Amazing similarities

[Guest guest]

Hi I just recently have been reading books on BPD. Right now I'm in the middle

of " Stop walking on eggshells " Honestly, I new mom was mean and hateful but it

never dawned on me what diagnosis could attribute to this. She's always been

very clever at saving her insanity for me and my dad. She would rant and rage

and pummel the stuffing out of me unless Dad was around then he was the target.

She would forget all about it the next day (dissasociation) and take me to the

movies or shopping. I remember flinching once when she went to put a stick of

comb in my mouth and she laughed and actually said " Why, you'd think someone

beat you or something " That type of thing would happen all the time. She'd shove

my face in a can of soiled sanitary napkins then in a few hours act like nothing

had happened.

Flash foward now that she's 81 and I'm 52 she isn't physically violent anymore.

She has complained about a myriad of diseases some even after I take her to the

Dr. and they tell her shes fine. She also reminds me constantly about all the

things she did for me. She absolutely controlled me in a strangle hold thru most

of my adult life, Imposed herself on me and my friends even after I moved away ,

pushed a horrendous marriage on me and a million other weird crazy things and I

simply let her...It astonishes me how much control I gave up because of her

dominence...Even after the physical brutality stopped the mental trips have been

just as bad.

Now she plays the waif/hermit although as a kid she was definitely the witch.

Everything is super negative and everything is about all her pain of abuse as a

child. She changes stories all the time and when you call her on it she'll have

some poor pathetic reason.....Heres the dilemma I'm an only child. There were

times she was nice, made doll clothes or watched the kids while I was in

school(although she did totally negate any type of parenting I would do and I'd

simply take it,usually. I'm an only child. Because she's such a negative person

she has no friends...I truly am her only support system and to tell you the

truth my resentment is palpable. I haven't seen or heard from her since Xmas.

She said some awful things to me (of course out of ear shot) and I'm trying to

set boundaries....It's good not having contact but the guilt and obligation is

incredible! Thanx Ellie

[Guest guest]

Wow, how horrible! You are not responsible for her wellbeing. When the

parent is abusive the child has no obligation to the parent in my opinion.

My mother beat me and my mother was also beaten but we are still

responsible for our actions. Abusive parents should live with the

consequences of their actions. If no one wants to be around them, then they

deserve it. If my mother had treated me with love and I would happily do

whatever I could for her. We don't choose this, it chooses us.

On Wed, Jan 25, 2012 at 10:59 AM, Gleaming Tiger

wrote:

> **

>

>

> Hi I just recently have been reading books on BPD. Right now I'm in the

> middle of " Stop walking on eggshells " Honestly, I new mom was mean and

> hateful but it never dawned on me what diagnosis could attribute to this.

> She's always been very clever at saving her insanity for me and my dad. She

> would rant and rage and pummel the stuffing out of me unless Dad was around

> then he was the target. She would forget all about it the next day

> (dissasociation) and take me to the movies or shopping. I remember

> flinching once when she went to put a stick of comb in my mouth and she

> laughed and actually said " Why, you'd think someone beat you or something "

> That type of thing would happen all the time. She'd shove my face in a can

> of soiled sanitary napkins then in a few hours act like nothing had

> happened.

>

> Flash foward now that she's 81 and I'm 52 she isn't physically violent

> anymore. She has complained about a myriad of diseases some even after I

> take her to the Dr. and they tell her shes fine. She also reminds me

> constantly about all the things she did for me. She absolutely controlled

> me in a strangle hold thru most of my adult life, Imposed herself on me and

> my friends even after I moved away , pushed a horrendous marriage on me and

> a million other weird crazy things and I simply let her...It astonishes me

> how much control I gave up because of her dominence...Even after the

> physical brutality stopped the mental trips have been just as bad.

>

> Now she plays the waif/hermit although as a kid she was definitely the

> witch. Everything is super negative and everything is about all her pain of

> abuse as a child. She changes stories all the time and when you call her on

> it she'll have some poor pathetic reason.....Heres the dilemma I'm an only

> child. There were times she was nice, made doll clothes or watched the kids

> while I was in school(although she did totally negate any type of parenting

> I would do and I'd simply take it,usually. I'm an only child. Because she's

> such a negative person she has no friends...I truly am her only support

> system and to tell you the truth my resentment is palpable. I haven't seen

> or heard from her since Xmas. She said some awful things to me (of course

> out of ear shot) and I'm trying to set boundaries....It's good not having

> contact but the guilt and obligation is incredible! Thanx Ellie

>

>

[Guest guest]

I completely agree!

There should be no obligation to an abusive parent. Whenever I would call my

nada out on her abuse she would say that I forced her to do it and that she was

acting out of desperation. She would justify by saying that there were people

out there who had/have it way worse and that I should stop complaining or she

would deny it completely.

I am also an only child and finally decided to go No Contact about a year and a

half ago. The fear, guilt and obligation was extremely incredible but has gotten

easier over time. The more you step back and separate yourself, the more you can

see the craziness for what it really is.

