Guest guest Posted January 19, 2012 Report Share Posted January 19, 2012 Hey Gang, It's been a while since I have had time to write. I realize - as i lay here with a migraine the size of Michigan, that I am under an extreme amount of stress and that I need extra support right now. Here's the overview of my last few months: - Oct 25, laid off from a job I have held for 5 years. FIVE YEARS - Studied my friggin butt off like 6 hours a day, took GRE and applied to 5 graduate programs, four in other states - Started my own business - Watched my relationship of SIX years continue to deteriorate - I got therapy and changed, he stayed the same. And it has now deteriorated to a point where I have to admit he is either a total moron or has dementia, because he can't see the obvious - Watched a beloved pet lose his hearing and become ancient - Adopted a puppy - and finally moved out of my boyfriend's house, returning to live in my own house which adds quite a bit of financial burden - launched my first solo art show - 2,000 square feet (this was planned long long before any of the other stuff) Its the second time I've been sick since NY, and I know that it's stress. I'm not quite sure what to do. I could also lose my health insurance and half of my clients at any time if my old job decided to pull that away. I am refinancing my house - and have only just begun to realize the tax burden of having rented it out. I guess i don't really have nada issues with this - other than the fact that I have no family to call on. In other words, this sucks. I've been playing it off as being really tough and not getting to me - but it is getting to me. My T says I'm not starting over. . . but I am self employed for the first time in my life, living alone and trying to figure out what to do with a relationship that lasted 6 freaking years. I still love my boyfriend, but I don't want to be responsible for him for the rest of his damn life. . . Gah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2012 Report Share Posted January 19, 2012 I'd be scared to death to be in your shoes. I kinda of understand what you're going through because 2 years ago my now ex husband served me with divorce papers saying he just wasn't happy. He made 3 times as much as me but under ny regs I'm not elegible for alimoney because I continued to work. I didn't think it would ever get better, despite everyone telling me it would. Well here I sit two years later and I'm happy. I never realized how unhappy I had been. You won't belive this right now but it will be ok and you will survive. It just doesn't seem possible right now but it is. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2012 Report Share Posted January 19, 2012 Well, that does indeed suck the big one, as they say. Not the puppy part. Puppies belong on the " not sucking the big one " side of the ledger. But wait................ Does it really suck? It sure sounds stressful alright. Change is stressful. Sickness is stressful. Unknown territory is stressful. Transitions are stressful. Financial uncertainty is stressful. God knows, romantic relationship deterioration is stressful for KOs. By the sounds of it, you have had a butt load of all of the above. (Forgive the expression; it is something about your perkiness in general that makes me feel playful right now.) I have to tell you though that from the outside, looking at this list (that is, not experiencing the stress of it first hand), it kind of looks like you are also making butt loads of progress. I'd say that you are kind of in the midst of transforming yourself. Dare I say this...... Lots of it actually sounds kind of exciting - filled with potential, beginnings, creativity, and opportunities for you to increasingly define yourself as you. You can tell me if it is really annoying and invalidating for me to see the bright side of this for you. Just say bugger off, HC, that is not what I need right now and I'll understand! P.S. I hope your migraine shrinks to the size of NJ and then lifts altogether straight away. HC > > Hey Gang, > It's been a while since I have had time to write. I realize - as i lay here > with a migraine the size of Michigan, that I am under an extreme amount of > stress and that I need extra support right now. Here's the overview of my > last few months: > - Oct 25, laid off from a job I have held for 5 years. FIVE YEARS > - Studied my friggin butt off like 6 hours a day, took GRE and applied to 5 > graduate programs, four in other states > - Started my own business > - Watched my relationship of SIX years continue to deteriorate - I got > therapy and changed, he stayed the same. And it has now deteriorated to a > point where I have to admit he is either a total moron or has dementia, > because he can't see the obvious > - Watched a beloved pet lose his hearing and become ancient > - Adopted a puppy > - and finally moved out of my boyfriend's house, returning to live in my > own house which adds quite a bit of financial burden > - launched my first solo art show - 2,000 square feet (this was planned > long long before any of the other stuff) > > Its the second time I've been sick since NY, and I know that it's stress. > I'm not quite sure what to do. I could also lose my health insurance and > half of my clients at any time if my old job decided to pull that away. > > I am refinancing my house - and have only just begun to realize the tax > burden of having rented it out. > > I guess i don't really have nada issues with this - other than the fact > that I have no family to call on. > > In other words, this sucks. I've been playing it off as being really tough > and not getting to me - but it is getting to me. My T says I'm not starting > over. . . but I am self employed for the first time in my life, living > alone and trying to figure out what to do with a relationship that lasted 6 > freaking years. I still love my boyfriend, but I don't want to be > responsible for him for the rest of his damn life. . . Gah > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2012 Report Share Posted January 19, 2012 {{{{{HUGS}}}}}} I hear you. C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2012 Report Share Posted January 19, 2012 Oh my god - progress. It is progress. Progress is stressful, just ask my pioneer ancestor's who progressed westward step by step HA HA had to work a pioneer reference in there. I'm doing a lot better now a couple hours later and I got my huge stupid work assignment done. I guess it cheered me up to bill a client while propped on pillows and violently retching every 6 min. (TMI?) Thanks guys, I need to come here every day. You guys really lift me up. And the puppy is awesome, he is a bruiser, a 90 lb Airedale (he is 18 months old, so he is huge). I wish I could take better care of him right now. > ** > > > {{{{{HUGS}}}}}} > > I