A humorous story to brighten your BP-addled day...

July 7, 2011

I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to my nada. It's

so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it.

THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!)

My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a nice turkey

dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the mashed potatoes, she

says to me:

" So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete Rose? " .

I say " What picture of Pete Rose? "

She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have with me and

Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. "

I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's remarkable "

(trying of course not to laugh).

She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet him " .

I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know who Pete Rose

was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you took a photo with

him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? "

She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or something like

that " .

I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my rent, Mom " .

She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I will be the

judge of that " .

Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly misplaced it in the

2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to blame. But Pete

Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not Pete Rose!

July 8, 2011

That is funny, in a sad way. My nada too would accuse me (and apparently Sister

and dad as well, in retrospect) of saying things we didn't say, doing things we

didn't do, or even thinking or feeling things that I wasn't thinking or feeling,

either. Its probably due to projecting and blaming, which are part of the

constellation of general personality disorder traits. My Sister was permanently

traumatized by being labeled a LIAR by our mother, throughout her childhood. My

dad was frequently accused of having affairs or flirting with other women by

nada.

What's sad is that they either can't comprehend or they don't care that making

false accusations like that is devastating to a child. As adults, we can kind

of shrug it off, sometimes, but when a child is subjected to false accusations

like that and even punished for it, its really cruel and can severely derail the

child's sense of self-worth and trust in other people.

For example, my nada would see me reading a book or watching TV with a blank

expression on my face (I was simply preoccupied) and she would say something

like, " What are you so angry about; you have no right to be pissed off at me

like that. " So she'd not only mis-perceive my neutral expression as negative,

she would believe my (nonexistent) negative feelings were directed at herself.

And I might get screamed at for a while because of it.

-Annie

>

> I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to my nada.

It's so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it.

> THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!)

> My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a nice turkey

dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the mashed potatoes, she

says to me:

> " So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete Rose? " .

> I say " What picture of Pete Rose? "

> She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have with me and

Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. "

> I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's remarkable "

(trying of course not to laugh).

> She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet him " .

> I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know who Pete Rose

was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you took a photo with

him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? "

> She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or something like

that " .

> I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my rent, Mom " .

> She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I will be the

judge of that " .

> Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly misplaced it in the

2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to blame. But Pete

Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not Pete Rose!

>

July 8, 2011

Oooooooh, ditto ditto ditto! I hate the whole thing where my fada would

accuse me of hating him (I was the golden child then and so distraught by

that accusation.) He'd also remember things completely differently from the

rest of us--and in a more negative way.

I still had to laugh at that ridiculous story, and I'm so glad we all

recognize it as ridiculous now

On Fri, Jul 8, 2011 at 1:09 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

> **

>

> That is funny, in a sad way. My nada too would accuse me (and apparently

> Sister and dad as well, in retrospect) of saying things we didn't say, doing

> things we didn't do, or even thinking or feeling things that I wasn't

> thinking or feeling, either. Its probably due to projecting and blaming,

> which are part of the constellation of general personality disorder traits.

> My Sister was permanently traumatized by being labeled a LIAR by our mother,

> throughout her childhood. My dad was frequently accused of having affairs or

> flirting with other women by nada.

>

> What's sad is that they either can't comprehend or they don't care that

> making false accusations like that is devastating to a child. As adults, we

> can kind of shrug it off, sometimes, but when a child is subjected to false

> accusations like that and even punished for it, its really cruel and can

> severely derail the child's sense of self-worth and trust in other people.

>

> For example, my nada would see me reading a book or watching TV with a

> blank expression on my face (I was simply preoccupied) and she would say

> something like, " What are you so angry about; you have no right to be pissed

> off at me like that. " So she'd not only mis-perceive my neutral expression

> as negative, she would believe my (nonexistent) negative feelings were

> directed at herself. And I might get screamed at for a while because of it.

>

> -Annie

>

> >

> > I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to my

> nada. It's so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it.

> > THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!)

> > My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a nice

> turkey dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the mashed

> potatoes, she says to me:

> > " So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete Rose? " .

