Being NC is like being on a really hard diet...

[Guest guest]

I have been NC for almost 2 months now and while it felt great to be away from

my nada at first, I am now starting to have some difficult withdrawal pains.

While trying to explain to my husband what I am going through last night, the

best analogy I could come up with was what it was like to be on a tough diet.

When a new diet is begun, you have the energy for it and it feels great to be

away from food that makes you feel weighted down, but after a bit, the chocolate

or mac & cheese begins to call out to you and you miss the comfort of those

foods.

Going NC is just the same. At first, I felt great but recently, I miss the good

parts of my nada, the long conversations where we talk about our common

interests, or share a laugh. But unlike sneaking a bite of a forbidden food on a

diet, where the consequences only play out in dealing with a few extra calories,

going back to my nada, means having a taste of not only the good, but also the

bad. Unfortunately, I can't just snack on the parts of nada I enjoy for there is

a bitterness right below the sweet.

For those of you that have gone NC, how have you dealt with the withdrawal pains

of walking away from your nada and also those family members that are caught up

in her web as well? As the all bad child, I have lost not only my nada but also

the all good children of my brother and sister. Luckily I have a supportive

husband, children and two friends whom I have shared my situation with but

nobody really gets what it feels like to be dealing with this. Nobody has lived

what I have lived and understands what it feels like to love someone as toxic as

my nada. It really is hard. To love parts of my nada and be drawn in by her and

then have myself and my family be attacked by the toxic parts.

I told my nada that I was going NC for a year and I can see now how important

that time frame is. I will need every bit of that time to find my true self,

especially as I see how I am still experiencing her tug back to the fold even

after 2 months. Not that she has been contacting me, because she hasn't. She

seems to have walked away and shut the door as if saying " good riddance! " to me

and my terrible (her words) family. I intend to see out the year long NC and

hope that it will get easier as I go along.

Darcy

[Guest guest]

Hi Darcy, Congratulations on your big step. It sounds like after the two-month

honeymoon, you are realizing there's a void AN (After Nada. Joke). There's bound

to be. When the drama stops, the emotional cyclone exits, a KO can be left

staring at the shut, locked door, listening to the silence asking, " Where'd my

life go? What now? "

Here's my advice, which you asked for: get busy, really busy, filling the

After-Nada void with people and activities that give you what Nada never could.

Join a group, anything from crochet to sports to reading, and get out once a

week or more for a social. How about hubby? Would he be up for some line dancing

lessons, ballroom dancing, chess lessons? Check out MeetUp.com or study groups

offered at your local church, synagogue or atheists' organization. That void

must be filled because Nadas provide lots of drama to fill time. It's filled

negatively and unproductively, but it's filled. You are used to having frequent

adrenaline rushes thanks to Nada, and it sounds like your Nada could be quite

fun on a good day. If you don't fill your " fun quotient " with options other than

Nada, it's almost guaranteed you'll be sucked back into the vortex.

In my opinion, the longing you feel is a longing for your own life. When a KO

shuts the door on a BDP/NPD relationship, life awaits. The time is now to stop

staring at the closed door. Turn around and start walking INTO life. NC KOs have

the power to find and choose new pals, new things to do. We can design life

anew. If your Nada is anything like mine was, this blissful NC honeymoon will

soon morph into angry Nada stalking, calling and... you know the drill. Grab

this peaceful time and RUN headlong into life. Take hubby by the hand and pull

him along with you. Do this for a few months and you'll be a lot more protective

about giving up your precious life when Nada comes around, demanding it back via

tantrums, manipulation and Flying Monkeys.

All the best,

AFB

>

> I have been NC for almost 2 months now and while it felt great to be away from

my nada at first, I am now starting to have some difficult withdrawal pains.

While trying to explain to my husband what I am going through last night, the

best analogy I could come up with was what it was like to be on a tough diet.

