Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 Hi all,I have been reading mostly. I've been feeling on the one hand, elated that all my kids will be gathered here, but depressed and anxious about my marital situation. We have decided to seek a marriage counselor--I NEVER thought that my husband would agree to go. We had a big go-around last night, with him accusing me of twisting things around so that I can see him as the bad guy or something like that. It was an ugly fight, and I think we need to bring it to the therapist today.We have a water bed, and I know I need to get out of that bed due to the fact that I want nothing to do with him. Yesterday, I was making the bed, and noticed a wet spot...yup, the darn thing was leaking! Oh brother. I couldn't find the zipper on the mattress to get into the thing, so I just left it alone and went to bed. I told my husband and he was understandably upset, so we have resolved to get a new bed. He came up with the perfect solution; we buy 2 twin beds...so I think that is what we are going to do.This is so hard for me...I do see divorce in our future, and I know that God hates divorce, it is just that I'm miserable, and have been for years.Well, thanks for listening to me vent!Love to all,Christmas blessingsand Holiday Hugs,Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 I know it must be hard, but you need to do what is right for you. And for the children – they deserve to see both their parents happy and content (and if they don't it may affect how they'll see relationships as adults).Good thing you are doing marriage counseling! And good that your husband agrees to. Even if it can't save your marriage, it could still help you get a good divorce.love/Reb>> Hi all,> I have been reading mostly. I've been feeling on the one hand, elated that all > my kids will be gathered here, but depressed and anxious about my marital > situation. We have decided to seek a marriage counselor--I NEVER thought that my > husband would agree to go. We had a big go-around last night, with him accusing > me of twisting things around so that I can see him as the bad guy or something > like that. It was an ugly fight, and I think we need to bring it to the > therapist today.> We have a water bed, and I know I need to get out of that bed due to the fact > that I want nothing to do with him. Yesterday, I was making the bed, and noticed > a wet spot...yup, the darn thing was leaking! Oh brother. I couldn't find the > zipper on the mattress to get into the thing, so I just left it alone and went > to bed. I told my husband and he was understandably upset, so we have resolved > to get a new bed. He came up with the perfect solution; we buy 2 twin beds...so > I think that is what we are going to do.> This is so hard for me...I do see divorce in our future, and I know that God > hates divorce, it is just that I'm miserable, and have been for years.> Well, thanks for listening to me vent!> Love to all,> Christmas blessings> and Holiday Hugs,> Kate> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 Thanks for responding so quickly to me, Reb. It means a lot to me. Yes, the children need to see healthy relationships, or else they may repeat the pattern of emotional abuse. Either that, or they'll marry an alcoholic or other pathological individual.We'll see how the counseling progresses.love to you and ,KateTo: MSersLife Sent: Mon, December 20, 2010 7:06:24 AMSubject: Re: my update I know it must be hard, but you need to do what is right for you. And for the children – they deserve to see both their parents happy and content (and if they don't it may affect how they'll see relationships as adults).Good thing you are doing marriage counseling! And good that your husband agrees to. Even if it can't save your marriage, it could still help you get a good divorce.love/Reb>> Hi all,> I have been reading mostly. I've been feeling on the one hand, elated that all > my kids will be gathered here, but depressed and anxious about my marital > situation. We have decided to seek a marriage counselor--I NEVER thought that my > husband would agree to go. We had a big go-around last night, with him accusing > me of twisting things around so that I can see him as the bad guy or something > like that. It was an ugly fight, and I think we need to bring it to the > therapist today.> We have a water bed, and I know I need to get out of that bed due to the fact > that I want nothing to do with him. Yesterday, I was making the bed, and noticed > a wet spot...yup, the darn thing was leaking! Oh brother. I couldn't find the > zipper on the mattress to get into the thing, so I just left it alone and went > to bed. I told my husband and he was understandably upset, so we have resolved > to get a new bed. He came up with the perfect solution; we buy 2 twin beds...so > I think that is what we are going to do.> This is so hard for me...I do see divorce in our future, and I know that God > hates divorce, it is just that I'm miserable, and have been for years.> Well, thanks for listening to me vent!> Love to all,> Christmas blessings> and Holiday Hugs,> Kate> Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 Kate you have to do what you feel is right for you. At least with going to counseling you know you at least tried to save your marriage. Continued prayers. Hugs nne To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world""May the Lord Bless you and keep you,May the Lord Make his face shine upon you, and give you Peace...Forever"Breast Cancer Patients Soul Mates for Lifehttp://breastcancerpatientssoulmatesforlife.bravehost.com/ Anxiety Depression and Breast Cancerhttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/AnxietyDepressionandBreastCancerAngel Feather Loomerwww.angelfeatherloomer.blogspot.comThe Cancer Clubwww.cancerclub.com -----Original Message-----From: rothschildkate@...Sent: Mon, 20 Dec 2010 03:48:53 -0800 (PST)To: mserslife Subject: my update Hi all,I have been reading mostly. I've been feeling on the one hand, elated that all my kids will be gathered here, but depressed and anxious about my marital situation. We have decided to seek a marriage counselor--I NEVER thought that my husband would agree to go. We had a big go-around last night, with him accusing me of twisting things around so that I can see him as the bad guy or something like that. It was an ugly fight, and I think we need to bring it to the therapist today.We have a water bed, and I know I need to get out of that bed due to the fact that I want nothing to do with him. Yesterday, I was making the bed, and noticed a wet spot...yup, the darn thing was leaking! Oh brother. I couldn't find the zipper on the mattress to get into the thing, so I just left it alone and went to bed. I told my husband and he was understandably upset, so we have resolved to get a new bed. He came up with the perfect solution; we buy 2 twin beds...so I think that is what we are going to do.This is so hard for me...I do see divorce in our future, and I know that God hates divorce, it is just that I'm