Guest guest Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 Hi all, I haven't posted in a while. I had gone NC with nada after her abusive raging behavior at Christmas 2010 and then her acting like absolutely nothing had happened. Then I moved to a different state and didn't give her my new phone number or address. But somehow she found it, first my PO box, which I had closed, then after the package went back to her she somehow found my street address and sent it to my home. I did open it, wish I hadn't, but then I threw it away, along with the $50 gift card she had sent. I am upset for two things: one, she acts like I just forgot to give her my information, when I told her I didn't want contact with her. Two, I'm nervous now that she's going to show up at my doorstep or send more stuff to me. Or worse, find my new phone number and start calling me. I wish I could send her a cease and desist letter from a lawyer, but there's probably no basis in the eyes of the law for it. I guess I'm having a little minor panic attack about it. At first I closed the package back up and put it on the porch with " return to sender " on it. Then I took it and put it in the trash. Any insight or commiseration would be appreciated. Happy new year indeed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 Hi --I haven't posted much in a while, either But what your nada did is exactly what I fear my fada or dishrag mom might do. I've avoided giving flying monkey relatives my personal address, but they do have it now. Fortunately, either the monkeys haven't passed the address on, or my parents are simply " punishing " me by not contacting me. (ha, love that punishment.) What I might have done with the gift card is give it to a homeless person or a friend, but throwing it away has that symbolic factor of " I'm not letting this affect me. " She's very obviously trying to bring back the " mother daughter " relationship that never existed. I HATE that feeling of people pretending everything is hunky dory. Ugh. I have a couple of aunts who are trying to do exactly that, and I'm still evaluating my feelings about that. Mostly I just feel like I trust them even less. Anyway, here's a ((hug)) for you. Holly > ** > > > Hi all, > > I haven't posted in a while. I had gone NC with nada after her abusive > raging behavior at Christmas 2010 and then her acting like absolutely > nothing had happened. Then I moved to a different state and didn't give her > my new phone number or address. But somehow she found it, first my PO box, > which I had closed, then after the package went back to her she somehow > found my street address and sent it to my home. I did open it, wish I > hadn't, but then I threw it away, along with the $50 gift card she had > sent. > > I am upset for two things: one, she acts like I just forgot to give her my > information, when I told her I didn't want contact with her. Two, I'm > nervous now that she's going to show up at my doorstep or send more stuff > to me. Or worse, find my new phone number and start calling me. I wish I > could send her a cease and desist letter from a lawyer, but there's > probably no basis in the eyes of the law for it. I guess I'm having a > little minor panic attack about it. At first I closed the package back up > and put it on the porch with " return to sender " on it. Then I took it and > put it in the trash. > > Any insight or commiseration would be appreciated. > > Happy new year indeed. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 HUGS to you . When my nada first tracked me down after I moved out of state, I was TERRIFIED!!! But, after having some time to think about it I remembered something: I have no control over anyone else in this world but myself. So no, I can't control if nada shows up here, but I can control how I react if she does. Which would be to simply tell her, " I want no further contact with you, leave now. " Then I would call the police regardless of if she left or not. Why? Well... When she did track me down, like I said I was super scared. I contacted the YWCA via their abuse hotline. They put me in touch with an agency in my area. They could not do a restraining order on her because the abuse had happened out of state, BUT, in your case, check with your state laws. It's going to vary state to state. However, they did tell me how to keep myself safe & the steps to take if she did call or show up again. Some of those tips are really obvious. Others not as much. The obvious ones are like keeping your doors locked when you're at home or in the car, etc. The not as obvious ones included contacting the police any time she tries to make contact since I had all ready stated I wanted no further contact. That way, there is a record of it. Same if she shows up... even if she (by some great miracle) leaves when I ask her to, I would still call the police. At the time this all happened, I was living with hubby at my FILs house. So I posed a note with a HUGE BOLD font right by the phone & the door that let everyone know what to say in the event nada or her flying monkeys called or showed up at the house. Then one day when I was in class, flying monkey #1 called & hubby just read what I had typed on the note by the phone which was, " Mia does not want any further contact with you. Do not call here again. " and he hung