> > I say " What picture of Pete Rose? "

> > She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have with me

> and Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. "

> > I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's

> remarkable " (trying of course not to laugh).

> > She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet him " .

> > I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know who Pete

> Rose was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you took a

> photo with him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? "

> > She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or something

> like that " .

> > I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my rent,

> Mom " .

> > She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I will be

> the judge of that " .

> > Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly misplaced it in

> the 2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to blame.

> But Pete Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not Pete Rose!

> >

>

July 8, 2011

Damn Baby!

I can hear the theme music from " The Twilight Zone, " and Rod Serling in

the background, giving the introduction.....

After the recent death of my father, I spent almost two months with my

Nada trying to help her get through the holidays, and the preliminary steps

to keeping her continuing ed. credits, etc... Time I should have spent with

my spouse, who also lost a parent during the same 7day period. My spouse is

a wonderful, generous and kind person, who encouraged me to stay with and

help my nada, since my only sibling was unavailable to provide support at

that time.

A month later, I returned to accompany her on a multi-purpose road trip

to hell, during which she a professional conference, revisited some places

that were important to her, and to my father, visited family, etc.

For the duration of the trip, she kept trying to find reasons to

disinherit me, and bestow my part of any inheritance to my sibling. To this

end, she would accuse me of sulking, being angry, thinking I was better than

my sibling( my sibling is the one with the college degrees, and the

convertible.)

She accused me of theft, attempted theft, contemplated theft, fantasized

theft, insatiable greed, and spiteful destruction.

She also accused my husband and child of similar character defects, yet

during the trip, SHE was the one who snooped through my childs personal

belongings, was furious when I told her we couldn't do that, and then walked

off with a handful of his mail ---- which I discovered on the chair when I

returned to the hotel room that night. She didn't take anything important,

just some ads and junk mail, but still...

On the return trip, she was overtaken by another bout of psychic

revelations, and, in the name of truth, accusing me of conspiracy, theft,

lying, unresolved incestuous issues, incomplete bonding, lousy attitude and

sulking ( Like you Annie, I was just reading a book at the time. What is it

they have about perceived sulking?)

She kept trying to pick fights, and bully me into confrontations wherein

she was going to " tell (me) truths about myself, even though I didn't want

to hear them "

When I finally requested that she not publicly refer to me by a

childhood nick name in public (I'm old enough to have grandchildren) which

has been a bone of contention since I was 15, she* abandoned* me in a hotel,

1500 hundred miles from my home. Telling me that " You are not my daughter, I

am not your mother, I never want to hear from you, or about you or your

husband, or your son again. " and claimed that I had attacked her, although

when challenged on this, by my sibling, back-peddled, and said it was a

verbal attack.

She drove away and left me.

I cannot describe the sense of simultaneous grief and relief that swept

over me, as I watched her drive away.

The thought of life without being afraid to answer the phone, without

fearing weird accusations, because I was daydreaming, reading, watching TV,

or talking to someone else on the phone, is overwhelming.

Prior to that final episode, I had been accused of being a F*cking

princess, and bullying her, the day I returned home from a hospital stay in

which I had extensive chest surgery, and a surgically collapsed lung. I

couldn't get enough air in my lungs to speak very loudly, or for very long

sentences, but this was perceived by her as an attempt to bully her, and to

be a princess.

I can't tell you how disturbingly familiar your experience, and Annies,

are to me. My husband once told me that it doesn't matter what one says to

BPDs, they can't hear it over the voices in their own heads anyway. I'm so

greatful to you both for sharing. I don't feel quite so crazy.

The Twilight Zone only lasted thirty minutes at a time. Life with a BPD

family member goes on forever

Sunspot

On Fri, Jul 8, 2011 at 2:15 PM, Holly Lipschultz <

hollymichellebyers@...> wrote:

> Oooooooh, ditto ditto ditto! I hate the whole thing where my fada would

> accuse me of hating him (I was the golden child then and so distraught by

> that accusation.) He'd also remember things completely differently from the

> rest of us--and in a more negative way.