miserable, and have been for years.Well, thanks for listening to me vent!Love to all,Christmas blessingsand Holiday Hugs,Kate Free 3D Marine Aquarium Screensaver Watch dolphins, sharks & orcas on your desktop! Check it out at www.inbox.com/marineaquarium Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 I'm sorry, Kate. I'm sorry you and hubby are at this point. I am glad he has agreed to marriage counseling. I know it's hard for you to give up on your marriage so it's a good thing to do anything possible to see if it can be saved. Good! I will be hopeful the counseling will make a huge difference for you both. When do the kids come home? Are you planning any special meals or events while they are all there with you? Enjoy your time with the offspring!love SharonThis email is a natural hand made product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects. To: MSersLife Sent: Mon, December 20, 2010 4:48:53 AMSubject: my update Hi all,I have been reading mostly. I've been feeling on the one hand, elated that all my kids will be gathered here, but depressed and anxious about my marital situation. We have decided to seek a marriage counselor--I NEVER thought that my husband would agree to go. We had a big go-around last night, with him accusing me of twisting things around so that I can see him as the bad guy or something like that. It was an ugly fight, and I think we need to bring it to the therapist today.We have a water bed, and I know I need to get out of that bed due to the fact that I want nothing to do with him. Yesterday, I was making the bed, and noticed a wet spot...yup, the darn thing was leaking! Oh brother. I couldn't find the zipper on the mattress to get into the thing, so I just left it alone and went to bed. I told my husband and he was understandably upset, so we have resolved to get a new bed. He came up with the perfect solution; we buy 2 twin beds...so I think that is what we are going to do.This is so hard for me...I do see divorce in our future, and I know that God hates divorce, it is just that I'm miserable, and have been for years.Well, thanks for listening to me vent!Love to all,Christmas blessingsand Holiday Hugs,Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 Honey, I am sorry you have been so miserable. I think the bed solution is a good one (I'd get two doubles, a twin will be hard to get used to and one of you might end up on the floor *thud* and I would not want it to be you) I am glad he has agreed to counseling, I also would never have thought he would. Maybe the threat of REALLY divorcing him is making him think (though from the sound of that argument, maybe not) but at leat it is a start, and like Reb said, if it doesn't put the marriage back together it might make the divorce easier, and the counselor can probably give you the tools you will need to cope, and to help your children cope with divorce. We're all here for you hon...always...and if you ever DO need to get away for a few days or a week, you CAN come here to rest and recover your strength.  ~*~Hugs~*~ ~*~Akiba~*~ http://www.affiliates-natural-salt-lamps.com/pages/156.php -- my update Hi all,I have been reading mostly. I've been feeling on the one hand, elated that all my kids will be gathered here, but depressed and anxious about my marital situation. We have decided to seek a marriage counselor--I NEVER thought that my husband would agree to go. We had a big go-around last night, with him accusing me of twisting things around so that I can see him as the bad guy or something like that. It was an ugly fight, and I think we need to bring it to the therapist today.We have a water bed, and I know I need to get out of that bed due to the fact that I want nothing to do with him. Yesterday, I was making the bed, and noticed a wet spot...yup, the darn thing was leaking! Oh brother. I couldn't find the zipper on the mattress to get into the thing, so I just left it alone and went to bed. I told my husband and he was understandably upset, so we have resolved to get a new bed. He came up with the perfect solution; we buy 2 twin beds...so I think that is what we are going to do.This is so hard for me...I do see divorce in our future, and I know that God hates divorce, it is just that I'm miserable, and have been for years.Well, thanks for listening to me vent!Love to all,Christmas blessingsand Holiday Hugs,Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 I so need and appreciate the prayers, nne. You aresuch a prayer warrior; we are blessed to have you in ourmidst!love to you and Chuck,Christmas blessings,KateTo: mserslife Sent: Mon, December 20, 2010 7:53:32 AMSubject: RE: my update Kate you have to do what you feel is right for you. At least with going to counseling you know you at least tried to save your marriage. Continued prayers. Hugs nne To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world""May the Lord Bless you and keep you,May the Lord Make his face shine upon you, and give you Peace...Forever"Breast Cancer Patients Soul Mates for Lifehttp://breastcancerpatientssoulmatesforlife.bravehost.com/ Anxiety Depression and Breast Cancerhttp://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/AnxietyDepressionandBreastCancerAngel Feather Loomerwww.angelfeatherloomer.blogspot.comThe Cancer Clubwww.cancerclub.com -----Original Message-----From: rothschildkate@...Sent: Mon, 20 Dec 2010 03:48:53 -0800 (PST)To: mserslife Subject: my update Hi all,I have been reading mostly. I've been feeling on the one hand, elated that all my kids will be gathered here, but depressed and anxious about my marital situation. We have decided to seek a marriage counselor--I NEVER thought that my husband would agree to go. We had a big go-around last night, with him accusing me of twisting things around so that I can see him as the bad guy or something like that. It was an ugly fight, and I think we need to bring it to the therapist today.We have a water bed, and I know I need to get out of that bed due to the fact that I want nothing to do with him. Yesterday, I was making the bed, and noticed a wet spot...yup, the darn thing was leaking! Oh brother. I couldn't find the zipper on the mattress to get into the thing, so I just left it alone and went to bed. I told my husband and he was understandably upset, so we have resolved to get a new bed. He came up with the perfect solution; we buy 2 twin beds...so I think that is what we are going to do.This is so hard for me...I do see divorce in our future, and I know that God hates divorce, it is just that I'm miserable, and have been for years.Well, thanks for listening to me vent!Love to all,Christmas blessingsand Holiday Hugs,Kate Free 3D Marine Aquarium Screensaver Watch dolphins, sharks & orcas on your desktop! Check it out at www.inbox.com/marineaquarium Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 Hi Kate, You and your family will be in my prays and thoughts. Margaret A. CoteTo: MSersLife Sent: Mon, December 20, 2010 5:48:53 AMSubject: my update Hi all,I have been reading mostly. I've been feeling on the one