Guest guest Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 Retrofit, your story about the flowerpot reminds me of something my nada does that makes me crazy - I call it the ambush. There you'll be having what seems to be a normal nice conversation, maybe even in a good mood and then WHAM - all the sudden she brings up this terrible hurt you did to her last week, last year, years ago and demands that you own it and make it right for her. I absolutely hate that! They see nothing wrong with this behavior either. I can understand having an issue from the past because I've got a lot of them with my nada, but if I were to bring it up I wouldn't attack her with it out of nowhere in the middle of a casual conversation. It's crazy! I mean really, were you expecting to get hit with that flower pot 12 years later? (Okay I just got the funniest image there..) I'm wondering if this is part of BPD or something else? Eliza > > > > I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to my nada. It's so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it. > > THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!) > > My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a nice turkey dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the mashed potatoes, she says to me: > > " So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete Rose? " . > > I say " What picture of Pete Rose? " > > She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have with me and Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. " > > I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's remarkable " (trying of course not to laugh). > > She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet him " . > > I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know who Pete Rose was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you took a photo with him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? " > > She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or something like that " . > > I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my rent, Mom " . > > She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I will be the judge of that " . > > Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly misplaced it in the 2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to blame. But Pete Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not Pete Rose! > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 Hi, I'm just a newbie here, but the story is interesting. I had almost same situations with my parents. I mean not always the sudden part, but the cruelty part. The cruelty that they will do not forgive me ever for anything. I don't know it is a BPD behavior or not, but if somebody knows please tell me too. I had/have at least one BPD parent, nada, maybe fada too, but I'm not sure. I'm still questioning myself, as I do it always, and I'm still afraid something wrong with me as they have told me everytime. And that's true, something is surely wrong with me having BPD parent, but that is not me who needs severe psychiatric treatment. But I'm still not sure if they have BPD or not? How can I be sure? Because there are no special signs for it. There are some signs, but these signs can be seen sometimes in anyone's behavior. But what is sure that I am very angry of them because they were borderless, I was their property. No feelings, but I got emotional and physical punishment regularly. And shouting with me every day. I felt like they wanted to eradicate my soul. To completely demolish it to became a zombie which acts without feelings to fulfill the rules to make them happy and to be a good boy. That's my life in short. It was so shameful and nefarious and humiliating and cruel and coarse that I can not tell it to you. Sorry for reacting so long, your story brought up some memory of my childhood and feelings too. Funny that I realized that maybe I have nada during watching TV. There was a nada in the series Law & Order in an episode, and I realized my nada's behavior in it (which I did not realized ever before). Now I'm reading the book Surviving a borderline parent to get more info about that. And new hope to be here, maybe someone will understand my feelings here in the list first time in my life. B. the emotional ambush Retrofit, your story about the flowerpot reminds me of something my nada does that makes me crazy - I call it the ambush. There you'll be having what seems to be a normal nice conversation, maybe even in a good mood and then WHAM - all the sudden she brings up this terrible hurt you did to her last week, last year, years ago and demands that you own it and make it right for her. I absolutely hate that! They see nothing wrong with this behavior either. I can understand having an issue from the past because I've got a lot of them with my nada, but if I were to bring it up I wouldn't attack her with it out of nowhere in the middle of a casual conversation. It's crazy! I mean really, were you expecting to get hit with that flower pot 12 years later? (Okay I just got the funniest image there..) I'm wondering if this is part of BPD or something else? Eliza > > > > I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to my nada. It's so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it. > > THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!) > > My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a nice turkey dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the mashed potatoes, she says to me: > > " So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete Rose? " . > > I say " What picture of Pete Rose? " > > She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have with me and Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. " > > I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's remarkable " (trying of course not to laugh). > > She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet him " . > > I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know who Pete Rose was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you took a photo with him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? " > > She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or something like that " . > > I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my rent, Mom " . > > She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I will be the judge of that " . > > Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly misplaced it in the 2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to blame. But Pete Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not Pete Rose! > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 Eliza It has to be part of BPD because my nada did this all the time to me. Out of the blue during a normal conversation she'd start on something I did a week ago and by the end of the whole bitch session she would blame me for things I did at 3 and up. Sometimes these sessions would last up to 6 hours. Yes I sat through them.why .because I was just as disturbed as she was! Co-Dependency does that! I'm liking the NC so far even though I feel guilty..it's only been 5 weeks.but a peaceful 5 weeks. ~~Velvet_Tears74~~ Whatever it takes..... From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of eliza92@... Sent: Saturday, July 09, 2011 4:22 AM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: the emotional ambush Retrofit, your story about the flowerpot reminds me of something my nada does that makes me crazy - I call it the ambush. There you'll be having what seems to be a normal nice conversation, maybe even in a good mood and then WHAM - all the sudden she brings up this terrible hurt you did to her last week, last year, years ago and demands that you own it and make it right for her. I absolutely hate that! They see nothing wrong with this behavior either. I can understand having an issue from the past because I've got a lot of them with my nada, but if I were to bring it up I wouldn't attack her with it out of nowhere in the middle of a casual conversation. It's crazy! I mean really, were you expecting to get hit with that flower pot 12 years later? (Okay I just got the funniest image there..) I'm wondering if this is part of BPD or something else? Eliza > > > > I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to my nada. It's so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it. > > THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!) > > My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a nice turkey dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the mashed potatoes, she says to me: > > " So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete Rose? " . > > I say " What picture of Pete Rose? " > > She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have with me and Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. " > > I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's remarkable " (trying of course not to laugh). > > She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet him " . > > I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know who Pete Rose was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you took a photo with him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? " > > She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or something like that " . > > I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my rent, Mom " . > > She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I will be the judge of that " . > > Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly misplaced it in the 2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to blame. But Pete Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not Pete Rose! > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 Yeah Eliza, you too?? That's part of what keeps me from having any kind of normal relationship with nada. I can't relax b/c I know she'll bring up something from the past that hurt her, whether I did it or my brother or my father. Someone in her little circle. And then she'll gnaw on that bone for the rest of the conversation. No they don't see anything wrong with it; they're just " expressing themselves. " > > > > > > I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to my nada. It's so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it. > > > THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!) > > > My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a nice turkey dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the mashed potatoes, she says to me: > > > " So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete Rose? " . > > > I say " What picture of Pete Rose? " > > > She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have with me and Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. " > > > I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's remarkable " (trying of course not to laugh). > > > She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet him " . > > > I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know who Pete Rose was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you took a photo with him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? " > > > She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or something like that " . > > > I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my rent, Mom " . > > > She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I will be the judge of that " . > > > Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly misplaced it in the 2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to blame. But Pete Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not Pete Rose! > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 The story as my mother tells it: When I was four years old, my parents took me to the circus and spent every cent they had on circus goodies and souvenirs. When we were leaving, I wanted a balloon and couldn't understand that they had no money to buy one, so I threw a tantrum. My nada brought this up again and again, as long as she lived, as proof that I was selfish, ungrateful, wicked, spiteful, unloving, evil, etc. She brought it up not only just in front of me, but in front of other family members, and my friends. Whenever I'd say or do something she didn't agree with, or didn't fit her idea of what I should do or say, she'd bring up the tantrum-at-the-circus story My God, I was FOUR YEARS OLD!!!! > ** > > > Hi, > > I'm just a newbie here, but the story is interesting. I had almost same > situations with my parents. I mean not always the sudden part, but the > cruelty part. The cruelty that they will do not forgive me ever for > anything. > I don't know it is a BPD behavior or not, but if somebody knows please tell > me too. > I