Flying Monkeys

[Guest guest]

The last 12mths has been a real eye opener for me. I've always known something

was " off " but I didn't really start seeing the bigger picture until about a year

ago. I finally said no to Chritmas just gone and it was wonderful for me,

husband and kids. Since finding Oz even more of the pieces have fallen into

place and I have been strengthened by everyone here (thank you).

But I think nada is now escalating and I don't know if she just would have gone

there anyway or is it is early signs of dementia (her mother had dementia at the

end of her life) - she is in her late 60's.

My sister has always been her prize flying monkey and quite frankly is either

high or tanked most of the time so is easily influenced (and I suspect BPD also

apart from being the golden child). The kicker was my husband bumped into my

godmother at our local shopping centre recently and he found out just what nada

has been saying about me! My godmother is a lovely women and quite astute (thank

God) and instead of casting judgement asked questions instead.

Apparently Nada has been saying that I don't want to speak to anyone and I've

changed my mobile number (I've had the same number for 15yrs - nada just doesn't

like mobiles). Nada complained that I wouldn't give her any more grandchildren

(we decided to stop after I had Chickenpox for the first time at 34 as it can

really screw up any eggs that are left). My husband just stated our situation

and let my godmother know that she was free to contact me and that my number had

not changed. She came to the conclusion that she would prefer to stay out of the

middle of it and would read between the lines of anything that was said in the

future.

As I do not have any aunts, uncles or cousins I've never experienced flying

monkeys apart from my sister and quite frankly I'm a bit pissed off (well maybe

more than a bit). She even sent my kids a letter saying that she had presents

for them and would bring them when she was allowed to come and visit. Luckily my

kids have seen her in full swing in my direction and have her measure so just

handed the note over with a great deal of eye rolling.

NC is looking better everyday.

LT

[Guest guest]

I never thought my nada lied until she started lying about me. Most the time her

lies are what I call lies of omission, but lies notheless.

I know now that she is very sneaky and devious. She has sworn up one side and

down the other that she doesn't talk to my dad's wife anymore, but I know that

she does. sometimes it is like dealing with my kid, she thinks she is pulling

one over on me, but what she doesn't realize is that I have more than a few

people that I compare notes with and amongst us we manage to put all the pieces

together and get the picture.

I don't think nadas/fadas ever really change their behavior, they just get

better at hiding the stuff that they know goes too far. Because she knows that

continuing to interfere in my dad's current marriage is a deal breaker, she is

better at hiding it, but I know she still does now and then. Like dealing with a

kid only slightly better at lying.

C

>

> The last 12mths has been a real eye opener for me. I've always known something

was " off " but I didn't really start seeing the bigger picture until about a year

ago. I finally said no to Chritmas just gone and it was wonderful for me,

husband and kids. Since finding Oz even more of the pieces have fallen into

place and I have been strengthened by everyone here (thank you).

>

> But I think nada is now escalating and I don't know if she just would have

gone there anyway or is it is early signs of dementia (her mother had dementia

at the end of her life) - she is in her late 60's.

>

> My sister has always been her prize flying monkey and quite frankly is either

high or tanked most of the time so is easily influenced (and I suspect BPD also

apart from being the golden child). The kicker was my husband bumped into my

godmother at our local shopping centre recently and he found out just what nada

has been saying about me! My godmother is a lovely women and quite astute (thank

God) and instead of casting judgement asked questions instead.

>

> Apparently Nada has been saying that I don't want to speak to anyone and I've

changed my mobile number (I've had the same number for 15yrs - nada just doesn't

like mobiles). Nada complained that I wouldn't give her any more grandchildren

(we decided to stop after I had Chickenpox for the first time at 34 as it can

really screw up any eggs that are left). My husband just stated our situation

and let my godmother know that she was free to contact me and that my number had

not changed. She came to the conclusion that she would prefer to stay out of the

middle of it and would read between the lines of anything that was said in the

future.