When a new diet is begun, you have the energy for it and it feels great to be

away from food that makes you feel weighted down, but after a bit, the chocolate

or mac & cheese begins to call out to you and you miss the comfort of those

foods.

>

> Going NC is just the same. At first, I felt great but recently, I miss the

good parts of my nada, the long conversations where we talk about our common

interests, or share a laugh. But unlike sneaking a bite of a forbidden food on a

diet, where the consequences only play out in dealing with a few extra calories,

going back to my nada, means having a taste of not only the good, but also the

bad. Unfortunately, I can't just snack on the parts of nada I enjoy for there is

a bitterness right below the sweet.

>

> For those of you that have gone NC, how have you dealt with the withdrawal

pains of walking away from your nada and also those family members that are

caught up in her web as well? As the all bad child, I have lost not only my nada

but also the all good children of my brother and sister. Luckily I have a

supportive husband, children and two friends whom I have shared my situation

with but nobody really gets what it feels like to be dealing with this. Nobody

has lived what I have lived and understands what it feels like to love someone

as toxic as my nada. It really is hard. To love parts of my nada and be drawn in

by her and then have myself and my family be attacked by the toxic parts.

>

> I told my nada that I was going NC for a year and I can see now how important

that time frame is. I will need every bit of that time to find my true self,

especially as I see how I am still experiencing her tug back to the fold even

after 2 months. Not that she has been contacting me, because she hasn't. She

seems to have walked away and shut the door as if saying " good riddance! " to me

and my terrible (her words) family. I intend to see out the year long NC and

hope that it will get easier as I go along.

>

> Darcy

>

[Guest guest]

Hi AFB,

Thanks so much for your great advice. You hit the nail on the head when you said

what I am feeling is a longing for my life, not a desire for my old life with

nada. The good thing is that I already have a very social life to jump further

into with lots of incredible friends along with my family of husband and two

boys. Your advice just confirms to me that I need to jump into my life full on

and stay removed from my nada's life. Thanks for the heads up that my nada may

come a calling. Yes, it is important for me to get strong when so that if and

when she comes around I will not get pulled back in.

Thanks for lifting my spirits with your words...

Darcy

> >

> > I have been NC for almost 2 months now and while it felt great to be away

from my nada at first, I am now starting to have some difficult withdrawal

pains. While trying to explain to my husband what I am going through last night,

the best analogy I could come up with was what it was like to be on a tough

diet. When a new diet is begun, you have the energy for it and it feels great to

be away from food that makes you feel weighted down, but after a bit, the

chocolate or mac & cheese begins to call out to you and you miss the comfort of

those foods.

> >

> > Going NC is just the same. At first, I felt great but recently, I miss the

good parts of my nada, the long conversations where we talk about our common

interests, or share a laugh. But unlike sneaking a bite of a forbidden food on a

diet, where the consequences only play out in dealing with a few extra calories,

going back to my nada, means having a taste of not only the good, but also the

bad. Unfortunately, I can't just snack on the parts of nada I enjoy for there is

a bitterness right below the sweet.

> >

> > For those of you that have gone NC, how have you dealt with the withdrawal

pains of walking away from your nada and also those family members that are

caught up in her web as well? As the all bad child, I have lost not only my nada

but also the all good children of my brother and sister. Luckily I have a

supportive husband, children and two friends whom I have shared my situation

with but nobody really gets what it feels like to be dealing with this. Nobody

has lived what I have lived and understands what it feels like to love someone

as toxic as my nada. It really is hard. To love parts of my nada and be drawn in

by her and then have myself and my family be attacked by the toxic parts.

> >

> > I told my nada that I was going NC for a year and I can see now how

important that time frame is. I will need every bit of that time to find my true

self, especially as I see how I am still experiencing her tug back to the fold

even after 2 months. Not that she has been contacting me, because she hasn't.

She seems to have walked away and shut the door as if saying " good riddance! " to

me and my terrible (her words) family. I intend to see out the year long NC and

hope that it will get easier as I go along.