>

> I still had to laugh at that ridiculous story, and I'm so glad we all

> recognize it as ridiculous now

>

> On Fri, Jul 8, 2011 at 1:09 PM, anuria67854 <anuria-67854@...

> >wrote:

>

> > **

> >

> > That is funny, in a sad way. My nada too would accuse me (and apparently

> > Sister and dad as well, in retrospect) of saying things we didn't say,

> doing

> > things we didn't do, or even thinking or feeling things that I wasn't

> > thinking or feeling, either. Its probably due to projecting and blaming,

> > which are part of the constellation of general personality disorder

> traits.

> > My Sister was permanently traumatized by being labeled a LIAR by our

> mother,

> > throughout her childhood. My dad was frequently accused of having affairs

> or

> > flirting with other women by nada.

> >

> > What's sad is that they either can't comprehend or they don't care that

> > making false accusations like that is devastating to a child. As adults,

> we

> > can kind of shrug it off, sometimes, but when a child is subjected to

> false

> > accusations like that and even punished for it, its really cruel and can

> > severely derail the child's sense of self-worth and trust in other

> people.

> >

> > For example, my nada would see me reading a book or watching TV with a

> > blank expression on my face (I was simply preoccupied) and she would say

> > something like, " What are you so angry about; you have no right to be

> pissed

> > off at me like that. " So she'd not only mis-perceive my neutral

> expression

> > as negative, she would believe my (nonexistent) negative feelings were

> > directed at herself. And I might get screamed at for a while because of

> it.

> >

> > -Annie

> >

> > >

> > > I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to my

> > nada. It's so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it.

> > > THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!)

> > > My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a nice

> > turkey dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the mashed

> > potatoes, she says to me:

> > > " So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete Rose? " .

> > > I say " What picture of Pete Rose? "

> > > She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have with

> me

> > and Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. "

> > > I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's

> > remarkable " (trying of course not to laugh).

> > > She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet him " .

> > > I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know who

> Pete

> > Rose was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you took a

> > photo with him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? "

> > > She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or

> something

> > like that " .

> > > I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my

> rent,

> > Mom " .

> > > She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I will

> be

> > the judge of that " .

> > > Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly misplaced it

> in

> > the 2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to

> blame.

> > But Pete Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not Pete

> Rose!

> > >

> >

>

July 8, 2011

Me personally, I think the initial creation of the term " borderline " was really

on-target: it was meant to convey that this disorder is on the border between

neurosis and psychosis. I think that's valid.

At least in my own mother's case, her inability to " read " other people's

expressions accurately, her tendency to interpret incoming emotional information

negatively, her unfounded accusations based only on her own negative thoughts

and feelings (projecting and blaming), and her fixed delusions and paranoid

thinking (that would get much worse when she was under stress) make me ask, " Why

is this NOT considered to be psychosis? Please explain this to me! This does

NOT look like someone who is firmly anchored in reality to me! "

Now that my nada has become psychotic in a way that is easy for other people to

perceive (she is actively hallucinating most of the time now), it just really

makes me wonder if in her earlier decades she was simply better at keeping a lid

on her disordered thoughts. She was better able to control her delusional,

paranoid thinking in public and only let loose when secluded in the privacy of

her home, and directed it against her kids and husband.

I know every case is unique, and bpd is such a wide-ranging disorder that it can

express itself in different ways and degrees with different people, but in my

nada's case I really buy the whole " borderline = bordering on schizophrenia " or

" schizophrenia lite " idea.

-Annie

> > > >

> > > > I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to my

> > > nada. It's so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it.

> > > > THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!)

> > > > My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a nice

> > > turkey dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the mashed

> > > potatoes, she says to me:

> > > > " So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete Rose? " .

> > > > I say " What picture of Pete Rose? "

> > > > She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have with

> > me

> > > and Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. "

> > > > I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's

> > > remarkable " (trying of course not to laugh).

> > > > She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet him " .

> > > > I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know who

> > Pete

> > > Rose was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you took a

> > > photo with him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? "

> > > > She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or

> > something

> > > like that " .

> > > > I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my

> > rent,

> > > Mom " .