>

> As I do not have any aunts, uncles or cousins I've never experienced flying

monkeys apart from my sister and quite frankly I'm a bit pissed off (well maybe

more than a bit). She even sent my kids a letter saying that she had presents

for them and would bring them when she was allowed to come and visit. Luckily my

kids have seen her in full swing in my direction and have her measure so just

handed the note over with a great deal of eye rolling.

>

> NC is looking better everyday.

>

> LT

>

[Guest guest]

Hi All,

You mention they lie . . . . .

I finally got s much needed reality check. You'd think, at 50+ years

old, I'd a caught on sooner, however, I guess I must have a long learning

curve. This is reality with a BPD/NPD individual,

Their Children, and everyone else on the planet are simply emotional food

sources.

If you say " No " to them, you deserve to be destroyed.

You have no rights. Period.

Your needs are totally unimportant.

If they are talking, they are manipulating. They are either planting

information, (Lying,) or digging for information.

They don't care if they destroy you. As a matter of fact, you probably

deserve it, if for no other reason than it makes them feel better.

You don't mind, do you? Oh never mind, it doesn't matter anyway.

They lie as easily as you and I blink, or breathe. The truth is simply a

momentary inconvenience, their families are not real people to them, as

soon as we are out of sight, we cease to exist in any real way., so they

feel free to cannibalize us for our value as narcissistic fodder.

The event that brought this all home to me follows

My beloved Great Aunt, who is the epitome of empathy, compassion, and

grace, is trying desperately to disentangle herself from a monster waif

BPD associate, who just informed her that she " needs my aunt to be

available by phone, just in case BPD needs to call someone for support on

Tuesday.

My GA. said " no, I have a Drs. appointment that day " to which the BPD,

replied, well, you can change it, I may need someone to talk to.

Again GA refused to delay her Drs apt. to a later time that day, or to

move it to a different day all together.

BPD then asks what Dr. the apt is with, to which GA., uncomfortable with

the question, gives her the name of her veterinarian, instead of her actual

physician.

!!!!!!!!!!! BPD CALLS THE VET!!!!!!!!!!!

and tries to *cancel* GA's non existent appt.

When the Vet says they don't have an appt for GA, BPD calls her back, in

a purple rage, accusing her of either being feeble-minded, which she is

not! or of being a liar, and that now that she is caught, she'll just*

have*to be available!

GA., sticks to her guns, and is told by BPD that " she'll be sorry " that

the only reason any family pays any attention to her, is because we're

greedy, and that she'll soon learn who her real friends are! and that

she'll give my GA a day to think about changing her mind.

Makes my blood boil! I don't live close enough to protect her from this

slime devil, the way I would if we lived closer.

I have encouraged her to let her attorney know that this woman seems to

have some issues regarding boundaries, and great surprise, the atty.

already knew who she was talking about! Evidently she has quite a

reputation in this somewhat small town as being a hot screaming mess. Atty.

went on to tell my GA., that she is capable of some* really* outrages

acting out behavior, and to be careful.

Reminds me of every interaction I ever had with my Nada, who was a NPD

Witch Queen. Nothing that ever came out of her mouth was true. Not the

good, not the bad, nothing. If her mouth was moving, she was lying. I

finally get it. I was never real to her, none of us are real to BPDs. They

are toxic waste. I refuse to give over one more anguished tear, one more

agonized second trying to fit her grossly perverted sense of entitlement

into any semblance of what passes for " normal. "

They are not anywhere near normal. I'm not even sure they are the same

species.

I'm done trying to find something to salvage, or something positive about

this train wreck. They are simply monsters. We owe them nothing.

Sunspot

> **

>

>

> I never thought my nada lied until she started lying about me. Most the

> time her lies are what I call lies of omission, but lies notheless.

>

> I know now that she is very sneaky and devious. She has sworn up one side

> and down the other that she doesn't talk to my dad's wife anymore, but I

> know that she does. sometimes it is like dealing with my kid, she thinks

> she is pulling one over on me, but what she doesn't realize is that I have

> more than a few people that I compare notes with and amongst us we manage

> to put all the pieces together and get the picture.

