Re: Nightmares - BPD Nada as Antagonist

[Guest guest]

>

> I wondered if any of you have struggled with nightmares? Especially about

your BPD parent. It seems unhealthy to me to have nightmares about my own

mother. They are intense and horrific - not your run of the mill kind of scary

dreams here. Usually she is personified as the devil or the worst thing you

could possibly imagine, my worst fear. It always ends with the " devil " turning

into her face or an awareness that the dangerous, evil person is actually her.

>

YES! I used to have horrible nightmares almost every night. In one of the worst

ones, I was in my childhood home, and trying to get away from a demon-possessed

poster. As I went through the family room to try to reach the front door, there

were 3 of my mother, and they all started chasing me and making horrible faces.

It was all downhill from there, even after I escaped the house.

Nowadays I don't have many nightmares, but I do still have somewhat frequent

dreams about some sort of conflict with my parents. It got much better after I

started therapy.

[Guest guest]

Hi

I had a recurring nightmare my whole life. Until the last few years, when it

finally stopped, because I'm finally not scared anymore.

My theory on these dreams is that they are making your feelings into a story.

Sometimes they're literal, with the face of the scary person (nada), and

sometimes metaphorical - when that scary person turns into a devil. In mine I

was always being chased because I was bad, a murderer usually, and they were

going to get me. I had a lot of guilt.

For example, a few years ago I had a benign tumor and needed surgery. I was

scared. So every night for the months leading up to the surgery, I had a

recurring dream. There was a flood coming, and we had to prepare. It was an

anxiety dream, and the flood symbolism was the constant. After the surgery was

over and I was fine, the dream stopped. No more dreams of floods. (I think the

flood symbolized a cleaning out for me - the tumor was a bad thing and was

removed).

The dream is you talking to yourself in images and metaphor, telling yourself

what you're feeling, what you're scared of. In your case I think you should

listen to how scared you are. I don't think you're going to get better by

continuing to talk to the scary person. I think the only way you are going to

get rid of the dreams is by taking care of yourself. Finding a way to make

yourself feel safe, all the time. NC with nada was how I did it.

I also think that you feel that you shouldn't do that, so you come up with

rationalizations for why staying in contact is ok. A little dose of poison each

day? Really? No, you won't build up an immunity, you'll just keep killing

yourself by a thousand cuts.

Also - NC doesn't have to mean forever. It's hard to be NC. I did it for four

years and then slowly opened the door, only as much as I wanted, I was in

control. I knew I could close the door again at any time, and more importantly,

she knew it too!

Listen to yourself and take care of yourself first.

Terri

>

> I wondered if any of you have struggled with nightmares? Especially about

your BPD parent. It seems unhealthy to me to have nightmares about my own

mother. They are intense and horrific - not your run of the mill kind of scary

dreams here. Usually she is personified as the devil or the worst thing you

could possibly imagine, my worst fear. It always ends with the " devil " turning

into her face or an awareness that the dangerous, evil person is actually her.

>

> I think on one level I can at least identity that contact with her is

disturbing to me. I don't think it takes a rocket scientist (or Ph.D.

psychologist) to figure that part out. :-) I think a little more low contact is

in order. One poster suggested that I might be " overexposed " to my mom. I

thought that was an excellent way of putting it. If nothing else, I think I can

at least acknowledge that a deep part of me is warning me of a very real and

present danger.

>

> I wonder if my goal should be to be around her without nightmaring afterwards

or possibly to reduce contact so that I and my family are safer? It seems like

my approach may be a bit off here. Should I also try taking just a little bit

of poison each day to see if my system can adjust to it or handle it better with

" practice " ?

>

> -Coal Miner's Daughter

> p.s. Just the sound of her voice or a glance at her photo is like the sound of

nails on a chalkboard. My sister asked me about this once because she had the

same experience and, of course, felt guilty.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi

I had a recurring nightmare my whole life. Until the last few years, when it

finally stopped, because I'm finally not scared anymore.

My theory on these dreams is that they are making your feelings into a story.

Sometimes they're literal, with the face of the scary person (nada), and

sometimes metaphorical - when that scary person turns into a devil. In mine I

was always being chased because I was bad, a murderer usually, and they were

going to get me. I had a lot of guilt.

