Re: Too many BPD and mental illness mothers on TV

[Guest guest]

my nada loves to tearfully tell us of her selfless life. she claims she was a

" stay-at-home " mother. she taught 5 orchestras at all the local schools and had

about 40 private students. and her not being there to support us was because she

was working so hard and did it " all for you " I guess I could be wrong, but my

dad was the one who payed for everything. she was very situtationally competent.

her " explaining " how hard she tried to " support " me is very angering. it is all

blame and excuses. she has always done everything right. and what a horrible

person I am for not appreciating her and all her " hard " work. the sad part is I

have not even really ever confronted her with much.

I better not see that movie I am sure I would hate it.

I really do think it is possible that my nada does not even know her behavior is

wrong.I think she may actually think she lived her life for us. but that is one

of the most painful parts. all change has to come from me. becasue she won't

change. and no amount of " realisation " on my part that she " did her best " will

make me greatful for her neglectful-overbearing parenting. and her Lord of the

flies approach to dicipline.

I have things to be grateful for, but I am not very grateful right now.

movies do make resolving these things look way too easy. I always whine about

how she will never apologize, but I am not sure it would help. in movies they

always have a fight that turns into a tearful apology from both sides and

everyone cries,and changes are agreed to. I tried that before I learned about

BPD. it sent me to therapy. that is how I found all of you. I agree it is time

movies tried to tell it how it is.

Meikjn

>

> Hi all,

>

> I just have to vent. I'm getting really irritated at the way television

depicts mothers with mental illnesses and their KOs. They make it seem like some

fairy tale where the mother really, TRULY LOVES their child, and all the abuse

isn't really abuse and the KO just forgives and gets over it and they live

happily ever after. Apparently if a mother says she loves her children, it must

be so, even though the actions show nothing of the sort. I was watching

" Anywhere but Here " with Portman and Sarandon, and I just cringed

when Sarandon was yelling at Portman, " I have sacrificed EVERYTHING for you " ,

when really she did everything she did for herself and wasn't for her daughter

at all, but it's like the writers expect the audience to see how Sarandon's

character really did believe she was doing it for her daughter, which is total

BS, because any fool could see the daughter character complaining and protesting

the whole time, and the mother character doing what she wanted anyways.

>

> This comes off the heels of a run-in with my dad about the package from nada,

in which he somewhat defended her, saying " I know you don't want contact from

her, but look at it from her perspective, she's your MOTHER and she loves you. "

And I'm like, " Dad, I set boundaries, by breaking them, she is continuing to

show me that she has no respect for me. " He just doesn't get it. But what do I

expect, his mother is co-dependent and has some form of PD herself. I guess I

didn't expect anything more from my father, but it was very invalidating. And

then to see this continual reinforcement of the " MOTHER " thing on TV all weekend

(I've been sick, so laying on the couch all weekend barely conscious watching

TV) just irritates me so much. That people who have NO experience living with

someone with a mental illness and feel they have the right to portray it in this

happily ever after way. Why can't they be realistic and educate society on the

true nature of personality disorders?

>

> Sorry, I just had to express my anger somewhere. I've been experiencing a lot

of anger since the package from nada. Mostly towards the fact that she

completely broke the set boundaries I installed, and that she clearly has no

respect for me. I've decided that if she sends anything else, that I will be

sending the cease and desist letter signed by a notary.

>

[Guest guest]

Meikjin, in reading your response, I could almost hear my nada's voice saying

those things you quoted. I love how their " sacrifices " are all for them.

You hit the nail on the head: movies always portray nadas as eventually

realizing that they have a problem or that they are different in some way, and

they have some heart-to-heart about it, and this is a lie. It almost NEVER

happens in real life when you deal with a nada. They think they are the best

mothers in the world and that they are the unsung mothers of the year. There is

no way in hell you c could ever show them how they are actually the worst

mothers in history.

It's like a mother who drowns her baby. " Oh no, I'm such a good mother, I killed

her so she wouldn't have to suffer anymore. I did it FOR my child. I am the best

mother in history because I sacrificed my own feelings to kill my daughter,

which is what she would have wanted. " Yeah, right.