hand, elated that all my ids will be gathered here, but depressed and anxious about my marital situation. We have decided to seek a marriage counselor--I NEVER thought that my husband would agree to go. We had a big go-around last night, with him accusing me of twisting things around so that I can see him as the bad guy or something like that. It was an ugly fight, and I think we need to bring it to the therapist today.We have a water bed, and I know I need to get out of that bed due to the fact that I want nothing to do with him. Yesterday, I was making the bed, and noticed a wet spot...yup, the darn thing was leaking! Oh brother. I couldn't find the zipper on the mattress to get into the thing, so I just left it alone and went to bed. I told my husband and he was understandably upset, so we have resolved to get a new bed. He came up with the perfect solution; we buy 2 twin beds...so I think that is what we are going to do.This is so hard for me...I do see divorce in our future, and I know that God hates divorce, it is just that I'm miserable, and have been for years.Well, thanks for listening to me vent!Love to all,Christmas blessingsand Holiday Hugs,Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 20, 2010 Report Share Posted December 20, 2010 Thank you so much, Margaret; it means a lot to me! This time of year just makes it all the more difficult.hugs, KateTo: MSersLife Sent: Mon, December 20, 2010 6:57:32 PMSubject: Re: my update Hi Kate, You and your family will be in my prays and thoughts. Margaret A. CoteTo: MSersLife Sent: Mon, December 20, 2010 5:48:53 AMSubject: my update Hi all,I have been reading mostly. I've been feeling on the one hand, elated that all my ids will be gathered here, but depressed and anxious about my marital situation. We have decided to seek a marriage counselor--I NEVER thought that my husband would agree to go. We had a big go-around last night, with him accusing me of twisting things around so that I can see him as the bad guy or something like that. It was an ugly fight, and I think we need to bring it to the therapist today.We have a water bed, and I know I need to get out of that bed due to the fact that I want nothing to do with him. Yesterday, I was making the bed, and noticed a wet spot...yup, the darn thing was leaking! Oh brother. I couldn't find the zipper on the mattress to get into the thing, so I just left it alone and went to bed. I told my husband and he was understandably upset, so we have resolved to get a new bed. He came up with the perfect solution; we buy 2 twin beds...so I think that is what we are going to do.This is so hard for me...I do see divorce in our future, and I know that God hates divorce, it is just that I'm miserable, and have been for years.Well, thanks for listening to me vent!Love to all,Christmas blessingsand Holiday Hugs,Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 21, 2010 Report Share Posted December 21, 2010 So sorry for the difficulties, especially this time of year! But the counseling will be good for everyone, divorce or no divorce, so I hope you all keep up with it... Hugs in WY Practical Blackwork Designs http://practicalblackwork.com http://practical-blackwork.blogspot.com " You get a wonderful view from the point of no return... " my update Hi all, I have been reading mostly. I've been feeling on the one hand, elated that all my kids will be gathered here, but depressed and anxious about my marital situation. We have decided to seek a marriage counselor--I NEVER thought that my husband would agree to go. We had a big go-around last night, with him accusing me of twisting things around so that I can see him as the bad guy or something like that. It was an ugly fight, and I think we need to bring it to the therapist today. We have a water bed, and I know I need to get out of that bed due to the fact that I want nothing to do with him. Yesterday, I was making the bed, and noticed a wet spot...yup, the darn thing was leaking! Oh brother. I couldn't find the zipper on the mattress to get into the thing, so I just left it alone and went to bed. I told my husband and he was understandably upset, so we have resolved to get a new bed. He came up with the perfect solution; we buy 2 twin beds...so I think that is what we are going to do. This is so hard for me...I do see divorce in our future, and I know that God hates divorce, it is just that I'm miserable, and have been for years. Well, thanks for listening to me vent! Love to all, Christmas blessings and Holiday Hugs, Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 21, 2010 Report Share Posted December 21, 2010 Thanks, . Yeah, the counselor we chose seems like a 'match' for us; she has spent time with us together, and then asked to speak to us each privately, so she had a big picture of issues. I hope we can resolve a lot! There are many, many things to address...Thanks for your words...love, KateTo: MSersLife Sent: Tue, December 21, 2010 2:35:09 PMSubject: RE: my update So sorry for the difficulties, especially this time of year! But the counseling will be good for everyone, divorce or no divorce, so I hope you all keep up with it... Hugs in WY Practical Blackwork Designs http://practicalblackwork.com http://practical-blackwork.blogspot.com "You get a wonderful view from the point of no return..." my update Hi all, I have been reading mostly. I've been feeling on the one hand, elated that all my kids will be gathered here, but depressed and anxious about my marital situation. We have decided to seek a marriage counselor--I NEVER thought that my husband would agree to go. We had a big go-around last night, with him accusing me of twisting things around so that I can see him as the bad guy or something like that. It was an ugly fight, and I think we need to bring it to the therapist today. We have a water bed, and I know I need to get out of that bed due to the fact that I want nothing to do with him. Yesterday, I was making the bed, and noticed a wet spot...yup, the darn thing was leaking! Oh brother. I couldn't find the zipper on the mattress to get into the thing, so I just left it alone and went to bed. I told my husband and he was understandably upset, so we have resolved to get a new bed. He came up with the perfect solution; we buy 2 twin beds...so I think that is what we are going to do. This is so hard for me...I do see divorce in our future, and I know that God hates divorce, it is just that I'm miserable, and have been for years. Well, thanks for listening to me vent! Love to all, Christmas blessings and Holiday Hugs, Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 21, 2010 Report Share Posted December 21, 2010 We just bought our tree yesterday, Sharon. It is making my house so aromatic! I just love the scent of pine. We wait until Christmas eve to decorate it; all the kids will be here then. Later on, we go to either a 8 or 11pm service at the Old Dutch Church of Sleepy Hollow,1685 (yes, the same churchyard as the Legend of Sleepy Hollow; Washington Irving was from the area). It is lit only by candlelight, as