Guest guest Posted January 14, 2012 Report Share Posted January 14, 2012 I have the weirdest issue. I find it difficult when people on this board misunderstand and/or feel hurt by each other. I get sort of oddly out of sorts about it. Does anyone else have that experience? If so, do you understand why? I have no idea why this is the case for me. It isn't even like I am involved in it or take a side mentally one way or the other. I just have this feeling like my shirt isn't buttoned up right or my skirt is tucked into my underwear and I want to fix it up really quickly. I am wondering if this is a KO reaction or an idiosyncratic thing. HC Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 14, 2012 Report Share Posted January 14, 2012 It could be that it simply makes you sad or anxious when friends are having a disagreement, which is a normal, empathetic reaction, seems to me. Or maybe your subconscious believes that somehow its your responsibility to smooth things over when there is a disagreement within the Group, possibly " peace-maker " was your designated role in your foo? If I'm remembering correctly its a co-depencency trait: that feeling of anxiety when there is discord when its combined with a misplaced, inappropriate feeling of responsibility for having caused it somehow, and/or a compulsion to fix it and make it better. -Annie > > I have the weirdest issue. I find it difficult when people on this board misunderstand and/or feel hurt by each other. > > I get sort of oddly out of sorts about it. Does anyone else have that experience? If so, do you understand why? > > I have no idea why this is the case for me. It isn't even like I am involved in it or take a side mentally one way or the other. > > I just have this feeling like my shirt isn't buttoned up right or my skirt is tucked into my underwear and I want to fix it up really quickly. > > I am wondering if this is a KO reaction or an idiosyncratic thing. > > HC > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 14, 2012 Report Share Posted January 14, 2012 This board is so very important for me--the ONE solid place on Earth that gets where I come from. So sometimes when people get activated, misunderstand or simply disagree it sometimes makes me fear it will threaten the solid base of support I have come to appreciate here. But the more these things come up and get resolved, the more I trust in the process of surfacing and discussion. My 2 cents--The homes we came from were fraught with secrets and undiscussable topics. I think the more we challenge these old limits in a safe place, the more healthy we can become, together. A disagreement here and there is not going to sink us after all the stuff we've already survived alone. > > I have the weirdest issue. I find it difficult when people on this board misunderstand and/or feel hurt by each other. > > I get sort of oddly out of sorts about it. Does anyone else have that experience? If so, do you understand why? > > I have no idea why this is the case for me. It isn't even like I am involved in it or take a side mentally one way or the other. > > I just have this feeling like my shirt isn't buttoned up right or my skirt is tucked into my underwear and I want to fix it up really quickly. > > I am wondering if this is a KO reaction or an idiosyncratic thing. > > HC > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2012 Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 yeah I too, wonder if it's a KO thing. I don't like disagreements, confrontations, etc. Thus my status as a recovering people pleaser! I think it extends to when I see/hear others disagreeing and fear of it escalating as it would, inevitably, between my parents. I know how you feel. > > I have the weirdest issue. I find it difficult when people on this board misunderstand and/or feel hurt by each other. > > I get sort of oddly out of sorts about it. Does anyone else have that experience? If so, do you understand why? > > I have no idea why this is the case for me. It isn't even like I am involved in it or take a side mentally one way or the other. > > I just have this feeling like my shirt isn't buttoned up right or my skirt is tucked into my underwear and I want to fix it up really quickly. > > I am wondering if this is a KO reaction or an idiosyncratic thing. > > HC > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2012 Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 Yeah, makes me uncomfortable too. Makes me want to say let's just look at the big picture and be okay with our different interpretaions of things. I think some of it is a KO thing. We weren' t listened to as kids and so, in my experience, most of us are overly sensitive, I know I am. All the manipulation, ignoring, guilt, shame and confusion we navigated through does leave behind scars. I can misread a comment in a heartbeat and even in my safest place, my own family with DH and adult kids, can be hurt by something that I have read into a comment or situation and need to work it out. And I find that on the flip side it makes you much more sensitive to other's feelings overall and we sometimes want to resuce someone from feeling badly, or to clear up a disagreement or misunderstanding. One of the things I had to learn and still work on is not having to " fix " everything right away, and as you mentioned, " please " everyone. > > > > I have the weirdest issue. I find it difficult when people on this board misunderstand and/or feel hurt by each other. > > > > I get sort of oddly out of sorts about it. Does anyone else have that experience? If so, do you understand why? > > > > I have no idea why this is the case for me. It isn't even like I am involved in it or take a side mentally one way or the other. > > > > I just have this feeling like my shirt isn't buttoned up right or my skirt is tucked into my underwear and I want to fix it up really quickly. > > > > I am wondering if this is a KO reaction or an idiosyncratic thing. > > > > HC > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2012 Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 As KO's, we were pretty much bred to fear confrontation. I am the same way. I fear it. But when I began to recognize that fear and where it came from, confrontation is still not something I necessarily ENJOY, but I can handle it MUCH better. I remember feeling like a deer in headlights when confrontation was an issue. Now I just take it with a grain of salt, and remind myself that a disagreement does not have to be an apocalyptic event, but that people disagree all the time, and that normal people can have disagreements and still be able to continue on in the relationship (whether friends, family, or work, even) in spite of the confrontation. I think all of us on this board can understand how you feel on this subject. ~Sara Jo > > I have the weirdest issue. I find it difficult when people on this board misunderstand and/or feel hurt by each