I don't really tell many people that I had a terrible mother, or really no

mother at all. It's easier, obviously, not to talk about, but sometimes it makes

me SO angry that I know she is out there telling people what a wonderful mother

and person she is. She is such a fraud. Wow, usually I'm not as upset as this,

but I'm just feeling particularly angry right now. I was so happy with no

contact. I occasionally wondered how she was doing, but this anger that I felt,

was not there. Now that she's got my address, well, I'm feeling violated, I

guess.

Does that sound accurate, that I'm feeling violated?

More and more I'm thinking about sending that cease and desist letter right now

in response to that package instead of waiting. I just feel like I need to do

something to regain control again over my life. Because I feel like her sending

that package was an attempt to gain control over me again. I'm just not sure how

to handle it without playing into her hand and rewarding her for her behavior.

Ug, being sick right now does not help me feel any better about this whole

thing.

> >

> > Hi all,

> >

> > I just have to vent. I'm getting really irritated at the way television

depicts mothers with mental illnesses and their KOs. They make it seem like some

fairy tale where the mother really, TRULY LOVES their child, and all the abuse

isn't really abuse and the KO just forgives and gets over it and they live

happily ever after. Apparently if a mother says she loves her children, it must

be so, even though the actions show nothing of the sort. I was watching

" Anywhere but Here " with Portman and Sarandon, and I just cringed

when Sarandon was yelling at Portman, " I have sacrificed EVERYTHING for you " ,

when really she did everything she did for herself and wasn't for her daughter

at all, but it's like the writers expect the audience to see how Sarandon's

character really did believe she was doing it for her daughter, which is total

BS, because any fool could see the daughter character complaining and protesting

the whole time, and the mother character doing what she wanted anyways.

> >

> > This comes off the heels of a run-in with my dad about the package from

nada, in which he somewhat defended her, saying " I know you don't want contact

from her, but look at it from her perspective, she's your MOTHER and she loves

you. " And I'm like, " Dad, I set boundaries, by breaking them, she is continuing

to show me that she has no respect for me. " He just doesn't get it. But what do

I expect, his mother is co-dependent and has some form of PD herself. I guess I

didn't expect anything more from my father, but it was very invalidating. And

then to see this continual reinforcement of the " MOTHER " thing on TV all weekend

(I've been sick, so laying on the couch all weekend barely conscious watching

TV) just irritates me so much. That people who have NO experience living with

someone with a mental illness and feel they have the right to portray it in this

happily ever after way. Why can't they be realistic and educate society on the

true nature of personality disorders?

> >

> > Sorry, I just had to express my anger somewhere. I've been experiencing a

lot of anger since the package from nada. Mostly towards the fact that she

completely broke the set boundaries I installed, and that she clearly has no

respect for me. I've decided that if she sends anything else, that I will be

sending the cease and desist letter signed by a notary.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Whenever any real-life profession or skill/talent is portrayed on a TV show or

film, the professionals who actually do that job in real life can easily pick

out the things the actors do that are inaccurate or even totally NOT part of the

real job, put there just to make for more cinematic drama. The most bloody,

violent film about war is nothing like real combat. The percentage of actual

murders and robberies and assaults that ever get solved is really kind of low.

It always used to amuse me that the hero police detectives could get hit on the

head by a blunt object in episode after episode, and knocked unconscious without

suffering any kind of debilitating, permanent brain damage.

I enjoy watching actors attempt to play the violin realistically; most of them

don't understand proper bowing or how to simulate vibrato in a natural-looking

way. Notice that most of the time when an actor is portraying a piano-player,

the camera is placed so that you don't actually see them playing it.

Its just that we are in effect " professionals " at experiencing abuse by

personality disordered parents. In real life the abuse is chronic but covert,

rarely resolvable, the abuser rarely admits having done anything wrong, and

instead blames the child for having caused the parent to erupt with verbal or

physical abuse, or neglect. There is rarely if ever a big " epiphany " on the

part of the abuser, in which he or she admits having been abusive or negligent,

apologizes, seeks therapy and makes a real effort to change their negative,

abusive behaviors.

