Relationship with Sleep

[Guest guest]

I woke today with a minor epiphany. Sleep is one of my issues: insomnia, unable

to nap, difficulty in getting to sleep, over sleeping, difficulty waking up on

time. I HATE mornings.

The epiphany was in starting to consider how much my nada may have shaped these

behaviors.

Regarding napping, she took me to bed with her for naps (I've been told--her

telling me this always makes me feel creepy in an incestuous kind of way). I do

not remember naps at all. The only naps I remember were as an adult recovering

from surgery or childbirth. I was not allowed to go to my room during the day

(she was afraid I'd masturbate! sick woman!).

As with all kids, I was always pushing to stay up to watch a tv show or spend

time when my dad was home. The home was only normal feeling when dad was home.

Getting up in the mornings was miserable. I was sleepy and she was very

difficult to be around: demanding, needy, chattering. If I did not respond the

way she wanted I would get raged at, shamed, blamed or the cold shoulder. Often

she would pick up yelling at me where she left off the night before. She was

stress deluxe, rushing, slamming doors and pounding her heels. She was my ride

to school.

I remember it was WONDERFUL when I entered high school and she slept in (she was

drinking heavily by then). My dad and I were blissfully ALONE in the quiet for

the hour before we had to leave.

Anyway, I don't know what this all means. A lot to process, and I wish I still

had my therapist.

Am wondering if any of you have trouble around sleep that may go back to FOO? If

so, how have you processed it and have you had any luck retraining your

patterns?

[Guest guest]

Hi echobabe

I also am more of a night person and getting up early is not what I am good at.

I often find it hard to go to sleep (particularly if I am stressed or upset) and

will stay awake till the early hours.

On the other hand I remember sleeping my way through my teen years to the point

where I would fall asleep in class at school. Over the last couple of years I've

come to think that it may be connected to depression caused by all the anxiety

and stress and sleep was just a way to " check out " and ignore life. I no longer

do this instead I will be unable to sleep until I find a resolution.

I do find that I sleep better when I am not stressed or anxious and have " read "

myself to sleep for years. I read as an escapism and to reset my thoughts so

that they don't " loop " in the issue that is causing me drama, almost like

mentally putting the anxiety down allows me to fall asleep. It doesn't always

work but has become habit .

My husband also plys me with warm malted milk if I am particularly fidgety. I'm

not sure if this makes a huge difference but its rather nice regardless.

LT

>

> I woke today with a minor epiphany. Sleep is one of my issues: insomnia,

unable to nap, difficulty in getting to sleep, over sleeping, difficulty waking

up on time. I HATE mornings.

>

> The epiphany was in starting to consider how much my nada may have shaped

these behaviors.

>

> Regarding napping, she took me to bed with her for naps (I've been told--her

telling me this always makes me feel creepy in an incestuous kind of way). I do

not remember naps at all. The only naps I remember were as an adult recovering

from surgery or childbirth. I was not allowed to go to my room during the day

(she was afraid I'd masturbate! sick woman!).

>

> As with all kids, I was always pushing to stay up to watch a tv show or spend

time when my dad was home. The home was only normal feeling when dad was home.

>

> Getting up in the mornings was miserable. I was sleepy and she was very

difficult to be around: demanding, needy, chattering. If I did not respond the

way she wanted I would get raged at, shamed, blamed or the cold shoulder. Often

she would pick up yelling at me where she left off the night before. She was

stress deluxe, rushing, slamming doors and pounding her heels. She was my ride

to school.

>

> I remember it was WONDERFUL when I entered high school and she slept in (she

was drinking heavily by then). My dad and I were blissfully ALONE in the quiet

for the hour before we had to leave.

>

> Anyway, I don't know what this all means. A lot to process, and I wish I still

had my therapist.

>

> Am wondering if any of you have trouble around sleep that may go back to FOO?

If so, how have you processed it and have you had any luck retraining your

patterns?

>

[Guest guest]

This is an interesting topic.My nada loves to sleep and always took a nap for

about 2 hours on Sundays, so we had to be quiet so I always went out to play or

went to a friends. To this day she naps daily.