> >

> > Darcy

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Darcy:

It will get easier. The guilt is incredible, but for me there was this payoff:

when I did eventually decide to go LC with my mom, she respected me SO MUCH more

than she used to.

Even my BPD bro said " I thought you were weak, and expected you to crumble and

come back to us, and then I finally realized you were THRIVING without us. "

The more distance, the more strength. Also remember that closing that door now

doesn't necessarily mean forever. I shut mine for about seven years.

But for a couple a years now I've had mostly light phone talks with my mom about

politics, current events, books, humorous stories, etc. This works for us, but

you my find NC better for you, or some other form of LC over time.

But really, give it time. Get so far away that when you come back you see all

the crazy for what it is and instantly, utterly reject it.

My mom and I had to talk about some hard family stuff last night for example,

and she started up the crazy machine, but I was able to clearly see and rebut

each comment, stay mostly calm, express anger non-destructively, and walk away

guilt-free and feeling strong.

I'm still NC with my BPD bro, who presents much more of an threat to me.

Sounds like you have a great life, I'm sure you'll figure this part out too.

Letty

> > >

> > > I have been NC for almost 2 months now and while it felt great to be away

from my nada at first, I am now starting to have some difficult withdrawal

pains. While trying to explain to my husband what I am going through last night,

the best analogy I could come up with was what it was like to be on a tough

diet. When a new diet is begun, you have the energy for it and it feels great to

be away from food that makes you feel weighted down, but after a bit, the

chocolate or mac & cheese begins to call out to you and you miss the comfort of

those foods.

> > >

> > > Going NC is just the same. At first, I felt great but recently, I miss the

good parts of my nada, the long conversations where we talk about our common

interests, or share a laugh. But unlike sneaking a bite of a forbidden food on a

diet, where the consequences only play out in dealing with a few extra calories,

going back to my nada, means having a taste of not only the good, but also the

bad. Unfortunately, I can't just snack on the parts of nada I enjoy for there is

a bitterness right below the sweet.

> > >

> > > For those of you that have gone NC, how have you dealt with the withdrawal

pains of walking away from your nada and also those family members that are

caught up in her web as well? As the all bad child, I have lost not only my nada

but also the all good children of my brother and sister. Luckily I have a

supportive husband, children and two friends whom I have shared my situation

with but nobody really gets what it feels like to be dealing with this. Nobody

has lived what I have lived and understands what it feels like to love someone

as toxic as my nada. It really is hard. To love parts of my nada and be drawn in

by her and then have myself and my family be attacked by the toxic parts.

> > >

> > > I told my nada that I was going NC for a year and I can see now how

important that time frame is. I will need every bit of that time to find my true

self, especially as I see how I am still experiencing her tug back to the fold

even after 2 months. Not that she has been contacting me, because she hasn't.

She seems to have walked away and shut the door as if saying " good riddance! " to

me and my terrible (her words) family. I intend to see out the year long NC and

hope that it will get easier as I go along.

> > >

> > > Darcy

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Darcy,

I have been NC for a year and a half now and I went through the same exact thing

you are describing. A few months into it I also started to have the same

feelings of withdrawal like you said. I missed the good parts of nada, although

they were few and far between I did miss them. I doubted myself and wondered if

I was doing the right thing many times. In a way it was like I was mourning her.

I kind of had to just tell myself that she was gone and accept that I was never

going to have a healthy relationship with her. I literally had to go through the

5 stages of grief after my decision of going NC.

Denial, I thought maybe Nada wasn't being so bad and I was being to hard on her

or thought maybe I shouldn't because a part of me does feel sorry for her.