up. It's so hard, so scary. I can only imagine how frustrated you are. But hang in there and remember what I call " the golden rule " .... " I can't control anyone else in this world but myself " ... let that be your guide to keeping yourself safe & happy. *HUGS*! Mia > > > > Hi all, > > I haven't posted in a while. I had gone NC with nada after her abusive raging behavior at Christmas 2010 and then her acting like absolutely nothing had happened. Then I moved to a different state and didn't give her my new phone number or address. But somehow she found it, first my PO box, which I had closed, then after the package went back to her she somehow found my street address and sent it to my home. I did open it, wish I hadn't, but then I threw it away, along with the $50 gift card she had sent. > > I am upset for two things: one, she acts like I just forgot to give her my information, when I told her I didn't want contact with her. Two, I'm nervous now that she's going to show up at my doorstep or send more stuff to me. Or worse, find my new phone number and start calling me. I wish I could send her a cease and desist letter from a lawyer, but there's probably no basis in the eyes of the law for it. I guess I'm having a little minor panic attack about it. At first I closed the package back up and put it on the porch with " return to sender " on it. Then I took it and put it in the trash. > > Any insight or commiseration would be appreciated. > > Happy new year indeed. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 17, 2012 Report Share Posted January 17, 2012 ((((())))) I'm so sorry that your nada is harassing you. RE the probability of getting a restraining order, it can depend on the state you live in. If your state has anti-stalking laws enacted, it will be easier for you to obtain a restraining order. States without anti-stalking laws tend to require there to be threats of violence or actual violence or vandalism before a restraining order will be issued. However, you yourself can issue a very brief and to the point " cease and desist " letter to your nada, and have it notarized (witnessed), and you can send it by registered (or is it certified?) mail: whichever kind requires hand-delivery and a signature from your nada to verify receipt. (You get the receipt, and keep a copy of the letter for yourself, and one for your lawyer.) Its just that if the " cease and desist " letter comes from a lawyer on his or her law firm's official letterhead stationery, it tends to make more of an impression on nadas. At the anti-stalking websites, they recommend that you document, document, document ALL instances of unwanted contact, particularly if a contact attempt happens after you have sent your cease-and-desist letter. Keep a blog/log/diary of ALL contact attempts, noting date, time of day, location, etc. Keep all letters, emails, packages, and recordings of phone calls (noting date and time.) Those are your evidence of continued unwanted contact attempts. If your nada shows up on your doorstep or at your work, call the police to have her removed: that starts a paper trail of documentation with the police department that your nada is continuing to harass you. Ask your neighbors or your co-workers if they would be willing to act as witnesses for you if your nada should show up at your home or your office making demands or threats; witnesses that your nada was being belligerent or hysterical can help you get a restraining order. If you are really ready for total, complete, permanent No Contact and have stated this to your nada (officially, with the written, notarized, certified cease and desist letter) but she is still attempting to contact you, then you have a good case for getting a restraining order issued against her if you collect documentation to back up the incidents of her continuing unwanted contact attempts. But from what I've read, sometimes just the " cease and desist " letter is all it takes. It depends on the individual nada, RE how persistent she is and how entitled she believes she is to violate your boundaries. Best of luck to you; none of this stuff is easy. -Annie > > Hi all, > > I haven't posted in a while. I had gone NC with nada after her abusive raging behavior at Christmas 2010 and then her acting like absolutely nothing had happened. Then I moved to a different state and didn't give her my new phone number or address. But somehow she found it, first my PO box, which I had closed, then after the package went back to her she somehow found my street address and sent it to my home. I did open it, wish I hadn't, but then I threw it away, along with the $50 gift card she had sent. > > I am upset for two things: one, she acts like I just forgot to give her my information, when I told her I didn't want contact with her. Two, I'm nervous now that she's going to show up at my doorstep or send more stuff to me. Or worse, find my new phone number and start calling me. I wish I could send her a cease and desist letter from a lawyer, but there's probably no basis in the eyes of the law for it. I guess I'm having a little minor panic attack about it. At first I closed the package back up and put it on the porch with " return to sender " on it. Then I took it and put it in the trash. > > Any insight or commiseration would be appreciated. > > Happy new year indeed. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2012 Report Share Posted January 18, 2012 Is it too late to send the package back? If you return any new mail and just write " No Such Person " on the letter or box, your Nada might think that you don't live at the address she sent it to, or maybe she will get the hint that you don't want anything from her. > > Hi all, > > I haven't posted in a while. I had gone NC with nada after her abusive raging behavior at Christmas 2010 and then her acting like absolutely nothing had happened. Then I moved to a different state and didn't give her my new phone number or address. But somehow she found it, first my PO box, which I had closed, then after the package went back to her she somehow found my street address and sent it to my home. I did open it, wish I hadn't, but then I threw it away, along with the $50 gift card she had sent. > > I am upset for two things: one, she acts like I just forgot to give her my information, when I told her I didn't want contact with her. Two, I'm nervous now that she's going to show up at my doorstep or send more stuff to me. Or worse, find my new phone number and start calling me. I wish I could send her a cease and desist letter from a lawyer, but there's probably no basis in the eyes of the law for it. I guess I'm having a little minor panic attack about it. At first I closed the package back up and put it on the porch with " return to sender " on it. Then I took it and put it in the trash. > > Any insight or commiseration would be appreciated. > > Happy new year indeed. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 18, 2012 Report Share Posted January 18, 2012 I think you can " cease and desist " anybody you darn well want to. Now, if you wanted to actually press charges or get a restraining order, that may be harder to do. Why not call up an attorney and ask in the phone interview (which they don't usually bill for) whether that will help you? Sva > > Hi all, > > I haven't posted in a while. I had gone NC with nada after her abusive raging behavior at Christmas 2010 and then her acting like absolutely nothing had happened. Then I moved to a different state and didn't give her my new phone number or address. But somehow she found it, first my PO box, which I had closed, then after the package went back to her she somehow found my street address and sent it to my home. I did open it, wish I hadn't, but then I threw it away, along with the $50 gift card she had sent. > > I am upset for two things: one, she acts like I just forgot to give her my information, when I told her I didn't want contact with her. Two, I'm nervous now that she's going to show up at my doorstep or send more stuff to me. Or worse, find my new phone number and start calling me. I wish I could send her a cease and desist letter from a lawyer, but there's probably no basis in the eyes of the law for it. I guess I'm having a little minor panic attack about it. At first I closed the package back up and put it on the porch with " return to sender " on it. Then I took it and put it in the trash. > > Any insight or commiseration would be appreciated. > > Happy new year indeed. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2012 Report Share Posted January 19, 2012 That reminds me of something, which is - sorry - only tangentially related to your post (they both have to do with packages). In the early '80s, I was in the hospital for an eating disorder and severe depression. In those days I was still in contact with my BPD/NPD parents. My mother called me, and after going on and on about how poverty-stricken they were (in actuality, they weren't), told me she wanted to send me a big (expensive) fragrance set - perfume, cologne, powder, lotion, etc. etc. etc. She asked me what fragrance I liked, and I told her. She immediately said that that stuff stunk (which it didn't - it was a nice, light fragrance) and she was going to send me HER favorite fragrance - WHICH SHE KNEW VERY WELL I DIDN'T LIKE AT ALL. My mother would douse herself in it all the time, and the smell it - or even the thought of the smell of it - made me nauseous. I had a while back tried some at her request, and you know how some fragrances turn icky when you put them on because of skin chemistry? Well, this fragrance, which I found icky anyway, turned MEGA-icky on me. I told her, oh, PLEASE, don't send me any of that. PLEASE, if you really want to send me a fragrance package, send me the one I always wear. (and the one I liked was far less expensive than hers) She got all whiny and angry and said some nasty things to me, mainly about how selfish and ungrateful I was and had always been, and hung up. A week later, I get a HUGE package from her. I open it up and it's the biggest fragrance package I'd ever seen - must have cost a fortune - and IT WAS THE SCENT *SHE* LIKED AND DOUSED HERSELF IN ALL THE TIME. THE ONE SHE WORE WHEN SHE SEXUALLY MOLESTED ME. THE ONE SHE KNEW I COULDN'T STAND. So I gave everything away to the young women and nurses in the eating disorder unit. My mother would also somehow find my address and phone number, no matter where I moved, no matter how many times I changed my phone number. This was before the Internet so I have no idea how she did it. > ** > > > Hi all, > > I haven't posted in a while. I had gone