Re: Empowering week

[Guest guest]

Congratulations.  My ex in laws could never figure out my nada either. 

Forcing them to acknowledge that basically everything they're trying to force

off on us is really their choice, is almost awakening for them

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Friday, January 20, 2012 11:14 AM

Subject: Empowering week

 

A couple of positive things happened this week and I just wanted to share my ray

of light.

This past weekend at my little girl's birthday party, nada was there, along with

15 other relatives. My mother in law remarked to me last night - " When you

weren't looking, your mother was sitting in the corner literally glaring at you.

It was really awful. I just kept thinking that was the last thing you needed

right now... " She was retelling this all with a shock in her voice. I am 8

months pregnant and it blows my in laws away the way my mom has treated me and

this especially shocked her to see it up close and personal.

In a strange way, it was validating for someone to come to me and basically say

- " wow your mom really does have issues " and I didn't have to say a word. It was

like she was saying without saying it - I get it now. I got a glimpse of the

hate in her eyes.

Then Tuesday, I received an email from my nada, who copied both my brothers,

asking if we wanted to be the emergency contact people for when she goes to

Guatemala. It was a rather weird email and I at first responded with one

sentence saying " You have our numbers they haven't changed " .

Then she replied saying what she was actually asking is if I *wanted* to be the

emergency contact. (I knew that's what she wanted, just wasn't going there). The

" do you CARE about me? " whine routine.

I took a moment to pray for the right response and immediately got it. I

responded -

" Its my understanding that you removed me as the emergency contact person from

your work and volunteer organizations months ago. So it seems to me this choice

is yours.

I will not continue this conversation with you via email. If you have any more

questions, you need to call " .

Guess what? Big shock - she didn't call. And it felt GREAT to respond to her

that way! It felt great to not play into her cries for attention and to just

respond to it for what it was.

For the first time, I felt like I was making progress in communicating with her.

Thanks so much to everyone here for the support and help in growing stronger and

wiser.

[Guest guest]

BIG thumbs up for Big Sister! I think you handled that just beautifully!

>

> A couple of positive things happened this week and I just wanted to share my

ray of light.

>

> This past weekend at my little girl's birthday party, nada was there, along

with 15 other relatives. My mother in law remarked to me last night - " When you

weren't looking, your mother was sitting in the corner literally glaring at you.

It was really awful. I just kept thinking that was the last thing you needed

right now... " She was retelling this all with a shock in her voice. I am 8

months pregnant and it blows my in laws away the way my mom has treated me and

this especially shocked her to see it up close and personal.

>

> In a strange way, it was validating for someone to come to me and basically

say - " wow your mom really does have issues " and I didn't have to say a word. It

was like she was saying without saying it - I get it now. I got a glimpse of the

hate in her eyes.

>

>

> Then Tuesday, I received an email from my nada, who copied both my brothers,

asking if we wanted to be the emergency contact people for when she goes to

Guatemala. It was a rather weird email and I at first responded with one

sentence saying " You have our numbers they haven't changed " .

> Then she replied saying what she was actually asking is if I *wanted* to be

the emergency contact. (I knew that's what she wanted, just wasn't going there).

The " do you CARE about me? " whine routine.

>

> I took a moment to pray for the right response and immediately got it. I

responded -

> " Its my understanding that you removed me as the emergency contact person from

your work and volunteer organizations months ago. So it seems to me this choice

is yours.

> I will not continue this conversation with you via email. If you have any more

questions, you need to call " .

>

> Guess what? Big shock - she didn't call. And it felt GREAT to respond to her

that way! It felt great to not play into her cries for attention and to just

respond to it for what it was.

>

> For the first time, I felt like I was making progress in communicating with

her. Thanks so much to everyone here for the support and help in growing

stronger and wiser.

>

[Guest guest]

Big virtual high-five from me; what you did is indeed very proactive and

assertive, and that IS empowering. You go, Grrrrrl!