Anger, when I came to my senses and thought of all the hell I had been through

in my life due to Nada I was so angry. I was furious that a person could do

things like that to another person let alone a mother to her child. Bargaining,

I actually gave Nada an ultimatum to prevent me from going NC that she needed

drug/alcohol rehab, personal counseling and that we needed to go to a family

counselor as well. She refused. Depression, it was brief but I feel like I would

walk to the ends of the earth and back if it meant seeing my children and was

sad that she would rather be NC than agree to counseling. It was a big wake up

call of how important her own daughter and grand-children were to her. Finally,

acceptance. I have finally accepted that I will never have the relationship with

her that I would like. My children will never know their grandmother because I

refuse to let them know or experience any of her abuse.

The first year is rough, but I am so glad that I stuck with it because my life

has improved drastically. I get fewer migraines and have less anxiety. My

relationship with my husband is better than ever. I have more time to spend with

friends and extended family and I appreciate it all so much more. The FOG is

gone and I just find life to be so much more enjoyable.

Good luck to you NC friend!

>

> I have been NC for almost 2 months now and while it felt great to be away from

my nada at first, I am now starting to have some difficult withdrawal pains.

While trying to explain to my husband what I am going through last night, the

best analogy I could come up with was what it was like to be on a tough diet.

When a new diet is begun, you have the energy for it and it feels great to be

away from food that makes you feel weighted down, but after a bit, the chocolate

or mac & cheese begins to call out to you and you miss the comfort of those

foods.

>

> Going NC is just the same. At first, I felt great but recently, I miss the

good parts of my nada, the long conversations where we talk about our common

interests, or share a laugh. But unlike sneaking a bite of a forbidden food on a

diet, where the consequences only play out in dealing with a few extra calories,

going back to my nada, means having a taste of not only the good, but also the

bad. Unfortunately, I can't just snack on the parts of nada I enjoy for there is

a bitterness right below the sweet.

>

> For those of you that have gone NC, how have you dealt with the withdrawal

pains of walking away from your nada and also those family members that are

caught up in her web as well? As the all bad child, I have lost not only my nada

but also the all good children of my brother and sister. Luckily I have a

supportive husband, children and two friends whom I have shared my situation

with but nobody really gets what it feels like to be dealing with this. Nobody

has lived what I have lived and understands what it feels like to love someone

as toxic as my nada. It really is hard. To love parts of my nada and be drawn in

by her and then have myself and my family be attacked by the toxic parts.

>

> I told my nada that I was going NC for a year and I can see now how important

that time frame is. I will need every bit of that time to find my true self,

especially as I see how I am still experiencing her tug back to the fold even

after 2 months. Not that she has been contacting me, because she hasn't. She

seems to have walked away and shut the door as if saying " good riddance! " to me

and my terrible (her words) family. I intend to see out the year long NC and

hope that it will get easier as I go along.

>

> Darcy

>

[Guest guest]

AFB truly did hit the nail on the head. Enjoy the Honeymoon! Mine ended as well

and a few months into NC started the angry nada stalking. We moved (not because

of Nada, but it helped that she no longer had our address), blocked her from

being able to call or text us and changed my email address because it got so

bad. Even to this day, a year and a half after going NC she will send a letter

or make a phone call to my in-laws house because that is the only way she knows

how to get in touch with me and the letters are never friendly. The attempts do

get farther and farther apart though and it does get easier to deal with.

> > >

> > > I have been NC for almost 2 months now and while it felt great to be away

from my nada at first, I am now starting to have some difficult withdrawal

pains. While trying to explain to my husband what I am going through last night,

the best analogy I could come up with was what it was like to be on a tough

diet. When a new diet is begun, you have the energy for it and it feels great to

be away from food that makes you feel weighted down, but after a bit, the

chocolate or mac & cheese begins to call out to you and you miss the comfort of

those foods.

> > >

> > > Going NC is just the same. At first, I felt great but recently, I miss the

good parts of my nada, the long conversations where we talk about our common

interests, or share a laugh. But unlike sneaking a bite of a forbidden food on a

diet, where the consequences only play out in dealing with a few extra calories,

going back to my nada, means having a taste of not only the good, but also the

bad. Unfortunately, I can't just snack on the parts of nada I enjoy for there is

a bitterness right below the sweet.