>

> I don't think nadas/fadas ever really change their behavior, they just get

> better at hiding the stuff that they know goes too far. Because she knows

> that continuing to interfere in my dad's current marriage is a deal

> breaker, she is better at hiding it, but I know she still does now and

> then. Like dealing with a kid only slightly better at lying.

>

> C

>

>

>

> >

> > The last 12mths has been a real eye opener for me. I've always known

> something was " off " but I didn't really start seeing the bigger picture

> until about a year ago. I finally said no to Chritmas just gone and it was

> wonderful for me, husband and kids. Since finding Oz even more of the

> pieces have fallen into place and I have been strengthened by everyone here

> (thank you).

> >

> > But I think nada is now escalating and I don't know if she just would

> have gone there anyway or is it is early signs of dementia (her mother had

> dementia at the end of her life) - she is in her late 60's.

> >

> > My sister has always been her prize flying monkey and quite frankly is

> either high or tanked most of the time so is easily influenced (and I

> suspect BPD also apart from being the golden child). The kicker was my

> husband bumped into my godmother at our local shopping centre recently and

> he found out just what nada has been saying about me! My godmother is a

> lovely women and quite astute (thank God) and instead of casting judgement

> asked questions instead.

> >

> > Apparently Nada has been saying that I don't want to speak to anyone and

> I've changed my mobile number (I've had the same number for 15yrs - nada

> just doesn't like mobiles). Nada complained that I wouldn't give her any

> more grandchildren (we decided to stop after I had Chickenpox for the first

> time at 34 as it can really screw up any eggs that are left). My husband

> just stated our situation and let my godmother know that she was free to

> contact me and that my number had not changed. She came to the conclusion

> that she would prefer to stay out of the middle of it and would read

> between the lines of anything that was said in the future.

> >

> > As I do not have any aunts, uncles or cousins I've never experienced

> flying monkeys apart from my sister and quite frankly I'm a bit pissed off

> (well maybe more than a bit). She even sent my kids a letter saying that

> she had presents for them and would bring them when she was allowed to come

> and visit. Luckily my kids have seen her in full swing in my direction and

> have her measure so just handed the note over with a great deal of eye

> rolling.

> >

> > NC is looking better everyday.

> >

> > LT

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sunspot, that woman sounds positively scary. She sounds like being involved with

the MOB. the fact that the attorney your aunt contacted already knew of her

local rep is just alarming.

YIKES

C

[Guest guest]

Dear C,

What you said about your Nada lying about you, her own daughter,

resonated with me tonight. I have fought this with my own Nada all my life.

I used to wonder at some of the misinformation people would come up, about

me, and then catch hell from my Nada when I'd trry to straighten the BS out.

Eventually I stopped trying. Good stuff, bad stuff, it didn't matter,

if it came out of her mouth, it was " edited for the public " in a way that

made her look heroic. It was so wierd. I could always tell if the cleaning

ladies were there, or her friends, or even my father, when I called home,

because she would put on this phony, sad, consoling voice, as if I was

weeping into the phone, and threatening to throw myself down a well at any

moment. Lord I hated that voice.

Or, conversely, if it suited her, for me to have some little success,

she would act all cheerful, and peppy, and congradulatory, even if I was

just telling her the weather was good. BPD/NPDs are truly creepy creepy

creatures. My own father died thinking Heaven-only-knows-what about who I

am as a person, all because she appointed herseelf editor of everyone elses

relationships. It just blows me away, that they feel justified in this

behavior, and in their bizarro world demands, which brings me back to my

Great Aunt.

It makes me feel so helpless, to be so far away from the Gr. Aunt who has

kept my sanity safe, who held me whole, and when I thought I was so lost I

couldn't be found anymore, turned up, patiently waiting for me to struggle

back to my feet, brush me off, and say " no, it wasn't a bad dream, but

you're ok now. "

I can't protect her from this tiny, poisonous, elderly haradan - to look

at this little frizzled up pathetic looking elderly woman, you almost feel

sorry for her, until she opens her mouth and starts talking. Then, the

total self-absorption, the incredible sense of entitlement, the weird

commands, and demands, pronouncements, and lies-lies-lies.