So TV shows and movies that have a dramatic but positive resolution and a happy

ending for the adult children of abusive, personality-disordered parents are

indeed works of fantasy, from the point of view of us actual KOs.

-Annie

> >

> > Hi all,

> >

> > I just have to vent. I'm getting really irritated at the way television

depicts mothers with mental illnesses and their KOs. They make it seem like some

fairy tale where the mother really, TRULY LOVES their child, and all the abuse

isn't really abuse and the KO just forgives and gets over it and they live

happily ever after. Apparently if a mother says she loves her children, it must

be so, even though the actions show nothing of the sort. I was watching

" Anywhere but Here " with Portman and Sarandon, and I just cringed

when Sarandon was yelling at Portman, " I have sacrificed EVERYTHING for you " ,

when really she did everything she did for herself and wasn't for her daughter

at all, but it's like the writers expect the audience to see how Sarandon's

character really did believe she was doing it for her daughter, which is total

BS, because any fool could see the daughter character complaining and protesting

the whole time, and the mother character doing what she wanted anyways.

> >

> > This comes off the heels of a run-in with my dad about the package from

nada, in which he somewhat defended her, saying " I know you don't want contact

from her, but look at it from her perspective, she's your MOTHER and she loves

you. " And I'm like, " Dad, I set boundaries, by breaking them, she is continuing

to show me that she has no respect for me. " He just doesn't get it. But what do

I expect, his mother is co-dependent and has some form of PD herself. I guess I

didn't expect anything more from my father, but it was very invalidating. And

then to see this continual reinforcement of the " MOTHER " thing on TV all weekend

(I've been sick, so laying on the couch all weekend barely conscious watching

TV) just irritates me so much. That people who have NO experience living with

someone with a mental illness and feel they have the right to portray it in this

happily ever after way. Why can't they be realistic and educate society on the

true nature of personality disorders?

> >

> > Sorry, I just had to express my anger somewhere. I've been experiencing a

lot of anger since the package from nada. Mostly towards the fact that she

completely broke the set boundaries I installed, and that she clearly has no

respect for me. I've decided that if she sends anything else, that I will be

sending the cease and desist letter signed by a notary.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I tried to reason with my own nada in the past and one of her MO's is to relent

and agree when she is backed into a corner, but really all she is doing is

buying her time until she can lash out and get her revenge. This is where my

" mental Tshirt " idea came from. I finally just had to get tough on myself about

trying to get her to see reason and the error of her ways and how badly her

behavior affected me and my brother. I really didn't get how much more

aggravation and grief I was causing myself. I like the action of inaction now. I

don't believe in wasting my precious time and energy anymore.

C

> > >

> > > Hi all,

> > >

> > > I just have to vent. I'm getting really irritated at the way television

depicts mothers with mental illnesses and their KOs. They make it seem like some

fairy tale where the mother really, TRULY LOVES their child, and all the abuse

isn't really abuse and the KO just forgives and gets over it and they live

happily ever after. Apparently if a mother says she loves her children, it must

be so, even though the actions show nothing of the sort. I was watching

" Anywhere but Here " with Portman and Sarandon, and I just cringed

when Sarandon was yelling at Portman, " I have sacrificed EVERYTHING for you " ,

when really she did everything she did for herself and wasn't for her daughter

at all, but it's like the writers expect the audience to see how Sarandon's

character really did believe she was doing it for her daughter, which is total

BS, because any fool could see the daughter character complaining and protesting

the whole time, and the mother character doing what she wanted anyways.

> > >

> > > This comes off the heels of a run-in with my dad about the package from

nada, in which he somewhat defended her, saying " I know you don't want contact

from her, but look at it from her perspective, she's your MOTHER and she loves

you. " And I'm like, " Dad, I set boundaries, by breaking them, she is continuing

to show me that she has no respect for me. " He just doesn't get it. But what do

I expect, his mother is co-dependent and has some form of PD herself. I guess I

didn't expect anything more from my father, but it was very invalidating. And

then to see this continual reinforcement of the " MOTHER " thing on TV all weekend

(I've been sick, so laying on the couch all weekend barely conscious watching

TV) just irritates me so much. That people who have NO experience living with

someone with a mental illness and feel they have the right to portray it in this

happily ever after way. Why can't they be realistic and educate society on the

true nature of personality disorders?