> > >

> > > For those of you that have gone NC, how have you dealt with the withdrawal

pains of walking away from your nada and also those family members that are

caught up in her web as well? As the all bad child, I have lost not only my nada

but also the all good children of my brother and sister. Luckily I have a

supportive husband, children and two friends whom I have shared my situation

with but nobody really gets what it feels like to be dealing with this. Nobody

has lived what I have lived and understands what it feels like to love someone

as toxic as my nada. It really is hard. To love parts of my nada and be drawn in

by her and then have myself and my family be attacked by the toxic parts.

> > >

> > > I told my nada that I was going NC for a year and I can see now how

important that time frame is. I will need every bit of that time to find my true

self, especially as I see how I am still experiencing her tug back to the fold

even after 2 months. Not that she has been contacting me, because she hasn't.

She seems to have walked away and shut the door as if saying " good riddance! " to

me and my terrible (her words) family. I intend to see out the year long NC and

hope that it will get easier as I go along.

> > >

> > > Darcy

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Withdrawal pains is a great description. Kuddos to you for such accurate

articulation. It is not love they offer, but addictions and when someone breaks

from the addictions, withdrawal is the natural bi-product. For me, it wasn't

like a hard diet. It was like cutting out herion or something. Every nerve fiber

in my body hurt at times and then the social ramifications from people not

understanding how I could be so 'cruel' to my mother compounded the problem. It

is one thing to give up heroin. It is another thing to give up the image that

heroin was good for me and the friends/relatives I made on the junky path. They

were not good for me. They are illusions. They had to leave too and in the

interim, it was painful feeling like I had rejected the woman who gave birth to

me. What a brat was I? How ungrateful! But it isn't that. This is an illness

that calls rage addictions love. It calls evil good and good evil and it calls

hate love and love hate. If you are smart enough to know the difference, you

are lightyears ahead of a lot of members of these sorts of families. They don't

want to see the problems. If a person sees the problems then they have to do

something about it. It's so much easier for the 'all black'/all bad child to

just shut up and take what is doled out versus actually getting out the comfort

of their own dysfunctions and realizing you are a person too and you deserve

your own support system and you are not an appendage to someone else's mental

illness.

It does get easier. It gets easier b/c the further away you get, the more you

can see the nada's goodness and then you can continue to do like healthy people

do and see what's good about life and people even if the sicko in your life

can't. But they will always be sick. If you ever decide to go LC like I did

after my break away, it is with a different view. Once you go NC for a while, it

is as though I've never looked at her as a mother again. It was easier to just

love her with her mental illness issues versus pretend as I had to do for most

of my life that she was a real mother. And KOs do need to pretend it was a real

mother. The pain of realizing one doesn't have a mother is excruciating.

Sometimes it felt like it would be easier if she had a physical death as at

least then people would not judge or try to pull you back or you'd know the end

of the road. But really, they wish they were dead too and that extremes of

emotions is a reflections of the deep shame that lay doormant. Removing one's

self as the target does not mean the addiction goes away. Eventually nada will

have to find someone else to dub all bad as they, the BP, has the most

extraordinary time looking in the mirror and healing as they don't have an

identity. It is an addiction to rage and shame is the root. You are weaning

yourself away from the shame and so the good things will pop up and they are

real. People with BPD still have personalities underneath. They are just often

times deadly for those closest to them or those they dub the bad side of their

personality.

Keep up the good work. I know it is hard. It is worth it though...not as a

punishment to her for all the crap she's ever doled out to you, but because you

deserve the right to a good life, a full life outside of mental illness. As long

as you can remember this is about you getting you healthy, then it is easier to

stay away while you heal. Best wishes.

>

> I have been NC for almost 2 months now and while it felt great to be away from

my nada at first, I am now starting to have some difficult withdrawal pains.