had/have at least one BPD parent, nada, maybe fada too, but I'm not sure. > I'm still questioning myself, as I do it always, and I'm still afraid > something wrong with me as they have told me everytime. > And that's true, something is surely wrong with me having BPD parent, but > that is not me who needs severe psychiatric treatment. > But I'm still not sure if they have BPD or not? How can I be sure? Because > there are no special signs for it. There are some signs, but these signs can > be seen sometimes in anyone's behavior. > But what is sure that I am very angry of them because they were borderless, > I was their property. No feelings, but I got emotional and physical > punishment regularly. And shouting with me every day. I felt like they > wanted to eradicate my soul. To completely demolish it to became a zombie > which acts without feelings to fulfill the rules to make them happy and to > be a good boy. That's my life in short. It was so shameful and nefarious and > humiliating and cruel and coarse that I can not tell it to you. > > Sorry for reacting so long, your story brought up some memory of my > childhood and feelings too. > > Funny that I realized that maybe I have nada during watching TV. There was > a nada in the series Law & Order in an episode, and I realized my nada's > behavior in it (which I did not realized ever before). Now I'm reading the > book Surviving a borderline parent to get more info about that. > > And new hope to be here, maybe someone will understand my feelings here in > the list first time in my life. > > B. > > > the emotional ambush > > Retrofit, your story about the flowerpot reminds me of something my nada > does that makes me crazy - I call it the ambush. There you'll be having what > seems to be a normal nice conversation, maybe even in a good mood and then > WHAM - all the sudden she brings up this terrible hurt you did to her last > week, last year, years ago and demands that you own it and make it right for > her. I absolutely hate that! They see nothing wrong with this behavior > either. > > I can understand having an issue from the past because I've got a lot of > them with my nada, but if I were to bring it up I wouldn't attack her with > it out of nowhere in the middle of a casual conversation. It's crazy! I mean > really, were you expecting to get hit with that flower pot 12 years later? > (Okay I just got the funniest image there..) > > I'm wondering if this is part of BPD or something else? > > Eliza > > > > > > > > I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to my > nada. It's so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it. > > > THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!) > > > My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a nice > turkey dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the mashed > potatoes, she says to me: > > > " So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete Rose? " . > > > I say " What picture of Pete Rose? " > > > She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have with > me and Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. " > > > I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's > remarkable " (trying of course not to laugh). > > > She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet him " . > > > I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know who > Pete Rose was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you took a > photo with him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? " > > > She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or > something like that " . > > > I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my > rent, Mom " . > > > She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I will > be the judge of that " . > > > Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly misplaced it > in the 2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to > blame. But Pete Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not Pete > Rose! > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 Yep, sounds like typical nada behavior to dredge up a childhood incident (that was just normal behavior for a small child) and shame you over it to punish you. -Annie > > > > > > > > I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to my > > nada. It's so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it. > > > > THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!) > > > > My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a nice > > turkey dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the mashed > > potatoes, she says to me: > > > > " So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete Rose? " . > > > > I say " What picture of Pete Rose? " > > > > She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have with > > me and Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. " > > > > I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's > > remarkable " (trying of course not to laugh). > > > > She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet him " . > > > > I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know who > > Pete Rose was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you took a > > photo with him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? " > > > > She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or > > something like that " . > > > > I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my > > rent, Mom " . > > > > She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I will > > be the judge of that " . > > > > Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly misplaced it > > in the 2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to > > blame. But Pete Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not Pete > > Rose! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 I think the reason why your nada brought up that old story is that she wanted the feel her power. And if one hasn't got any power, needs to take away from somebody. This can be done with a child easily. Just need humiliation to make shame felt which will hold back the child to act spontaneously. If this is achieved then the parent has power over the child without borders. This is what my parents did through my whole life. They ashamed me in a various way as an emotional punishment. If that was not enough they had hit me. With these technics they took away my power to be myself. I had to act to avoid punishment. So if your nada ashamed you with something, and she sees it is now a sensitive button on you, and she got into a situtation when she needs to feel her power then she will just press this button on you to make her feel her power. So you are just the bread what she eats in an emotional way. That's my view, my guess. At least my both parents did that with me all the time, and your story sounds very similar to me. So I have some similar tantrum-at-the-circus stories. And when nada brings it up to me or to anyone, I feel ashamed and humiliated, and ask that how can I be blamed if I was a child? So it's a shameful feeling to me. But how to get rid of it? Anybody knows it? B. the emotional ambush >> >> Retrofit, your story about the flowerpot reminds me of something my nada >> does that makes me crazy - I call it the ambush. There you'll be having >> what >> seems to be a normal nice conversation, maybe even in a good mood and >> then >> WHAM - all the sudden she brings up this terrible hurt you did to her >> last >> week, last year, years ago and demands that you own it and make it right >> for >> her. I absolutely hate that! They see nothing wrong with this behavior >> either. >> >> I can understand having an issue from the past because I've got a lot of >> them with my nada, but if I were to bring it up I wouldn't attack her >> with >> it out of nowhere in the middle of a casual conversation. It's crazy! I >> mean >> really, were you expecting to get hit with that flower pot 12 years >> later? >> (Okay I just got the funniest image there..) >> >> I'm wondering if this is part of BPD or something else? >> >> Eliza >> >> >> > > >> > > I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to my >> nada. It's so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it. >> > > THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!) >> > > My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a nice >> turkey dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the mashed >> potatoes, she says to me: >> > > " So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete >> > > Rose? " . >> > > I say " What picture of Pete Rose? " >> > > She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have >> > > with >> me and Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. " >> > > I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's >> remarkable " (trying of course not to laugh). >> > > She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet >> > > him " . >> > > I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know who >> Pete Rose was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you >> took a >> photo with him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? " >> > > She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or >> something like that " . >> > > I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my >> rent, Mom " . >> > > She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I will >> be the judge of that " . >> > > Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly misplaced >> > > it >> in the 2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to >> blame. But Pete Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not >> Pete >> Rose! >> > > >> > > >> > >> >> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 9, 2011 Report Share Posted July 9, 2011 Annie that's exactly what I thought about Judy's story. And if it's a typical nada behavior then I had a nada. (just I need to repeat it to be able to to believe she is mental not me) B. Re: the emotional ambush Yep, sounds like typical nada behavior to dredge up a childhood incident (that was just normal behavior for a small child) and shame you over it to punish you. -Annie > > > > > > > > I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to my > > nada. It's so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it. > > > > THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!) > > > > My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a nice > > turkey dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the mashed > > potatoes, she says to me: > > > > " So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete Rose? " . > > > > I say " What picture of Pete Rose? " > > > > She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have with > > me and Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. " > > > > I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's > > remarkable " (trying of course not to laugh). > > > > She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet him " . > > > > I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know who > > Pete Rose was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you took a > > photo with him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? " > > > > She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or > > something like that " . > > > > I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my > > rent, Mom " . > > > > She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I will > > be the judge of that " . > > > > Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly misplaced it > > in the 2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to > > blame. But Pete Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not Pete > > Rose! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 11, 2011 Report Share Posted July 11, 2011 My nada just lost her right to use her very favorite past transgression. I lost some teeny tiny diamond (chip) earrings that were a gift to her. She let me borrow them and somehow one of them got snagged outta my ear and they were soooo small that I couldn't find it after hours searching. Three years ago I bought her a new " mother's ring " as a gift. Her old one was trashed from wearing it while working, plus it had my dad's birthstone in it, they are divorced for over 15 years now. this one had my stone, my brothers and my son's so it was a mother/grandmother ring. It wasn't ready before I went home, so I had her go pick it up saying it was a piece of my jewelry that I had dropped off to be fixed. I never even saw it. the next summer comes along and I remember it and ask to see the ring. Turns out she lost it six months after I got it for her. She took it off at a jewelry store to try on something and forgot it. By