NC with nada after her abusive > raging behavior at Christmas 2010 and then her acting like absolutely > nothing had happened. Then I moved to a different state and didn't give her > my new phone number or address. But somehow she found it, first my PO box, > which I had closed, then after the package went back to her she somehow > found my street address and sent it to my home. I did open it, wish I > hadn't, but then I threw it away, along with the $50 gift card she had > sent. > > I am upset for two things: one, she acts like I just forgot to give her my > information, when I told her I didn't want contact with her. Two, I'm > nervous now that she's going to show up at my doorstep or send more stuff > to me. Or worse, find my new phone number and start calling me. I wish I > could send her a cease and desist letter from a lawyer, but there's > probably no basis in the eyes of the law for it. I guess I'm having a > little minor panic attack about it. At first I closed the package back up > and put it on the porch with " return to sender " on it. Then I took it and > put it in the trash. > > Any insight or commiseration would be appreciated. > > Happy new year indeed. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2012 Report Share Posted January 19, 2012 Wow, you should win some sort of an award for having such an awful creature for a mother! > That reminds me of something, which is - sorry - only tangentially related > to your post (they both have to do with packages). > In the early '80s, I was in the hospital for an eating disorder and severe > depression. In those days I was still in contact with my BPD/NPD parents. > My mother called me, and after going on and on about how poverty-stricken > they were (in actuality, they weren't), told me she wanted to send me a big > (expensive) fragrance set - perfume, cologne, powder, lotion, etc. etc. > etc. She asked me what fragrance I liked, and I told her. She immediately > said that that stuff stunk (which it didn't - it was a nice, light > fragrance) and she was going to send me HER favorite fragrance - WHICH SHE > KNEW VERY WELL I DIDN'T LIKE AT ALL. My mother would douse herself in it > all the time, and the smell it - or even the thought of the smell of it - > made me nauseous. I had a while back tried some at her request, and you > know how some fragrances turn icky when you put them on because of skin > chemistry? Well, this fragrance, which I found icky anyway, turned > MEGA-icky on me. I told her, oh, PLEASE, don't send me any of that. PLEASE, > if you really want to send me a fragrance package, send me the one I always > wear. (and the one I liked was far less expensive than hers) She got all > whiny and angry and said some nasty things to me, mainly about how selfish > and ungrateful I was and had always been, and hung up. > A week later, I get a HUGE package from her. I open it up and it's the > biggest fragrance package I'd ever seen - must have cost a fortune - and IT > WAS THE SCENT *SHE* LIKED AND DOUSED HERSELF IN ALL THE TIME. THE ONE SHE > WORE WHEN SHE SEXUALLY MOLESTED ME. THE ONE SHE KNEW I COULDN'T STAND. > So I gave everything away to the young women and nurses in the eating > disorder unit. > > My mother would also somehow find my address and phone number, no matter > where I moved, no matter how many times I changed my phone number. This was > before the Internet so I have no idea how she did it. > > > > On Tue, Jan 17, 2012 at 8:54 PM, afldancer > wrote: > > > ** > > > > > > Hi all, > > > > I haven't posted in a while. I had gone NC with nada after her abusive > > raging behavior at Christmas 2010 and then her acting like absolutely > > nothing had happened. Then I moved to a different state and didn't give > her > > my new phone number or address. But somehow she found it, first my PO > box, > > which I had closed, then after the package went back to her she somehow > > found my street address and sent it to my home. I did open it, wish I > > hadn't, but then I threw it away, along with the $50 gift card she had > > sent. > > > > I am upset for two things: one, she acts like I just forgot to give her > my > > information, when I told her I didn't want contact with her. Two, I'm > > nervous now that she's going to show up at my doorstep or send more stuff > > to me. Or worse, find my new phone number and start calling me. I wish I > > could send her a cease and desist letter from a lawyer, but there's > > probably no basis in the eyes of the law for it. I guess I'm having a > > little minor panic attack about it. At first I closed the package back up > > and put it on the porch with " return to sender " on it. Then I took it and > > put it in the trash. > > > > Any insight or commiseration would be appreciated. > > > > Happy new year indeed. > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2012 Report Share Posted January 19, 2012 (((((Judy))))) I'm so sorry you had such a sadistic creep for a mother. These things she did to you were truly cruel; and she knew it was cruel. Makes me wish there were such things as magic wands that could be waved and would erase all the trauma. Makes me wish there were such things as retroactive justice: that your mom could do some serious jail time NOW for raping you when you were under her care. -Annie > > That reminds me of something, which