-Annie

>

> A couple of positive things happened this week and I just wanted to share my

ray of light.

>

> This past weekend at my little girl's birthday party, nada was there, along

with 15 other relatives. My mother in law remarked to me last night - " When you

weren't looking, your mother was sitting in the corner literally glaring at you.

It was really awful. I just kept thinking that was the last thing you needed

right now... " She was retelling this all with a shock in her voice. I am 8

months pregnant and it blows my in laws away the way my mom has treated me and

this especially shocked her to see it up close and personal.

>

> In a strange way, it was validating for someone to come to me and basically

say - " wow your mom really does have issues " and I didn't have to say a word. It

was like she was saying without saying it - I get it now. I got a glimpse of the

hate in her eyes.

>

>

> Then Tuesday, I received an email from my nada, who copied both my brothers,

asking if we wanted to be the emergency contact people for when she goes to

Guatemala. It was a rather weird email and I at first responded with one

sentence saying " You have our numbers they haven't changed " .

> Then she replied saying what she was actually asking is if I *wanted* to be

the emergency contact. (I knew that's what she wanted, just wasn't going there).

The " do you CARE about me? " whine routine.

>

> I took a moment to pray for the right response and immediately got it. I

responded -

> " Its my understanding that you removed me as the emergency contact person from

your work and volunteer organizations months ago. So it seems to me this choice

is yours.

> I will not continue this conversation with you via email. If you have any more

questions, you need to call " .

>

> Guess what? Big shock - she didn't call. And it felt GREAT to respond to her

that way! It felt great to not play into her cries for attention and to just

respond to it for what it was.

>

> For the first time, I felt like I was making progress in communicating with

her. Thanks so much to everyone here for the support and help in growing

stronger and wiser.

>

[Guest guest]

My in-laws didn't get it either until my nada came out for my husbands funeral

and she kept saying highly inappropriate things to be the center of attention

and then went off on me the next night when she got me alone. they were already

starting to get it when she never even came out while my husband was in the

hospital, even when we found out he was terminal. She was just awful and even

seeing it up close it is hard to believe for those that have never been around

it. It was helpful that she showed some of her true colors. They never

understood why I didn't want to live up close to them and why I have always been

so standoffish. Families scare the hell out of me, pure and simple.

C

>

> A couple of positive things happened this week and I just wanted to share my

ray of light.

>

> This past weekend at my little girl's birthday party, nada was there, along

with 15 other relatives. My mother in law remarked to me last night - " When you

weren't looking, your mother was sitting in the corner literally glaring at you.

It was really awful. I just kept thinking that was the last thing you needed

right now... " She was retelling this all with a shock in her voice. I am 8

months pregnant and it blows my in laws away the way my mom has treated me and

this especially shocked her to see it up close and personal.

>

> In a strange way, it was validating for someone to come to me and basically

say - " wow your mom really does have issues " and I didn't have to say a word. It

was like she was saying without saying it - I get it now. I got a glimpse of the

hate in her eyes.

>

>

> Then Tuesday, I received an email from my nada, who copied both my brothers,

asking if we wanted to be the emergency contact people for when she goes to

Guatemala. It was a rather weird email and I at first responded with one

sentence saying " You have our numbers they haven't changed " .

> Then she replied saying what she was actually asking is if I *wanted* to be

the emergency contact. (I knew that's what she wanted, just wasn't going there).

The " do you CARE about me? " whine routine.

>

> I took a moment to pray for the right response and immediately got it. I

responded -

> " Its my understanding that you removed me as the emergency contact person from

your work and volunteer organizations months ago. So it seems to me this choice

is yours.

> I will not continue this conversation with you via email. If you have any more

questions, you need to call " .

>

> Guess what? Big shock - she didn't call. And it felt GREAT to respond to her

that way! It felt great to not play into her cries for attention and to just

respond to it for what it was.

>

> For the first time, I felt like I was making progress in communicating with

her. Thanks so much to everyone here for the support and help in growing

stronger and wiser.