> > > > She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I will

> > be

> > > the judge of that " .

> > > > Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly misplaced it

> > in

> > > the 2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to

> > blame.

> > > But Pete Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not Pete

> > Rose!

> > > >

> > >

> >

July 8, 2011

You know, its all because our mothers didn't breast feed us. That's the true

reason why they have to leave us in hotel rooms, disinherit us and scream

" you are not my daughter "

HA HA HA I " m just kidding - someone's nada said that the other day and its

such a perfect nada response that I thought I'd just throw it out as a great

example of near psychosis.

What is it with the phrase " you are not my daughter, " do you know how many

times I heard that. . . Do they not know what freaking relief that would

be??? If only it could be true - get her damned genes out of my DNA and I

will gladly move on with my life. May I also please have my memories of

her erased?

XOXO

On Fri, Jul 8, 2011 at 3:11 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

> **

>

> Me personally, I think the initial creation of the term " borderline " was

> really on-target: it was meant to convey that this disorder is on the border

> between neurosis and psychosis. I think that's valid.

>

> At least in my own mother's case, her inability to " read " other people's

> expressions accurately, her tendency to interpret incoming emotional

> information negatively, her unfounded accusations based only on her own

> negative thoughts and feelings (projecting and blaming), and her fixed

> delusions and paranoid thinking (that would get much worse when she was

> under stress) make me ask, " Why is this NOT considered to be psychosis?

> Please explain this to me! This does NOT look like someone who is firmly

> anchored in reality to me! "

>

> Now that my nada has become psychotic in a way that is easy for other

> people to perceive (she is actively hallucinating most of the time now), it

> just really makes me wonder if in her earlier decades she was simply better

> at keeping a lid on her disordered thoughts. She was better able to control

> her delusional, paranoid thinking in public and only let loose when secluded

> in the privacy of her home, and directed it against her kids and husband.

>

> I know every case is unique, and bpd is such a wide-ranging disorder that

> it can express itself in different ways and degrees with different people,

> but in my nada's case I really buy the whole " borderline = bordering on

> schizophrenia " or " schizophrenia lite " idea.

>

> -Annie

>

> > > > >

> > > > > I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to

> my

> > > > nada. It's so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it.

> > > > > THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!)

> > > > > My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a nice

> > > > turkey dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the

> mashed

> > > > potatoes, she says to me:

> > > > > " So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete

> Rose? " .

> > > > > I say " What picture of Pete Rose? "

> > > > > She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have

> with

> > > me

> > > > and Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. "

> > > > > I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's

> > > > remarkable " (trying of course not to laugh).

> > > > > She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet

> him " .

> > > > > I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know

> who

> > > Pete

> > > > Rose was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you took

> a

> > > > photo with him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? "

> > > > > She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or

> > > something

> > > > like that " .

> > > > > I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my

> > > rent,

> > > > Mom " .

> > > > > She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I

> will

> > > be

> > > > the judge of that " .

> > > > > Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly misplaced

> it

> > > in

> > > > the 2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to

> > > blame.

> > > > But Pete Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not Pete

> > > Rose!

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

July 8, 2011

Girlscout,

My nada told me one time that if " your brother ever goes gay, I will never speak

to him again " .

Brothers reply when I told him this... " It's almost worth it " He has since gone

NC without that. He isn't gay, but he does still need to clean up his own issues

as he seems to be a magnet for women with mental health issues. Hmmmm.

Carla

>

> You know, its all because our mothers didn't breast feed us. That's the true

> reason why they have to leave us in hotel rooms, disinherit us and scream

> " you are not my daughter "

>

> HA HA HA I " m just kidding - someone's nada said that the other day and its

> such a perfect nada response that I thought I'd just throw it out as a great

> example of near psychosis.

>

> What is it with the phrase " you are not my daughter, " do you know how many

> times I heard that. . . Do they not know what freaking relief that would

> be??? If only it could be true - get her damned genes out of my DNA and I

> will gladly move on with my life. May I also please have my memories of

> her erased?