I on the other hand stopped napping at an early age, probably around 3 and have

always been a night owl, even as a kid, always the last one to sleep. Now even

in my 50's I got to bed late, but also get up rather early, and don't nap. Takes

its toll sometimes (especially when my kids were little) and I am trying to get

to bed now by 11:00 PM, but find it hard. I never thought to ask myself if my

lack of wanting to sleep had anything to do with nada's love for sleep.

Intersting....

---

In WTOAdultChildren1 , " findingmyself72 " wrote:

>

>

> Hi echobabe

>

> I also am more of a night person and getting up early is not what I am good

at. I often find it hard to go to sleep (particularly if I am stressed or upset)

and will stay awake till the early hours.

>

> On the other hand I remember sleeping my way through my teen years to the

point where I would fall asleep in class at school. Over the last couple of

years I've come to think that it may be connected to depression caused by all

the anxiety and stress and sleep was just a way to " check out " and ignore life.

I no longer do this instead I will be unable to sleep until I find a

resolution.

>

> I do find that I sleep better when I am not stressed or anxious and have

" read " myself to sleep for years. I read as an escapism and to reset my thoughts

so that they don't " loop " in the issue that is causing me drama, almost like

mentally putting the anxiety down allows me to fall asleep. It doesn't always

work but has become habit .

>

> My husband also plys me with warm malted milk if I am particularly fidgety.

I'm not sure if this makes a huge difference but its rather nice regardless.

>

> LT

>

>

> >

> > I woke today with a minor epiphany. Sleep is one of my issues: insomnia,

unable to nap, difficulty in getting to sleep, over sleeping, difficulty waking

up on time. I HATE mornings.

> >

> > The epiphany was in starting to consider how much my nada may have shaped

these behaviors.

> >

> > Regarding napping, she took me to bed with her for naps (I've been told--her

telling me this always makes me feel creepy in an incestuous kind of way). I do

not remember naps at all. The only naps I remember were as an adult recovering

from surgery or childbirth. I was not allowed to go to my room during the day

(she was afraid I'd masturbate! sick woman!).

> >

> > As with all kids, I was always pushing to stay up to watch a tv show or

spend time when my dad was home. The home was only normal feeling when dad was

home.

> >

> > Getting up in the mornings was miserable. I was sleepy and she was very

difficult to be around: demanding, needy, chattering. If I did not respond the

way she wanted I would get raged at, shamed, blamed or the cold shoulder. Often

she would pick up yelling at me where she left off the night before. She was

stress deluxe, rushing, slamming doors and pounding her heels. She was my ride

to school.

> >

> > I remember it was WONDERFUL when I entered high school and she slept in (she

was drinking heavily by then). My dad and I were blissfully ALONE in the quiet

for the hour before we had to leave.

> >

> > Anyway, I don't know what this all means. A lot to process, and I wish I

still had my therapist.

> >

> > Am wondering if any of you have trouble around sleep that may go back to

FOO? If so, how have you processed it and have you had any luck retraining your

patterns?

> >

>

[Guest guest]

<<Am wondering if any of you have trouble around sleep that may go back to FOO?

If so, how have you processed it and have you had any luck retraining your

patterns? >>

 

It seems I always had trouble getting to sleep, and I think I remained awake

during the scheduled post lunch naps in kindergarten as I recall it. 

 

Processing this, it stems from about age three when my adult-child-of-alcoholics

parents had the TV up against the wall adjoining my bedroom and my crib/bed next

to it.  My parents insisted on the 11:00 o’clock news and the blaring audio

also came through the wall and kept me awake.  As a three year old, my

negotiating skills with my parents were not the best!  I was offered moving my

crib/bed elsewhere in the room, but little kids are attached to things like the

perceived safety of an adjacent wall right next to them.  

                                        \

                 

I always ended up drowsy in the morning for pre-school and for school ever

after.  This carried over into my sleep arrangements into later life: later on

my BPD mom was always clunking around the hardwood floors of our house in wooden

high heels (her “clogsâ€) up to the time I left home after college in my

early twenties.   So with the added stress of being a KO of an undiagnosed BPD

with adult-child-of-alcoholics parents to boot, one got little sleep at night

and one had interrupted attempts to ever sleep in as time went on.  Requests to

have nada stop wearing these wooden high heels at night or early in the morning

were met with derision, mockery, were discounted or denied, all typical BPD

behavior.  I used to think she did this to make me desperate to get out and to

go back to school at summer’s end and be desperate to get out to my summer

job, in an endless cycle, once I was a bit older.