For example, a few years ago I had a benign tumor and needed surgery. I was

scared. So every night for the months leading up to the surgery, I had a

recurring dream. There was a flood coming, and we had to prepare. It was an

anxiety dream, and the flood symbolism was the constant. After the surgery was

over and I was fine, the dream stopped. No more dreams of floods. (I think the

flood symbolized a cleaning out for me - the tumor was a bad thing and was

removed).

The dream is you talking to yourself in images and metaphor, telling yourself

what you're feeling, what you're scared of. In your case I think you should

listen to how scared you are. I don't think you're going to get better by

continuing to talk to the scary person. I think the only way you are going to

get rid of the dreams is by taking care of yourself. Finding a way to make

yourself feel safe, all the time. NC with nada was how I did it.

I also think that you feel that you shouldn't do that, so you come up with

rationalizations for why staying in contact is ok. A little dose of poison each

day? Really? No, you won't build up an immunity, you'll just keep killing

yourself by a thousand cuts.

Also - NC doesn't have to mean forever. It's hard to be NC. I did it for four

years and then slowly opened the door, only as much as I wanted, I was in

control. I knew I could close the door again at any time, and more importantly,

she knew it too!

Listen to yourself and take care of yourself first.

Terri

>

> I wondered if any of you have struggled with nightmares? Especially about

your BPD parent. It seems unhealthy to me to have nightmares about my own

mother. They are intense and horrific - not your run of the mill kind of scary

dreams here. Usually she is personified as the devil or the worst thing you

could possibly imagine, my worst fear. It always ends with the " devil " turning

into her face or an awareness that the dangerous, evil person is actually her.

>

> I think on one level I can at least identity that contact with her is

disturbing to me. I don't think it takes a rocket scientist (or Ph.D.

psychologist) to figure that part out. :-) I think a little more low contact is

in order. One poster suggested that I might be " overexposed " to my mom. I

thought that was an excellent way of putting it. If nothing else, I think I can

at least acknowledge that a deep part of me is warning me of a very real and

present danger.

>

> I wonder if my goal should be to be around her without nightmaring afterwards

or possibly to reduce contact so that I and my family are safer? It seems like

my approach may be a bit off here. Should I also try taking just a little bit

of poison each day to see if my system can adjust to it or handle it better with

" practice " ?

>

> -Coal Miner's Daughter

> p.s. Just the sound of her voice or a glance at her photo is like the sound of

nails on a chalkboard. My sister asked me about this once because she had the

same experience and, of course, felt guilty.

>

[Guest guest]

SORRY I posted twice, some of my posts were deleted, and I thought this one was

too. Maybe I was just impatient. well, that's why.

-Terri

>

> I wondered if any of you have struggled with nightmares? Especially about

your BPD parent. It seems unhealthy to me to have nightmares about my own

mother. They are intense and horrific - not your run of the mill kind of scary

dreams here. Usually she is personified as the devil or the worst thing you

could possibly imagine, my worst fear. It always ends with the " devil " turning

into her face or an awareness that the dangerous, evil person is actually her.

>

> I think on one level I can at least identity that contact with her is

disturbing to me. I don't think it takes a rocket scientist (or Ph.D.

psychologist) to figure that part out. :-) I think a little more low contact is

in order. One poster suggested that I might be " overexposed " to my mom. I

thought that was an excellent way of putting it. If nothing else, I think I can

at least acknowledge that a deep part of me is warning me of a very real and

present danger.

>

> I wonder if my goal should be to be around her without nightmaring afterwards

or possibly to reduce contact so that I and my family are safer? It seems like

my approach may be a bit off here. Should I also try taking just a little bit

of poison each day to see if my system can adjust to it or handle it better with

" practice " ?

>

> -Coal Miner's Daughter

> p.s. Just the sound of her voice or a glance at her photo is like the sound of

nails on a chalkboard. My sister asked me about this once because she had the

same experience and, of course, felt guilty.

>

[Guest guest]

It is interesting that this topic got brought up because I was thinking about

posting about it as well. I have a lot of nightmares about my nada. The most

common one is that she shoots me. Lately, she turns into some sort of demon,

with a evil voice that tells me how horrible I am to her.

> >

> > I wondered if any of you have struggled with nightmares? Especially about

your BPD parent. It seems unhealthy to me to have nightmares about my own

mother. They are intense and horrific - not your run of the mill kind of scary

dreams here. Usually she is personified as the devil or the worst thing you

could possibly imagine, my worst fear. It always ends with the " devil " turning

into her face or an awareness that the dangerous, evil person is actually her.