While trying to explain to my husband what I am going through last night, the

best analogy I could come up with was what it was like to be on a tough diet.

When a new diet is begun, you have the energy for it and it feels great to be

away from food that makes you feel weighted down, but after a bit, the chocolate

or mac & cheese begins to call out to you and you miss the comfort of those

foods.

>

> Going NC is just the same. At first, I felt great but recently, I miss the

good parts of my nada, the long conversations where we talk about our common

interests, or share a laugh. But unlike sneaking a bite of a forbidden food on a

diet, where the consequences only play out in dealing with a few extra calories,

going back to my nada, means having a taste of not only the good, but also the

bad. Unfortunately, I can't just snack on the parts of nada I enjoy for there is

a bitterness right below the sweet.

>

> For those of you that have gone NC, how have you dealt with the withdrawal

pains of walking away from your nada and also those family members that are

caught up in her web as well? As the all bad child, I have lost not only my nada

but also the all good children of my brother and sister. Luckily I have a

supportive husband, children and two friends whom I have shared my situation

with but nobody really gets what it feels like to be dealing with this. Nobody

has lived what I have lived and understands what it feels like to love someone

as toxic as my nada. It really is hard. To love parts of my nada and be drawn in

by her and then have myself and my family be attacked by the toxic parts.

>

> I told my nada that I was going NC for a year and I can see now how important

that time frame is. I will need every bit of that time to find my true self,

especially as I see how I am still experiencing her tug back to the fold even

after 2 months. Not that she has been contacting me, because she hasn't. She

seems to have walked away and shut the door as if saying " good riddance! " to me

and my terrible (her words) family. I intend to see out the year long NC and

hope that it will get easier as I go along.

>

> Darcy

>

[Guest guest]

Whoo Lonewolfe, clap clap! You told a story that took me three times around the

dance floor! That was a bright light you shone, and quite an " autopsy " of

BPD.Thank you, I loved it and needed to hear it. Darcy, you're an inspiring

example of the hard work and effort it takes to go NC--but it's easy to see it's

paying off for you. Good going and keep telling your story, please.

AFB

> >

> > I have been NC for almost 2 months now and while it felt great to be away

from my nada at first, I am now starting to have some difficult withdrawal

pains. While trying to explain to my husband what I am going through last night,

the best analogy I could come up with was what it was like to be on a tough

diet. When a new diet is begun, you have the energy for it and it feels great to

be away from food that makes you feel weighted down, but after a bit, the

chocolate or mac & cheese begins to call out to you and you miss the comfort of

those foods.

> >

> > Going NC is just the same. At first, I felt great but recently, I miss the

good parts of my nada, the long conversations where we talk about our common

interests, or share a laugh. But unlike sneaking a bite of a forbidden food on a

diet, where the consequences only play out in dealing with a few extra calories,

going back to my nada, means having a taste of not only the good, but also the

bad. Unfortunately, I can't just snack on the parts of nada I enjoy for there is

a bitterness right below the sweet.

> >

> > For those of you that have gone NC, how have you dealt with the withdrawal

pains of walking away from your nada and also those family members that are

caught up in her web as well? As the all bad child, I have lost not only my nada

but also the all good children of my brother and sister. Luckily I have a

supportive husband, children and two friends whom I have shared my situation

with but nobody really gets what it feels like to be dealing with this. Nobody

has lived what I have lived and understands what it feels like to love someone

as toxic as my nada. It really is hard. To love parts of my nada and be drawn in

by her and then have myself and my family be attacked by the toxic parts.

> >

> > I told my nada that I was going NC for a year and I can see now how

important that time frame is. I will need every bit of that time to find my true

self, especially as I see how I am still experiencing her tug back to the fold

even after 2 months. Not that she has been contacting me, because she hasn't.

She seems to have walked away and shut the door as if saying " good riddance! " to

me and my terrible (her words) family. I intend to see out the year long NC and

hope that it will get easier as I go along.