there is no electricity. There is a big pot belly stove that is stoked with wood, as the only heat source. They have a big kettle of mulled apple cider warming on the stove as we worship and sing. We enjoy the cider after service.When we go back home, the kids have fun putting the gifts they got for one another under the tree. Lloyd and I put out the rest of the gifts once everyone is fast asleep; sometimes we have to wait an hour or so, I get sleepy! I'm not sure if , nearly 11 and in 5th grade, still believes in Santa or not. It just hasn't come up this year, so I'm uncertain.We have a 21 lb turkey that my husband got for free from the market--our grocery store has a policy that if you have spent enough $ in a certain time-frame, you can get either a turkey or ham. The limit is 21 lbs, and wouldn't you know, Lloyd just happened upon 1, exactly that weight. It is thawing in the fridge, and he wants to smoke it, but I'm not sure about that method...anyway, I'm going to leave him alone about it, as it would just start a fight...So, lasagna Christmas eve, and turkey Christmas day. I SO wish it would snow on Christmas, but they are predicting not, but perhaps a bit the day after.I hope all my MS buddies are feeling well, and enjoying their holidays!love to each, KateTo: MSersLife Sent: Mon, December 20, 2010 1:05:47 PMSubject: Re: my update I'm sorry, Kate. I'm sorry you and hubby are at this point. I am glad he has agreed to marriage counseling. I know it's hard for you to give up on your marriage so it's a good thing to do anything possible to see if it can be saved. Good! I will be hopeful the counseling will make a huge difference for you both. When do the kids come home? Are you planning any special meals or events while they are all there with you? Enjoy your time with the offspring!love SharonThis email is a natural hand made product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects. To: MSersLife Sent: Mon, December 20, 2010 4:48:53 AMSubject: my update Hi all,I have been reading mostly. I've been feeling on the one hand, elated that all my kids will be gathered here, but depressed and anxious about my marital situation. We have decided to seek a marriage counselor--I NEVER thought that my husband would agree to go. We had a big go-around last night, with him accusing me of twisting things around so that I can see him as the bad guy or something like that. It was an ugly fight, and I think we need to bring it to the therapist today.We have a water bed, and I know I need to get out of that bed due to the fact that I want nothing to do with him. Yesterday, I was making the bed, and noticed a wet spot...yup, the darn thing was leaking! Oh brother. I couldn't find the zipper on the mattress to get into the thing, so I just left it alone and went to bed. I told my husband and he was understandably upset, so we have resolved to get a new bed. He came up with the perfect solution; we buy 2 twin beds...so I think that is what we are going to do.This is so hard for me...I do see divorce in our future, and I know that God hates divorce, it is just that I'm miserable, and have been for years.Well, thanks for listening to me vent!Love to all,Christmas blessingsand Holiday Hugs,Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 21, 2010 Report Share Posted December 21, 2010 Even though I am Jewish (we light candles for Chanukah), I think that everyfestival that comes or historically came (before the new calendar was adopted)around the solstice brings a little light into the darkness! Thank you for your description of your famous church!Love to all of you, Kate,nhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Dutch_Church_of_Sleepy_HollowThe data above needs some editting, but I chose this link as the article shows a photoof the Church.More love, n, descended from two Sephardic Jewish families which had fled tothe Netherlands in 1492 (Spanish Inquisition); some of my relatives became members ofthe Dutch Reform Church. .. . . M.~To: MSersLife Sent: Tue, December 21, 2010 2:29:51 PMSubject: Re: my update We just bought our tree yesterday, Sharon. It is making my house so aromatic! I just love the scent of pine. We wait until Christmas eve to decorate it; all the kids will be here then. Later on, we go to either a 8 or 11pm service at the Old Dutch Church of Sleepy Hollow,1685 (yes, the same churchyard as the Legend of Sleepy Hollow; Washington Irving was from the area). It is lit only by candlelight, as there is no electricity. There is a big pot belly stove that is stoked with wood, as the only heat source. They have a big kettle of mulled apple cider warming on the stove as we worship and sing. We enjoy the cider after service.When we go back home, the kids have fun putting the gifts they got for one another under the tree. Lloyd and I put out the rest of the gifts once everyone is fast asleep; sometimes we have to wait an hour or so, I get sleepy! I'm not sure if , nearly 11 and in 5th grade, still believes in Santa or not. It just hasn't come up this year, so I'm uncertain.We have a 21 lb turkey that my husband got for free from the market--our grocery store has a policy that if you have spent enough $ in a certain time-frame, you can get either a turkey or ham. The limit is 21 lbs, and wouldn't you know, Lloyd just happened upon 1, exactly that weight. It is thawing in the fridge, and he wants to smoke it, but I'm not sure about that method...anyway, I'm going to leave him alone about it, as it would just start a fight...So, lasagna Christmas eve, and turkey Christmas day. I SO wish it would snow on Christmas, but they are predicting not, but perhaps a bit the day after.I hope all my MS buddies are feeling well, and enjoying their holidays!love to each, KateTo: MSersLife Sent: Mon, December 20, 2010 1:05:47 PMSubject: Re: my update I'm sorry, Kate. I'm sorry you and hubby are at this point. I am glad he has agreed to marriage counseling. I know it's hard for you to give up on your marriage so it's a good thing to do anything possible to see if it can be saved. Good! I will be hopeful the counseling will make a huge difference for you both. When do the kids come home? Are you planning any special meals or events while they are all there with you? Enjoy your time with the offspring!love SharonThis email is a natural hand made product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects. To: MSersLife Sent: Mon, December 20, 2010 4:48:53 AMSubject: my update Hi all,I have been reading mostly. I've been feeling on the one hand, elated that all my kids will be gathered here, but depressed and anxious about my marital situation. We have decided to seek a marriage counselor--I NEVER thought that my husband would agree to go. We had a big go-around last night, with him accusing me of twisting things around so that I can see him as the bad guy or something like that. It was an ugly fight, and I think we need to bring it to the therapist today.We have a water bed, and I know I need to get out of that bed due to the fact that I want nothing to do with