hear you. > > C > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 19, 2012 Report Share Posted January 19, 2012 it's not all about nada? that does sound crappy. grad school is so time consuming, it must be really hard to do all of that on top of it. my husband has been going to grad school the last 5 years. he has to work very hard to keep up. we have had to get really good at spending no money. it can be done, the less debt now, the better off you will be in the end. (duh) we are debt free (ok we just bought a car so I lied) and I love it! as for the boyfriend that is rough. it sounds like you are already made your choice though. stick to your guns. you deserve a person who you can work with to become your best self. stress is killer. I think your therapist is right. you are not starting over, you are moving forward. hooray? it all sucks. I hope you get a lucky break. enjoy the puppy. Meikjn > > Hey Gang, > It's been a while since I have had time to write. I realize - as i lay here > with a migraine the size of Michigan, that I am under an extreme amount of > stress and that I need extra support right now. Here's the overview of my > last few months: > - Oct 25, laid off from a job I have held for 5 years. FIVE YEARS > - Studied my friggin butt off like 6 hours a day, took GRE and applied to 5 > graduate programs, four in other states > - Started my own business > - Watched my relationship of SIX years continue to deteriorate - I got > therapy and changed, he stayed the same. And it has now deteriorated to a > point where I have to admit he is either a total moron or has dementia, > because he can't see the obvious > - Watched a beloved pet lose his hearing and become ancient > - Adopted a puppy > - and finally moved out of my boyfriend's house, returning to live in my > own house which adds quite a bit of financial burden > - launched my first solo art show - 2,000 square feet (this was planned > long long before any of the other stuff) > > Its the second time I've been sick since NY, and I know that it's stress. > I'm not quite sure what to do. I could also lose my health insurance and > half of my clients at any time if my old job decided to pull that away. > > I am refinancing my house - and have only just begun to realize the tax > burden of having rented it out. > > I guess i don't really have nada issues with this - other than the fact > that I have no family to call on. > > In other words, this sucks. I've been playing it off as being really tough > and not getting to me - but it is getting to me. My T says I'm not starting > over. . . but I am self employed for the first time in my life, living > alone and trying to figure out what to do with a relationship that lasted 6 > freaking years. I still love my boyfriend, but I don't want to be > responsible for him for the rest of his damn life. . . Gah > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2012 Report Share Posted January 20, 2012 Hi GS!! It's nice to hear your " voice. " you really are under a ton of stress. Just one of the situations you described would be enough to upset me. As I was reading your post, I was admiring you for making tough choices (like moving out from your bf's house) while so much other stuff was going on. That really takes a lot of courage. Big hugs, Fiona > > Hey Gang, > It's been a while since I have had time to write. I realize - as i lay here > with a migraine the size of Michigan, that I am under an extreme amount of > stress and that I need extra support right now. Here's the overview of my > last few months: > - Oct 25, laid off from a job I have held for 5 years. FIVE YEARS > - Studied my friggin butt off like 6 hours a day, took GRE and applied to 5 > graduate programs, four in other states > - Started my own business > - Watched my relationship of SIX years continue to deteriorate - I got > therapy and changed, he stayed the same. And it has now deteriorated to a > point where I have to admit he is either a total moron or has dementia, > because he can't see the obvious > - Watched a beloved pet lose his hearing and become ancient > - Adopted a puppy > - and finally moved out of my boyfriend's house, returning to live in my > own house which adds quite a bit of financial burden > - launched my first solo art show - 2,000 square feet (this was planned > long long before any of the other stuff) > > Its the second time I've been sick since NY, and I know that it's stress. > I'm not quite sure what to do. I could also lose my health insurance and > half of my clients at any time if my old job decided to pull that away. > > I am refinancing my house - and have only just begun to realize the tax > burden of having rented it out. > > I guess i don't really have nada issues with this - other than the fact > that I have no family to call on. > > In other words, this sucks. I've been playing it off as being really tough > and not getting to me - but it is getting to me. My T says I'm not starting > over. . . but I am self employed for the first time in my life, living > alone and trying to figure out what to do with a relationship that lasted 6 > freaking years. I still love my boyfriend, but I don't want to be > responsible for him for the rest of his damn life. . . Gah > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2012 Report Share Posted January 20, 2012 Sending my emotional support too, GS. I agree: any two of the multiple things you are juggling right now would be too much for me to deal with effectively at the same time. I hope you will find solutions to each of these issues that work well for you, you deserve to have some peace and serenity. -Annie > > Hi GS!! It's nice to hear your " voice. " > > you really are under a ton of stress. Just one of the situations you described would be enough to upset me. > > As I was reading your post, I was admiring you for making tough choices (like moving out from your bf's house) while so much other stuff was going on. That really takes a lot of courage. > > Big hugs, > > Fiona Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 20, 2012 Report Share Posted January 20, 2012 Oh, Lordy - Annie, I am so sorry about the job, the dog, and the house. The boyfriend - I dunno, the choice between " Moron or Dementia " sounds awfully familiar. (sorry guys - sometime we females just have to wonder about you men.) The fact that there's no Nada drama in all of this ought to provide some relief - but it also points up the fact that real life goes on, even without our BPDs. The BPs take up a lot of space, but real life has real problems that DO come crashing down. I hope that the new year will allow you to solve all of these problems, one at a time. I know you have a lot of strength and intelligence. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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