 

Later, as an adult, coping was attempted with alcohol (a nightcap) to help

induce sleep but we learn now that’s all misdirected since alcohol interferes

with the quality and type of sleep one gets.  

 

I still have some difficulty getting to sleep and with certain stresses in my

life I awaken early. I have recently read online that any one hour of sleep

before midnight is worth at least two hours of sleep after midnight.  For

retraining, the best luck I have had has been to go to bed earlier and to cease

all alcohol (completely out of my life). As certain medicines affect the

duration of certain sleep stages, I refrain from taking such medicines.  Nada

does not have my telephone number because of past abuses and boundary violations

right out of SWOE.

 

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sunday, January 15, 2012 12:07 AM

Subject: Relationship with Sleep

 

I woke today with a minor epiphany. Sleep is one of my issues: insomnia, unable

to nap, difficulty in getting to sleep, over sleeping, difficulty waking up on

time. I HATE mornings.

The epiphany was in starting to consider how much my nada may have shaped these

behaviors.

Regarding napping, she took me to bed with her for naps (I've been told--her

telling me this always makes me feel creepy in an incestuous kind of way). I do

not remember naps at all. The only naps I remember were as an adult recovering

from surgery or childbirth. I was not allowed to go to my room during the day

(she was afraid I'd masturbate! sick woman!).

As with all kids, I was always pushing to stay up to watch a tv show or spend

time when my dad was home. The home was only normal feeling when dad was home.

Getting up in the mornings was miserable. I was sleepy and she was very

difficult to be around: demanding, needy, chattering. If I did not respond the

way she wanted I would get raged at, shamed, blamed or the cold shoulder. Often

she would pick up yelling at me where she left off the night before. She was

stress deluxe, rushing, slamming doors and pounding her heels. She was my ride

to school.

I remember it was WONDERFUL when I entered high school and she slept in (she was

drinking heavily by then). My dad and I were blissfully ALONE in the quiet for

the hour before we had to leave.

Anyway, I don't know what this all means. A lot to process, and I wish I still

had my therapist.

Am wondering if any of you have trouble around sleep that may go back to FOO? If

so, how have you processed it and have you had any luck retraining your

patterns?

[Guest guest]

I thank you all for your wonderful replies--and especially to for

sharing so much.

Coincidentally, the cortisone treatment I am receiving is all of a sudden making

me sleep earlier at night, and better I believe.

But I also looked up information of retraining alarm clock usage that was

wonderful (you actually do a form of hypnosis to help lock in the behavior) and

am also using hypnosis to relax into sleep.

My whole life I have never, ever had it easy falling to sleep--I really think it

is because of my early experiences with nada. Some times she was there for me,

other times she was so wrapped up in herself. How can a child feel able to let

go in that environment? She did her best to parentify me after all-I had to be

the fixer, the watcher, the one to stay alert, the one to feed her emotionally.

Anyway, progress is happening. Thanks for all your replies!

>

> I woke today with a minor epiphany. Sleep is one of my issues: insomnia,

unable to nap, difficulty in getting to sleep, over sleeping, difficulty waking

up on time. I HATE mornings.

>

> The epiphany was in starting to consider how much my nada may have shaped

these behaviors.

>

> Regarding napping, she took me to bed with her for naps (I've been told--her

telling me this always makes me feel creepy in an incestuous kind of way). I do

not remember naps at all. The only naps I remember were as an adult recovering

from surgery or childbirth. I was not allowed to go to my room during the day

(she was afraid I'd masturbate! sick woman!).

>

> As with all kids, I was always pushing to stay up to watch a tv show or spend

time when my dad was home. The home was only normal feeling when dad was home.

>

> Getting up in the mornings was miserable. I was sleepy and she was very

difficult to be around: demanding, needy, chattering. If I did not respond the

way she wanted I would get raged at, shamed, blamed or the cold shoulder. Often

she would pick up yelling at me where she left off the night before. She was

stress deluxe, rushing, slamming doors and pounding her heels. She was my ride

to school.

>

> I remember it was WONDERFUL when I entered high school and she slept in (she

was drinking heavily by then). My dad and I were blissfully ALONE in the quiet

for the hour before we had to leave.

