Guest guest Posted January 23, 2012 Report Share Posted January 23, 2012 Hi all Joined this group about a week ago after my therapist suggested my mother (or nada as you would say) might have BPD. I'm about half way through SWOE and reading it I couldn't believe how many examples of BPD behaviour seemed just like my mother. It feels good to at last have an explanation for her inconsistent, illogical (well to me anyway) behaviour. The final straw came a few weeks ago, during my university exams, when she accidentally sent me an email between her and my father (non-BPD, although my psych thinks he may have schizophrenia). In the email my mother was talking about how bad my nose looks since I had jaw surgery (which was part of my orthodontic work and necessary to prevent damage to my gums). She also said I was " mentally unstable " . My nose is slightly different since surgery but neither me, my partner nor any of my friends have ever seen it as a problem. I was diagnosed with clinical depression at 16 but have spent the last 6 years doing a lot of therapy, hospital, a hospital program and on medication and as a result I am able to manage my depression fairly easily, without seeing my therapist. I decided to stop all contact with my mother for an indefinite period of time as all she gives me is stress, guilt and anger. Since I told her this, I have had a nightmare about her not being able to cope at all without me which I guess is the guilt in me manifesting. I'm definitely happier without her in my life but I still feel guilt thinking about how she will cope. I know I shouldn't feel guilt as she is a grown 57 year old woman with a job and a husband (my step dad) for support. I'm glad I found this group as it's good to know I'm not alone in experiencing these issues. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2012 Report Share Posted January 24, 2012 You are not alone and welcome. You are very right you're not responsible for your mother's wellbeing. > ** > > > Hi all > > Joined this group about a week ago after my therapist suggested my mother > (or nada as you would say) might have BPD. I'm about half way through SWOE > and reading it I couldn't believe how many examples of BPD behaviour seemed > just like my mother. It feels good to at last have an explanation for her > inconsistent, illogical (well to me anyway) behaviour. > > The final straw came a few weeks ago, during my university exams, when she > accidentally sent me an email between her and my father (non-BPD, although > my psych thinks he may have schizophrenia). In the email my mother was > talking about how bad my nose looks since I had jaw surgery (which was part > of my orthodontic work and necessary to prevent damage to my gums). She > also said I was " mentally unstable " . My nose is slightly different since > surgery but neither me, my partner nor any of my friends have ever seen it > as a problem. I was diagnosed with clinical depression at 16 but have spent > the last 6 years doing a lot of therapy, hospital, a hospital program and > on medication and as a result I am able to manage my depression fairly > easily, without seeing my therapist. > > I decided to stop all contact with my mother for an indefinite period of > time as all she gives me is stress, guilt and anger. Since I told her this, > I have had a nightmare about her not being able to cope at all without me > which I guess is the guilt in me manifesting. > > I'm definitely happier without her in my life but I still feel guilt > thinking about how she will cope. I know I shouldn't feel guilt as she is a > grown 57 year old woman with a job and a husband (my step dad) for support. > > I'm glad I found this group as it's good to know I'm not alone in > experiencing these issues. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 24, 2012 Report Share Posted January 24, 2012 Welcome to the Group . Yes, it was rather a surprise and relief for me to discover that there were Internet support groups full of other people who posted about traumatizing life experiences at the hands of a parent, that I could have written, myself. The similarities were uncanny, and yet all those with bpd do not act the same or have the exact same set of bpd traits. That's good that you have discovered what personality disorder is and are now educating yourself about pds at such a relatively young age. SWOE is good, and there are more good books out there that help us come to terms with having a parent with this mental illness. I myself found " Understanding The Borderline Mother " really relevant to my own situation, particularly the author's placing those with bpd into 4 sub-types; my own mother was mostly a Queen bpd and a Witch bpd. Discovering that yes, the behaviors do constitute a genuine mental illness and no, you are not alone, and no, you did not cause your mother to be mentally ill, is somehow very validating. At least, that's how it felt to me! Again, welcome. -Annie > > Hi all > > Joined this group about a week ago after my therapist suggested my mother > (or nada as you would say) might have BPD. I'm about half way through SWOE > and reading it I couldn't believe how many examples of BPD behaviour seemed > just like my mother. It feels good to at last have an explanation for her > inconsistent, illogical (well to me anyway) behaviour. > > The final straw came a few weeks ago, during my university exams, when she > accidentally sent me an email between her and my father (non-BPD, although > my psych thinks he may have schizophrenia). In the email my mother was > talking about how bad my nose looks since I had jaw surgery (which was part > of my orthodontic work and necessary to prevent damage to my gums). She > also said I was " mentally unstable " . My nose is slightly different since > surgery but neither me, my partner nor any of my friends have ever seen it > as a problem. I was diagnosed with clinical depression at 16 but have spent > the last 6 years doing a lot of therapy, hospital, a hospital program and > on medication and as a result I am able to manage my depression fairly > easily, without seeing my therapist. > > I decided to stop all contact with my mother for an indefinite period of > time as all she gives me is stress, guilt and anger. Since I told her this, > I have had a nightmare about her not being able to cope at all without me > which I guess is the guilt in me manifesting. > > I'm definitely happier without her in my life but I still feel guilt > thinking about how she will cope. I know I shouldn't feel guilt as she is a > grown 57 year old woman with a job and a husband (my step dad) for support. > > I'm glad I found this group as it's good to know I'm not alone in > experiencing these issues. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2012 Report Share Posted January 25, 2012 Hi and welcome. I'm so sorry you need to be here (you know what I mean!) but am glad that you are dealing with it early in your life. I would love to be able to go back and have understood the crazy much earlier than I did. I wish you the very best and much healing. Fiona. > > Hi all > > Joined this group about a week ago after my therapist suggested my mother > (or nada as you would say) might have BPD. I'm about half way through SWOE > and reading it I couldn't believe how many examples of BPD behaviour seemed > just like my mother. It feels good to at last have an explanation for her > inconsistent, illogical (well to me anyway) behaviour. > > The final straw came a few weeks ago, during my university exams, when she > accidentally sent me an email between her and my father (non-BPD, although > my psych thinks he may have schizophrenia). In the email my mother was > talking about how bad my nose looks since I had jaw surgery (which was part > of my orthodontic work and necessary to prevent damage to my gums). She > also said I was " mentally unstable " . My nose is slightly different since > surgery but neither me, my partner nor any of my friends have ever seen it > as a problem. I was diagnosed with clinical depression at 16 but have spent > the last 6 years doing a lot of therapy, hospital, a hospital program and > on medication and as a result I am able to manage my depression fairly > easily, without seeing my therapist. > > I decided to stop all contact with my mother for an indefinite period of > time as all she gives me is stress, guilt and anger. Since I told her this, > I have had a nightmare about her not being able to cope at all without me > which I guess is the guilt in me manifesting. > > I'm definitely happier without her in my life but I still feel guilt > thinking about how she will cope. I know I shouldn't feel guilt as she is a > grown 57 year old woman with a job and a husband (my step dad) for support. > > I'm glad I found this group as it's good to know I'm not alone in > experiencing these issues. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 25, 2012 Report Share Posted January 25, 2012 Thank you everyone for your welcome. Thanks Annie for that book recommendation, I will definitely check that out. This journey is almost about learning about myself as much as my mother. For example, my mother, like many with BPD, does not respect my boundaries. I have been recently having a nightmare about locking myself in my childhood bedroom, only to have my mother get in anyway. When I was upset with my mother as a child, I wanted to run away and shut myself in my room to calm down and get away from the situation. This would mean my mother would come into room and continue the discussion. Eventually I got a lock but even then she would try to talk to me through the door and didn't understand that I needed to be alone. Learning about BPD I can understand more where these fears come from and why they are so powerful for me. Just recounting this nightmare and fear to my partner made me cry as it taps into a very vulnerable part of myself. I'm glad I can now begin to learn and understand and it really helps to know others have faced the same problems. > ** > > > Hi and welcome. > > I'm so sorry you need to be here (you know what I mean!) but am glad that > you are dealing with it early in your life. I would love to be able to go > back and have understood the crazy much earlier than I did. > > I wish you the very best and much healing. > > Fiona. > > > > > > > Hi all > > > > Joined this group about a week ago after my therapist suggested my mother > > (or nada as you would say) might have BPD. I'm about half way through > SWOE > > and reading it I couldn't believe how many examples of BPD behaviour > seemed > > just like my mother. It feels good to at last have an explanation for her > > inconsistent, illogical (well to me anyway) behaviour. > > > > The final straw came a few weeks ago, during my university exams, when > she > > accidentally sent me an email between her and my father (non-BPD, > although > > my psych thinks he may have schizophrenia). In the email my mother was > > talking about how bad my nose looks since I had jaw surgery (which was > part > > of my orthodontic work and necessary to prevent damage to my gums). She > > also said I was " mentally unstable " . My nose is slightly different since > > surgery but neither me, my partner nor any of my friends have ever seen > it > > as a problem. I was diagnosed with clinical depression at 16 but have > spent > > the last 6 years doing a lot of therapy, hospital, a hospital program and > > on medication and as a result I am able to manage my depression fairly > > easily, without seeing my therapist. > > > > I decided to stop all contact with my mother for an indefinite period of > > time as all she gives me is stress, guilt and anger. Since I told her > this, > > I have had a nightmare about her not being able to cope at all without me > > which I guess is the guilt in me manifesting. > > > > I'm definitely happier without her in my life but I still feel guilt > > thinking about how she will cope. I know I shouldn't feel guilt as she > is a > > grown 57 year old woman with a job and a husband (my step dad) for > support. > > > > I'm glad I found this group as it's good to know I'm not alone in > > experiencing these issues. > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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