She's a bully, a thug,' and a monster, just like Nada. They present a

little differently, my Nada, rarely pulled waif crap, mostly witch queen.

This old gal is waif queen.

I'm so sick of these people. I'm gonna buy Annies collars by the gross,

then I suggest a bunch of us get together, make a list, and go tag these

suckers, just like biologists do with species they're studying.

Maybe we could at least keep tabs on where they congregate . . ..

Sometimes, when we go out, my Husband will run a commentary, like they

used to on the Mutual of Omaha wildlife documentaries,

" ......quietly, now, so we don't frighten them, the Bpd waif is creeping

up to the buffet line,.... be very very quiet..... there now, she has her

little plate, notice it is the bread plate, and not the full-sized dinner

plate, and she is searching through the salad bowl for the limpest, saddest

leaf she can find.........

or,......and to our right we find the queen, eating off everybody elses

plate, as she has every right to do, oh waite, she tasted something she

didn't like, and the owner of the plate is getting his richly deserved

dressing down...didn't he know she* hates* Italian dressing?....what the

hell is wrong with him,* SHE* prefers Ranch, no-one in their right mind

would eat Italian.......

and, over in the corner, we have the witch, smiling and waiting her

turn to ask somebody, *somebody vulnerable*, if they really think they

should be eating " that much dressing, desert, gravy or what-have-you,

anything, just so long as she can make them feel like crap, oh, waite,

there is that nice big blond girl, cousin Agnesses pimply faced son is

dating, she's lost weight, she must think she's hot stuff in that

dress, *weeelllllllllll,

my pretty,* we can fix that.........oh, and she's off......

I've been in therapy for this crap for about a billion years, screaming "

I want my mmmommmmmyyy! Just recently, I've changed my mind. I want me.

Whole. Just who I am. And my Husband, Son, and assorted pets, plants and

the jolly messes we make doing the things we love to do, are ok too. No

more of her lies, no more bullshit, no more crazy phone calls, no more

drama traps. No more trying to make life in crazyland make sense. I turn in

my passport.

Lets get the sign up sheet going for that tagging expedition,

We're gonna need camaphlage and nets, anybody got a dart gun? Sunspot

> **

>

>

> Sunspot, that woman sounds positively scary. She sounds like being

> involved with the MOB. the fact that the attorney your aunt contacted

> already knew of her local rep is just alarming.

>

> YIKES

>

> C

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I love the " Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom " commentary from your husband, what a

marvelous sense of humor he has!! Give him a big hug from me! My virtual

fantasy factory is churning out boxcar loads of virtual fantasy " No Mo BPD "

Training Collars for your national " BPD Tagging " event. Sign me up!

-Annie

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > Sunspot, that woman sounds positively scary. She sounds like being

> > involved with the MOB. the fact that the attorney your aunt contacted

> > already knew of her local rep is just alarming.

> >

> > YIKES

> >

> > C

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sunspot

Your post was so funny and bang on the money! My nada does all that you

describe to a T!

I needed that giggle

Thanks

Mel

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > Sunspot, that woman sounds positively scary. She sounds like being

> > involved with the MOB. the fact that the attorney your aunt contacted

> > already knew of her local rep is just alarming.

> >

> > YIKES

> >

> > C

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

LOL, love it. your darling husband is a hoot!

C

>

>

>

> Sometimes, when we go out, my Husband will run a commentary, like they

> used to on the Mutual of Omaha wildlife documentaries,

>

> " ......quietly, now, so we don't frighten them, the Bpd waif is creeping

> up to the buffet line,.... be very very quiet..... there now, she has her

> little plate, notice it is the bread plate, and not the full-sized dinner

> plate, and she is searching through the salad bowl for the limpest, saddest

> leaf she can find.........

