Conversation with nada

[Guest guest]

I called my nada this am (she lives 800 miles away). We discussed flowers, yard

work, the heat and various relatives. All was going along fairly smoothly for

15 minutes when she made the remark

" I can identify with Casey , I feel sorry for her. I know what it is

like to raise a child by yourself " ..... and other comments that I cannot recall

exactly that she was happy she did not kill me because " you were so precious " .

My husband was getting his coffee and walking by, he was stopped dead by her

remarks.

Gosh mom, thanks for letting me live.

Nada has this viewpoint that No One Helped Her at All While She Was a Single

Parent. This is so far from the truth it is total lie. Nada parked me with

many people, some bad, some very good while she did whatever she was doing.

I have heard from many people about the case; however, I have never

heard anyone that felt sorry for Casey.

Go figure, thanks mom. Anther example of how her brain functions.

May we all heal, cd

[Guest guest]

" I can identify with Casey , I feel sorry for her. I know what it is

like to raise a child by yourself " ..... and other comments that I cannot

recall exactly that she was happy she did not kill me because " you were so

precious " .

WOW I would have just had no response and would have had to hang the phone

up right then, reading that I couldn't help but hear the creepy voice of

Golem from Lord of the Rings. That would have just floored me.

My parents are married but according to mom she had no help either. Her

remembrance " she did and does everything " which is the exact opposite of how

it was and still is. It is amazing how their brain functions.they are in

their own reality.

Be Well! We all are worth it!

~~Velvet_Tears74~~

Whatever it takes.....

From: WTOAdultChildren1

[mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Connie

Sent: Saturday, July 09, 2011 12:30 PM

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Subject: Conversation with nada

I called my nada this am (she lives 800 miles away). We discussed flowers,

yard work, the heat and various relatives. All was going along fairly

smoothly for 15 minutes when she made the remark

" I can identify with Casey , I feel sorry for her. I know what it is

like to raise a child by yourself " ..... and other comments that I cannot

recall exactly that she was happy she did not kill me because " you were so

precious " .

My husband was getting his coffee and walking by, he was stopped dead by her

remarks.

Gosh mom, thanks for letting me live.

Nada has this viewpoint that No One Helped Her at All While She Was a Single

Parent. This is so far from the truth it is total lie. Nada parked me with

many people, some bad, some very good while she did whatever she was doing.

I have heard from many people about the case; however, I have never

heard anyone that felt sorry for Casey.

Go figure, thanks mom. Anther example of how her brain functions.

May we all heal, cd

[Guest guest]

Just... wow. Yes, their brains are just not operating on the same frequency as

" normal " , or something. You are expected to express gratitude that your nada

did not kill you when you were a little one, although apparently she either

wanted to or thought about it sometimes (?) That's what her comment relayed to

me. If so, that's very chilling.

Her comments also reinforce the theory that those with bpd cannot actually

perceive that they are receiving good things, cannot perceive that they are

being given to. So, no matter what they are given, or how much, its never

enough.

There was even a medical/scientific experiment that demonstrated this

phenomenon. Here's the link to the experiment:

http://esciencenews.com/articles/2008/08/07/a.new.light.brains.people.with.borde\

rline.personality.disorder

-Annie

>

> I called my nada this am (she lives 800 miles away). We discussed flowers,

yard work, the heat and various relatives. All was going along fairly smoothly

for 15 minutes when she made the remark

>

> " I can identify with Casey , I feel sorry for her. I know what it is

like to raise a child by yourself " ..... and other comments that I cannot recall

exactly that she was happy she did not kill me because " you were so precious " .

>

> My husband was getting his coffee and walking by, he was stopped dead by her

remarks.

>

> Gosh mom, thanks for letting me live.

>

> Nada has this viewpoint that No One Helped Her at All While She Was a Single

Parent. This is so far from the truth it is total lie. Nada parked me with

many people, some bad, some very good while she did whatever she was doing.

>

> I have heard from many people about the case; however, I have never

heard anyone that felt sorry for Casey.

>

> Go figure, thanks mom. Anther example of how her brain functions.

>

> May we all heal, cd

>

[Guest guest]

Sheesh, what a horrid thing to say.

i'm so sick of the veiled comments, " meant " as compliments but really with the

intent to wound. Wow, your nada lives 800 miles away! I would love that.

(Mine's 7 blocks from me.)

>

> I called my nada this am (she lives 800 miles away). We discussed flowers,

yard work, the heat and various relatives. All was going along fairly smoothly

for 15 minutes when she made the remark

>

> " I can identify with Casey , I feel sorry for her. I know what it is

like to raise a child by yourself " ..... and other comments that I cannot recall

exactly that she was happy she did not kill me because " you were so precious " .

