Guest guest Posted January 24, 2012 Report Share Posted January 24, 2012 Hi everyone I am new to this group and have been dealing with my BPDfrothier for nearly 40 years now!!! Just had to vent as I'm sick and tired of the drama, continuous verbal attacks and manipulation strategies to get both my sister and I to do what she wants!, Well today she is in rage mode, it's been brewing for a day or two.I am from the UK but live in the US right now. My mum flits between her homes in the UK and US ( has a diamond life but still complains about everything). Well since I have the luxury of physical distance I have decided to create boundaries. I could write a book about what led up to her raging today but in a nutshell she is mad because I dont want her to visit my home when my sister visits me in April = I created a realistic boundary. Normally my sister and I endure the 'threesome' experience, that is whatever we do, she has to come along too. It's sick!, The limited friends I do have (thanks to her verbally attacking them) think it's strange she has to do everything with us. Seriously, she will even call my friends up trying to be their friend just so she can try and monitor my actions! Today I created a boundary (it's taken me years to figure the whole BPD thing and realize this is a sick relationship, moreso because she has had me believing I needed her and lacked confidence in my adult abilities after a childhood of being attacked and judged). The fact that I was putting my foot down resulted in her saying " alright, alright look at you with your ugly attitude, your sister and I don't want to visit you anyway as you're boring " . It makes me full of rage but today I am trying to deal with it differently, I cannot allow her to transfer her emotions onto me! Fact is no one wants to be around her as she is nasty with an ugly attitude! Despite being married to her, my father hides away in Florida surrounding himself with work, he doesn't even have a home phone so she can't call him! My sister is a nervous wreck at 42, divorced, zero self image and a drinker to dampen the pain of my mums strangling emotional grip!, I'm concerned as I am moving back to the UK in the summer and she has already told my sister once I get home she isn't going back to the US anymore. She wants to focus on my children!, How do I create boundaries and protect my children from her crazy ways. They think she's wonderful (only young still 6 ,7 hrs old) as she spoils them rotten and just goes OTT with " nanny loves you soooo much, how much do you love me " . My poor husband tolerates my mum but it has strained our family. My husband doesn't want her around, but I know when we move home she will just turn up on our doorstep without calling, in fact if the door is unlocked she just walks straight in!,, Just writing this evokes anger in me! I just wish she would get a life and leave me and my family to have ours. I tell my sister it's like having a negative, vindictive jimmy cricket on your shoulder constantly!, Argggggggggh I could scream, I have tolerated and even fed into this cycle of abuse long enough, I want out!, Any suggestions? Thanks for allowing to vent! M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2012 Report Share Posted January 24, 2012 Please protect your children from her and keep your doors locked. If being with her makes you angry that's a good indication that you need a big break. Good luck! > ** > > > Hi everyone > > I am new to this group and have been dealing with my BPDfrothier for > nearly 40 years now!!! Just had to vent as I'm sick and tired of the drama, > continuous verbal attacks and manipulation strategies to get both my sister > and I to do what she wants!, > > Well today she is in rage mode, it's been brewing for a day or two.I am > from the UK but live in the US right now. My mum flits between her homes in > the UK and US ( has a diamond life but still complains about everything). > Well since I have the luxury of physical distance I have decided to create > boundaries. I could write a book about what led up to her raging today but > in a nutshell she is mad because I dont want her to visit my home when my > sister visits me in April = I created a realistic boundary. Normally my > sister and I endure the 'threesome' experience, that is whatever we do, she > has to come along too. It's sick!, The limited friends I do have (thanks to > her verbally attacking them) think it's strange she has to do everything > with us. Seriously, she will even call my friends up trying to be their > friend just so she can try and monitor my actions! > Today I created a boundary (it's taken me years to figure the whole BPD > thing and realize this is a sick relationship, moreso because she has had > me believing I needed her and lacked confidence in my adult abilities after > a childhood of being attacked and judged). The fact that I was putting my > foot down resulted in her saying " alright, alright look at you with your > ugly attitude, your sister and I don't want to visit you anyway as you're > boring " . It makes me full of rage but today I am trying to deal with it > differently, I cannot allow her to transfer her emotions onto me! Fact is > no one wants to be around her as she is nasty with an ugly attitude! > Despite being married to her, my father hides away in Florida surrounding > himself with work, he doesn't even have a home phone so she can't call him! > My sister is a nervous wreck at 42, divorced, zero self image and a drinker > to dampen the pain of my mums strangling