Guest guest Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 Hello all! I have been NC for a year and a half now and Nada has been trying to contact me again. Step-fadas father passed away and she is bombarding my in-laws (that's the only way she knows to get a hold of me) with phone calls saying that I need to send step-fada a sympathy card. Step-fada and I aren't close and I was not at all close with his father. In any normal circumstance I would be sending a card and flowers offering my condolences. However, I know this is a tricky situation. If I send a card then I break my NC and risk opening a line of communication which I don't want. If I don't send a card like Nada has basically demanded then I risk really pissing her off and having to face the ramifications of not doing what she wants me to do. Nada can be down-right evil if she feels compelled. I also feel bad that because I am not comfortable giving up my address, phone number or email that my Nada is putting my in-laws in the middle of this. They don't answer her calls or at least try not to. They are fully aware and have seen her in full BPDness and I know they don't want to deal with her. I have suggested changing their phone number but they don't want to because they have had the same number for over 20 years and don't want a new one. I just don't know what to do. I kind of feel damned if I do and damned if I don't. Going NC has been the best/healthiest thing I have done and I have no desire to ever stop being NC. Any advice is very appreciated! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 It sounds to me as if you've answered your own question. She is using your in-laws and her father in law dying as a reason to get to you. This is a manipulation and seems very classic " nada " behavior. I would ignore it...don't start playing the game again. It would be too easy for you to get back to that unhealthy place you were before going NC. If she continues the badgering, simply tell her that you are sorry for her loss, but that you do not wish to have contact with her at the moment and until you feel differently you will need your space. I think ignoring would be better though. She can only hurt you if you let her. Stay strong. ~Sara Jo > > Hello all! > > I have been NC for a year and a half now and Nada has been trying to contact me again. Step-fadas father passed away and she is bombarding my in-laws (that's the only way she knows to get a hold of me) with phone calls saying that I need to send step-fada a sympathy card. Step-fada and I aren't close and I was not at all close with his father. In any normal circumstance I would be sending a card and flowers offering my condolences. > > However, I know this is a tricky situation. If I send a card then I break my NC and risk opening a line of communication which I don't want. If I don't send a card like Nada has basically demanded then I risk really pissing her off and having to face the ramifications of not doing what she wants me to do. Nada can be down-right evil if she feels compelled. > > I also feel bad that because I am not comfortable giving up my address, phone number or email that my Nada is putting my in-laws in the middle of this. They don't answer her calls or at least try not to. They are fully aware and have seen her in full BPDness and I know they don't want to deal with her. I have suggested changing their phone number but they don't want to because they have had the same number for over 20 years and don't want a new one. > > I just don't know what to do. I kind of feel damned if I do and damned if I don't. Going NC has been the best/healthiest thing I have done and I have no desire to ever stop being NC. > > Any advice is very appreciated! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Okay, let me see if I have this right. Your nada's father-in-law has passed and she is demanding you send a sympathy card to her husband, your step-fada? Most flower shops will do an arrangement and a card FOR you. You can even go thru one of those online places and have it done. No need for your address to be involved at all. Address it to your Step fada only and leave it at that. You can call a local florist, wherever nada and step fada live and just make sure they understand if they want your business, they will have to settle for your credit card number and name and if they want an address, then say no thanks. C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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