>

[Guest guest]

That's fantastic! Obviously I don't mean the way she treats you, but

rather the way you stood up for yourself! GOOD FOR YOU!

Mia

>

>

> A couple of positive things happened this week and I just wanted to share

> my ray of light.

>

> This past weekend at my little girl's birthday party, nada was there,

> along with 15 other relatives. My mother in law remarked to me last night -

> " When you weren't looking, your mother was sitting in the corner literally

> glaring at you. It was really awful. I just kept thinking that was the last

> thing you needed right now... " She was retelling this all with a shock in

> her voice. I am 8 months pregnant and it blows my in laws away the way my

> mom has treated me and this especially shocked her to see it up close and

> personal.

>

> In a strange way, it was validating for someone to come to me and

> basically say - " wow your mom really does have issues " and I didn't have to

> say a word. It was like she was saying without saying it - I get it now. I

> got a glimpse of the hate in her eyes.

>

> Then Tuesday, I received an email from my nada, who copied both my

> brothers, asking if we wanted to be the emergency contact people for when

> she goes to Guatemala. It was a rather weird email and I at first responded

> with one sentence saying " You have our numbers they haven't changed " .

> Then she replied saying what she was actually asking is if I *wanted* to

> be the emergency contact. (I knew that's what she wanted, just wasn't going

> there). The " do you CARE about me? " whine routine.

>

> I took a moment to pray for the right response and immediately got it. I

> responded -

> " Its my understanding that you removed me as the emergency contact person

> from your work and volunteer organizations months ago. So it seems to me

> this choice is yours.

> I will not continue this conversation with you via email. If you have any

> more questions, you need to call " .

>

> Guess what? Big shock - she didn't call. And it felt GREAT to respond to

> her that way! It felt great to not play into her cries for attention and to

> just respond to it for what it was.

>

> For the first time, I felt like I was making progress in communicating

> with her. Thanks so much to everyone here for the support and help in

> growing stronger and wiser.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Good for you!! You handled your mother's manipulative questions PERFECTLY. No

dancing around, no escalating the situation.

And, I'm so glad your mil noticed your mother's issues. I'm so sorry you have

to deal with this while you're pregnant.

Thanks for sharing your up week!!

Fiona

>

> A couple of positive things happened this week and I just wanted to share my

ray of light.

>

> This past weekend at my little girl's birthday party, nada was there, along

with 15 other relatives. My mother in law remarked to me last night - " When you

weren't looking, your mother was sitting in the corner literally glaring at you.

It was really awful. I just kept thinking that was the last thing you needed

right now... " She was retelling this all with a shock in her voice. I am 8

months pregnant and it blows my in laws away the way my mom has treated me and

this especially shocked her to see it up close and personal.

>

> In a strange way, it was validating for someone to come to me and basically

say - " wow your mom really does have issues " and I didn't have to say a word. It

was like she was saying without saying it - I get it now. I got a glimpse of the

hate in her eyes.

>

>

> Then Tuesday, I received an email from my nada, who copied both my brothers,

asking if we wanted to be the emergency contact people for when she goes to

Guatemala. It was a rather weird email and I at first responded with one

sentence saying " You have our numbers they haven't changed " .

> Then she replied saying what she was actually asking is if I *wanted* to be

the emergency contact. (I knew that's what she wanted, just wasn't going there).

The " do you CARE about me? " whine routine.

>

> I took a moment to pray for the right response and immediately got it. I

responded -

> " Its my understanding that you removed me as the emergency contact person from

your work and volunteer organizations months ago. So it seems to me this choice

is yours.

> I will not continue this conversation with you via email. If you have any more

questions, you need to call " .

>

> Guess what? Big shock - she didn't call. And it felt GREAT to respond to her

that way! It felt great to not play into her cries for attention and to just

respond to it for what it was.

>

> For the first time, I felt like I was making progress in communicating with

her. Thanks so much to everyone here for the support and help in growing

stronger and wiser.

>