is - sorry - only tangentially related > to your post (they both have to do with packages). > In the early '80s, I was in the hospital for an eating disorder and severe > depression. In those days I was still in contact with my BPD/NPD parents. > My mother called me, and after going on and on about how poverty-stricken > they were (in actuality, they weren't), told me she wanted to send me a big > (expensive) fragrance set - perfume, cologne, powder, lotion, etc. etc. > etc. She asked me what fragrance I liked, and I told her. She immediately > said that that stuff stunk (which it didn't - it was a nice, light > fragrance) and she was going to send me HER favorite fragrance - WHICH SHE > KNEW VERY WELL I DIDN'T LIKE AT ALL. My mother would douse herself in it > all the time, and the smell it - or even the thought of the smell of it - > made me nauseous. I had a while back tried some at her request, and you > know how some fragrances turn icky when you put them on because of skin > chemistry? Well, this fragrance, which I found icky anyway, turned > MEGA-icky on me. I told her, oh, PLEASE, don't send me any of that. PLEASE, > if you really want to send me a fragrance package, send me the one I always > wear. (and the one I liked was far less expensive than hers) She got all > whiny and angry and said some nasty things to me, mainly about how selfish > and ungrateful I was and had always been, and hung up. > A week later, I get a HUGE package from her. I open it up and it's the > biggest fragrance package I'd ever seen - must have cost a fortune - and IT > WAS THE SCENT *SHE* LIKED AND DOUSED HERSELF IN ALL THE TIME. THE ONE SHE > WORE WHEN SHE SEXUALLY MOLESTED ME. THE ONE SHE KNEW I COULDN'T STAND. > So I gave everything away to the young women and nurses in the eating > disorder unit. > > My mother would also somehow find my address and phone number, no matter > where I moved, no matter how many times I changed my phone number. This was > before the Internet so I have no idea how she did it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2012 Report Share Posted January 19, 2012 That totally sounds like something nada would do. And has done, but with different gifts. Oh, hah, brada has done it too. It's like that episode of the Simpsons, when Homer gives Marge a bowling ball but Marge doesn't bowl, just because he knows she'll give it back to him, but she doesn't. I have been thinking about giving the gift card she sent to a homeless person or to the foodbank or something, I have thrown the rest of the package away. I figure she has already spent money on it, so maybe some good can come out of it. The one thing about that card is that if she has the information on it, then she can look it up and see how/where I spend it and what on. Not that I would want it for myself, because I don't. But I feel like there would sort of be revenge if she looked it up and it turned up as a donation to Big Brothers Big Sisters or something. > > > ** > > > > > > Hi all, > > > > I haven't posted in a while. I had gone NC with nada after her abusive > > raging behavior at Christmas 2010 and then her acting like absolutely > > nothing had happened. Then I moved to a different state and didn't give her > > my new phone number or address. But somehow she found it, first my PO box, > > which I had closed, then after the package went back to her she somehow > > found my street address and sent it to my home. I did open it, wish I > > hadn't, but then I threw it away, along with the $50 gift card she had > > sent. > > > > I am upset for two things: one, she acts like I just forgot to give her my > > information, when I told her I didn't want contact with her. Two, I'm > > nervous now that she's going to show up at my doorstep or send more stuff > > to me. Or worse, find my new phone number and start calling me. I wish I > > could send her a cease and desist letter from a lawyer, but there's > > probably no basis in the eyes of the law for it. I guess I'm having a > > little minor panic attack about it. At first I closed the package back up > > and put it on the porch with " return to sender " on it. Then I took it and > > put it in the trash. > > > > Any insight or commiseration would be appreciated. > > > > Happy new year indeed. > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2012 Report Share Posted January 19, 2012 OMG, if nada can look up where and how you used it, you should ship it to one of us in Alaska and have us spend it on sex toys or hemmoroid wipes. OMG lets do it!!!!!!!! > ** > > > That totally sounds like something nada would do. And has done, but with > different gifts. Oh, hah, brada has done it too. > > It's like that episode of the Simpsons, when Homer gives Marge a bowling > ball but Marge doesn't bowl, just because he knows she'll give it back to > him, but she doesn't. > > I have been thinking about giving the gift card she sent to a homeless > person or to the foodbank or something, I have thrown the rest of the > package away. I figure she has already spent money on it, so maybe some > good can come out of it. > > The one thing about that card is that if she has the information on it, > then she can look it up and see how/where I spend it and what on. Not that > I would want it for myself, because I don't. But I feel like there would > sort