Serious case of the yuckies...best to stay NC if you ask me this side of things

[Guest guest]

I got a bombshell dropped on me at the first of the year. Finally decided I

wanted to know why nada is so sick. Turns out she was raped as a 6 year old girl

by her 10 year old all good grandson/cousin. She told my grandparents who lived

around my grandfather's family and they turned a blind eye so it became a

pattern. The whole damn family knew about it and did nothing...well the adults,

not the other kids. Not only that, but all the kids in my mom's small town US

school knew as her cousin bragged at school about screwing his cousin. No wonder

she's the queen bee always wanting to fit in and trying to be good enough. She

never fit in. BPD sure to heck makes sense to me this side of life. Seems like

a most logical coping mechanism from repeated physical violations and then

violations of justice from the tribe.

And now she's dieing...maybe 6 months left. And it's so damn unfair! My

grandparents, nada's parents, got us (my brother and I) every summer and every

weekend when we lived around them. They seemed so normal and good and stable

and mean while they throw their daughter under the bus as some disposable

child?! Justice was not served. I'm just mad about this. It's not right. She

always did such a good job pretending they were real parents and real

grandparents and meanwhile the best she could do as a mentally ill person was to

move my brother and I out of state. I always cursed that and now I get it. I

can't hardly cry anymore. My daughter looks just like my nada. I can't fathom

it.

[Guest guest]

Lone Wolfe, that is scarily similar to how my nada's BPD developed. Eerily

similar. My nada was consistently molested by her eldest brother, the favorite

child, until she started menstruating. Only then did her mother, grandnada, put

a stop to it. She went to her nada before and she both didn't believe and didn't

care to stop it.

It really sucks, and I have a lot of sympathy for her, but it turned her into a

monster, and at some point, we have to take responsibility for our own lives.

It's very weird to me that our nadas stories are so similar.

>

> I got a bombshell dropped on me at the first of the year. Finally decided I

wanted to know why nada is so sick. Turns out she was raped as a 6 year old girl

by her 10 year old all good grandson/cousin. She told my grandparents who lived

around my grandfather's family and they turned a blind eye so it became a

pattern. The whole damn family knew about it and did nothing...well the adults,

not the other kids. Not only that, but all the kids in my mom's small town US

school knew as her cousin bragged at school about screwing his cousin. No wonder

she's the queen bee always wanting to fit in and trying to be good enough. She

never fit in. BPD sure to heck makes sense to me this side of life. Seems like

a most logical coping mechanism from repeated physical violations and then

violations of justice from the tribe.

>

> And now she's dieing...maybe 6 months left. And it's so damn unfair! My

grandparents, nada's parents, got us (my brother and I) every summer and every

weekend when we lived around them. They seemed so normal and good and stable

and mean while they throw their daughter under the bus as some disposable

child?! Justice was not served. I'm just mad about this. It's not right. She

always did such a good job pretending they were real parents and real

grandparents and meanwhile the best she could do as a mentally ill person was to

move my brother and I out of state. I always cursed that and now I get it. I

can't hardly cry anymore. My daughter looks just like my nada. I can't fathom

it.

>

[Guest guest]

I wonder about my nada in that regard, too.

btw, I think that's so sad that your nada was raped and never heard. it does

explain a lot, as you said.

My nada, as I was growing up, seemed obsessed with sex, making crude jokes and

saying nasty things to me...at the same time, she was almost n about

sex.

> >

> > I got a bombshell dropped on me at the first of the year. Finally decided I

wanted to know why nada is so sick. Turns out she was raped as a 6 year old girl

by her 10 year old all good grandson/cousin. She told my grandparents who lived

around my grandfather's family and they turned a blind eye so it became a

pattern. The whole damn family knew about it and did nothing...well the adults,

not the other kids. Not only that, but all the kids in my mom's small town US

school knew as her cousin bragged at school about screwing his cousin. No wonder

she's the queen bee always wanting to fit in and trying to be good enough. She

never fit in. BPD sure to heck makes sense to me this side of life. Seems like

a most logical coping mechanism from repeated physical violations and then

violations of justice from the tribe.

> >

> > And now she's dieing...maybe 6 months left. And it's so damn unfair! My

grandparents, nada's parents, got us (my brother and I) every summer and every

weekend when we lived around them. They seemed so normal and good and stable

and mean while they throw their daughter under the bus as some disposable

child?! Justice was not served. I'm just mad about this. It's not right. She

always did such a good job pretending they were real parents and real

grandparents and meanwhile the best she could do as a mentally ill person was to

move my brother and I out of state. I always cursed that and now I get it. I

can't hardly cry anymore. My daughter looks just like my nada. I can't fathom

it.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry very sorry to hear this about all your nadas. Having a better

understanding of my parent's lives has helped me gain in compassion for them.

I've been reading a great book, called " Nuturing Adoptions " all about raising

children affected by abuse, neglect and trauma (we have a teenage foster

daughter).

In it, the author describes how children sexually abused by parents or relatives

live in this nightmare world, where they have to depend on the very people

abusing them for food, love, protection, and shelter.

In order to survive, they learn to disassociate during the attacks, literally

split in two mentally, so they compartmentalize what's happening to them. If

they never enter a safe environment or learn to deal therapeutically with their

abuse, they can grow up to abuse kids themselves, or allow others to, with

literally no conscious realization that it is happening.

The author describes a mother cooking dinner in the kitchen while her kids are

being raped in the living room, wondering vaguely why her stomach feels upset,

but so out of touch with reality she doesn't see or hear what's happening yards

away. Literally doesn't see or hear it.

My mom was like that when our dad abused us emotionally and occasionally

physically - she's pick up a magazine and space out.

Anyway, I'm sure some stuff happened to my mom, and my dad, too, but I'll never

know what.

Tough stuff to deal with, good luck to all of you....

Letty

> > >

> > > I got a bombshell dropped on me at the first of the year. Finally decided

I wanted to know why nada is so sick. Turns out she was raped as a 6 year old

girl by her 10 year old all good grandson/cousin. She told my grandparents who

lived around my grandfather's family and they turned a blind eye so it became a

pattern. The whole damn family knew about it and did nothing...well the adults,

not the other kids. Not only that, but all the kids in my mom's small town US

school knew as her cousin bragged at school about screwing his cousin. No wonder

she's the queen bee always wanting to fit in and trying to be good enough. She

never fit in. BPD sure to heck makes sense to me this side of life. Seems like

a most logical coping mechanism from repeated physical violations and then

violations of justice from the tribe.

> > >

> > > And now she's dieing...maybe 6 months left. And it's so damn unfair! My

grandparents, nada's parents, got us (my brother and I) every summer and every

weekend when we lived around them. They seemed so normal and good and stable

and mean while they throw their daughter under the bus as some disposable

child?! Justice was not served. I'm just mad about this. It's not right. She

always did such a good job pretending they were real parents and real

grandparents and meanwhile the best she could do as a mentally ill person was to

move my brother and I out of state. I always cursed that and now I get it. I

can't hardly cry anymore. My daughter looks just like my nada. I can't fathom

it.

> > >

> >

>