> >

> > Darcy

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your response Lone Wolf!

Going NC for me was all about getting healthy, not punishing my nada. In fact

when I think of my nada, I send wishes for her to get healthy as well, if that

is even possible. I still do love my nada, I just can't let her run my life and

spew venom on my family anymore. Going NC is a much needed separation in order

for me to find myself and be me. Yes, it is painful, like giving up on an

addiction.

For me if I would have decided to go NC due to anger or a desire to punish, I

would've ended up putting so much energy into the wrong places rather than

healing myself.

In regard to people judging me, I have been careful to only share my situation

with two close friends who understand my situation and my husband and boys. That

way I don't have to explain my side of the story to those who may not understand

my decision to go NC.

Thanks for the support! It certainly does help to hear from those that have been

there...

Darcy

> >

> > I have been NC for almost 2 months now and while it felt great to be away

from my nada at first, I am now starting to have some difficult withdrawal

pains. While trying to explain to my husband what I am going through last night,

the best analogy I could come up with was what it was like to be on a tough

diet. When a new diet is begun, you have the energy for it and it feels great to

be away from food that makes you feel weighted down, but after a bit, the

chocolate or mac & cheese begins to call out to you and you miss the comfort of

those foods.

> >

> > Going NC is just the same. At first, I felt great but recently, I miss the

good parts of my nada, the long conversations where we talk about our common

interests, or share a laugh. But unlike sneaking a bite of a forbidden food on a

diet, where the consequences only play out in dealing with a few extra calories,

going back to my nada, means having a taste of not only the good, but also the

bad. Unfortunately, I can't just snack on the parts of nada I enjoy for there is

a bitterness right below the sweet.

> >

> > For those of you that have gone NC, how have you dealt with the withdrawal

pains of walking away from your nada and also those family members that are

caught up in her web as well? As the all bad child, I have lost not only my nada

but also the all good children of my brother and sister. Luckily I have a

supportive husband, children and two friends whom I have shared my situation

with but nobody really gets what it feels like to be dealing with this. Nobody

has lived what I have lived and understands what it feels like to love someone

as toxic as my nada. It really is hard. To love parts of my nada and be drawn in

by her and then have myself and my family be attacked by the toxic parts.

> >

> > I told my nada that I was going NC for a year and I can see now how

important that time frame is. I will need every bit of that time to find my true

self, especially as I see how I am still experiencing her tug back to the fold

even after 2 months. Not that she has been contacting me, because she hasn't.

She seems to have walked away and shut the door as if saying " good riddance! " to

me and my terrible (her words) family. I intend to see out the year long NC and

hope that it will get easier as I go along.

> >

> > Darcy

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Letty,

Thanks for mentioning the positive result of going NC. I would love for my nada

to someday see the light but I am not holding my breath over it. Glad that some

good came of your situation.

I loved how you mentioned that when you get away from the crazy making stuff,

you can see it for what it is. I am experiencing that already just by how calm

and positive my life feels now. No more drama! No more listening to my nada tell

me about all of the people that have done her wrong (including me)! No more

trying to rescue her and find new friends for her after she has rejected

everyone else. No more listening to her run my relatives into the ground or her

granddaughter (my brother's daughter, not mine). It was so draining to listen to

her and try and help her. To try and show her the good. Ugh! I will stop...don't

need to bring this into my life again.

So thanks for the support!

Darcy

> > > >

> > > > I have been NC for almost 2 months now and while it felt great to be

away from my nada at first, I am now starting to have some difficult withdrawal

pains. While trying to explain to my husband what I am going through last night,

the best analogy I could come up with was what it was like to be on a tough

diet. When a new diet is begun, you have the energy for it and it feels great to

be away from food that makes you feel weighted down, but after a bit, the

chocolate or mac & cheese begins to call out to you and you miss the comfort of

those foods.