>

> XOXO

July 8, 2011

Yep Annie, I think your onto something here.

30 yrs. ago, my first therapist, who was elderly at the time, explained to

me that the original term Borderline indicated that the person so diagnosed

exhibited mercurial qualities that could, under varying conditions appear

dissociative, neurotic, psychotic, schizoid, psycho/sociopathic,

narcissistic, paranoid, possessed, and/or darn near any other diagnosis in

the book, including *normal*. She said that the most relevant quality, was

the mercurial / chameleon like aspect, harnessed in tandem with black and

white thinking, periodic delusional thinking, flip-out style psychotic

rages, manipulation, and a strange, " as-if " quality to many of their

emotional and interactional affects. They have No capacity for genuine

empathy or compassion.

The world they have going on in their head is galaxies apart from the one

that most of us experience, and that is difficult to tell when they are just

being perverse or oppositional, or genuinely delusional. She felt that,

they, themselves don't always know, and that what may begin as a perverse

oppositionalism, projections, or manipulation, may become a delusional

belief, almost like a child who tells a ghost story, and frightens

themself.

This therapisr helped me understand the whole concept of BPDs getting

their facts from their fears/feelings, rather than their fears/feelings from

their facts. This must connect in some way to the seemingly psychotic

behaviors they exhibit. I think BPD imust be one of the most difficult and

confusing of all disorders.

My own Nada tries to use her BPD diagnosis like a freaking " get out of

jail free card, " which is so confusing. She can exhibit what appear to be

full blown dissociative episodes, then, after she has achieved her goals,

(whatever they may have been at the moment,) angrily deny later that she

was dissociating at the time, and admit that she sometimes isn't " sick " when

she presents herself as " ill, " but that she " just needed some space. "

Just shoot me. Sunspot

On Fri, Jul 8, 2011 at 5:11 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

> **

>

> Me personally, I think the initial creation of the term " borderline " was

> really on-target: it was meant to convey that this disorder is on the border

> between neurosis and psychosis. I think that's valid.

>

> At least in my own mother's case, her inability to " read " other people's

> expressions accurately, her tendency to interpret incoming emotional

> information negatively, her unfounded accusations based only on her own

> negative thoughts and feelings (projecting and blaming), and her fixed

> delusions and paranoid thinking (that would get much worse when she was

> under stress) make me ask, " Why is this NOT considered to be psychosis?

> Please explain this to me! This does NOT look like someone who is firmly

> anchored in reality to me! "

>

> Now that my nada has become psychotic in a way that is easy for other

> people to perceive (she is actively hallucinating most of the time now), it

> just really makes me wonder if in her earlier decades she was simply better

> at keeping a lid on her disordered thoughts. She was better able to control

> her delusional, paranoid thinking in public and only let loose when secluded

> in the privacy of her home, and directed it against her kids and husband.

>

> I know every case is unique, and bpd is such a wide-ranging disorder that

> it can express itself in different ways and degrees with different people,

> but in my nada's case I really buy the whole " borderline = bordering on

> schizophrenia " or " schizophrenia lite " idea.

>

> -Annie

>

> > > > >

> > > > > I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to

> my

> > > > nada. It's so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it.

> > > > > THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!)

> > > > > My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a nice

> > > > turkey dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the

> mashed

> > > > potatoes, she says to me:

> > > > > " So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete

> Rose? " .

> > > > > I say " What picture of Pete Rose? "

> > > > > She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have

> with

> > > me

> > > > and Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. "

> > > > > I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's

> > > > remarkable " (trying of course not to laugh).

> > > > > She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet

> him " .

> > > > > I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know

> who

> > > Pete

> > > > Rose was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you took

> a

> > > > photo with him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? "

> > > > > She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or

> > > something

> > > > like that " .

> > > > > I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my

> > > rent,

> > > > Mom " .

> > > > > She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I

> will

> > > be

> > > > the judge of that " .

> > > > > Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly misplaced

> it

> > > in

> > > > the 2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to

> > > blame.

> > > > But Pete Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not Pete

> > > Rose!

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

July 8, 2011

Hey Girlscout, maybe we could get a patent.....