the time she remembered it, it was long gone. She of course was never going to tell me this but since I put her in a corner about it she had to. A week later I borrowed some of her jewelry to go out car shopping including a turquoise bracelet. When I stopped by Mcs to pick something up from her she spots the bracelet on my wrist and snaps " IS THAT MY BRACELET? WELL GIVE IT HERE BEFORE YOU LOSE IT LIKE MY EARRINGS!!! " to which I replied, " ya know mom, I managed to let go of the ring I bought you in less than a week, I think 24 years is enough time for you let go of those earrings! " HA Carla > > > > > > I thought I'd share this funny story from my past with regards to my nada. It's so absurd I have to laugh every time I think of it. > > > THANKSGIVING DINNER, 2006 (of course it was a holiday!) > > > My husband, my nada, her husband and I are sitting around to a nice turkey dinner (the woman CAN COOK) and as we're digging into the mashed potatoes, she says to me: > > > " So, daughter, when are you going to return my picture of Pete Rose? " . > > > I say " What picture of Pete Rose? " > > > She replies " The one you stole from me. The framed picture I have with me and Pete Rose when I met him back in '85. " > > > I say " I didn't know you met him and took a photo with him, that's remarkable " (trying of course not to laugh). > > > She says " I know you took it. You are jealous that I got to meet him " . > > > I say, incredulously, " Mom, I was 14 in 1985. I didn't even know who Pete Rose was then and barely know who he is today. I had no idea you took a photo with him, so if I didn't know that, how could I have it? " > > > She says " Well, I know you're just going to sell it on eBay or something like that " . > > > I say " I highly doubt a picture of YOU with Pete Rose would pay my rent, Mom " . > > > She says " Well, when you are ready to return it and apologize, I will be the judge of that " . > > > Um.....YEAH. My nada, the hoarder, couldn't have possibly misplaced it in the 2000+ square feet of junk piled high, no. I had to be the one to blame. But Pete Rose? I mean, come on. Maybe Darryl Strawberry. But not Pete Rose! > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 11, 2011 Report Share Posted July 11, 2011 When I was about 5 years old I was terribly shy. I took baton twirling lessons and loved it! But no one told me a time would come when we'd be expected to perform in public. I was petrified and didn't want to perform in front of all those people. My parents stopped the lessons saying I quit and from that point on they have said, " She never finishes anything she starts " and used that as the excuse every time I wanted to take some kind of lessons or join a team or things such as that. Even when I wanted to go to college! Also, you mentioned shame. My dad actually gives parenting advice to us by saying, " I'd shame him into it. " He actually thinks it's legitimate discipline! -- Re: the emotional ambush Yep, sounds like typical nada behavior to dredge up a childhood incident (that was just normal behavior for a small child) and shame you over it to punish you. -Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 11, 2011 Report Share Posted July 11, 2011 That kind of behavior on your parents' part was sadistic. How cruel to shame you over your shyness RE performing in public when that is something so understandable in a small child, instead of helping you to overcome your fear like any normal, empathetic parent would do. Then to hold it over your head the rest of your growing up years like that as a badge of shame? Sadists. Some people have all the parenting skills and instincts of monitor lizards. I'm sorry you had to endure that kind of hostile, malicious behavior masquerading as " parenting. " -Annie > > When I was about 5 years old I was terribly shy. I took baton twirling > lessons and loved it! But no one told me a time would come when we'd be > expected to perform in public. I was petrified and didn't want to perform > in front of all those people. My parents stopped the lessons saying I quit > and from that point on they have said, " She never finishes anything she > starts " and used that as the excuse every time I wanted to take some kind of > lessons or join a team or things such as that. Even when I wanted to go to > college! > > Also, you mentioned shame. My dad actually gives parenting advice to us by > saying, " I'd shame him into it. " He actually thinks it's legitimate > discipline! > > > > > -- Re: the emotional ambush > > > Yep, sounds like typical nada behavior to dredge up a childhood incident > (that was just normal behavior for a small child) and shame you over it to > punish you. > > -Annie > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 12, 2011 Report Share Posted July 12, 2011 Yep, I was shamed into quitting things because my waif nada could not have gone to school functions. My nada had to manipulate me without DD knowing, though, because at that time Dad would have gotten PO'd if he'd known what she was doing. After a time or 2 of the child experiencing this, the parent then just says flat out " NO " and justifies it by saying " you'd have just quit anyway. " So then we get to carry around the shame of being a " quitter " too. Perhaps that is why I busted my butt to get my kids involved in whatever activity they showed an interest in doing. > > When I was about 5 years old I was terribly shy. I took baton twirling > lessons and loved it! But no one told me a time would come when we'd be > expected to perform in public. I was petrified and didn't want to perform > in front of all those people. My parents stopped the lessons saying I quit > and from that point on they have said, " She never finishes anything she > starts " and used that as the excuse every time I wanted to take some kind of > lessons or join a team or things such as that. Even when I wanted to go to > college! > > Also, you mentioned shame. My dad actually gives parenting advice to us by > saying, " I'd shame him into it. " He actually thinks it's legitimate > discipline! > > > > > -- Re: the emotional ambush > > > Yep, sounds like typical nada behavior to dredge up a childhood incident > (that was just normal behavior for a small child) and shame you over it to > punish you. > > -Annie > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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