>

> Anyway, I don't know what this all means. A lot to process, and I wish I still

had my therapist.

>

> Am wondering if any of you have trouble around sleep that may go back to FOO?

If so, how have you processed it and have you had any luck retraining your

patterns?

>

[Guest guest]

Well, I see I'm not the only one who's an insomniac night owl lol.

You know, I have a theory on this... often times the only time I got

to myself as a kid/teen was when I was in bed and supposed to be

sleeping. So that's when I would lie awake and " think " because it was

quiet & nada left me alone.

Now it's problematic. My mind loves to wander and I fantasize about

stupid things like what it would be like to live in Middle Earth or be

a student at Hogwarts LOL!! I'm blushing typing that, but it's fun to

think of those types of things, but I will often end up getting sucked

into my little fantasy instead of sleeping. Ugh.

This week has been really rough with all the b.s. we've put up with in

regards to hubby's (u)BPD-exwife and calling CPS. So neither of us

have had much sleep. Last night I didn't fall asleep till nearly 7:30

this morning. Stress.

I feel drained and I'm hoping I sleep soundly tonight.

BUT!!! I found some awesome iPhone and iPod touch apps for meditation

and relaxation that I really find to be amazing. My favorite one is

called Relax M.P. There is a free version which I was using and I

liked it so much I paid the 99 cents for the full version. Here's a

link about it:

http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/relax-melodies-hd-a-white/id367506176?mt=8

I probably should have put my earbuds in last night & brought my iPod

to bed. It's hard for me to sleep with earbuds in, but I will say I

seem to fall asleep quicker when I use that app (and a couple others,

I'll link them in a bit). I tend to wake up at some point to take the

earbuds out but I have just been rolling over & going back to sleep.

That... is amazing.

I slept TEN HOURS the first night I used this, I kid you not! And the

even more amazing thing... I didn't wake up to pee haha! (yes, I

suffer from TB... you know, Tiny Bladder) =)

So if you have an iPhone or an iPod, these apps might be worth a

look-sie. And best of all they are all free. Most have full versions

but I like the free versions!

Relax:

http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/relax-melodies-hd-a-white/id367506176?mt=8

Hypnosis: Sleep Soundly:

http://itunes.apple.com/us/app/hypnosis-sleep-soundly/id363954362?mt=8

(I like this one a lot too)

And the last one is just labeled " hypnosis "

I want to take a look in the itunes app store for more. I ran across

links to these while " free app shopping " the other day lol

If you try any of them, let me know if you like them or if they help

with sleep and relaxation at all =)

Mia

>

>

>

> I thank you all for your wonderful replies--and especially to for

sharing so much.

>

> Coincidentally, the cortisone treatment I am receiving is all of a sudden

making me sleep earlier at night, and better I believe.

>

> But I also looked up information of retraining alarm clock usage that was

wonderful (you actually do a form of hypnosis to help lock in the behavior) and

am also using hypnosis to relax into sleep.

>

> My whole life I have never, ever had it easy falling to sleep--I really think

it is because of my early experiences with nada. Some times she was there for

me, other times she was so wrapped up in herself. How can a child feel able to

let go in that environment? She did her best to parentify me after all-I had to

be the fixer, the watcher, the one to stay alert, the one to feed her

emotionally.

>

> Anyway, progress is happening. Thanks for all your replies!

>

>

>

> >

> > I woke today with a minor epiphany. Sleep is one of my issues: insomnia,

unable to nap, difficulty in getting to sleep, over sleeping, difficulty waking

up on time. I HATE mornings.

> >

> > The epiphany was in starting to consider how much my nada may have shaped

these behaviors.

> >

> > Regarding napping, she took me to bed with her for naps (I've been told--her

telling me this always makes me feel creepy in an incestuous kind of way). I do

not remember naps at all. The only naps I remember were as an adult recovering

from surgery or childbirth. I was not allowed to go to my room during the day

(she was afraid I'd masturbate! sick woman!).

> >

> > As with all kids, I was always pushing to stay up to watch a tv show or

spend time when my dad was home. The home was only normal feeling when dad was

home.

> >

> > Getting up in the mornings was miserable. I was sleepy and she was very

difficult to be around: demanding, needy, chattering. If I did not respond the

way she wanted I would get raged at, shamed, blamed or the cold shoulder. Often

she would pick up yelling at me where she left off the night before. She was

stress deluxe, rushing, slamming doors and pounding her heels. She was my ride

to school.

