I met your waif nada. She's awful.

[Guest guest]

While doing volunteer work for my congregation, we met a woman (at her apartment

that was part of a large house) who seemed very interesting. For the first few

visits, she didn’t invite us in, we just stood outside on her porch. We could

see through the door that she had a sewing machine set up, which interested me.

It’s hard to find someone who sews regularly. After a few more seemingly

pleasant conversations with an interesting person who also urged us to come by

anytime, we were finally invited into a tiny apartment that was fairly clean but

cluttered. No red flags at that point. She seemed to genuinely like us – and

me in particular.

This woman told us that she had some medical issues, namely a bad hip (crushed

in an accident) and a few other things. She is 62 years old. She was charming,

very smart and seemed very interested in some of the things we were talking

about. She also lives within walking distance of my apartment (also in an old

house in this historic district). She seemed like someone interesting that might

make a nice friend. Fortunately, I came first as a member of my congregation

talking about the bible – and not as some needy person. I had a purpose bigger

than me or her, if you will.

I learned that she had been married (now divorced) to the brother of a famous

athlete, had children that were now adults and having little or nothing to do

with her, and brothers who also had little or nothing to do with her. They were

all horrid rich people who didn’t care how she was living, without enough

money for food except for food for her dog. They were all bad or had

mis-understood her. She sold this one really good.

She talked about all the valuable things she had sold, what she still had and

such. She made lovely quilts and after I admired one of them she “offeredâ€

it to me at the “below half its worth†of $500. Yes, that is a five with two

zeros. Now I value hand-made goods but I’d talked of how simple I live – and

kindly told her that $500 would buy a lot of food and I didn’t have that kind

of money.

In conversations after that, she said that having come from a rich family she

wasn’t good at managing money and admired my ability to manage mine. She often

talked about rich people as being so arrogant, blah blah blah and how she

wasn’t like that but she would also talk about how she could get stuff done by

being very forceful and so on. I would just listen and she knew that wasn’t my

way – in fact, I would talk about bible principles on dealing with people and

such. She didn’t seem to realize that whatever she was doing in her life, it

wasn’t working.

One night she called very upset because no one from her family had paid her

rent yet and how she didn’t want to ask her second husband (also an ex) again

to bail her out, etc. etc. I also heard how her brothers were going to buy her a

condo if she could qualify for disability. I’d say based on what I’ve seen

that she could qualify, unless she’s faking it of course but she did look

pretty thin and awful in general. She complained as to how she wasn’t a

“condo person,†and so on. And there was always some “I can’t get there

from here†reason for one thing or another. I was getting pretty annoyed with

the whole thing. It was wearing on me and nothing ever seemed to get better.

Soon it was one drama after another and I didn’t notice how things were

building up.

You know what’s coming! After a few weeks in which she sometimes seemed bent

on breaking my ideas about some things and other times seemed quite attached to

me, she just seemed to decide to “eject†me from her life. It was after she

had one of those conversations with me where every delusional retort of hers

(sometimes contradicting herself) was said or asked in such a way that I would

have had to defend myself – which I did not. Which really ticked her off big

time. I even said, as she peered at me, expecting a response, “This is a

no-defense zone†with an appropriate swirl around my head and shoulders. She

got very annoyed, standing with her arms crossed in front of her chest, I stayed

super calm and politely took my leave.

The next day, all the stuff I’d given her was on my doorstep – I mean

everything! Including a quilting catalogue and other things that I had no use

for. It was like she was breaking up with a boyfriend and couldn’t bear to

have any of the stuff around her place. And she managed to email me saying

things in such a way as if she was baiting me, hoping I’d write back in

defense because they were all untrue, delusional and/or totally off the map.

There were several of those emails and a note in the stuff she dropped on my

doorstep (I wasn’t home, wonder if she waited to be sure I wasn’t). Truly

saying things very delusional and dramatic.

My replies were always very kind, saying pretty much only “feel free to

contact me if you’d like to talk about the bible some more†and “glad you

found my house, stop by anytime.†She was apparently livid. In her final email

she gave credit to someone else for one of the items saying she was glad he’d

get it back now, that that was the only reason why she even cared if I’d

gotten the package. Of course it was a bait to get me to respond, and not true,

but so in character for a nada. Finally she said now that she knew that I’d

gotten the package that “no more contact was necessary.†Boy was I glad it

was over.