Something kind of like " Draino " for KOs, We could sell it as a package

deal with Annies " NOMOBPD " collar ! ! !

Sunspot

> **

>

> Girlscout,

>

> My nada told me one time that if " your brother ever goes gay, I will never

> speak to him again " .

>

> Brothers reply when I told him this... " It's almost worth it " He has since

> gone NC without that. He isn't gay, but he does still need to clean up his

> own issues as he seems to be a magnet for women with mental health issues.

> Hmmmm.

>

> Carla

>

> >

> > You know, its all because our mothers didn't breast feed us. That's the

> true

> > reason why they have to leave us in hotel rooms, disinherit us and scream

> > " you are not my daughter "

> >

> > HA HA HA I " m just kidding - someone's nada said that the other day and

> its

> > such a perfect nada response that I thought I'd just throw it out as a

> great

> > example of near psychosis.

> >

> > What is it with the phrase " you are not my daughter, " do you know how

> many

> > times I heard that. . . Do they not know what freaking relief that would

> > be??? If only it could be true - get her damned genes out of my DNA and I

> > will gladly move on with my life. May I also please have my memories of

> > her erased?

> >

> > XOXO

>

July 8, 2011

> Yep Annie, I think your onto something here.

>

> 30 yrs. ago, my first therapist, who was elderly at the time, explained to

> me that the original term Borderline indicated that the person so diagnosed

> exhibited mercurial qualities that could, under varying conditions appear

> dissociative, neurotic, psychotic, schizoid, psycho/sociopathic,

> narcissistic, paranoid, possessed, and/or darn near any other diagnosis in

> the book, including *normal*. She said that the most relevant quality,

> was the mercurial / chameleon like aspect, harnessed in tandem with black

> and white thinking, periodic delusional thinking, flip-out style psychotic

> rages, manipulation, and a strange, " as-if " quality to many of their

> emotional and interactional affects. They have No capacity for genuine

> empathy or compassion.

>

> The world they have going on in their head is galaxies apart from the

> one that most of us experience, and that is difficult to tell when they are

> just being perverse or oppositional, or genuinely delusional. She felt that,

> they, themselves don't always know, and that what may begin as a perverse

> oppositionalism, projections, or manipulation, may become a delusional

> belief, almost like a child who tells a ghost story, and frightens

> themself.

>

> This therapisr helped me understand the whole concept of BPDs getting

> their facts from their fears/feelings, rather than their fears/feelings from

> their facts. This must connect in some way to the seemingly psychotic

> behaviors they exhibit. I think BPD imust be one of the most difficult and

> confusing of all disorders.

>

> My own Nada tries to use her BPD diagnosis like a freaking " get out of

> jail free card, " which is so confusing. She can exhibit what appear to be

> full blown dissociative episodes, then, after she has achieved her goals,

> (whatever they may have been at the moment,) angrily deny later that she

> was dissociating at the time, and admit that she sometimes isn't " sick " when

> she presents herself as " ill, " but that she " just needed some space. "

>

> Just shoot me. Sunspot

>

> On Fri, Jul 8, 2011 at 5:11 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

>

>> **

>>

>> Me personally, I think the initial creation of the term " borderline " was

>> really on-target: it was meant to convey that this disorder is on the border

>> between neurosis and psychosis. I think that's valid.

>>

>> At least in my own mother's case, her inability to " read " other people's

>> expressions accurately, her tendency to interpret incoming emotional

>> information negatively, her unfounded accusations based only on her own

>> negative thoughts and feelings (projecting and blaming), and her fixed

>> delusions and paranoid thinking (that would get much worse when she was

>> under stress) make me ask, " Why is this NOT considered to be psychosis?

>> Please explain this to me! This does NOT look like someone who is firmly

>> anchored in reality to me! "

>>

>> Now that my nada has become psychotic in a way that is easy for other

>> people to perceive (she is actively hallucinating most of the time now), it

>> just really makes me wonder if in her earlier decades she was simply better

>> at keeping a lid on her disordered thoughts. She was better able to control

>> her delusional, paranoid thinking in public and only let loose when secluded

>> in the privacy of her home, and directed it against her kids and husband.

