Guest guest Posted January 15, 2012 Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 Seeing my mom for the first time since Christmas we haven't spoken since then either. I am sick to my stomach. I do not know how to handle the situation which can go any way. She will either ignore me all together, pretend we are the " leave it to beavers " or could complete go off on me. What is the key is " outsiders " will be at this event as well but not sure how much control she will have. What should I do if she upsets me just leave? I know this is such a blatantly obvious YES just leave but as you all know the blatantly obvious is sometimes so hard to see and do and think! Thanks for any help! -Sasha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2012 Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 Hi Sasha, I think it is good you are preparing for this meeting. I don't know the event that you will be seeing her at so I guess if you could decide now how important it is if you stay, or not is, and then I would suggest you prepare some responses to what she may say or do that you are comfortable with. Preparing for the worst and being okay with your options would make me feel less stressed and more in control of myself. > > Seeing my mom for the first time since Christmas we haven't spoken since then either. I am sick to my stomach. I do not know how to handle the situation which can go any way. She will either ignore me all together, pretend we are the " leave it to beavers " or could complete go off on me. What is the key is " outsiders " will be at this event as well but not sure how much control she will have. What should I do if she upsets me just leave? I know this is such a blatantly obvious YES just leave but as you all know the blatantly obvious is sometimes so hard to see and do and think! Thanks for any help! > > -Sasha > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2012 Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 Hi Sasha, Maybe you could try a technique called " Medium Chill " , which seems to have been developed for just this very purpose: to help a non-pd person manage a forced encounter with a difficult/pd person with as little damage as possible. You can find the short article at post number 132289 of this Group. (The date was July 30, 2011) . It describes how to remain polite but neutral, non-responsive and emotionally not available to the pd individual. Basically you become very boring to them which makes it more likely that the pd person will simply move on to some other target. Another technique to use if you find that you must be at an event with a difficult, hostile person is to bring a friend or spouse with you who agrees to act as your " bodyguard " and never leave your side. A difficult, hostile person is less likely to launch into a verbal attack if another individual is right there at your elbow to witness it. And I personally have no problem with using an anti-anxiety med to get me through an extremely difficult short-term situation, if I don't have to drive or perform some task like give a speech or something. I hope that helps. -Annie > > Seeing my mom for the first time since Christmas we haven't spoken since then either. I am sick to my stomach. I do not know how to handle the situation which can go any way. She will either ignore me all together, pretend we are the " leave it to beavers " or could complete go off on me. What is the key is " outsiders " will be at this event as well but not sure how much control she will have. What should I do if she upsets me just leave? I know this is such a blatantly obvious YES just leave but as you all know the blatantly obvious is sometimes so hard to see and do and think! Thanks for any help! > > -Sasha > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 15, 2012 Report Share Posted January 15, 2012 I am so sorry! While it is good to plan, if your luck is anything like mine she will have some zinger from left field that you won't be prepared for. My nada would *not* cause a ruckus in from of strangers, though, only main family would see her at her worst. If you can, take someone with you that you know will be supportive should you need to leave or somehow defend yourself. Have you tried EFT for anxiety? It helps! Not 100%, but it is another tool for your arsenal! http://eft.mercola.com/ Good luck! > > Seeing my mom for the first time since Christmas we haven't spoken since then either. I am sick to my stomach. I do not know how to handle the situation which can go any way. She will either ignore me all together, pretend we are the " leave it to beavers " or could complete go off on me. What is the key is " outsiders " will be at this event as well but not sure how much control she will have. What should I do if she upsets me just leave? I know this is such a blatantly obvious YES just leave but as you all know the blatantly obvious is sometimes so hard to see and do and think! Thanks for any help! > > -Sasha > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 Hi Sasha, I really know how you feel, that feeling of absolute physical distress when you think of nada. I think it's great that other people will be there. That's a strategy I use lately when I have her over for holidays or whatever: I call these other people buffers. My mother tends to behave around them. I don't know how your mother will be, but hopefully, having those other people there will help your situation, dial her down a bit. As for whether or not you should leave, that is entirely up to you. We're so used, as KOs, to just putting up with the pain because our nada/fada expected us to. But now you get to decide. I know how hard it is at first to say no or go against them. But even if you have to say, for this event, 'I'm not feeling well and am leaving, " you can do that. I hope it goes ok. Stay strong!! Fiona > > Seeing my mom for the first time since Christmas we haven't spoken since then either. I am sick to my stomach. I do not know how to handle the situation which can go any way. She will either ignore me all together, pretend we are the " leave it to beavers " or could complete go off on me. What is the key is " outsiders " will be at this event as well but not sure how much control she will have. What should I do if she upsets me just leave? I know this is such a blatantly obvious YES just leave but as you all know the blatantly obvious is sometimes so hard to see and do and think! Thanks for any help! > > -Sasha > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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