other. > > I get sort of oddly out of sorts about it. Does anyone else have that experience? If so, do you understand why? > > I have no idea why this is the case for me. It isn't even like I am involved in it or take a side mentally one way or the other. > > I just have this feeling like my shirt isn't buttoned up right or my skirt is tucked into my underwear and I want to fix it up really quickly. > > I am wondering if this is a KO reaction or an idiosyncratic thing. > > HC > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2012 Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 I wish there was a 'like' button here-- > > Yeah, makes me uncomfortable too. Makes me want to say let's just look at the big picture and be okay with our different interpretaions of things. > > I think some of it is a KO thing. We weren' t listened to as kids and so, in my experience, most of us are overly sensitive, I know I am. All the manipulation, ignoring, guilt, shame and confusion we navigated through does leave behind scars. I can misread a comment in a heartbeat and even in my safest place, my own family with DH and adult kids, can be hurt by something that I have read into a comment or situation and need to work it out. > > And I find that on the flip side it makes you much more sensitive to other's feelings overall and we sometimes want to resuce someone from feeling badly, or to clear up a disagreement or misunderstanding. > > One of the things I had to learn and still work on is not having to " fix " everything right away, and as you mentioned, " please " everyone. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 16, 2012 Report Share Posted January 16, 2012 Thank you everyone. Your responses have really given my a lot of insight! HC > > I have the weirdest issue. I find it difficult when people on this board misunderstand and/or feel hurt by each other. > > I get sort of oddly out of sorts about it. Does anyone else have that experience? If so, do you understand why? > > I have no idea why this is the case for me. It isn't even like I am involved in it or take a side mentally one way or the other. > > I just have this feeling like my shirt isn't buttoned up right or my skirt is tucked into my underwear and I want to fix it up really quickly. > > I am wondering if this is a KO reaction or an idiosyncratic thing. > > HC > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 16, 2012 Report Share Posted January 16, 2012 This is very well stated, . Thanks! > > > > > > I have the weirdest issue. I find it difficult when people on this board misunderstand and/or feel hurt by each other. > > > > > > I get sort of oddly out of sorts about it. Does anyone else have that experience? If so, do you understand why? > > > > > > I have no idea why this is the case for me. It isn't even like I am involved in it or take a side mentally one way or the other. > > > > > > I just have this feeling like my shirt isn't buttoned up right or my skirt is tucked into my underwear and I want to fix it up really quickly. > > > > > > I am wondering if this is a KO reaction or an idiosyncratic thing. > > > > > > HC > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 16, 2012 Report Share Posted January 16, 2012 Oh, that's easy. This is the " safe " place for us KO's and we as KO's have sometimes picked up a few of our own BPD type habits of behavior and we trigger each other now and then and that feels too much like our dysfunctional relationships with our PD parents. It's starts feeling a little unsafe and we get scared and wonder...is this REALLY a safe place? I just try and remember that what I get truly upset about is sometime a reflection of something about myself. I get introspective when I get upset and and try to reverse engineer it to the real reason I am triggered, if that is the case. If I have truly been triggered, then I address that. If I have legitimate reason to be upset then I deal with that on a whole different level. The wisdom lies in knowing the difference. C > > I have the weirdest issue. I find it difficult when people on this board misunderstand and/or feel hurt by each other. > > I get sort of oddly out of sorts about it. Does anyone else have that experience? If so, do you understand why? > > I have no idea why this is the case for me. It isn't even like I am involved in it or take a side mentally one way or the other. > > I just have this feeling like my shirt isn't buttoned up right or my skirt is tucked into my underwear and I want to fix it up really quickly. > > I am wondering if this is a KO reaction or an idiosyncratic thing. > > HC > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 16, 2012 Report Share Posted January 16, 2012 Thank you, CmeBfree, that makes a lot of sense to me. HC > > > > I have the weirdest issue. I find it difficult when people on this board misunderstand and/or feel hurt by each other. > > > > I get sort of oddly out of sorts about it. Does anyone else have that experience? If so, do you understand why? > > > > I have no idea why this is the case for me. It isn't even like I am involved in it or take a side mentally one way or the other. > > > > I just have this feeling like my shirt isn't buttoned up right or my skirt is tucked into my underwear and I want to fix it up really quickly. > > > > I am wondering if this is a KO reaction or an idiosyncratic thing. > > > > HC > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 Happy that my response resonated for you. it was just my own reasons for feeling the same as you, both here and out there in the real world. I had noticed the same reaction in myself in my earlier days on this board. (been coming here for over four years now, on and off) I feel like that is the one thing that truly separates us from the PD's, that we are very introspective and can see our own flaws and dysfunctional behavior for what it is. If anything our inner pendulum swings too much toward blaming ourselves for conflict and discord in our interactions with others. I try very hard to stay away from JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain) If I feel the urge, I stop and ask myself why? is it worth it? and move on from there. C > > > > > > I have the weirdest issue. I find it difficult when people on this board misunderstand and/or feel hurt by each other. > > > > > > I get sort of oddly out of sorts about it. Does anyone else have that experience? If so, do you understand why? > > > > > > I have no idea why this is the case for me. It isn't even like I am involved in it or take a side mentally one way or the other. > > > > > > I just have this feeling like my shirt isn't buttoned up right or my skirt is tucked into my underwear and I want to fix it up really quickly. > > > > > > I am wondering if this is a KO reaction or an idiosyncratic thing. > > > > > > HC > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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