I thought: I wonder whose nada I just met? LOL!! Good for them for being either

NC or LC. Their nada is super bad news.

Sad for her though. She had no friends, no family support (and now I know why),

has walking pneumonia (she sounds awful and coughs and wheezes a lot) and is

starving. And her 8 year old dog has a bad liver and needs meds, etc. and might

die. (Who else could love her but her dog?) My friends and I have put her on a

“do not call†list because of the things she said about us in the last few

emails that clearly indicated she did no longer wanted contact from us. But now

she is completely alone. There is no way I would ever have contact with her

again. She can email, call, whatever. I am done. I can’t imagine what her

family has gone through.

Thank you, everyone who helped me get to this place. And if this sounds like

your nada (maybe she is your nada) – I feel for you.

Flowers

[Guest guest]

WOW Flowers

That is just, nuts, and typical. I Got sucked into a waif nada situation by a

neighbor years ago, before my own nada started acting up beyond the point of me

being able to deal with it anymore. It was just EERILY similar to the story you

are telling here. I genuinely thought I was this lady's friend and she thought

that because she gave a very poor college student a few bucks for gas and a

modest meal for hours spent running her around that I was her servant! What an

eye opener! This lady was quite old and during this whole ordeal, her last

remaining child died and I got sucked in again after having written her off as a

bad deal. Thankfully her opportunistic grandson showed up on the scene and as

far as I'm concerned they deserved each other!

The lady you were so unfortunate to have met was only 62 and her social filters

have deteriorated to a pretty drastic level already. I have theorized that all

BPD's do have some degree of social filter that helps prevent half the crap

floating thru their heads from falling out of their mouths, but that they

deteriorate with age to the point where there are just huge gaping holes.

consider yourself fortunate that your radar has become so sensitive to this

nonsense. Just a sign that you are coming along nicely in your own healing!

Carla

>

> While doing volunteer work for my congregation, we met a woman (at her

apartment that was part of a large house) who seemed very interesting. For the

first few visits, she didn’t invite us in, we just stood outside on her porch.

We could see through the door that she had a sewing machine set up, which

interested me. It’s hard to find someone who sews regularly. After a few more

seemingly pleasant conversations with an interesting person who also urged us to

come by anytime, we were finally invited into a tiny apartment that was fairly

clean but cluttered. No red flags at that point. She seemed to genuinely like us

†" and me in particular.

>

> This woman told us that she had some medical issues, namely a bad hip (crushed

in an accident) and a few other things. She is 62 years old. She was charming,

very smart and seemed very interested in some of the things we were talking

about. She also lives within walking distance of my apartment (also in an old

house in this historic district). She seemed like someone interesting that might

make a nice friend. Fortunately, I came first as a member of my congregation

talking about the bible †" and not as some needy person. I had a purpose bigger

than me or her, if you will.

>

> I learned that she had been married (now divorced) to the brother of a famous

athlete, had children that were now adults and having little or nothing to do

with her, and brothers who also had little or nothing to do with her. They were

all horrid rich people who didn’t care how she was living, without enough

money for food except for food for her dog. They were all bad or had

mis-understood her. She sold this one really good.

>

> She talked about all the valuable things she had sold, what she still had and

such. She made lovely quilts and after I admired one of them she “offeredâ€

it to me at the “below half its worth†of $500. Yes, that is a five with two

zeros. Now I value hand-made goods but I’d talked of how simple I live †" and

kindly told her that $500 would buy a lot of food and I didn’t have that kind

of money.

>

> In conversations after that, she said that having come from a rich family she

wasn’t good at managing money and admired my ability to manage mine. She often

talked about rich people as being so arrogant, blah blah blah and how she

wasn’t like that but she would also talk about how she could get stuff done by

being very forceful and so on. I would just listen and she knew that wasn’t my

way †" in fact, I would talk about bible principles on dealing with people and

such. She didn’t seem to realize that whatever she was doing in her life, it

wasn’t working.