him. Yesterday, I was making the bed, and noticed a wet spot...yup, the darn thing was leaking! Oh brother. I couldn't find the zipper on the mattress to get into the thing, so I just left it alone and went to bed. I told my husband and he was understandably upset, so we have resolved to get a new bed. He came up with the perfect solution; we buy 2 twin beds...so I think that is what we are going to do.This is so hard for me...I do see divorce in our future, and I know that God hates divorce, it is just that I'm miserable, and have been for years.Well, thanks for listening to me vent!Love to all,Christmas blessingsand Holiday Hugs,Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2010 Report Share Posted December 22, 2010 I'm hoping and praying that it will all work out for you Kate, Counseling is a big step.. and at least you're both willing to give it a whirl, and see if there is anything salvageable that you'll be able to start and rebuild on. The eventually-2-b-x and I went to counseling.. with a minister/licensed counselor.. only thing was.. by the time he decided we should go, and suggested we do just that.. It was too late.. he should have realized sooner and agreed to go before I got to the point I wasn't any longer willing to try.. I did learn a few things about myself during those sessions though.. I needed to work on my self-esteem (having none), but it was finally good to hear that I wasn't completely and totally responsible for the demise of our relationship.. in fact, though I could be remembering wrong, I had little responsibility in that demise.. Though it was the first time that a counselor didn't try to tell me that I was the only one at fault (first one was an super-old-school woman who believed a woman should be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen to be a good wife.. I begged to differ on that point.. LOL.. and she didn't make much money with her attitude either.. at least not from us..) The last guy we saw.. was a good guy.. maybe he little partisan to women and their plights with men from all the years gone by with the barefoot attitudes.. But he did recommend an extremely good book on relationships.. "His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage" by Willard F. Harley. Though the title sounds like it's all about preventing extra-marital affairs, and it does deal with that a bit.. his insights about Love Banks and such stuff.. is actually a great foundation for keeping a relationship strong past the "enamored" stages of a relationship.. how to keep it strong while life gets & keeps us busy with jobs & kids & all other kinds of stressers. And how to keep it growing.. I thought it was great.. unfortunately, came a bit too late in our marriage to do any good.. However... will every once in awhile, look at me and ask.. "How is my Love Bank doing?".. And I've learned that he can't look at my butt and read my mind, so I HAVE to tell him, hard as it is, that I'm feeling neglected (even though I'm not being neglected).. I'm sorry to be sounding preachy.. don't mean to be.. was maybe suggesting the Book though.. I think you'll find it, at the very least entertaining.. because the man IS a very good writer.. and brings his points to light, in an easy understandable, and sometimes humorous way.. I do continue to say a prayer now and again for you and yours.. HUGS |)onna Thanks, . Yeah, the counselor we chose seems like a 'match' for us; she has spent time with us together, and then asked to speak to us each privately, so she had a big picture of issues. I hope we can resolve a lot! There are many, many things to address... Thanks for your words... love, Kate From: Thallas To: MSersLife Sent: Tue, December 21, 2010 2:35:09 PM Subject: RE: my update So sorry for the difficulties, especially this time of year! But the counseling will be good for everyone, divorce or no divorce, so I hope you all keep up with it... Hugs in WY Practical Blackwork Designs http://practicalblackwork.com http://practical-blackwork.blogspot.com "You get a wonderful view from the point of no return..." my update Hi all, I have been reading mostly. I've been feeling on the one hand, elated that all my kids will be gathered here, but depressed and anxious about my marital situation. We have decided to seek a marriage counselor--I NEVER thought that my husband would agree to go. We had a big go-around last night, with him accusing me of twisting things around so that I can see him as the bad guy or something like that. It was an ugly fight, and I think we need to bring it to the therapist today. We have a water bed, and I know I need to get out of that bed due to the fact that I want nothing to do with him. Yesterday, I was making the bed, and noticed a wet spot...yup, the darn thing was leaking! Oh brother. I couldn't find the zipper on the mattress to get into the thing, so I just left it alone and went to bed. I told my husband and he was understandably upset, so we have resolved to get a new bed. He came up with the perfect solution; we buy 2 twin beds...so I think that is what we are going to do. This is so hard for me...I do see divorce in our future, and I know that God hates divorce, it is just that I'm miserable, and have been for years. Well, thanks for listening to me vent! Love to all, Christmas blessings and Holiday Hugs, Kate -- Help Feed The Critters! Your daily click counts at http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2010 Report Share Posted December 22, 2010 Have a wonderful Christmas with your family. Margaret A. CoteTo: MSersLife Sent: Tue, December 21, 2010 4:29:51 PMSubject: Re: my update We just bought our tree yesterday, Sharon. It is making my house so aromatic! I just love the scent of pine. We wait until Christmas eve to decorate it; all the kids will be here then. Later on, we go to either a 8 or 11pm service at the Old Dutch Church of Sleepy Hollow,1685 (yes, the same churchyard as the Legend of Sleepy Hollow; Washington Irving was from the area). It is lit only by candlelight, as there is no electricity. There is a big pot belly stove that is stoked with wood, as the only heat source. They have a big kettle of mulled apple cider warming on the stove as we worship and sing. We enjoy the cider after service.When we go back home, the kids have fun putting the gifts they got for one another under the tree. Lloyd and I put out the rest of the gifts once everyone is fast asleep; sometimes we have to wait an hour or so, I get sleepy! I'm not sure if , nearly 11 and in 5th grade, still believes in Santa or not. It just hasn't come up this year, so I'm uncertain.We have a 21 lb turkey that my husband got for free from the market--our grocery store has a policy that if you have spent enough $ in a certain time-frame, you can get either a turkey or ham. The limit is 21 lbs, and wouldn't you know, Lloyd just happened upon 1, exactly that weight. It is thawing in the fridge, and he wants to smoke it, but I'm not sure about that method...anyway, I'm going to leave him alone about it, as it would just start a