>

> My husband was getting his coffee and walking by, he was stopped dead by her

remarks.

>

> Gosh mom, thanks for letting me live.

>

> Nada has this viewpoint that No One Helped Her at All While She Was a Single

Parent. This is so far from the truth it is total lie. Nada parked me with

many people, some bad, some very good while she did whatever she was doing.

>

> I have heard from many people about the case; however, I have never

heard anyone that felt sorry for Casey.

>

> Go figure, thanks mom. Anther example of how her brain functions.

>

> May we all heal, cd

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, I had a similar convo with my BPD mother, it went like this, My mom said

she believed Casey was innocent and that she could relate to being a

mother to young (she had me at 20) and she also felt sorry for her and felt she

was being railroaded. I told her I disagreed and felt she was guilty. Long

story short, Mommie Dearest went into a rant about how I was always a follower

and not a leader and that i was going along with the mob pshychology against

Casey..blah, blah blah. She took this case very personally and really

identified with Casey which actually sickened me. This resulted in us having

numerous arguements during the trial and finally a big fight about 2 weeks ago

which ended up in me cancelling my trip to see her as my mom told me not to come

after our last arguement.

When Casey was found innocent I got a voicemail from her saying " I told you so "

and she hung up. Incredible. I don't want to make this about the casey anthony

case as there is enough of that going around but I just can't get over how my

mom supported her and turned on me becuase I disagreed. I am NC right now as I

just need a break from her. Makes me want to scream, What is wrong with these

people!!!! I know they have BPD but I am just sickened and disgusted by my own

mothers support of this woman and makes me wonder if she hadn't wished she never

had me either as I know she was not happy to be a mother and having me impeded

on her party lifestyle.

Now a drunk phone call from her last night trying to guilt me saying how, " I

should give her a break, forgive her and put the past behind because after all

she was young and should not have had a child and although she was not a perfect

mother and made mistakes I was no perfect daughter and i did wrong things to her

in the past. " In my opinion I was a very good daughter to her, despite the fact

that she was a crappy mother and for her to insuate that I made mistakes

comparable to what she did really insults and aggervates me.

I will not be returning the call now as I am just disgusted and fed up, and I

need a break.

> >

> > I called my nada this am (she lives 800 miles away). We discussed flowers,

yard work, the heat and various relatives. All was going along fairly smoothly

for 15 minutes when she made the remark

> >

> > " I can identify with Casey , I feel sorry for her. I know what it is

like to raise a child by yourself " ..... and other comments that I cannot recall

exactly that she was happy she did not kill me because " you were so precious " .

> >

> > My husband was getting his coffee and walking by, he was stopped dead by her

remarks.

> >

> > Gosh mom, thanks for letting me live.

> >

> > Nada has this viewpoint that No One Helped Her at All While She Was a Single

Parent. This is so far from the truth it is total lie. Nada parked me with

many people, some bad, some very good while she did whatever she was doing.

> >

> > I have heard from many people about the case; however, I have never

heard anyone that felt sorry for Casey.

> >

> > Go figure, thanks mom. Anther example of how her brain functions.

> >

> > May we all heal, cd

> >

>

[Guest guest]

OMG freaking creepiness

Every time I see Casey 's face there is just something in her

expression that reminds me of so many of the borderline, narc, crazy people

I know, including my nada!!!

WOW!!!

> **

>

>

> Wow, I had a similar convo with my BPD mother, it went like this, My mom

> said she believed Casey was innocent and that she could relate to

> being a mother to young (she had me at 20) and she also felt sorry for her

> and felt she was being railroaded. I told her I disagreed and felt she was

> guilty. Long story short, Mommie Dearest went into a rant about how I was

> always a follower and not a leader and that i was going along with the mob

> pshychology against Casey..blah, blah blah. She took this case very

> personally and really identified with Casey which actually sickened me. This

> resulted in us having numerous arguements during the trial and finally a big

> fight about 2 weeks ago which ended up in me cancelling my trip to see her

> as my mom told me not to come after our last arguement.

>

> When Casey was found innocent I got a voicemail from her saying " I told you

> so " and she hung up. Incredible. I don't want to make this about the casey

> anthony case as there is enough of that going around but I just can't get

> over how my mom supported her and turned on me becuase I disagreed. I am NC

> right now as I just need a break from her. Makes me want to scream, What is

> wrong with these people!!!! I know they have BPD but I am just sickened and

> disgusted by my own mothers support of this woman and makes me wonder if she

> hadn't wished she never had me either as I know she was not happy to be a

> mother and having me impeded on her party lifestyle.