emotional grip!, > I'm concerned as I am moving back to the UK in the summer and she has > already told my sister once I get home she isn't going back to the US > anymore. She wants to focus on my children!, > > How do I create boundaries and protect my children from her crazy ways. > They think she's wonderful (only young still 6 ,7 hrs old) as she spoils > them rotten and just goes OTT with " nanny loves you soooo much, how much do > you love me " . My poor husband tolerates my mum but it has strained our > family. My husband doesn't want her around, but I know when we move home > she will just turn up on our doorstep without calling, in fact if the door > is unlocked she just walks straight in!,, > > Just writing this evokes anger in me! I just wish she would get a life and > leave me and my family to have ours. I tell my sister it's like having a > negative, vindictive jimmy cricket on your shoulder constantly!, > > Argggggggggh I could scream, I have tolerated and even fed into this cycle > of abuse long enough, I want out!, > > Any suggestions? > > Thanks for allowing to vent! > > M > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2012 Report Share Posted January 24, 2012 Keep on educating yourself and learning how to protect yourself from her. There are lots of good books, I am sure you have checked out a few already. If not, then just ask. Almost everyone on this board can give you the titles of at least three good books. Don't fool yourself into thinking that your mother is always loving and kind to your kids. I thought that too until I caught her in a lie about my son when he was only a three year old. Now he is twelve and I have to be even more vigilant in protecting him from her because he isn't as content to do whatever his grandma wants him to do. She was absolutely horrible to both of us the last time she was out here and I have decided that we aren't going to be able to stay with her anymore when we visit. It sucks because she is the only one with room for us really, but I just won't put up with behavior like she displayed this last trip out here again. Welcome to OZ. C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2012 Report Share Posted January 25, 2012 Hello and welcome to the group. I understand your situation and I feel sorry that you and your family have to continue to put up with your mother's choking grip. It is very good that you are stating your boundaries clearly to your mother, but I understand that she doesn't always respect them. I think the key is to keep up the boundary setting stategy and if she does not respect them reinforce them again and express that in order for you and her to continue a positive relationship that she must respect your boundaries first. This is especially important if she is going to be interacting with your children. I suggest that whenever she is with your kids, always have another adult watching her. If someone else is watching her, it may reduce her tendancy to be manipulative towards your kids and its a second pair of eyes on the situation.   Moving back to the UK is a difficult one. I'm not sure about how it works in the UK, but here in Australia you can choose to have a silent number. That means your number will not show up in government phone books (white pages for Australia). Its also kind of the same with the address. When we sign up to the electrol role, I think you can choose whether your address it put into the white pages or not. If we choose not to have the address in the white pages, along with the phone number, they are both thus " silenced " . I'm not too sure if you have anything like this in the UK, but its something to look into.  Another idea is to change all your phone numbers and only give it to people who you trust and who will not give it to your mother. You can also do this for your new address when you move back to the UK. I know it is a difficult situation to be in but explore your options and see what works best for you. I have been reading " Stop Walking on Eggshells " and it is very helpful. There is a list of books on the bpdcentral home page as well that could be of some help and can give you some more detailed advice. Keep up the good boundary setting! By doing this, you are respecting your values and you are doing well.   Ruth ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wednesday, 25 January 2012 4:17 AM Subject: Raging Again!  Hi everyone I am new to this group and have been dealing with my BPDfrothier for nearly 40 years now!!! Just had to vent as I'm sick and tired of the drama, continuous verbal attacks and manipulation strategies to get both my sister and I to do what she wants!, Well today she is in rage mode, it's been brewing for a day or two.I am from the UK but live in the US right now. My mum flits between her homes in the UK and US ( has a diamond life but still complains about everything). Well since I have the luxury of physical distance I have decided to create boundaries. I could write a book about what led up to her raging today but in a nutshell she is mad because I dont want her to visit my home when my sister visits me in April = I created a realistic boundary. Normally my sister and I endure the 'threesome' experience, that is whatever we do, she has to come along too. It's sick!, The limited friends I do have (thanks to her verbally attacking them) think it's strange she has to do everything with us. Seriously, she will even call my friends up trying to be their friend just so she can try and monitor my actions! Today I created a boundary (it's taken me years to figure the whole BPD thing and realize this is a sick relationship, moreso because she has had me believing I needed her and lacked confidence in my adult abilities after a childhood of being attacked and judged). The fact that I was putting my foot down resulted in her saying " alright, alright look at you with your ugly attitude, your sister and I don't want to visit you anyway as you're boring " . It makes me full of rage but today I am trying to deal with it differently, I cannot allow her to transfer her emotions onto me! Fact is no one wants to be around her as she is nasty with an ugly attitude! Despite being married to her, my father hides away in Florida surrounding himself with work, he doesn't even have a home phone so she can't call him! My sister is a nervous wreck at 42, divorced, zero self image and a drinker to dampen the pain of my mums strangling emotional grip!, I'm concerned as I am moving back to the UK in the summer and she has already told my sister once I get home she isn't going back to the US anymore. She wants to focus on my children!, How do I create boundaries and protect my children from her crazy ways. They think she's wonderful (only young still 6 ,7 hrs old) as she spoils them rotten and just goes OTT with " nanny loves you soooo much, how much do you love me " . My poor husband tolerates my mum but it has strained our family. My husband doesn't want her around, but I know when we move home she will just turn up on our doorstep without calling, in fact if the door is unlocked she just walks straight in!,, Just writing this evokes anger in me! I just wish she would get a life and leave me and my family to have ours. I tell my sister it's like having a negative, vindictive jimmy cricket on your shoulder constantly!, Argggggggggh I could scream, I have tolerated and even fed into this cycle of abuse long enough, I want out!, Any suggestions? Thanks for allowing to vent! M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2012 Report Share Posted January 25, 2012 Hi Millicent You're so right! My nada is clever as she manipulates the children into thinking I'm the horrible one and she is so loving and caring. She brought them each an IPad 2 for Christmas and we havent heard the last of it! I took hem off he children last week for an entire week as they were naughty! If she would've found out she wouldve told my children I was wrong and try and pressure me into giving it back (usually through raging and insults). I'm getting wise to BPD now and don't tell her anything. Seriously, our phone calls are like her just chatting away (usually about how wrong everyone else's life is) and I just give one liners. My husband is encouraging me to just. It her off or not even answer the phone. It works when we have an ocean separating is but we are moving back to the UK in the summer. Despite the fact that she should be with her husband (he has completely divorced himself for her but not technically) she will be worse than ever. I won't be moving back intoy beloved home as its 5 mins walk and 2 mins drive from her house. This has enabled her to drink and walk and or worse get in the car! So we will look for a house at least 20 mins away. Not a huge distance. It we hope it reduces her just popping in!!! She's an absolute nightmare!!! I'm so glad I found this group M > > > ** > > > > > > Hi everyone > > > > I am new to this group and have been dealing with my BPDfrothier for > > nearly 40 years now!!! Just had to vent as I'm sick and tired of the drama, > > continuous verbal attacks and manipulation strategies to get both my sister > > and I to do what she wants!, > > > > Well today she is in rage mode, it's been brewing for a day or two.I am > > from the UK but live in the US right now. My mum flits between her homes in > > the UK and US ( has a diamond life but still complains about everything). > > Well since I have the luxury of physical distance I have decided to create > > boundaries. I could write a book about what led up to her raging today but > > in a nutshell she is mad because I dont want her to visit my home when my > > sister visits me in April = I created a realistic boundary. Normally my > > sister and I endure the 'threesome' experience, that is whatever we do, she > > has to come along too. It's sick!, The limited friends I do have (thanks to > > her verbally attacking them) think it's strange she has to do everything > > with us. Seriously, she will even call my friends up trying to be their > > friend just so she can try and monitor my actions! > > Today I created a boundary (it's taken me years to figure the whole BPD > > thing and realize this is a sick relationship, moreso because she has had > > me believing I needed her and lacked confidence in my adult abilities after > > a childhood of being attacked and judged). The fact that I was putting my > > foot down resulted in her saying " alright, alright look at you with your > > ugly attitude, your sister and I don't want to visit you anyway as you're > > boring " . It makes me full of rage but today I am trying to deal with it > > differently, I cannot allow her to transfer her emotions onto me! Fact is > > no one wants to be around her as she is nasty with an ugly attitude! > > Despite being married to her, my father hides away in Florida surrounding > > himself with work, he doesn't even have a home phone so she can't call him! > > My sister is a nervous wreck at 42, divorced, zero self image and a drinker > > to dampen the pain of my mums strangling emotional