>

> or,......and to our right we find the queen, eating off everybody elses

> plate, as she has every right to do, oh waite, she tasted something she

> didn't like, and the owner of the plate is getting his richly deserved

> dressing down...didn't he know she* hates* Italian dressing?....what the

> hell is wrong with him,* SHE* prefers Ranch, no-one in their right mind

> would eat Italian.......

>

> and, over in the corner, we have the witch, smiling and waiting her

> turn to ask somebody, *somebody vulnerable*, if they really think they

> should be eating " that much dressing, desert, gravy or what-have-you,

> anything, just so long as she can make them feel like crap, oh, waite,

> there is that nice big blond girl, cousin Agnesses pimply faced son is

> dating, she's lost weight, she must think she's hot stuff in that

> dress, *weeelllllllllll,

> my pretty,* we can fix that.........oh, and she's off......

>

> I've been in therapy for this crap for about a billion years, screaming "

> I want my mmmommmmmyyy! Just recently, I've changed my mind. I want me.

> Whole. Just who I am. And my Husband, Son, and assorted pets, plants and

> the jolly messes we make doing the things we love to do, are ok too. No

> more of her lies, no more bullshit, no more crazy phone calls, no more

> drama traps. No more trying to make life in crazyland make sense. I turn in

> my passport.

>

> Lets get the sign up sheet going for that tagging expedition,

> We're gonna need camaphlage and nets, anybody got a dart gun? Sunspot

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks KOs!

Your the first on the sign-up sheet, Annie!

I was soooo lucky to find my DH! He caught onto her duplicitousness as

soon as he met her, which endeared him to me for life. He had a step

grandmother, and an aunt who were both BPD, so he says he recognized " the

look . "

I don't know what I would have done without his love, validation and

support, and really wicked sense of humor! My Nada *hates* him, and refers

to him, when she is angry at me (go figure) as " that son af a bitch. "

Charming woman.

Sunspot

> **

>

>

> LOL, love it. your darling husband is a hoot!

> C

>

>

>

> >

> >

> >

> > Sometimes, when we go out, my Husband will run a commentary, like they

> > used to on the Mutual of Omaha wildlife documentaries,

> >

> > " ......quietly, now, so we don't frighten them, the Bpd waif is creeping

> > up to the buffet line,.... be very very quiet..... there now, she has her

> > little plate, notice it is the bread plate, and not the full-sized dinner

> > plate, and she is searching through the salad bowl for the limpest,

> saddest

> > leaf she can find.........

> >

> > or,......and to our right we find the queen, eating off everybody elses

> > plate, as she has every right to do, oh waite, she tasted something she

> > didn't like, and the owner of the plate is getting his richly deserved

> > dressing down...didn't he know she* hates* Italian dressing?....what the

> > hell is wrong with him,* SHE* prefers Ranch, no-one in their right mind

>

> > would eat Italian.......

> >

> > and, over in the corner, we have the witch, smiling and waiting her

> > turn to ask somebody, *somebody vulnerable*, if they really think they

>

> > should be eating " that much dressing, desert, gravy or what-have-you,

> > anything, just so long as she can make them feel like crap, oh, waite,

> > there is that nice big blond girl, cousin Agnesses pimply faced son is

> > dating, she's lost weight, she must think she's hot stuff in that

> > dress, *weeelllllllllll,

> > my pretty,* we can fix that.........oh, and she's off......

>

> >

> > I've been in therapy for this crap for about a billion years, screaming "

> > I want my mmmommmmmyyy! Just recently, I've changed my mind. I want me.

> > Whole. Just who I am. And my Husband, Son, and assorted pets, plants and

> > the jolly messes we make doing the things we love to do, are ok too. No

> > more of her lies, no more bullshit, no more crazy phone calls, no more

> > drama traps. No more trying to make life in crazyland make sense. I turn

> in

> > my passport.

> >

> > Lets get the sign up sheet going for that tagging expedition,

> > We're gonna need camaphlage and nets, anybody got a dart gun? Sunspot

> >

>

>

>