>

> Now a drunk phone call from her last night trying to guilt me saying how,

> " I should give her a break, forgive her and put the past behind because

> after all she was young and should not have had a child and although she was

> not a perfect mother and made mistakes I was no perfect daughter and i did

> wrong things to her in the past. " In my opinion I was a very good daughter

> to her, despite the fact that she was a crappy mother and for her to insuate

> that I made mistakes comparable to what she did really insults and

> aggervates me.

>

> I will not be returning the call now as I am just disgusted and fed up, and

> I need a break.

>

>

> > >

> > > I called my nada this am (she lives 800 miles away). We discussed

> flowers, yard work, the heat and various relatives. All was going along

> fairly smoothly for 15 minutes when she made the remark

> > >

> > > " I can identify with Casey , I feel sorry for her. I know what

> it is like to raise a child by yourself " ..... and other comments that I

> cannot recall exactly that she was happy she did not kill me because " you

> were so precious " .

> > >

> > > My husband was getting his coffee and walking by, he was stopped dead

> by her remarks.

> > >

> > > Gosh mom, thanks for letting me live.

> > >

> > > Nada has this viewpoint that No One Helped Her at All While She Was a

> Single Parent. This is so far from the truth it is total lie. Nada parked me

> with many people, some bad, some very good while she did whatever she was

> doing.

> > >

> > > I have heard from many people about the case; however, I have

> never heard anyone that felt sorry for Casey.

> > >

> > > Go figure, thanks mom. Anther example of how her brain functions.

> > >

> > > May we all heal, cd

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I will validate your stance that in no way is a child at an equal level of

responsibility for the quality or tone of the parent-child relationship. In the

parent-child relationship the parent has ALL the power, and therefor ALL the

responsibility as long as the child is a minor and/or dependent on the parent.

Your bpd mother was doing a typical bpd behavior of blaming and not taking

personal responsibility for her words and actions, i.e. " I was not a perfect

mother but you were not a perfect child and you made me do bad things. " The

reality is that no small child either deserves or causes herself to be

emotionally abused, physically abused, sexually abused, or neglected or

exploited; those things are totally the result of the parent's choices and

behaviors.

But those with personality disorder either can not or will not accept this

notion of personal responsibility.

So, I understand your need to take a break from her. A nice time-out from the

crazy-making interaction.

-Annie

> > >

> > > I called my nada this am (she lives 800 miles away). We discussed

flowers, yard work, the heat and various relatives. All was going along fairly

smoothly for 15 minutes when she made the remark

> > >

> > > " I can identify with Casey , I feel sorry for her. I know what it

is like to raise a child by yourself " ..... and other comments that I cannot

recall exactly that she was happy she did not kill me because " you were so

precious " .

> > >

> > > My husband was getting his coffee and walking by, he was stopped dead by

her remarks.

> > >

> > > Gosh mom, thanks for letting me live.

> > >

> > > Nada has this viewpoint that No One Helped Her at All While She Was a

Single Parent. This is so far from the truth it is total lie. Nada parked me

with many people, some bad, some very good while she did whatever she was doing.

> > >

> > > I have heard from many people about the case; however, I have

never heard anyone that felt sorry for Casey.

> > >

> > > Go figure, thanks mom. Anther example of how her brain functions.

> > >

> > > May we all heal, cd

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Annie, Thank You for validating my stance. Your statement is spot on. It

really bugs me that she equates my not being a perfect daughter with her not

being a perfect mother as though they are equal infractions when they are not.

Not when your the dependent and they are the Parent. She will actually go back

and sight things I did wrong in the 8th grade etc.etc. as proof that I was not

perfect. and she never takes any blame or if she does she quickly back it up

with well your not pefect either. Throwing it right back at you.It is

maddening. I am NC right now just to get away from the craziness for awile and

regroup.

> > > >

> > > > I called my nada this am (she lives 800 miles away). We discussed

flowers, yard work, the heat and various relatives. All was going along fairly

smoothly for 15 minutes when she made the remark

> > > >

> > > > " I can identify with Casey , I feel sorry for her. I know what

it is like to raise a child by yourself " ..... and other comments that I cannot

recall exactly that she was happy she did not kill me because " you were so

precious " .

> > > >

> > > > My husband was getting his coffee and walking by, he was stopped dead by

her remarks.

> > > >

> > > > Gosh mom, thanks for letting me live.

> > > >

> > > > Nada has this viewpoint that No One Helped Her at All While She Was a

Single Parent. This is so far from the truth it is total lie. Nada parked me

with many people, some bad, some very good while she did whatever she was doing.