fight...So, lasagna Christmas eve, and turkey Christmas day. I SO wish it would snow on Christmas, but they are predicting not, but perhaps a bit the day after.I hope all my MS buddies are feeling well, and enjoying their holidays!love to each, KateTo: MSersLife Sent: Mon, December 20, 2010 1:05:47 PMSubject: Re: my update I'm sorry, Kate. I'm sorry you and hubby are at this point. I am glad he has agreed to marriage counseling. I know it's hard for you to give up on your marriage so it's a good thing to do anything possible to see if it can be saved. Good! I will be hopeful the counseling will make a huge difference for you both. When do the kids come home? Are you planning any special meals or events while they are all there with you? Enjoy your time with the offspring!love SharonThis email is a natural hand made product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects. To: MSersLife Sent: Mon, December 20, 2010 4:48:53 AMSubject: my update Hi all,I have been reading mostly. I've been feeling on the one hand, elated that all my kids will be gathered here, but depressed and anxious about my marital situation. We have decided to seek a marriage counselor--I NEVER thought that my husband would agree to go. We had a big go-around last night, with him accusing me of twisting things around so that I can see him as the bad guy or something like that. It was an ugly fight, and I think we need to bring it to the therapist today.We have a water bed, and I know I need to get out of that bed due to the fact that I want nothing to do with him. Yesterday, I was making the bed, and noticed a wet spot...yup, the darn thing was leaking! Oh brother. I couldn't find the zipper on the mattress to get into the thing, so I just left it alone and went to bed. I told my husband and he was understandably upset, so we have resolved to get a new bed. He came up with the perfect solution; we buy 2 twin beds...so I think that is what we are going to do.This is so hard for me...I do see divorce in our future, and I know that God hates divorce, it is just that I'm miserable, and have been for years.Well, thanks for listening to me vent!Love to all,Christmas blessingsand Holiday Hugs,Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2010 Report Share Posted December 22, 2010 Thank you for your words, Donna. The book sounds interesting, though, as you say, we don't have the cheating aspect to things. Sometimes I wish that were the case on his end, or physical abuse, as those are more 'tangible' things that would make my case easier for divorce. I know that sounds bizarre, but when it is emotional abuse, no one can see it, and I also wonder if 'it's all me'. There are times (many) that I need reality checks, so it's good that I have my own therapist, as well as this marriage counselor.Our foundation for our marriage is crumbling at best, so it is hard to know what can be salvaged.I covet the prayers; they mean the world to me.I too, suffer with low, if any, self-esteem. I think that is why I've settled into being miserable. Thanks again for your input.love, KateTo: MSersLife Sent: Wed, December 22, 2010 7:31:48 AMSubject: Re: my update I'm hoping and praying that it will all work out for you Kate, Counseling is a big step.. and at least you're both willing to give it a whirl, and see if there is anything salvageable that you'll be able to start and rebuild on. The eventually-2-b-x and I went to counseling.. with a minister/licensed counselor.. only thing was.. by the time he decided we should go, and suggested we do just that.. It was too late.. he should have realized sooner and agreed to go before I got to the point I wasn't any longer willing to try.. I did learn a few things about myself during those sessions though.. I needed to work on my self-esteem (having none), but it was finally good to hear that I wasn't completely and totally responsible for the demise of our relationship.. in fact, though I could be remembering wrong, I had little responsibility in that demise.. Though it was the first time that a counselor didn't try to tell me that I was the only one at fault (first one was an super-old-school woman who believed a woman should be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen to be a good wife.. I begged to differ on that point.. LOL.. and she didn't make much money with her attitude either.. at least not from us..) The last guy we saw.. was a good guy.. maybe he little partisan to women and their plights with men from all the years gone by with the barefoot attitudes.. But he did recommend an extremely good book on relationships.. "His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage" by Willard F. Harley. Though the title sounds like it's all about preventing extra-marital affairs, and it does deal with that a bit.. his insights about Love Banks and such stuff.. is actually a great foundation for keeping a relationship strong past the "enamored" stages of a relationship.. how to keep it strong while life gets & keeps us busy with jobs & kids & all other kinds of stressers. And how to keep it growing.. I thought it was great.. unfortunately, came a bit too late in our marriage to do any good.. However... will every once in awhile, look at me and ask.. "How is my Love Bank doing?".. And I've learned that he can't look at my butt and read my mind, so I HAVE to tell him, hard as it is, that I'm feeling neglected (even though I'm not being neglected).. I'm sorry to be sounding preachy.. don't mean to be.. was maybe suggesting the Book though.. I think you'll find it, at the very least entertaining.. because the man IS a very good writer.. and brings his points to light, in an easy understandable, and sometimes humorous way.. I do continue to say a prayer now and again for you and yours.. HUGS |)onna Thanks, . Yeah, the counselor we chose seems like a 'match' for us; she has spent time with us together, and then asked to speak to us each privately, so she had a big picture of issues. I hope we can resolve a lot! There are many, many things to address... Thanks for your words... love, Kate From: Thallas To: MSersLife Sent: Tue, December 21, 2010 2:35:09 PM Subject: RE: my update So sorry for the difficulties, especially this time of year! But the counseling will be good for everyone, divorce or no divorce, so I hope you all keep up with it... Hugs in WY Practical Blackwork Designs http://practicalblackwork.com http://practical-blackwork.blogspot.com "You get a wonderful view from the point of no return..." my update Hi all, I have been reading mostly. I've been feeling on the one hand, elated that all my kids will be gathered here, but depressed and anxious about my marital situation. We have decided to seek a marriage counselor--I NEVER thought that my husband would agree to go. We had a big go-around last night, with him accusing me of twisting things around so that I can see him as the bad guy or something like that. It was an ugly fight, and I think we need to bring it to the therapist today. We have a water bed, and I know I need to get out of that