself was a hard transition. I thought I would relive the hell of my childhood and was scared to death. So congrats on taking the brave step of deciding to become a mother, and not repeating the past! > > My nada definitely did a few things that I was NOT ok with in the first year. My child is now 2.5 yrs. I had to draw the line very clearly. I think you'll find that you have more than enough strength to stand up and protect your child. It will be emotional and difficult, but it will also be very very clear to you what is ok and what is NOT ok when you see nada with your baby. > > Also - I stick to surpervised visits only. No babysitting. I think you'll find a lot of parents in this group do the same. > > Congrats again! It's wonderful to finally feel that love that was missing in our childhoods! Children are beautiful! > > -Terri > > > > > > I'm relatively new to this group, and I am so glad I found it. I've always known my mom was not at all like other mothers, but never realized how much until the last few years. I'm not sure I'm ready to share my story of growing up and living with my BPD mom, but I wanted to thank all of you. > > > > Reading your messages made me realize has helped me realize, I'm not alone, and other people do understand. Others know what the furious outbursts are like, how the guilt affects you, how the cold shoulder combined with ridiculous demands is just so horribly confusing. Finding this group has helped me understand that it's okay that taking care of myself is a priority, that I'm still a good daughter if I don't meet her needs, desires and whims, and that nothing I do will ever REALLY give her the happiness or satisfaction she so craves. This has helped me deal with her in a healthier manner for me, and encouraged me in setting boundaries and standing up for myself. > > > > My husband and I are expecting our first child in a few months, and I absolutely refuse to let her influence, manipulate or drive wedges in our small family. Our baby does not have to be scared of Grandma. Thank you for all the support you provide others and have unknowingly provided me! > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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