> > > >

> > > > I have heard from many people about the case; however, I have

never heard anyone that felt sorry for Casey.

> > > >

> > > > Go figure, thanks mom. Anther example of how her brain functions.

> > > >

> > > > May we all heal, cd

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

There was a reality TV show called " The Osbournes " about a showbiz family and

they were/are rather spectacularly dysfunctional.

They had several, at least 4 indoor dogs that were constantly peeing, vomiting,

and crapping all over their house: on rugs, on and underneath beds, on sofas,

etc.. It was disgusting on TV, I can't imagine how repulsive and disgusting it

must have smelled over there in person. And sticky.

ALL these insane parents ever did was scream at each other, scream at the dogs

(and scream at their teenaged kids) about all the pee and the crap everywhere.

I think all the dogs except one belonged to the parents; I think the bulldog

belonged to the son.

Neither of the parents (or the teenage son) ever took the responsibility or the

time to actually take their own freaking dogs out for regular walks twice a day

so the animals could pee and crap outside (and, one hopes, pick up the crap to

dispose of it properly.) So, the parents were blaming each other and their

little dogs for peeing and crapping inside when it was THEIR OWN FAULT for never

bothering to train their dogs that at certain times each day the dogs would be

taken outside to do their business.

That denial of reality, denying of their own personal responsibility, the

venting by screaming at each other and screaming at the dogs instead of actually

just dealing with the problem in a rational, adult, responsible way, etc, just

" screamed " personality disorder to me.

They behaved as though they expected *the dogs* to learn how to use the toilet,

wipe their own butts and flush, or learn how to open the doors and let

themselves out to pee and crap and puke.

That is a lot like how bpd parents treat their kids; they have bizarrely

unrealistic expectations of their children and then get angry when the child

can't meet those insane expectations. The bpd parent reacts by blaming and

punishing the child for their own failures of parental responsibility.

I will repeat until my jaw stiffens (as Heathcliff put it in Wuthering Heights)

that bpd traits should disqualify someone from parenting their kids

unsupervised. A parent with bpd either needs intense, constant supervision or

their kids need to be removed to a home where mentally healthy, compassionate,

empathetic caregivers can parent them, and where nada or fada can have only a

few hours of supervised visitation every other week.

I'm serious! I think this is what's needed!

-Annie

> > > > >

> > > > > I called my nada this am (she lives 800 miles away). We discussed

flowers, yard work, the heat and various relatives. All was going along fairly

smoothly for 15 minutes when she made the remark

> > > > >

> > > > > " I can identify with Casey , I feel sorry for her. I know what

it is like to raise a child by yourself " ..... and other comments that I cannot

recall exactly that she was happy she did not kill me because " you were so

precious " .

> > > > >

> > > > > My husband was getting his coffee and walking by, he was stopped dead

by her remarks.

> > > > >

> > > > > Gosh mom, thanks for letting me live.

> > > > >

> > > > > Nada has this viewpoint that No One Helped Her at All While She Was a

Single Parent. This is so far from the truth it is total lie. Nada parked me

with many people, some bad, some very good while she did whatever she was doing.

> > > > >

> > > > > I have heard from many people about the case; however, I have

never heard anyone that felt sorry for Casey.

> > > > >

> > > > > Go figure, thanks mom. Anther example of how her brain functions.

> > > > >

> > > > > May we all heal, cd

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Annie, I couldn't agree more! BPD and parenting is a dangerous mix for the

child. Thank you for being a champion for all of us children affected by BPD

parents!

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I called my nada this am (she lives 800 miles away). We discussed

flowers, yard work, the heat and various relatives. All was going along fairly

smoothly for 15 minutes when she made the remark

> > > > > >

> > > > > > " I can identify with Casey , I feel sorry for her. I know

what it is like to raise a child by yourself " ..... and other comments that I

cannot recall exactly that she was happy she did not kill me because " you were

so precious " .

> > > > > >

> > > > > > My husband was getting his coffee and walking by, he was stopped

dead by her remarks.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Gosh mom, thanks for letting me live.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Nada has this viewpoint that No One Helped Her at All While She Was

a Single Parent. This is so far from the truth it is total lie. Nada parked me

with many people, some bad, some very good while she did whatever she was doing.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I have heard from many people about the case; however, I

have never heard anyone that felt sorry for Casey.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Go figure, thanks mom. Anther example of how her brain functions.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > May we all heal, cd

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I am so glad for you that your husband was walking by, so you could have the

validation of just how insane that is. That is a terrible thing to have to hear

from your own mother. And it makes you wonder if she had that impulse and didn't

stifle it then what other impulses was she unable to stifle. Hugs.