grip!, > > I'm concerned as I am moving back to the UK in the summer and she has > > already told my sister once I get home she isn't going back to the US > > anymore. She wants to focus on my children!, > > > > How do I create boundaries and protect my children from her crazy ways. > > They think she's wonderful (only young still 6 ,7 hrs old) as she spoils > > them rotten and just goes OTT with " nanny loves you soooo much, how much do > > you love me " . My poor husband tolerates my mum but it has strained our > > family. My husband doesn't want her around, but I know when we move home > > she will just turn up on our doorstep without calling, in fact if the door > > is unlocked she just walks straight in!,, > > > > Just writing this evokes anger in me! I just wish she would get a life and > > leave me and my family to have ours. I tell my sister it's like having a > > negative, vindictive jimmy cricket on your shoulder constantly!, > > > > Argggggggggh I could scream, I have tolerated and even fed into this cycle > > of abuse long enough, I want out!, > > > > Any suggestions? > > > > Thanks for allowing to vent! > > > > M > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2012 Report Share Posted January 25, 2012 That's not a good situation at all if your nada is competing with you for your children's loyalty and is actively undermining your parental authority. Not good at all. I'm not a parent, but I hope the members here who are parents can give you some good advice on how to put a stop to that before it gets even further out of hand. Allowing your nada to seduce your children with expensive gifts in exchange for their loyalty can be detrimental to your kids' personal integrity and emotional growth. Not standing up to your nada and just letting her run roughshod over you can make your children disrespect you as their parent and view their grandmother as the real authority figure. My younger Sister had to take a very hard stand with our nada/our mother back when Sister's little boy was still a preschooler, because our nada was openly disrespecting my Sister's parenting decisions, and denigrating Sister as a " bad mother " *in front of her child.* Nada was actively attempting to undermine Sister's parental authority and " take over " parenting her grandchild. After Sister's repeated requests for nada to discuss parenting issues with her privately went repeatedly unheard and ignored, my Sister finally had to pull over to the side of the highway at one point, force nada out of the car, and threaten to leave her there on the side of the road to make her own way home, in order to get across the seriousness of the situation. Our very domineering nada finally, finally got it, that Sister meant business and needed to be respected as a mother and fellow adult. (And Sister had to fight more battles for respect, power-battles, with nada, over parenting and other issues. It never really stopped nada, just slowed her down.) Domineering nadas force us to these extremes, but, NOT standing up to domineering, bullying nada can have even worse, more negative long-term consequences for you and for your kids. -Annie > > > Hi Millicent > > You're so right! My nada is clever as she manipulates the children into thinking I'm the horrible one and she is so loving and caring. She brought them each an IPad 2 for Christmas and we havent heard the last of it! I took hem off he children last week for an entire week as they were naughty! If she would've found out she wouldve told my children I was wrong and try and pressure me into giving it back (usually through raging and insults). I'm getting wise to BPD now and don't tell her anything. Seriously, our phone calls are like her just chatting away (usually about how wrong everyone else's life is) and I just give one liners. My husband is encouraging me to just. It her off or not even answer the phone. It works when we have an ocean separating is but we are moving back to the UK in the summer. Despite the fact that she should be with her husband (he has completely divorced himself for her but not technically) she will be worse than ever. I won't be moving back intoy beloved home as its 5 mins walk and 2 mins drive from her house. This has enabled her to drink and walk and or worse get in the car! So we will look for a house at least 20 mins away. Not a huge distance. It we hope it reduces her just popping in!!! She's an absolute nightmare!!! > > I'm so glad I found this group > > M Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2012 Report Share Posted January 25, 2012 I hope this gets better for you. I don't think your mother is good for you or your kids. It's hard to put up boundaries but you can recover from this and get your life back. Annie is giving some really great insight and I hope people who are parents will be able to guide you into seeing how damaging this is to your kids so you can stop it before your kids are damaged even further. No one protected us enough but parents on here hopefully know better and will protect their kids from these people. On Wed, Jan 25, 2012 at 10:19 AM, anuria67854 wrote: > ** > > > That's not a good situation at all if your nada is competing with you for > your children's loyalty and is actively undermining your parental > authority. Not good at all. I'm not a parent, but I hope the members here > who are parents can give you some good advice on how to put a stop to that > before it gets even further out of hand. > > Allowing your nada to seduce your children with expensive gifts in > exchange for their loyalty can be detrimental to your kids' personal > integrity and emotional growth. Not standing up to your nada and just > letting her run roughshod over you can make your children disrespect you as > their parent and view their grandmother as the real authority figure. > > My younger Sister had to take a very hard stand with our nada/our mother > back when Sister's little boy was still a preschooler, because our nada was > openly disrespecting my Sister's parenting decisions, and denigrating > Sister as a " bad mother " *in front of her child.