> >

> > I remember it was WONDERFUL when I entered high school and she slept in (she

was drinking heavily by then). My dad and I were blissfully ALONE in the quiet

for the hour before we had to leave.

> >

> > Anyway, I don't know what this all means. A lot to process, and I wish I

still had my therapist.

> >

> > Am wondering if any of you have trouble around sleep that may go back to

FOO? If so, how have you processed it and have you had any luck retraining your

patterns?

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow! Thanks! One more reason I need to get more technologically up do date.

> > >

> > > I woke today with a minor epiphany. Sleep is one of my issues: insomnia,

unable to nap, difficulty in getting to sleep, over sleeping, difficulty waking

up on time. I HATE mornings.

> > >

> > > The epiphany was in starting to consider how much my nada may have shaped

these behaviors.

> > >

> > > Regarding napping, she took me to bed with her for naps (I've been

told--her telling me this always makes me feel creepy in an incestuous kind of

way). I do not remember naps at all. The only naps I remember were as an adult

recovering from surgery or childbirth. I was not allowed to go to my room during

the day (she was afraid I'd masturbate! sick woman!).

> > >

> > > As with all kids, I was always pushing to stay up to watch a tv show or

spend time when my dad was home. The home was only normal feeling when dad was

home.

> > >

> > > Getting up in the mornings was miserable. I was sleepy and she was very

difficult to be around: demanding, needy, chattering. If I did not respond the

way she wanted I would get raged at, shamed, blamed or the cold shoulder. Often

she would pick up yelling at me where she left off the night before. She was

stress deluxe, rushing, slamming doors and pounding her heels. She was my ride

to school.

> > >

> > > I remember it was WONDERFUL when I entered high school and she slept in

(she was drinking heavily by then). My dad and I were blissfully ALONE in the

quiet for the hour before we had to leave.

> > >

> > > Anyway, I don't know what this all means. A lot to process, and I wish I

still had my therapist.

> > >

> > > Am wondering if any of you have trouble around sleep that may go back to

FOO? If so, how have you processed it and have you had any luck retraining your

patterns?

> > >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Lol, you're welcome, echo. I can't afford an iPhone but I love my

iPod touch. They're expensive but awesome and the only reason I got

one was as a gift from my father to help me study for school! Now I'm

finding all kinds of other uses for it =)

I would imagine that there are similar apps for Android phones too!

I do want an iPhone now LOL. I think that will be my treat to myself

after I start my new job later this month =)

Mia

>

>

>

> Wow! Thanks! One more reason I need to get more technologically up do date.

>

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > I woke today with a minor epiphany. Sleep is one of my issues: insomnia,

unable to nap, difficulty in getting to sleep, over sleeping, difficulty waking

up on time. I HATE mornings.

> > > >

> > > > The epiphany was in starting to consider how much my nada may have

shaped these behaviors.

> > > >

> > > > Regarding napping, she took me to bed with her for naps (I've been

told--her telling me this always makes me feel creepy in an incestuous kind of

way). I do not remember naps at all. The only naps I remember were as an adult

recovering from surgery or childbirth. I was not allowed to go to my room during

the day (she was afraid I'd masturbate! sick woman!).

> > > >

> > > > As with all kids, I was always pushing to stay up to watch a tv show or

spend time when my dad was home. The home was only normal feeling when dad was

home.

> > > >

> > > > Getting up in the mornings was miserable. I was sleepy and she was very

difficult to be around: demanding, needy, chattering. If I did not respond the

way she wanted I would get raged at, shamed, blamed or the cold shoulder. Often

she would pick up yelling at me where she left off the night before. She was

stress deluxe, rushing, slamming doors and pounding her heels. She was my ride

to school.

> > > >

> > > > I remember it was WONDERFUL when I entered high school and she slept in

(she was drinking heavily by then). My dad and I were blissfully ALONE in the

quiet for the hour before we had to leave.

> > > >

> > > > Anyway, I don't know what this all means. A lot to process, and I wish I

still had my therapist.

> > > >

> > > > Am wondering if any of you have trouble around sleep that may go back to

FOO? If so, how have you processed it and have you had any luck retraining your

patterns?

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

>