> >

> > I think on one level I can at least identity that contact with her is

disturbing to me. I don't think it takes a rocket scientist (or Ph.D.

psychologist) to figure that part out. :-) I think a little more low contact is

in order. One poster suggested that I might be " overexposed " to my mom. I

thought that was an excellent way of putting it. If nothing else, I think I can

at least acknowledge that a deep part of me is warning me of a very real and

present danger.

> >

> > I wonder if my goal should be to be around her without nightmaring

afterwards or possibly to reduce contact so that I and my family are safer? It

seems like my approach may be a bit off here. Should I also try taking just a

little bit of poison each day to see if my system can adjust to it or handle it

better with " practice " ?

> >

> > -Coal Miner's Daughter

> > p.s. Just the sound of her voice or a glance at her photo is like the sound

of nails on a chalkboard. My sister asked me about this once because she had

the same experience and, of course, felt guilty.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I haven't been having any dreams, but feelings and memories. I wake up in the

morning with memories of ways that she behaved towards me in adolescence that

are very similar to the things that a lot of the people with 'witch bpd' mothers

here talk about. I had forgotten most of these things. I remember there seemed

to be a time where she hated my very existence, from about adolesence on, and

the things that she said to me were outrageous and unfounded. I remember going

to a softball tournament once, I think I was 13 or 14... if not younger, and

we'd been there a day or so, it was very exciting as we were staying in ahotel

with all the girls and teams and parents milling around, and my parents were in

a different room downstairs, and I saw them and went over to say 'hi' and said

something about my sister and she was just like " Yes, SHE came to see us because

SHE cares about her family and YOU have not come down here one time because YOU

obviously don't care about us...or something along that line, with accent on the

pronouns in typical bpd fashion. I was flabbergasted and felt like I had been

punched in the stomach. And she did this to me quite a bit I realize now, " you

think you are better than us " blah blah blah, etc...I had forgotten that whole

'side' of our relationship, like it never even happened. Those have been

happening quite frequently in the mornings lately. Or I will wake up with just

the blackest emotional state, feeling so much pain like I literally can't take

it. I assume it is holdover from dreams I'd been happening, or just memories

floating to the surface.

>

> I wondered if any of you have struggled with nightmares? Especially about

your BPD parent. It seems unhealthy to me to have nightmares about my own

mother. They are intense and horrific - not your run of the mill kind of scary

dreams here. Usually she is personified as the devil or the worst thing you

could possibly imagine, my worst fear. It always ends with the " devil " turning

into her face or an awareness that the dangerous, evil person is actually her.

>

> I think on one level I can at least identity that contact with her is

disturbing to me. I don't think it takes a rocket scientist (or Ph.D.

psychologist) to figure that part out. :-) I think a little more low contact is

in order. One poster suggested that I might be " overexposed " to my mom. I

thought that was an excellent way of putting it. If nothing else, I think I can

at least acknowledge that a deep part of me is warning me of a very real and

present danger.

>

> I wonder if my goal should be to be around her without nightmaring afterwards

or possibly to reduce contact so that I and my family are safer? It seems like

my approach may be a bit off here. Should I also try taking just a little bit

of poison each day to see if my system can adjust to it or handle it better with

" practice " ?

>

> -Coal Miner's Daughter

> p.s. Just the sound of her voice or a glance at her photo is like the sound of

nails on a chalkboard. My sister asked me about this once because she had the

same experience and, of course, felt guilty.

>

[Guest guest]

I have had nightmares also. I realized that it is part of PTSD. Think about it,

we have been traumatized for years. I have found therapy helpful.

> >

> > I wondered if any of you have struggled with nightmares? Especially about

your BPD parent. It seems unhealthy to me to have nightmares about my own

mother. They are intense and horrific - not your run of the mill kind of scary

dreams here. Usually she is personified as the devil or the worst thing you

could possibly imagine, my worst fear. It always ends with the " devil " turning

into her face or an awareness that the dangerous, evil person is actually her.

> >

> > I think on one level I can at least identity that contact with her is

disturbing to me. I don't think it takes a rocket scientist (or Ph.D.

psychologist) to figure that part out. :-) I think a little more low contact is

in order. One poster suggested that I might be " overexposed " to my mom. I

thought that was an excellent way of putting it. If nothing else, I think I can

at least acknowledge that a deep part of me is warning me of a very real and

present danger.