* Nada was actively > attempting to undermine Sister's parental authority and " take over " > parenting her grandchild. After Sister's repeated requests for nada to > discuss parenting issues with her privately went repeatedly unheard and > ignored, my Sister finally had to pull over to the side of the highway at > one point, force nada out of the car, and threaten to leave her there on > the side of the road to make her own way home, in order to get across the > seriousness of the situation. Our very domineering nada finally, finally > got it, that Sister meant business and needed to be respected as a mother > and fellow adult. (And Sister had to fight more battles for respect, > power-battles, with nada, over parenting and other issues. It never really > stopped nada, just slowed her down.) > > Domineering nadas force us to these extremes, but, NOT standing up to > domineering, bullying nada can have even worse, more negative long-term > consequences for you and for your kids. > > -Annie > > > > > > > > Hi Millicent > > > > You're so right! My nada is clever as she manipulates the children into > thinking I'm the horrible one and she is so loving and caring. She brought > them each an IPad 2 for Christmas and we havent heard the last of it! I > took hem off he children last week for an entire week as they were naughty! > If she would've found out she wouldve told my children I was wrong and try > and pressure me into giving it back (usually through raging and insults). > I'm getting wise to BPD now and don't tell her anything. Seriously, our > phone calls are like her just chatting away (usually about how wrong > everyone else's life is) and I just give one liners. My husband is > encouraging me to just. It her off or not even answer the phone. It works > when we have an ocean separating is but we are moving back to the UK in the > summer. Despite the fact that she should be with her husband (he has > completely divorced himself for her but not technically) she will be worse > than ever. I won't be moving back intoy beloved home as its 5 mins walk and > 2 mins drive from her house. This has enabled her to drink and walk and or > worse get in the car! So we will look for a house at least 20 mins away. > Not a huge distance. It we hope it reduces her just popping in!!! She's an > absolute nightmare!!! > > > > I'm so glad I found this group > > > > M > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2012 Report Share Posted January 25, 2012 Hi Annie Firstly, thank-you for you support. Its a great boost to be able to safely discuss this with an understanding group who aren't judgmental and Get It!!! Although after reading your response and a few others I started to internalize and think what a looser I was for not doing this sooner! Everyday is a tactical game with my nada and this week I have screened calls and limited my conversation. I am soooooo worried about being in the same physical location soon. I met my hubby in the park today and we chatted. I feel terrible as I have come to realize that for the past 16 years I have lashed out and been disloyal to him just to protect myself from her raging and abuse. Of course he is angry but relieved I/we have finally figured it out. Is there a support group for spouses of adult children of BPD? As much as I want to be there for him, I'm sure he needs to resolve some issues outside of our relationship. Poor guy he must really love me to put up with this for so long = 16 years. Today we looked at each other and said " we don't like who we have become and we need to change it for our immediate family's sake. Today my eldest daughter who is 7 had a really tough conversation with me. In a nutshell she conveyed that she feels insecure around me and and my mum as she never knows if she is going to be embarrassed, in fact she said " nanny (nada) does it the most whe she drinks vodka " !! Alarms bells!! I MUST PROTECT MY CHILDREN AND MY FAMILY OTHERWISE IM PERPETUATING THE CYCLE, RIGHT.? My children have also made comments like " who is Grandpa's wife " ? They're never together and when they are she talks to him like he is 4 or less. It disgusts me, but I have to take charge of my life and my immediate family's emotional well being. God I swear today I had the worst headache! It's all so much to try and change. Why couldn't I have been born with a normal mother? I get sooooooangry I just want to call her up and tell her how angry I am. BUT in true BPD fashion she'll say " oh my you have the worst attitude since you moved away, give me a break " !!! How to do you start from ground zero, whe you feel so angry, mad at yourself for allow g this to happen and eager to protect those in your care? When I visit her in 3 weeks I told my hubby we either stay in a hotel or drive home (6hrs) the same day. I can't stand her right now! Mel x > > > > > > Hi Millicent > > > > You're so right! My nada is clever as she manipulates the children into thinking I'm the horrible one and she is so loving