>

> One night she called very upset because no one from her family had paid her

rent yet and how she didn’t want to ask her second husband (also an ex) again

to bail her out, etc. etc. I also heard how her brothers were going to buy her a

condo if she could qualify for disability. I’d say based on what I’ve seen

that she could qualify, unless she’s faking it of course but she did look

pretty thin and awful in general. She complained as to how she wasn’t a

“condo person,†and so on. And there was always some “I can’t get there

from here†reason for one thing or another. I was getting pretty annoyed with

the whole thing. It was wearing on me and nothing ever seemed to get better.

Soon it was one drama after another and I didn’t notice how things were

building up.

>

> You know what’s coming! After a few weeks in which she sometimes seemed bent

on breaking my ideas about some things and other times seemed quite attached to

me, she just seemed to decide to “eject†me from her life. It was after she

had one of those conversations with me where every delusional retort of hers

(sometimes contradicting herself) was said or asked in such a way that I would

have had to defend myself †" which I did not. Which really ticked her off big

time. I even said, as she peered at me, expecting a response, “This is a

no-defense zone†with an appropriate swirl around my head and shoulders. She

got very annoyed, standing with her arms crossed in front of her chest, I stayed

super calm and politely took my leave.

>

> The next day, all the stuff I’d given her was on my doorstep †" I mean

everything! Including a quilting catalogue and other things that I had no use

for. It was like she was breaking up with a boyfriend and couldn’t bear to

have any of the stuff around her place. And she managed to email me saying

things in such a way as if she was baiting me, hoping I’d write back in

defense because they were all untrue, delusional and/or totally off the map.

There were several of those emails and a note in the stuff she dropped on my

doorstep (I wasn’t home, wonder if she waited to be sure I wasn’t). Truly

saying things very delusional and dramatic.

>

> My replies were always very kind, saying pretty much only “feel free to

contact me if you’d like to talk about the bible some more†and “glad you

found my house, stop by anytime.†She was apparently livid. In her final email

she gave credit to someone else for one of the items saying she was glad he’d

get it back now, that that was the only reason why she even cared if I’d

gotten the package. Of course it was a bait to get me to respond, and not true,

but so in character for a nada. Finally she said now that she knew that I’d

gotten the package that “no more contact was necessary.†Boy was I glad it

was over.

>

> I thought: I wonder whose nada I just met? LOL!! Good for them for being

either NC or LC. Their nada is super bad news.

>

> Sad for her though. She had no friends, no family support (and now I know

why), has walking pneumonia (she sounds awful and coughs and wheezes a lot) and

is starving. And her 8 year old dog has a bad liver and needs meds, etc. and

might die. (Who else could love her but her dog?) My friends and I have put her

on a “do not call†list because of the things she said about us in the last

few emails that clearly indicated she did no longer wanted contact from us. But

now she is completely alone. There is no way I would ever have contact with her

again. She can email, call, whatever. I am done. I can’t imagine what her

family has gone through.

>

> Thank you, everyone who helped me get to this place. And if this sounds like

your nada (maybe she is your nada) †" I feel for you.

>

>

> Flowers

>

[Guest guest]

I'm glad you got out of there, and out of that relationship.

It *is* very sad that someone who could be a friend to others (meaning her) is

so embittered and gloomy that she drives everyone away.

My mother's a waif but you wouldn't have gotten past her front door. She's also

a hermit and doesn't allow anyone, not even the very few friends she has, into

her home. She won't go out to eat with them or visit their homes. She just goes

to work and comes home, goes to the dr, and to the store. That's IT. Anything

beyond that sends her into a panic and makes her witchy.

>

> While doing volunteer work for my congregation, we met a woman (at her

apartment that was part of a large house) who seemed very interesting. For the

first few visits, she didn’t invite us in, we just stood outside on her porch.

We could see through the door that she had a sewing machine set up, which

interested me. It’s hard to find someone who sews regularly. After a few more

seemingly pleasant conversations with an interesting person who also urged us to

come by anytime, we were finally invited into a tiny apartment that was fairly

clean but cluttered. No red flags at that point. She seemed to genuinely like us

†" and me in particular.

>

> This woman told us that she had some medical issues, namely a bad hip (crushed

in an accident) and a few other things. She is 62 years old. She was charming,

very smart and seemed very interested in some of the things we were talking

about. She also lives within walking distance of my apartment (also in an old

house in this historic district). She seemed like someone interesting that might

make a nice friend. Fortunately, I came first as a member of my congregation

talking about the bible †" and not as some needy person. I had a purpose bigger

than me or her, if you will.