> > > >

> > > > Going NC is just the same. At first, I felt great but recently, I miss

the good parts of my nada, the long conversations where we talk about our common

interests, or share a laugh. But unlike sneaking a bite of a forbidden food on a

diet, where the consequences only play out in dealing with a few extra calories,

going back to my nada, means having a taste of not only the good, but also the

bad. Unfortunately, I can't just snack on the parts of nada I enjoy for there is

a bitterness right below the sweet.

> > > >

> > > > For those of you that have gone NC, how have you dealt with the

withdrawal pains of walking away from your nada and also those family members

that are caught up in her web as well? As the all bad child, I have lost not

only my nada but also the all good children of my brother and sister. Luckily I

have a supportive husband, children and two friends whom I have shared my

situation with but nobody really gets what it feels like to be dealing with

this. Nobody has lived what I have lived and understands what it feels like to

love someone as toxic as my nada. It really is hard. To love parts of my nada

and be drawn in by her and then have myself and my family be attacked by the

toxic parts.

> > > >

> > > > I told my nada that I was going NC for a year and I can see now how

important that time frame is. I will need every bit of that time to find my true

self, especially as I see how I am still experiencing her tug back to the fold

even after 2 months. Not that she has been contacting me, because she hasn't.

She seems to have walked away and shut the door as if saying " good riddance! " to

me and my terrible (her words) family. I intend to see out the year long NC and

hope that it will get easier as I go along.

> > > >

> > > > Darcy

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Pandasmom,

Thanks for your response. Gosh, I am right there with you! Not able to

understand why my nada would rather walk away from her daughter and grandsons

than try and work things out. Especially hard to understand when so many people

tell me how wonderful my boys are. And like you, I would walk a hundred miles to

work things out with my children if ever there was a conflict. Proof I suppose

that mental illness is at work when a nada would rather walk than stay and be in

relationship with her family.

Two days ago I sat and did some writing on the stages of grief around BPD and

found it very helpful. Just understanding what I am going through by going NC is

helpful. Just knowing it will get better with time helps as well.

Thanks for your insights! I appreciate them!

Darcy

> >

> > I have been NC for almost 2 months now and while it felt great to be away

from my nada at first, I am now starting to have some difficult withdrawal

pains. While trying to explain to my husband what I am going through last night,

the best analogy I could come up with was what it was like to be on a tough

diet. When a new diet is begun, you have the energy for it and it feels great to

be away from food that makes you feel weighted down, but after a bit, the

chocolate or mac & cheese begins to call out to you and you miss the comfort of

those foods.

> >

> > Going NC is just the same. At first, I felt great but recently, I miss the

good parts of my nada, the long conversations where we talk about our common

interests, or share a laugh. But unlike sneaking a bite of a forbidden food on a

diet, where the consequences only play out in dealing with a few extra calories,

going back to my nada, means having a taste of not only the good, but also the

bad. Unfortunately, I can't just snack on the parts of nada I enjoy for there is

a bitterness right below the sweet.

> >

> > For those of you that have gone NC, how have you dealt with the withdrawal

pains of walking away from your nada and also those family members that are

caught up in her web as well? As the all bad child, I have lost not only my nada

but also the all good children of my brother and sister. Luckily I have a

supportive husband, children and two friends whom I have shared my situation

with but nobody really gets what it feels like to be dealing with this. Nobody

has lived what I have lived and understands what it feels like to love someone

as toxic as my nada. It really is hard. To love parts of my nada and be drawn in

by her and then have myself and my family be attacked by the toxic parts.

> >

> > I told my nada that I was going NC for a year and I can see now how

important that time frame is. I will need every bit of that time to find my true

self, especially as I see how I am still experiencing her tug back to the fold

even after 2 months. Not that she has been contacting me, because she hasn't.

She seems to have walked away and shut the door as if saying " good riddance! " to

me and my terrible (her words) family. I intend to see out the year long NC and

hope that it will get easier as I go along.

> >

> > Darcy

> >

>