>

> I called my nada this am (she lives 800 miles away). We discussed flowers,

yard work, the heat and various relatives. All was going along fairly smoothly

for 15 minutes when she made the remark

>

> " I can identify with Casey , I feel sorry for her. I know what it is

like to raise a child by yourself " ..... and other comments that I cannot recall

exactly that she was happy she did not kill me because " you were so precious " .

>

> My husband was getting his coffee and walking by, he was stopped dead by her

remarks.

>

> Gosh mom, thanks for letting me live.

>

> Nada has this viewpoint that No One Helped Her at All While She Was a Single

Parent. This is so far from the truth it is total lie. Nada parked me with

many people, some bad, some very good while she did whatever she was doing.

>

> I have heard from many people about the case; however, I have never

heard anyone that felt sorry for Casey.

>

> Go figure, thanks mom. Anther example of how her brain functions.

>

> May we all heal, cd

>

[Guest guest]

Watching that show was like watching a train wreck, you didn't really

want to, but it was almost impossible not to look. So many of the reality

type shows seem to be glorifying and lionizing PD behaviors of all sorts and

combinations. *Bridezillas*, *Real Housewives*, *Jerry Springer*, etc.,

even some of the cooking and home decorating shows glamorize outrageous PD

behaviors.

It's not that this is a new phenomenon, the old Soaps also addressed

similar behaviors, but the difference that I see, is the recent

aggrandizement and justification for such behaviors, where the old Soaps

presented such behaviors as evil anomalies.

I have also felt increasingly uneasy over the recent media aggrandizement

and infatuation with the codependent, dysfunctional relationship between

vampire and willing victim. Not sexy, Not cool, Not laudable.

Through the insidious nature of repetitious aggrandizement, these

" stories " become mythological constructions, by which a community of

people define and prescribe acceptable behavior. They have devolved from

cautionary tales, to acceptably commonplace " naughty " acting out. This

stuff scares me stupid.

During the time in which I owned a small business, I became increasingly

distraught over the number of BPDs who were attracted to the small

" boutique " type shops, wherein they had a captive audience for their theater

of evil absurdity.

I finally closed my doors to the public, due to toxicity and increasing

frequency of these these encounters. BPDs like to " tag team " small shop

owners, for sport. You can pick them out when they walk in the door.

They cause scenes. demand discounts, shoplift, cause your toilets to

overflow, steal and or deface bits and pieces, totally useless to

themselves, such as finials from lamps, snap handles off of ceramic cups

and rip pages and pictures from books, loosen screws, and so on. They

write bad checks, short change you and then accuse you of trying to cheat

them! After cancer treatment, I no longer had the stamina to withstand the

emotional and physical vandalization. During my recovery, I saw several

episodes of Bridezilla, wherein I observed similar behaviors to those I had

experienced in the shop. It broke my heart.

Last week I heard a squabble among the neighborhood kids out on the front

sidewalk, which apeared to be on the verge of physical confrontation. When I

asked what on earth they could be fighting over with such vehemence, they

explained they were playing " Bridezilla. "

I have to wonder what we are doing to ourselves on a community and

national level, and to what end. I think there is a

BPD/NPD/socio/psychopathic quality to our media. We have to be careful what

stories we tell ourselves, and how we present right and wrong, good and

evil, acceptable and not acceptable. Are we creating a PD nation?

Sunspot

> **

>

>

>

> Hi Annie, I couldn't agree more! BPD and parenting is a dangerous mix for

> the child. Thank you for being a champion for all of us children affected by

> BPD parents!

>

>

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I called my nada this am (she lives 800 miles away). We

> discussed flowers, yard work, the heat and various relatives. All was going

> along fairly smoothly for 15 minutes when she made the remark

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > " I can identify with Casey , I feel sorry for her. I

> know what it is like to raise a child by yourself " ..... and other comments

> that I cannot recall exactly that she was happy she did not kill me because

> " you were so precious " .

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > My husband was getting his coffee and walking by, he was

> stopped dead by her remarks.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Gosh mom, thanks for letting me live.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Nada has this viewpoint that No One Helped Her at All While She

> Was a Single Parent. This is so far from the truth it is total lie. Nada

> parked me with many people, some bad, some very good while she did whatever

> she was doing.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > I have heard from many people about the case; however,

> I have never heard anyone that felt sorry for Casey.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > Go figure, thanks mom. Anther example of how her brain

> functions.

> > > > > > >

> > > > > > > May we all heal, cd

> > > > > > >

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>