of be revenge if she looked it up and it turned up as a donation to > Big Brothers Big Sisters or something. > > > > > > > ** > > > > > > > > > Hi all, > > > > > > I haven't posted in a while. I had gone NC with nada after her abusive > > > raging behavior at Christmas 2010 and then her acting like absolutely > > > nothing had happened. Then I moved to a different state and didn't > give her > > > my new phone number or address. But somehow she found it, first my PO > box, > > > which I had closed, then after the package went back to her she somehow > > > found my street address and sent it to my home. I did open it, wish I > > > hadn't, but then I threw it away, along with the $50 gift card she had > > > sent. > > > > > > I am upset for two things: one, she acts like I just forgot to give > her my > > > information, when I told her I didn't want contact with her. Two, I'm > > > nervous now that she's going to show up at my doorstep or send more > stuff > > > to me. Or worse, find my new phone number and start calling me. I wish > I > > > could send her a cease and desist letter from a lawyer, but there's > > > probably no basis in the eyes of the law for it. I guess I'm having a > > > little minor panic attack about it. At first I closed the package back > up > > > and put it on the porch with " return to sender " on it. Then I took it > and > > > put it in the trash. > > > > > > Any insight or commiseration would be appreciated. > > > > > > Happy new year indeed. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2012 Report Share Posted January 19, 2012 Well, if I was feeling more vindictive, I would go for it, but I'd like it to go to good use. I'd almost say if anyone on here wants to take it off my hands, it's yours. > > > > > > > ** > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi all, > > > > > > > > I haven't posted in a while. I had gone NC with nada after her abusive > > > > raging behavior at Christmas 2010 and then her acting like absolutely > > > > nothing had happened. Then I moved to a different state and didn't > > give her > > > > my new phone number or address. But somehow she found it, first my PO > > box, > > > > which I had closed, then after the package went back to her she somehow > > > > found my street address and sent it to my home. I did open it, wish I > > > > hadn't, but then I threw it away, along with the $50 gift card she had > > > > sent. > > > > > > > > I am upset for two things: one, she acts like I just forgot to give > > her my > > > > information, when I told her I didn't want contact with her. Two, I'm > > > > nervous now that she's going to show up at my doorstep or send more > > stuff > > > > to me. Or worse, find my new phone number and start calling me. I wish > > I > > > > could send her a cease and desist letter from a lawyer, but there's > > > > probably no basis in the eyes of the law for it. I guess I'm having a > > > > little minor panic attack about it. At first I closed the package back > > up > > > > and put it on the porch with " return to sender " on it. Then I took it > > and > > > > put it in the trash. > > > > > > > > Any insight or commiseration would be appreciated. > > > > > > > > Happy new year indeed. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2012 Report Share Posted January 19, 2012 I don't think that nada can look up gift card use unless she registered it before she sent it. I like the donation idea. my brother donated his Christmas money from our nada to random strangers at Wal-mart since he went NC and she gave him the money from selling her car last year and he donated that to the local animal shelter. > > > > > > > > > ** > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi all, > > > > > > > > > > I haven't posted in a while. I had gone NC with nada after her abusive > > > > > raging behavior at Christmas 2010 and then her acting like absolutely > > > > > nothing had happened. Then I moved to a different state and didn't > > > give her > > > > > my new phone number or address. But somehow she found it, first my PO > > > box, > > > > > which I had closed, then after the package went back to her she somehow > > > > > found my street address and sent it to my home. I did open it, wish I > > > > > hadn't, but then I threw it away, along with the $50 gift card she had > > > > > sent. > > > > > > > > > > I am upset for two things: one, she acts like I just forgot to give > > > her my > > > > > information, when I told her I didn't want contact with her. Two, I'm > > > > > nervous now that she's going to show up at my doorstep or send more > > > stuff > > > > > to me. Or worse, find my new phone number and start calling me. I wish > > > I > > > > > could send her a cease and desist letter from a lawyer, but there's > > > > > probably no basis in the eyes of the law for it. I guess I'm having a > > > > > little minor panic attack about it. At first I closed the package back > > > up > > > > > and put it on the porch with " return to sender " on it. Then I took it > > > and > > > > > put it in the trash. > > > > > > > > > > Any insight or commiseration would be appreciated. > > > > > > > > > > Happy new year indeed. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2012 Report Share Posted January 20, 2012 I've decided to split the donation between my two favorite causes: an independent online news source and the shelter where I adopted myy dog.. that wy if it evver comes back to bite me in the ass, I can honestly say 'I gave it to charity.' And then tell her to F off. Hah! > > > > > > > > > > > ** > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Hi all, > > > > > > > > > > > > I haven't posted in a while. I had gone NC with nada after her abusive > > > > > > raging behavior at Christmas 2010 and then her acting like absolutely > > > > > > nothing had happened. Then I moved to a different state and didn't > > > > give her > > > > > > my new phone number or address. But somehow she found it, first my PO > > > > box, > > > > > > which I had closed, then after the package went back to her she somehow > > > > > > found my street address and sent it to my home. I did open it, wish I > > > > > > hadn't, but then I threw it away, along with the $50 gift card she had > > > > > > sent. > > > > > > > > > > > > I am upset for two things: one, she acts like I just forgot to give > > > > her my > > > > > > information, when I told her I didn't want contact with her. Two, I'm > > > > > > nervous now that she's going to show up at my doorstep or send more > > > > stuff > > > > > > to me. Or worse, find my new phone number and start calling me. I wish > > > > I > > > > > > could send her a cease and desist letter from a lawyer, but there's > > > > > > probably no basis in the eyes of the law for it. I guess I'm having a > > > > > > little minor panic attack about it. At first I closed the package back > > > > up > > > > > > and put it on the porch with " return to sender " on it. Then I took it > > > > and > > > > > > put it in the trash. > > > > > > > > > > > > Any insight or commiseration would be appreciated. > > > > > > > > > > > > Happy new year indeed. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2012 Report Share Posted January 20, 2012 ((((())))) I think you may be confusing a " cease and desist " letter with a " restraining order. " You can write and send a " cease and desist " letter on your own, with or without a lawyer. Its simply a snail-mail letter giving nada formal notice in writing that you do not wish any further contact with her in any form, and any further contact attempts by her will be considered harassment. If your nada continues to attempt to contact you after that, you can build a case for obtaining a legal restraining order. Its good to have the c & d letter notarized, meaning, you find a nearby notary public, who witnesses your signature and signs that he or she witnessed it. That does not require a lawyer, and doesn't cost very much. At the post office, you ask to send the letter by certified and/or registered mail. You just fill out the card that is available at the post office, and pay a bit extra. The postal workers can tell you which card to fill out. Either registered mail delivery or certified mail delivery (I'm not sure which at the moment) means that your nada has to sign a form that the mail carrier will have with him, in order for her to receive the letter. You will be sent a copy of the receipt of delivery: its your confirmation that nada did indeed receive your letter. Its just the first step toward getting a restraining order: documenting that you have formally notified your nada in writing that you no longer want any kind of contact with her again, ever. Then, after your nada has received your " cease and desist " letter, carefully document any and all further attempts she makes at contacting you. Those can be considered stalking or harassment. Several documented incidents of stalking or harassing you can be very useful in obtaining a legal restraining order. That's when the services of a lawyer will probably be needed. You'd show the lawyer a copy of your cease and desist letter and the receipt that nada signed, then you'd show the lawyer your documentation of the various attempts your nada may make to contact you. With any luck at all, you will be able to obtain a restraining order. -Annie > > Hi all, > > I haven't posted in a while. I had gone NC with nada after her abusive raging behavior at Christmas 2010 and then her acting like absolutely nothing had happened. Then I moved to a different state and didn't give her my new phone number or address. But somehow she found it, first my PO box, which I had closed, then after the package went back to her she somehow found my street address and sent it to my home. I did open it, wish I hadn't, but then I threw it away, along with the $50 gift card she had sent. > > I am upset for two things: one, she acts like I just forgot to give her my information, when I told her I didn't want contact with her. Two, I'm nervous now that she's going to show up at my doorstep or send more stuff to me. Or worse, find my new phone number and start calling me. I wish I could send her a cease and desist letter from a lawyer, but there's probably no basis in the eyes of the law for it. I guess I'm having a little minor panic attack about it. At first I closed the package back up and put it on the porch with " return to sender " on it. Then I took it and put it in the trash. > > Any insight or commiseration would be appreciated. > > Happy new year indeed. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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