bed due to the fact that I want nothing to do with him. Yesterday, I was making the bed, and noticed a wet spot...yup, the darn thing was leaking! Oh brother. I couldn't find the zipper on the mattress to get into the thing, so I just left it alone and went to bed. I told my husband and he was understandably upset, so we have resolved to get a new bed. He came up with the perfect solution; we buy 2 twin beds...so I think that is what we are going to do. This is so hard for me...I do see divorce in our future, and I know that God hates divorce, it is just that I'm miserable, and have been for years. Well, thanks for listening to me vent! Love to all, Christmas blessings and Holiday Hugs, Kate -- Help Feed The Critters! Your daily click counts at http://www.theanimalrescuesite.com/clickToGive/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2010 Report Share Posted December 22, 2010 Wow, n, I'm so impressed! Your ancestors more than likely worshiped in this church! How special. I'll remember that as I sing Carols there Christmas eve. Yes, lights in the darkness are what it is all about for many of our traditions and beliefs.love to you my friend,KateTo: MSersLife Sent: Tue, December 21, 2010 5:56:26 PMSubject: Re: my update Even though I am Jewish (we light candles for Chanukah), I think that everyfestival that comes or historically came (before the new calendar was adopted)around the solstice brings a little light into the darkness! Thank you for your description of your famous church!Love to all of you, Kate,nhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Old_Dutch_Church_of_Sleepy_HollowThe data above needs some editting, but I chose this link as the article shows a photoof the Church.More love, n, descended from two Sephardic Jewish families which had fled tothe Netherlands in 1492 (Spanish Inquisition); some of my relatives became members ofthe Dutch Reform Church. .. . . M.~To: MSersLife Sent: Tue, December 21, 2010 2:29:51 PMSubject: Re: my update We just bought our tree yesterday, Sharon. It is making my house so aromatic! I just love the scent of pine. We wait until Christmas eve to decorate it; all the kids will be here then. Later on, we go to either a 8 or 11pm service at the Old Dutch Church of Sleepy Hollow,1685 (yes, the same churchyard as the Legend of Sleepy Hollow; Washington Irving was from the area). It is lit only by candlelight, as there is no electricity. There is a big pot belly stove that is stoked with wood, as the only heat source. They have a big kettle of mulled apple cider warming on the stove as we worship and sing. We enjoy the cider after service.When we go back home, the kids have fun putting the gifts they got for one another under the tree. Lloyd and I put out the rest of the gifts once everyone is fast asleep; sometimes we have to wait an hour or so, I get sleepy! I'm not sure if , nearly 11 and in 5th grade, still believes in Santa or not. It just hasn't come up this year, so I'm uncertain.We have a 21 lb turkey that my husband got for free from the market--our grocery store has a policy that if you have spent enough $ in a certain time-frame, you can get either a turkey or ham. The limit is 21 lbs, and wouldn't you know, Lloyd just happened upon 1, exactly that weight. It is thawing in the fridge, and he wants to smoke it, but I'm not sure about that method...anyway, I'm going to leave him alone about it, as it would just start a fight...So, lasagna Christmas eve, and turkey Christmas day. I SO wish it would snow on Christmas, but they are predicting not, but perhaps a bit the day after.I hope all my MS buddies are feeling well, and enjoying their holidays!love to each, KateTo: MSersLife Sent: Mon, December 20, 2010 1:05:47 PMSubject: Re: my update I'm sorry, Kate. I'm sorry you and hubby are at this point. I am glad he has agreed to marriage counseling. I know it's hard for you to give up on your marriage so it's a good thing to do anything possible to see if it can be saved. Good! I will be hopeful the counseling will make a huge difference for you both. When do the kids come home? Are you planning any special meals or events while they are all there with you? Enjoy your time with the offspring!love SharonThis email is a natural hand made product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects. To: MSersLife Sent: Mon, December 20, 2010 4:48:53 AMSubject: my update Hi all,I have been reading mostly. I've been feeling on the one hand, elated that all my kids will be gathered here, but depressed and anxious about my marital situation. We have decided to seek a marriage counselor--I NEVER thought that my husband would agree to go. We had a big go-around last night, with him accusing me of twisting things around so that I can see him as the bad guy or something like that. It was an ugly fight, and I think we need to bring it to the therapist today.We have a water bed, and I know I need to get out of that bed due to the fact that I want nothing to do with him. Yesterday, I was making the bed, and noticed a wet spot...yup, the darn thing was leaking! Oh brother. I couldn't find the zipper on the mattress to get into the thing, so I just left it alone and went to bed. I told my husband and he was understandably upset, so we have resolved to get a new bed. He came up with the perfect solution; we buy 2 twin beds...so I think that is what we are going to do.This is so hard for me...I do see divorce in our future, and I know that God hates divorce, it is just that I'm miserable, and have been for years.Well, thanks for listening to me vent!Love to all,Christmas blessingsand Holiday Hugs,Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 22, 2010 Report Share Posted December 22, 2010 Dear Kate,You're right, emotional abuse or neglect, either situation, is hard for others to understand, because they can't see it.. Much like having MS (we don't "look" sick, therefore how could we be?).. I've been in both situations, not emotional abuse, but neglect.. and the physical abuse situation as well (yeah, made quite a few "bad" choices in my lifetime).. and it's not an easy thing to feel like you're "giving up" and to walk away from the situation. If the marriage counseling is working, more on his part than on yours (because you're the abused, not the abuser) then by all means go with the flow, and try to work it out... IF however, it turns out that he's using the marriage counseling as a way to keep you in the relationship, but you don't see any change in him.. set a time limit for him to at least have made a little change for the better.. and if you don't see those changes coming about.. RUN, DON'T WALK to your nearest attorney.The book is a good read, and very very insightful.. to understanding the differences between.. well his needs.. your needs... There is an example, though I can't remember the exact items in the list, or who ordered what which way.. (wish I could find my copy of the book) but the study that was done, had proven that what most men and most women considered the highest priority on their list of