> > >

> > > Sorry, I just had to express my anger somewhere. I've been experiencing a

lot of anger since the package from nada. Mostly towards the fact that she

completely broke the set boundaries I installed, and that she clearly has no

respect for me. I've decided that if she sends anything else, that I will be

sending the cease and desist letter signed by a notary.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My two cents on this--one of the worst is Everybody Loves . Throughout

the entire series, *helped his very bpd behaving mother to split his

wife black. It disturbed me tremendously. (Though I do love the actress who

played the mother!) I can't stand the message it sends out--that this is

somehow a 'happy' marriage and what he does to her is funny. It is not funny.

It is crazy-making, and highly abusive and invalidating. My first boyfriend in

high school behaved similarly with my own mother--he 'helped' her to pick on me

and insult me and invalidate me, never once took up my side against her, and

also helped her to paint my sister the golden one instead.

I ditched him.

--Charlie

> > > >

> > > > Hi all,

> > > >

> > > > I just have to vent. I'm getting really irritated at the way television

depicts mothers with mental illnesses and their KOs. They make it seem like some

fairy tale where the mother really, TRULY LOVES their child, and all the abuse

isn't really abuse and the KO just forgives and gets over it and they live

happily ever after. Apparently if a mother says she loves her children, it must

be so, even though the actions show nothing of the sort. I was watching

" Anywhere but Here " with Portman and Sarandon, and I just cringed

when Sarandon was yelling at Portman, " I have sacrificed EVERYTHING for you " ,

when really she did everything she did for herself and wasn't for her daughter

at all, but it's like the writers expect the audience to see how Sarandon's

character really did believe she was doing it for her daughter, which is total

BS, because any fool could see the daughter character complaining and protesting

the whole time, and the mother character doing what she wanted anyways.

> > > >

> > > > This comes off the heels of a run-in with my dad about the package from

nada, in which he somewhat defended her, saying " I know you don't want contact

from her, but look at it from her perspective, she's your MOTHER and she loves

you. " And I'm like, " Dad, I set boundaries, by breaking them, she is continuing

to show me that she has no respect for me. " He just doesn't get it. But what do

I expect, his mother is co-dependent and has some form of PD herself. I guess I

didn't expect anything more from my father, but it was very invalidating. And

then to see this continual reinforcement of the " MOTHER " thing on TV all weekend

(I've been sick, so laying on the couch all weekend barely conscious watching

TV) just irritates me so much. That people who have NO experience living with

someone with a mental illness and feel they have the right to portray it in this

happily ever after way. Why can't they be realistic and educate society on the

true nature of personality disorders?

> > > >

> > > > Sorry, I just had to express my anger somewhere. I've been experiencing

a lot of anger since the package from nada. Mostly towards the fact that she

completely broke the set boundaries I installed, and that she clearly has no

respect for me. I've decided that if she sends anything else, that I will be

sending the cease and desist letter signed by a notary.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I think that the mom on two and half men is pretty bad too. at least hers is not

written to even attempt to hide behind the guise of being a loving, helpful

nada. She is just a full on narcissist.

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi all,

> > > > >

> > > > > I just have to vent. I'm getting really irritated at the way

television depicts mothers with mental illnesses and their KOs. They make it

seem like some fairy tale where the mother really, TRULY LOVES their child, and

all the abuse isn't really abuse and the KO just forgives and gets over it and

they live happily ever after. Apparently if a mother says she loves her

children, it must be so, even though the actions show nothing of the sort. I was

watching " Anywhere but Here " with Portman and Sarandon, and I just

cringed when Sarandon was yelling at Portman, " I have sacrificed EVERYTHING for

you " , when really she did everything she did for herself and wasn't for her

daughter at all, but it's like the writers expect the audience to see how

Sarandon's character really did believe she was doing it for her daughter, which

is total BS, because any fool could see the daughter character complaining and

protesting the whole time, and the mother character doing what she wanted

anyways.