>>

>> I know every case is unique, and bpd is such a wide-ranging disorder that

>> it can express itself in different ways and degrees with different people,

>> but in my nada's case I really buy the whole " borderline = bordering on

>> schizophrenia " or " schizophrenia lite " idea.

>>

>> -Annie

>>

>> > > > >

>> > > > > I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to

>> my

>> > > > nada. It's so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it.

>> > > > > THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!)

>> > > > > My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a

>> nice

>> > > > turkey dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the

>> mashed

>> > > > potatoes, she says to me:

>> > > > > " So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete

>> Rose? " .

>> > > > > I say " What picture of Pete Rose? "

>> > > > > She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have

>> with

>> > > me

>> > > > and Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. "

>> > > > > I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's

>> > > > remarkable " (trying of course not to laugh).

>> > > > > She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet

>> him " .

>> > > > > I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know

>> who

>> > > Pete

>> > > > Rose was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you

>> took a

>> > > > photo with him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? "

>> > > > > She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or

>> > > something

>> > > > like that " .

>> > > > > I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my

>> > > rent,

>> > > > Mom " .

>> > > > > She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I

>> will

>> > > be

>> > > > the judge of that " .

>> > > > > Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly

>> misplaced it

>> > > in

>> > > > the 2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to

>> > > blame.

>> > > > But Pete Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not

>> Pete

>> > > Rose!

>> > > > >

>> > > >

>> > >

July 8, 2011

" For example, my nada would see me reading a book or watching TV with a

blank expression on my face (I was simply preoccupied) and she would say

something like, " What are you so angry about; you have no right to be pissed

off at me like that. " So she'd not only mis-perceive my neutral expression

as negative, she would believe my (nonexistent) negative feelings were

directed at herself. And I might get screamed at for a while because of it. "

OMG Annie. Yours too ROFL insanely banging my head up against the wall???

And by the time they are done accusing you and you are done trying to deny

it you really are pissed.Thanks a lot MOM.. I seriously want their Guide

Book! Don't forget to say, goodnight, hello, or goodbye.oh and watch the

tone in your voice too!

~~Velvet_Tears74~~

Whatever it takes.....

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of anuria67854

Sent: Friday, July 08, 2011 1:10 PM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: Re: A humorous story to brighten your BP-addled

day...

That is funny, in a sad way. My nada too would accuse me (and apparently

Sister and dad as well, in retrospect) of saying things we didn't say, doing

things we didn't do, or even thinking or feeling things that I wasn't

thinking or feeling, either. Its probably due to projecting and blaming,

which are part of the constellation of general personality disorder traits.

My Sister was permanently traumatized by being labeled a LIAR by our mother,

throughout her childhood. My dad was frequently accused of having affairs or

flirting with other women by nada.

What's sad is that they either can't comprehend or they don't care that

making false accusations like that is devastating to a child. As adults, we

can kind of shrug it off, sometimes, but when a child is subjected to false

accusations like that and even punished for it, its really cruel and can

severely derail the child's sense of self-worth and trust in other people.

For example, my nada would see me reading a book or watching TV with a blank

expression on my face (I was simply preoccupied) and she would say something

like, " What are you so angry about; you have no right to be pissed off at me

like that. " So she'd not only mis-perceive my neutral expression as

negative, she would believe my (nonexistent) negative feelings were directed

at herself. And I might get screamed at for a while because of it.

-Annie

>

> I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to my nada.

It's so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it.

> THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!)

> My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a nice turkey

dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the mashed potatoes,

she says to me:

> " So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete Rose? " .

> I say " What picture of Pete Rose? "

> She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have with me

and Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. "

> I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's

remarkable " (trying of course not to laugh).

> She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet him " .

> I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know who Pete

Rose was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you took a

photo with him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? "

> She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or something

like that " .

> I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my rent,

Mom " .

> She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I will be

the judge of that " .

> Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly misplaced it in

the 2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to blame.