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > Hi I just recently have been reading books on BPD. Right now I'm in the

> > middle of " Stop walking on eggshells " Honestly, I new mom was mean and

> > hateful but it never dawned on me what diagnosis could attribute to this.

> > She's always been very clever at saving her insanity for me and my dad. She

> > would rant and rage and pummel the stuffing out of me unless Dad was around

> > then he was the target. She would forget all about it the next day

> > (dissasociation) and take me to the movies or shopping. I remember

> > flinching once when she went to put a stick of comb in my mouth and she

> > laughed and actually said " Why, you'd think someone beat you or something "

> > That type of thing would happen all the time. She'd shove my face in a can

> > of soiled sanitary napkins then in a few hours act like nothing had

> > happened.

> >

> > Flash foward now that she's 81 and I'm 52 she isn't physically violent

> > anymore. She has complained about a myriad of diseases some even after I

> > take her to the Dr. and they tell her shes fine. She also reminds me

> > constantly about all the things she did for me. She absolutely controlled

> > me in a strangle hold thru most of my adult life, Imposed herself on me and

> > my friends even after I moved away , pushed a horrendous marriage on me and

> > a million other weird crazy things and I simply let her...It astonishes me

> > how much control I gave up because of her dominence...Even after the

> > physical brutality stopped the mental trips have been just as bad.

> >

> > Now she plays the waif/hermit although as a kid she was definitely the

> > witch. Everything is super negative and everything is about all her pain of

> > abuse as a child. She changes stories all the time and when you call her on

> > it she'll have some poor pathetic reason.....Heres the dilemma I'm an only

> > child. There were times she was nice, made doll clothes or watched the kids

> > while I was in school(although she did totally negate any type of parenting

> > I would do and I'd simply take it,usually. I'm an only child. Because she's

> > such a negative person she has no friends...I truly am her only support

> > system and to tell you the truth my resentment is palpable. I haven't seen

> > or heard from her since Xmas. She said some awful things to me (of course

> > out of ear shot) and I'm trying to set boundaries....It's good not having

> > contact but the guilt and obligation is incredible! Thanx Ellie

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi Panda

How did you go zero contact, did she get evil? I remember my Dad trying to

divorce my nada once and he was in the military. Nada called his Commander and

said he was smoking marijuana at home. I remember the military police coming

round with their sniffer dogs when I was 8 or so. Obviously nothing was found

but it made my Dad give in and stick around. If that's not emotional blackmale

then what is?

I am worried about going no contact as she is crazy!!!!!! Literally nuts when

she rages!

Not that it's a reason not to go non contact, but wondering how you protect

yourself. I even suggested a no contact order through the courts if needs be?.

Uuuurgggggggh = big sigh!

> >

> > > **

> > >

> > >

> > > Hi I just recently have been reading books on BPD. Right now I'm in the

> > > middle of " Stop walking on eggshells " Honestly, I new mom was mean and

> > > hateful but it never dawned on me what diagnosis could attribute to this.

> > > She's always been very clever at saving her insanity for me and my dad.

She

> > > would rant and rage and pummel the stuffing out of me unless Dad was

around

> > > then he was the target. She would forget all about it the next day

> > > (dissasociation) and take me to the movies or shopping. I remember

> > > flinching once when she went to put a stick of comb in my mouth and she

> > > laughed and actually said " Why, you'd think someone beat you or something "

> > > That type of thing would happen all the time. She'd shove my face in a can

> > > of soiled sanitary napkins then in a few hours act like nothing had

> > > happened.

> > >

> > > Flash foward now that she's 81 and I'm 52 she isn't physically violent

> > > anymore. She has complained about a myriad of diseases some even after I

> > > take her to the Dr. and they tell her shes fine. She also reminds me

> > > constantly about all the things she did for me. She absolutely controlled

> > > me in a strangle hold thru most of my adult life, Imposed herself on me

and

> > > my friends even after I moved away , pushed a horrendous marriage on me

and

> > > a million other weird crazy things and I simply let her...It astonishes me

> > > how much control I gave up because of her dominence...Even after the

> > > physical brutality stopped the mental trips have been just as bad.

> > >

> > > Now she plays the waif/hermit although as a kid she was definitely the

> > > witch. Everything is super negative and everything is about all her pain

of

> > > abuse as a child. She changes stories all the time and when you call her

on

> > > it she'll have some poor pathetic reason.....Heres the dilemma I'm an only

> > > child. There were times she was nice, made doll clothes or watched the

kids

> > > while I was in school(although she did totally negate any type of

parenting

> > > I would do and I'd simply take it,usually. I'm an only child. Because

she's

> > > such a negative person she has no friends...I truly am her only support

> > > system and to tell you the truth my resentment is palpable. I haven't seen

> > > or heard from her since Xmas. She said some awful things to me (of course

> > > out of ear shot) and I'm trying to set boundaries....It's good not having

> > > contact but the guilt and obligation is incredible! Thanx Ellie

> > >

> > >