> > > > >

> > > > > This comes off the heels of a run-in with my dad about the package

from nada, in which he somewhat defended her, saying " I know you don't want

contact from her, but look at it from her perspective, she's your MOTHER and she

loves you. " And I'm like, " Dad, I set boundaries, by breaking them, she is

continuing to show me that she has no respect for me. " He just doesn't get it.

But what do I expect, his mother is co-dependent and has some form of PD

herself. I guess I didn't expect anything more from my father, but it was very

invalidating. And then to see this continual reinforcement of the " MOTHER " thing

on TV all weekend (I've been sick, so laying on the couch all weekend barely

conscious watching TV) just irritates me so much. That people who have NO

experience living with someone with a mental illness and feel they have the

right to portray it in this happily ever after way. Why can't they be realistic

and educate society on the true nature of personality disorders?

> > > > >

> > > > > Sorry, I just had to express my anger somewhere. I've been

experiencing a lot of anger since the package from nada. Mostly towards the fact

that she completely broke the set boundaries I installed, and that she clearly

has no respect for me. I've decided that if she sends anything else, that I will

be sending the cease and desist letter signed by a notary.

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

my husband has been saying that mom is just like mine for years.i was slower to

catch on. I agree she And golden ) gets away with way too much.

Meikjn

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi all,

> > > > >

> > > > > I just have to vent. I'm getting really irritated at the way

television depicts mothers with mental illnesses and their KOs. They make it

seem like some fairy tale where the mother really, TRULY LOVES their child, and

all the abuse isn't really abuse and the KO just forgives and gets over it and

they live happily ever after. Apparently if a mother says she loves her

children, it must be so, even though the actions show nothing of the sort. I was

watching " Anywhere but Here " with Portman and Sarandon, and I just

cringed when Sarandon was yelling at Portman, " I have sacrificed EVERYTHING for

you " , when really she did everything she did for herself and wasn't for her

daughter at all, but it's like the writers expect the audience to see how

Sarandon's character really did believe she was doing it for her daughter, which

is total BS, because any fool could see the daughter character complaining and

protesting the whole time, and the mother character doing what she wanted

anyways.

> > > > >

> > > > > This comes off the heels of a run-in with my dad about the package

from nada, in which he somewhat defended her, saying " I know you don't want

contact from her, but look at it from her perspective, she's your MOTHER and she

loves you. " And I'm like, " Dad, I set boundaries, by breaking them, she is

continuing to show me that she has no respect for me. " He just doesn't get it.

But what do I expect, his mother is co-dependent and has some form of PD

herself. I guess I didn't expect anything more from my father, but it was very

invalidating. And then to see this continual reinforcement of the " MOTHER " thing

on TV all weekend (I've been sick, so laying on the couch all weekend barely

conscious watching TV) just irritates me so much. That people who have NO

experience living with someone with a mental illness and feel they have the

right to portray it in this happily ever after way. Why can't they be realistic

and educate society on the true nature of personality disorders?

> > > > >

> > > > > Sorry, I just had to express my anger somewhere. I've been

experiencing a lot of anger since the package from nada. Mostly towards the fact

that she completely broke the set boundaries I installed, and that she clearly

has no respect for me. I've decided that if she sends anything else, that I will

be sending the cease and desist letter signed by a notary.

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I get the feeling that one of the reasons why some people find characters like

the MIL on " Everybody Loves " funny is because they're relieved at not

having to deal with someone that bad; that their own IL's or other relatives may

be just mildly annoying. I used to watch the show on reruns and found the MIL's

behavior somewhat amusing, but mostly horrifying. (I guess the Gemini part of my

personality that allows me to have two opposing reactions at the same time was

poking through.) I'm with you all, though. I wish these types of characters

weren't stock characters for comedies and thus so ubiquitous. How about a drama

in which the (B)PD's family members have various effective and inefective ways

of dealing with the (B)PD, but are eventually able to come to terms with her/him

and cope reasonably well?