But Pete Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not Pete Rose!

>

July 9, 2011

Oh, how I wish! My nada always threw that one up at me " I BREASTFED you from my

own body for a WHOLE MONTH " How effing embarrassing to have that fact thrown at

you as 'proof' that she 'sacrificed' for me. That alone gave her carte blanche

to wear the WORLD'S MOST SUFFERING MOTHER crown.

I love it, they can justify anything with just a little twisting!

>

> You know, its all because our mothers didn't breast feed us. That's the true

> reason why they have to leave us in hotel rooms, disinherit us and scream

> " you are not my daughter "

>

July 9, 2011

Ladies, it is the same Nada who told me this Pete Rose thing that also said she

was never close to me because she didn't breastfeed me. I thought I'd clarify

that for consistency's sake since we're on the topic of inconsistent behavior.

LOL.

At that same Thanksgiving dinner evening, she came up and told me out of the

blue that she was mad at me because I gave away a plastic flower pot 12 years

earlier that she had given to me as a gift. She knew I gave it away because she

had never seen me use it. I was like " Wow. You still remember a plastic flower

pot you gave me? Because I don't. " and she said " That's the problem. You don't

appreciate me or the things I buy for you. " So I said " OK, Mom. Thank you so

much for the 2 dollar plastic flower pot you gave me 12 years ago for no

apparent reason since I only recently have owned a plant, and clearly that made

such a good gift for me back then. I'm so sorry that you have felt unappreciated

for all these years because I gave it away or did whatever I did with it, as I

am not sure since I don't even recall getting it to begin with. I have to say,

though, I am shocked that you held onto that resentment for this long, because I

honestly didn't know that a flower pot was that important to you. " She told me

then that I hurt her feelings and stormed off.

Honestly, the amount of " gifts " this woman has given me over my lifetime, and

99% of them are nothing I would pick out for myself or even use/wear/display

because she has never gotten to know me, and even when I have made my tastes

abundantly clear, she sticks to the same unsavory menu. Anyone else have one of

those?

Charlotte

" Don't go to the hardware store looking for bread and then you won't be

disappointed when they don't have it " .

>

> I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to my nada.

It's so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it.

> THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!)

> My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a nice turkey

dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the mashed potatoes, she

says to me:

> " So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete Rose? " .

> I say " What picture of Pete Rose? "

> She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have with me and

Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. "

> I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's remarkable "

(trying of course not to laugh).

> She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet him " .

> I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know who Pete Rose

was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you took a photo with

him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? "

> She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or something like

that " .

> I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my rent, Mom " .

> She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I will be the

judge of that " .

> Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly misplaced it in the

2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to blame. But Pete

Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not Pete Rose!

>

July 9, 2011

oh yeah, anything she gives me as a gift she almost always wants back! She

bought a video camera for me and then a year later she says, I don't see you

using it, so I'd like to have it back, and I kept saying yeah ok, and hoped

she'd forget. She asked for it a few times more, but I guess gave up as she was

embarrassed at what my husband would think. She asked for a book she gave me,

but like a year later, I couldn't even remember what it was!

Shortly after I found out she was BPD I went into all my stuff and picked out

everything she had ever given me and just put it into bags and dropped it off at

her house (she was traveling at the time) - I just didn't want to be reminded of

her, and I didn't want to have her hang over me saying, I gave you this and

that, which is why you have to do this and that for me. She truly believes that

people only give to others if they get from others - it's never doing for

anyone's sake, it's all about tit for tat.

The funniest time is when she threw a baby shower for me, after the birth of

first child, of course it was at her house, and invited only her friends -

anyway, she actually KEPT some of the gifts that were meant for ME!!!!!! She

thought she had the full right to sit there opening all the gifts to see if she

liked any of them to take from me!!!

They are so psycho.

N

> Ladies, it is the same Nada who told me this Pete Rose thing that also said

she was never close to me because she didn't breastfeed me. I thought I'd

clarify that for consistency's sake since we're on the topic of inconsistent

behavior. LOL.

>

> At that same Thanksgiving dinner evening, she came up and told me out of the