>

> I learned that she had been married (now divorced) to the brother of a famous

athlete, had children that were now adults and having little or nothing to do

with her, and brothers who also had little or nothing to do with her. They were

all horrid rich people who didn’t care how she was living, without enough

money for food except for food for her dog. They were all bad or had

mis-understood her. She sold this one really good.

>

> She talked about all the valuable things she had sold, what she still had and

such. She made lovely quilts and after I admired one of them she “offeredâ€

it to me at the “below half its worth†of $500. Yes, that is a five with two

zeros. Now I value hand-made goods but I’d talked of how simple I live †" and

kindly told her that $500 would buy a lot of food and I didn’t have that kind

of money.

>

> In conversations after that, she said that having come from a rich family she

wasn’t good at managing money and admired my ability to manage mine. She often

talked about rich people as being so arrogant, blah blah blah and how she

wasn’t like that but she would also talk about how she could get stuff done by

being very forceful and so on. I would just listen and she knew that wasn’t my

way †" in fact, I would talk about bible principles on dealing with people and

such. She didn’t seem to realize that whatever she was doing in her life, it

wasn’t working.

>

> One night she called very upset because no one from her family had paid her

rent yet and how she didn’t want to ask her second husband (also an ex) again

to bail her out, etc. etc. I also heard how her brothers were going to buy her a

condo if she could qualify for disability. I’d say based on what I’ve seen

that she could qualify, unless she’s faking it of course but she did look

pretty thin and awful in general. She complained as to how she wasn’t a

“condo person,†and so on. And there was always some “I can’t get there

from here†reason for one thing or another. I was getting pretty annoyed with

the whole thing. It was wearing on me and nothing ever seemed to get better.

Soon it was one drama after another and I didn’t notice how things were

building up.

>

> You know what’s coming! After a few weeks in which she sometimes seemed bent

on breaking my ideas about some things and other times seemed quite attached to

me, she just seemed to decide to “eject†me from her life. It was after she

had one of those conversations with me where every delusional retort of hers

(sometimes contradicting herself) was said or asked in such a way that I would

have had to defend myself †" which I did not. Which really ticked her off big

time. I even said, as she peered at me, expecting a response, “This is a

no-defense zone†with an appropriate swirl around my head and shoulders. She

got very annoyed, standing with her arms crossed in front of her chest, I stayed

super calm and politely took my leave.

>

> The next day, all the stuff I’d given her was on my doorstep †" I mean

everything! Including a quilting catalogue and other things that I had no use

for. It was like she was breaking up with a boyfriend and couldn’t bear to

have any of the stuff around her place. And she managed to email me saying

things in such a way as if she was baiting me, hoping I’d write back in

defense because they were all untrue, delusional and/or totally off the map.

There were several of those emails and a note in the stuff she dropped on my

doorstep (I wasn’t home, wonder if she waited to be sure I wasn’t). Truly

saying things very delusional and dramatic.

>

> My replies were always very kind, saying pretty much only “feel free to

contact me if you’d like to talk about the bible some more†and “glad you

found my house, stop by anytime.†She was apparently livid. In her final email

she gave credit to someone else for one of the items saying she was glad he’d

get it back now, that that was the only reason why she even cared if I’d

gotten the package. Of course it was a bait to get me to respond, and not true,

but so in character for a nada. Finally she said now that she knew that I’d

gotten the package that “no more contact was necessary.†Boy was I glad it

was over.

>

> I thought: I wonder whose nada I just met? LOL!! Good for them for being

either NC or LC. Their nada is super bad news.

>

> Sad for her though. She had no friends, no family support (and now I know

why), has walking pneumonia (she sounds awful and coughs and wheezes a lot) and

is starving. And her 8 year old dog has a bad liver and needs meds, etc. and

might die. (Who else could love her but her dog?) My friends and I have put her

on a “do not call†list because of the things she said about us in the last

few emails that clearly indicated she did no longer wanted contact from us. But

now she is completely alone. There is no way I would ever have contact with her

again. She can email, call, whatever. I am done. I can’t imagine what her

family has gone through.

>

> Thank you, everyone who helped me get to this place. And if this sounds like

your nada (maybe she is your nada) †" I feel for you.

>

>

> Flowers

>