PJ

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi all,

> > > > >

> > > > > I just have to vent. I'm getting really irritated at the way

television depicts mothers with mental illnesses and their KOs. They make it

seem like some fairy tale where the mother really, TRULY LOVES their child, and

all the abuse isn't really abuse and the KO just forgives and gets over it and

they live happily ever after. Apparently if a mother says she loves her

children, it must be so, even though the actions show nothing of the sort. I was

watching " Anywhere but Here " with Portman and Sarandon, and I just

cringed when Sarandon was yelling at Portman, " I have sacrificed EVERYTHING for

you " , when really she did everything she did for herself and wasn't for her

daughter at all, but it's like the writers expect the audience to see how

Sarandon's character really did believe she was doing it for her daughter, which

is total BS, because any fool could see the daughter character complaining and

protesting the whole time, and the mother character doing what she wanted

anyways.

> > > > >

> > > > > This comes off the heels of a run-in with my dad about the package

from nada, in which he somewhat defended her, saying " I know you don't want

contact from her, but look at it from her perspective, she's your MOTHER and she

loves you. " And I'm like, " Dad, I set boundaries, by breaking them, she is

continuing to show me that she has no respect for me. " He just doesn't get it.

But what do I expect, his mother is co-dependent and has some form of PD

herself. I guess I didn't expect anything more from my father, but it was very

invalidating. And then to see this continual reinforcement of the " MOTHER " thing

on TV all weekend (I've been sick, so laying on the couch all weekend barely

conscious watching TV) just irritates me so much. That people who have NO

experience living with someone with a mental illness and feel they have the

right to portray it in this happily ever after way. Why can't they be realistic

and educate society on the true nature of personality disorders?

> > > > >

> > > > > Sorry, I just had to express my anger somewhere. I've been

experiencing a lot of anger since the package from nada. Mostly towards the fact

that she completely broke the set boundaries I installed, and that she clearly

has no respect for me. I've decided that if she sends anything else, that I will

be sending the cease and desist letter signed by a notary.

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

White Oleander was one of the few movies (I've seen) that showed the N/BPD

experience to the degree that I know it to be. I was just watching " Yes

Dear " . The SIL in that show was a total N but it was all cutesie and the N

said sorry at the end all was forgiven. I am also frustrated but what can

they do? Comedy is essentially tragedy with a happy ending and tragedy has

a sad ending. There's nothing funny about closing the door on your parent

for ever. Marie from Everybody Loves is so triggering too!

> **

>

>

> I get the feeling that one of the reasons why some people find characters

> like the MIL on " Everybody Loves " funny is because they're relieved

> at not having to deal with someone that bad; that their own IL's or other

> relatives may be just mildly annoying. I used to watch the show on reruns

> and found the MIL's behavior somewhat amusing, but mostly horrifying. (I

> guess the Gemini part of my personality that allows me to have two opposing

> reactions at the same time was poking through.) I'm with you all, though. I

> wish these types of characters weren't stock characters for comedies and

> thus so ubiquitous. How about a drama in which the (B)PD's family members

> have various effective and inefective ways of dealing with the (B)PD, but

> are eventually able to come to terms with her/him and cope reasonably well?

>

> PJ

>

>

>

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Hi all,

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I just have to vent. I'm getting really irritated at the way

> television depicts mothers with mental illnesses and their KOs. They make

> it seem like some fairy tale where the mother really, TRULY LOVES their

> child, and all the abuse isn't really abuse and the KO just forgives and

> gets over it and they live happily ever after. Apparently if a mother says

> she loves her children, it must be so, even though the actions show nothing

> of the sort. I was watching " Anywhere but Here " with Portman and

> Sarandon, and I just cringed when Sarandon was yelling at Portman, " I

> have sacrificed EVERYTHING for you " , when really she did everything she did

> for herself and wasn't for her daughter at all, but it's like the writers

> expect the audience to see how Sarandon's character really did believe she

> was doing it for her daughter, which is total BS, because any fool could

> see the daughter character complaining and protesting the whole time, and

> the mother character doing what she wanted anyways.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > This comes off the heels of a run-in with my dad about the