needs.. both having the same list items to put in order.. were two completely different prioritized lists.. Though believe it or not.. Sex was not the #1 item on either gender's list.. was higher on the male side than the female side but not #1.. And how is he doing with the one on one sessions.. He probably should have a therapist of his own as well.. separate from the marriage counselor, though the one on ones there are important too.. but with his own therapist treating him as an individual rather than as a "couple", for anger management, and personal growth, for lack of a better word that I know is out there but my swiss cheese brain won't find.And I understand the "second guessing" yourself as well.. I still do.. even though my self-esteem has improved quite a bit over the past 10 years.. and has worked very hard to assist me in building that esteem.. and I've learned that I actually do have something worthwhile to contribute to things, and that I do have a wealth of knowledge (sometimes pretty darned biased) inside my head.. but I still have those "weak" times in which I spend way too much time second guessing, and beating dead horses.. So I have an inkling of what your up against, with your situation, and yourself to boot.. Anytime you feel the need to talk sister.. I'm hear to listen and offer any support that I can possibly offer.. just let me know, and I can call you and you can share or talk or get it off your chest in a major "bitchfest" (as I like to call it).. I have unlimited long distance day and night.. so that's not a problem.. and I've got ALL the time in the world to lend the support you need whenever you need it.. day or night.. I'm here for you..Love you lotsTons of Hugs|)onna, the QUEEN of CRAZY! Re: my update Thank you for your words, Donna. The book sounds interesting, though, as you say, we don't have the cheating aspect to things. Sometimes I wish that were the case on his end, or physical abuse, as those are more 'tangible' things that would make my case easier for divorce. I know that sounds bizarre, but when it is emotional abuse, no one can see it, and I also wonder if 'it's all me'. There are times (many) that I need reality checks, so it's good that I have my own therapist, as well as this marriage counselor.Our foundation for our marriage is crumbling at best, so it is hard to know what can be salvaged.I covet the prayers; they mean the world to me.I too, suffer with low, if any, self-esteem. I think that is why I've settled into being miserable. Thanks again for your input.love, Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted December 23, 2010 Report Share Posted December 23, 2010 Thank you so much ,Donna! You SO get me, and my situation. I really appreciate your words and encouragement, I really do. Post me off list as to your phone#;I may just take you up on a 'bitchfest'--perfect word for it, though spell check doesn't think so!I'm very blessed and grateful to know you.love, and hugs back atcha, KateTo: MSersLife Sent: Wed, December 22, 2010 3:49:02 PMSubject: Re: my update Dear Kate,You're right, emotional abuse or neglect, either situation, is hard for others to understand, because they can't see it.. Much like having MS (we don't "look" sick, therefore how could we be?).. I've been in both situations, not emotional abuse, but neglect.. and the physical abuse situation as well (yeah, made quite a few "bad" choices in my lifetime).. and it's not an easy thing to feel like you're "giving up" and to walk away from the situation. If the marriage counseling is working, more on his part than on yours (because you're the abused, not the abuser) then by all means go with the flow, and try to work it out... IF however, it turns out that he's using the marriage counseling as a way to keep you in the relationship, but you don't see any change in him.. set a time limit for him to at least have made a little change for the better.. and if you don't see those changes coming about.. RUN, DON'T WALK to your nearest attorney.The book is a good read, and very very insightful.. to understanding the differences between.. well his needs.. your needs... There is an example, though I can't remember the exact items in the list, or who ordered what which way.. (wish I could find my copy of the book) but the study that was done, had proven that what most men and most women considered the highest priority on their list of needs.. both having the same list items to put in order.. were two completely different prioritized lists.. Though believe it or not.. Sex was not the #1 item on either gender's list.. was higher on the male side than the female side but not #1.. And how is he doing with the one on one sessions.. He probably should have a therapist of his own as well.. separate from the marriage counselor, though the one on ones there are important too.. but with his own therapist treating him as an individual rather than as a "couple", for anger management, and personal growth, for lack of a better word that I know is out there but my swiss cheese brain won't find.And I understand the "second guessing" yourself as well.. I still do.. even though my self-esteem has improved quite a bit over the past 10 years.. and has worked very hard to assist me in building that esteem.. and I've learned that I actually do have something worthwhile to contribute to things, and that I do have a wealth of knowledge (sometimes pretty darned biased) inside my head.. but I still have those "weak" times in which I spend way too much time second guessing, and beating dead horses.. So I have an inkling of what your up against, with your situation, and yourself to boot.. Anytime you feel the need to talk sister.. I'm hear to listen and offer any support that I can possibly offer.. just let me know, and I can call you and you can share or talk or get it off your chest in a major "bitchfest" (as I like to call it).. I have unlimited long distance day and night.. so that's not a problem.. and I've got ALL the time in the world to lend the support you need whenever you need it.. day or night.. I'm here for you..Love you lotsTons of Hugs|)onna, the QUEEN of CRAZY! Re: my update Thank you for your words, Donna. The book sounds interesting, though, as you say, we don't have the cheating aspect to things. Sometimes I wish that were the case on his end, or physical abuse, as those are more 'tangible' things that would make my case easier for divorce. I know that sounds bizarre, but when it is emotional abuse, no one can see it, and I also wonder if 'it's all me'. There are times (many) that I need reality checks, so it's good that I have my own therapist, as well as this marriage counselor.Our foundation for our marriage is crumbling at best, so it is hard to know what can be salvaged.I covet the prayers; they mean the world to me.I too, suffer with low, if any, self-esteem. I think that is why I've settled into being miserable. Thanks again for your input.love, Kate Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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