Tips on Handling Our Emotions

[Guest guest]

I am currently reading Codependent No More by Melody Beattie and I thought I

would share an excerpt on how to detach emotionally from people and stop

reacting on other's emotions. These are just suggestions and there is no

" magic bullet " . I find myself reacting to emotions around me constantly, so

much that most the time I truly don't know what my true feelings are.

1. " Learn to recognize when you're reacting, when you are allowing

someone or something to yank your strings. Usually when you start to feel

anxious, afraid, indignant, outraged, rejected, sorry for yourself, ashamed,

worried, or confused, something in your environment has snagged you. (I'm

not saying it's wrong to feel these feelings. Probably anybody would feel

that way. The difference is we're learning to decide how long we want to

feel that way, and what we want to do about it.) Using the words " he or it

or she made me feel " often indicates we are reacting. Losing our sense of

peace and serenity is probably the strongest indication that we are caught

up in some sort of reaction.

2. Make yourself comfortable. When you recognize that you're in the

midst of a chaotic reaction, say or do as little as possible until you can

restore your level of serenity and peace. Do whatever you need to do (that

is not self- or other-destructive_ to help yourself relax. Take a few deep

breaths. Go for a walk. Clean the kitchen. Go sit in the bathroom. Got to a

friend's house. Go to an Al-Anon meeting. Read a meditation book. Take a

trip to Florida. Watch a television program. Find a way to emotionally,

mentally, and physically separate yourself from whatever you are reacting

to. Find a way to ease your anxiety. Don't take a drink or drive the car

down a side street at 85 mph. Do something safe that will help restore your

balance.

3. Examine what happened. If it's a minor incident, you may be able to

sort through it yourself. If the problem is serious, or is seriously

upsetting you, you may want to discuss it with a friend to help clear your

thoughts and emotions. Troubles and feelings go wild when we try to keep

them caged inside. Talk about your feelings. Take responsibility for them.

Feel whatever feeling you have. Nobody made you feel. Someone might have

helped you feel a particular way. But you did your feeling all by yourself.

Deal with it. Then, tell yourself the truth about what happened. Was someone

trying to sock it to you? If in doubt about whether to interpret something

as an insult or rejection, I prefer to believe it had nothing to do with me.

It saves my time and helps me feel good about myself. Where you trying to

control someone or some event? How serious is the problem or issue? Are you

taking responsibility for someone else? Are you angry because someone didn't

guess what you really wanted or what you were really trying to say? Are you

taking someone's behavior too personally? Did someone push your insecurity

or guilt buttons? Is it truly the end of the world, or is it merely sand and

disappointing?

4. Figure out what you need to do to take care of yourself. Make your

decisions based on reality, and make them from a peaceful state. Do you need

to apologize? Do you want to let it go? Do you need to have a heart-to-heart

talk with someone? Do you need to make some other decision to take care of

yourself? When you make your decision keep in mind what your

responsibilities are. You are not responsible for making other people " see

the light, " and you do not need to " set them straight. " You are responsible

for helping yourself see the light and for setting yourself straight. If you

can't get peaceful about a decision, let it go. It's not time to make it

yet. Wait until your mind is consistent and your emotions are calm.

Slow down. You don't have to feel so frightened. You don't have to feel

so frantic. Keep things in perspective. Make life easier for you. "

Have a peaceful day! You deserve it!

~~Velvet_Tears74~~

Whatever it takes.....