> package from nada, in which he somewhat defended her, saying " I know you

> don't want contact from her, but look at it from her perspective, she's

> your MOTHER and she loves you. " And I'm like, " Dad, I set boundaries, by

> breaking them, she is continuing to show me that she has no respect for

> me. " He just doesn't get it. But what do I expect, his mother is

> co-dependent and has some form of PD herself. I guess I didn't expect

> anything more from my father, but it was very invalidating. And then to see

> this continual reinforcement of the " MOTHER " thing on TV all weekend (I've

> been sick, so laying on the couch all weekend barely conscious watching TV)

> just irritates me so much. That people who have NO experience living with

> someone with a mental illness and feel they have the right to portray it in

> this happily ever after way. Why can't they be realistic and educate

> society on the true nature of personality disorders?

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Sorry, I just had to express my anger somewhere. I've been

> experiencing a lot of anger since the package from nada. Mostly towards the

> fact that she completely broke the set boundaries I installed, and that she

> clearly has no respect for me. I've decided that if she sends anything

> else, that I will be sending the cease and desist letter signed by a notary.

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Call me crazy, but--

There are shows like Everybody Loves that I used to HATE and avoid

before finding out about BPD. The story was too close to home to be funny, the

character's tolerant reactions to a bully something that I did not want to

watch.

Now that I understand BPD and how it has affected my family, I can watch these

shows and be more tolerant of how the characters deal with the PD in their

lives, even laugh at some--they are simply fumbling to put band-aids on an

impossible situation. Just like I used to do.

I can even watch Roseanne now: her mother used to drive me from the room while

hyperventilating!

>

> My two cents on this--one of the worst is Everybody Loves . Throughout

the entire series, *helped his very bpd behaving mother to split his

wife black. It disturbed me tremendously. (Though I do love the actress who

played the mother!) I can't stand the message it sends out--that this is

somehow a 'happy' marriage and what he does to her is funny. It is not funny.

It is crazy-making, and highly abusive and invalidating. My first boyfriend in

high school behaved similarly with my own mother--he 'helped' her to pick on me

and insult me and invalidate me, never once took up my side against her, and

also helped her to paint my sister the golden one instead.

>

> I ditched him.

>

> --Charlie

>

[Guest guest]

I have actually been watching a lot of Roseanne re-runs lately, and I've noticed

that her show gets it closest to the truth. There's not always a happy ending.

Sometimes the characters go NC. I actually saw one just the other day that was

all about mothering, and Jackie and Roseanne got into a fight about mothering

techniques, and then their mother gets into, and the whole dynamic was just so

spot-on. And even the ending, it didn't get resolved happily ever after, but you

saw Roseanne's character realizing that something wasn't right with her mother.

I think what bothers me more than the BPD behavior we see mimicked on TV is that

the people around them don't do anything about it or recognize that anything is

wrong. They just say " oh, your mom is just quirky. " My mom always hated Roseanne

because it was too vulgar, but I found that it was more real about a lot of

issues than other TV shows. I guess she didn't like being shown to her face what

she was like?

What's so funny is that my nada seriously thinks she's Sally Field in Steel

Magnolias. She literally thinks that is who she is and that's her life. Instead

of growing up trailer trash and being raped by a brother, getting knocked up and

going to Georgia to get married when she was 17, and all the other crap that has

been her life. She still thinks she's some upper middle class yuppy Sally Field

who would never use foul language (except when she's raging at us).

I digress.

> >

> > My two cents on this--one of the worst is Everybody Loves .

Throughout the entire series, *helped his very bpd behaving mother to

split his wife black. It disturbed me tremendously. (Though I do love the

actress who played the mother!) I can't stand the message it sends out--that

this is somehow a 'happy' marriage and what he does to her is funny. It is not

funny. It is crazy-making, and highly abusive and invalidating. My first

boyfriend in high school behaved similarly with my own mother--he 'helped' her

to pick on me and insult me and invalidate me, never once took up my side

against her, and also helped her to paint my sister the golden one instead.

> >

> > I ditched him.

> >

> > --Charlie

> >

>