Thanks so much!

[Guest guest]

Thank you all for sharing your suggestions with me! also helping me see it from

others' perspectives...if it were a nanny, and that my kids love cookies and the

park, and I *HAVE* pulled off the freeway and told her to get out. Wow! Thank

you everyone, I'm not alone and flailing around in a sea of craziness and chaos!

Update: We have scheduled play-date times when she can be with the children. I

insist it be a time when my spouse is available to supervise with me b/c I know

I can't handle her by myself at this time. I hate it already because it butts

into our family time. It's just a crappy situation all the way around. I'm quite

discouraged at the thought of this conflict never getting better. Even worse off

to think it could get worse as my kiddos grow up. I guess I'll tackle that one

as it develops.

Thank you all so sososo much for helping me through this rough patch!

> >

> > My mom has BPD. And now, I realize, always has. I'm 36. I was the target of

her adoration, her only child. At 16 I fell in love and started the

" abandonment. " I finished college, married him 12 yo ago, we have three super

children, 2 1/2 yo twins and 1/2 yo. Anyhow, she's really have a spell right

now. Well, for the last 2 1/2 years. But it's at its worst right now, she's

threatened suicide if she doesn't get to see the kids throughout her life. This

is the first self harm threat ever.

> >

> > My biggest question is I'd do just fine with NC. But she won't, she has no

one else in her life. I mean not even the landscaper will stay, the handyman,

electrician, remodeling contractor, best friend of more than 36 yrs, (out of

state, on and off) all walked off the job. She's nasty, manipulating, wailing

victim, hears what she wants and _firmly believes_ that's what we said, etc.

Totally in her own reality. Anyhow, it is awful. I do have a therapist and we

have tried family therapy. But my mom said that the therapist was wrong, didn't

know a thing, and was unethical. HAH!

> >

> > Anyhow, she will kill herself if she has no hope of seeing the kids. I

totally believe this and they love her so much, I would like to keep contact up.

I'd like ADVICE PLZ about the next few years and the kids growing up. She has

always had 'her day' with the boys, and then 'her day' with the girl where I

drop them off at her house. She loves them dearly and wouldn't do a thing ever

that she didn't think was in their best interest (her point of view mind you...)

Advice about how to live through this? I don't have an emotional relationship

with her (other than irritated at the continued drama) and am not broken up

about it. I have no desire for one and don't see the potential for one. She of

course scratches and claws me for one... abandonment continued. So I guess it's

limited emotional contact on my part. Do I continue " her days " with the kids

until she has a problem in her relationship with one of them?? I don't want her

to do the emotional blackmail to them that she continues with me... do I allow

them relationships? Am I setting them up for problems??

> >

> >

> > Right now, she's really unstable but won't acknowledge it and needs help but

I can't give it and don't know what to do about it. The last words I stood for

before leaving were, 'You're driving me to suicide! You'd like that wouldn't

you. " Advice?? =)

> >

> > Needless to say, the kids can't go over there with her this way this week.

Which just spirals her further down. And I can't supervise their time because

she and I are volatile-explosive and I just end up having to say " enough is

enough " to her and pack up and we leave. Which of course is a train wreck the

neighbors can't look away from and spirals her down. And it seriously breaks her

heart and hurts her. If she's at my house, I physically have to move her to and

out the door and say we'll have to try another day. Which then she continues to

yell at me through the door. I've been able to shelter the kids from seeing most

of the drama, but won't be able to much longer... my keen little sponges.

> >

> > I'm just so done with the 'you abandoned me' 'this is what you've all been

planning' 'you're a bad mommy' 'you're horrible and emotionally abusive to me'

blahblah and more blah.

> >

> > Ideas about grandkids growing up with BPD Grandparents???

> > Thanks so much!

> >

> >

>