and caring. She brought them each an IPad 2 for Christmas and we havent heard the last of it! I took hem off he children last week for an entire week as they were naughty! If she would've found out she wouldve told my children I was wrong and try and pressure me into giving it back (usually through raging and insults). I'm getting wise to BPD now and don't tell her anything. Seriously, our phone calls are like her just chatting away (usually about how wrong everyone else's life is) and I just give one liners. My husband is encouraging me to just. It her off or not even answer the phone. It works when we have an ocean separating is but we are moving back to the UK in the summer. Despite the fact that she should be with her husband (he has completely divorced himself for her but not technically) she will be worse than ever. I won't be moving back intoy beloved home as its 5 mins walk and 2 mins drive from her house. This has enabled her to drink and walk and or worse get in the car! So we will look for a house at least 20 mins away. Not a huge distance. It we hope it reduces her just popping in!!! She's an absolute nightmare!!! > > > > I'm so glad I found this group > > > > M > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2012 Report Share Posted January 25, 2012 I think your instincts are right on target: your instinct is to limit your contact with your nada, and to set firm boundaries with her. There's no time like the present to begin. Its not useful to beat yourself up for not doing it sooner, but you can make a big, big difference in your life and your children's lives *now* and into the future if you begin setting boundaries now. Its about being aware and alert and " in the moment " or actively conscious, and not just going numb or going on automatic pilot in your nada's presence. Its about listening to the negative, hurtful, manipulative, disrespectful things she's saying and stopping her, right then, in the moment, and saying something like, " Mom, that's not a subject we're going to discuss here and now. We can discuss it later, in private. " Or, " Children, I need to talk to your grandmother alone for a moment, so, will you excuse us and play quietly in here for a little while, and we'll be back shortly? " Or, " Mother, its not OK to call me names and denigrate me. Its very disrespectful and it hurts my feelings.... " or " I can see that you are upset. We can talk later when you are feeling calmer. The children and I are leaving now.... " Things like that said in a calm voice mean that you are the adult who is in control of the situation, not nada. You have to be prepared for a bad reaction on your nada's part. You have to mentally and emotionally prepare yourself to incur her wrath, her verbal attacks, denigrations, criticisms, her icy rejection of you, her spreading lies about you, etc. She won't like this: you setting boundaries with her and being assertive. She will fight back. Your nada will probably increase the frequency, intensity and volume of her negative behaviors when you begin to really stand up to her, give her rules and consequences for her bad behavior. She may try new tactics that she has not resorted to before; when screaming and raging didn't work for my nada any longer, she resorted to being pitiful, crying like a hurt child. The increase in frequency and intensity of manipulative attempts at gaining control back is so common with bpds that its got a name; its called an " extinction burst. " But as an adult, we have to endure scary, difficult things in order to protect ourselves and our spouses and our children from a harmful person or situation. So, its mainly about you deciding which is more tolerable to you; leaving things the way they are, or taking a stand and setting rules and boundaries and consequences with your nada. Seems to me the up-side of the second option far outweighs the negative aspects. But only you can decide what will and will not work for you, what you can and can't tolerate, and what you are willing to give up, and what you are willing to take a risk to gain. -Annie > > > > > > > > > Hi Millicent > > > > > > You're so right! My nada is clever as she manipulates the children into thinking I'm the horrible one and she is so loving and caring. She brought them each an IPad 2 for Christmas and we havent heard the last of it! I took hem off he children last week for an entire week as they were naughty! If she would've found out she wouldve told my children I was wrong and try and pressure me into giving it back (usually through raging and insults). I'm getting wise to BPD now and don't tell her anything. Seriously, our phone calls are like her just chatting away (usually about how wrong everyone else's life is) and I just give one liners. My husband is encouraging me to just. It her off or not even answer the phone. It works when we have an ocean separating is but we are moving back to the UK in the summer. Despite the fact that she should be with her husband (he has completely divorced himself for her but not technically) she will be worse than ever. I won't be moving back intoy beloved home as its 5 mins walk and 2 mins drive from her house. This has enabled her to drink and walk and or worse get in the car! So we will look for a house at least 20 mins away. Not a huge distance. It we hope it reduces her just popping in!!! She's an absolute nightmare!!! > > > > > > I'm so glad I found this group > > > > > > M > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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