> >

> > I wonder if my goal should be to be around her without nightmaring

afterwards or possibly to reduce contact so that I and my family are safer? It

seems like my approach may be a bit off here. Should I also try taking just a

little bit of poison each day to see if my system can adjust to it or handle it

better with " practice " ?

> >

> > -Coal Miner's Daughter

> > p.s. Just the sound of her voice or a glance at her photo is like the sound

of nails on a chalkboard. My sister asked me about this once because she had

the same experience and, of course, felt guilty.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yes i had nightmares for a long long long time about being trapped in the

house where I grew up with nada and bada. Therapy helped

On Wed, Jul 13, 2011 at 6:27 PM, Michele Lee Lambert

wrote:

> **

>

>

> I have had nightmares also. I realized that it is part of PTSD. Think about

> it, we have been traumatized for years. I have found therapy helpful.

>

>

>

> > >

> > > I wondered if any of you have struggled with nightmares? Especially

> about your BPD parent. It seems unhealthy to me to have nightmares about my

> own mother. They are intense and horrific - not your run of the mill kind of

> scary dreams here. Usually she is personified as the devil or the worst

> thing you could possibly imagine, my worst fear. It always ends with the

> " devil " turning into her face or an awareness that the dangerous, evil

> person is actually her.

> > >

> > > I think on one level I can at least identity that contact with her is

> disturbing to me. I don't think it takes a rocket scientist (or Ph.D.

> psychologist) to figure that part out. :-) I think a little more low contact

> is in order. One poster suggested that I might be " overexposed " to my mom. I

> thought that was an excellent way of putting it. If nothing else, I think I

> can at least acknowledge that a deep part of me is warning me of a very real

> and present danger.

> > >

> > > I wonder if my goal should be to be around her without nightmaring

> afterwards or possibly to reduce contact so that I and my family are safer?

> It seems like my approach may be a bit off here. Should I also try taking

> just a little bit of poison each day to see if my system can adjust to it or

> handle it better with " practice " ?

> > >

> > > -Coal Miner's Daughter

> > > p.s. Just the sound of her voice or a glance at her photo is like the

> sound of nails on a chalkboard. My sister asked me about this once because

> she had the same experience and, of course, felt guilty.

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, for years I had nightmares about my nada controlling me, yelling at me,

trying to separate me from my husband and kids. And in my dreams I usually

talked back, told her exactly what I thought of her. I wish. . . .

One particular dream she was chasing me from city to city. At one point I was

running across a long narrow ridge of rock with a sheer drop on either side. I

was trying to get to another city. At one point she was getting closer and I

stopped and threw a rock at her. She dodged the rock but still lost her balance

and went over the edge. The worst part of the dream that had me waking up

screaming and crying was that she grabbed my Dad's hand and took him with her

over the edge. It took days to deal with that image in my mind.

Funny that since I read SWOE and learned about BPD, the nightmares have

decreased to almost nothing. Perhaps inside I do feel a small sense of control

over my life now.

> > >

> > > >

> > > > I wondered if any of you have struggled with nightmares? Especially

> > about your BPD parent. It seems unhealthy to me to have nightmares about my

> > own mother. They are intense and horrific - not your run of the mill kind of

> > scary dreams here. Usually she is personified as the devil or the worst

> > thing you could possibly imagine, my worst fear. It always ends with the

> > " devil " turning into her face or an awareness that the dangerous, evil

> > person is actually her.

> > > >

> > > > I think on one level I can at least identity that contact with her is

> > disturbing to me. I don't think it takes a rocket scientist (or Ph.D.

> > psychologist) to figure that part out. :-) I think a little more low contact

> > is in order. One poster suggested that I might be " overexposed " to my mom. I

> > thought that was an excellent way of putting it. If nothing else, I think I

> > can at least acknowledge that a deep part of me is warning me of a very real

> > and present danger.

> > > >

> > > > I wonder if my goal should be to be around her without nightmaring

> > afterwards or possibly to reduce contact so that I and my family are safer?

> > It seems like my approach may be a bit off here. Should I also try taking

> > just a little bit of poison each day to see if my system can adjust to it or

> > handle it better with " practice " ?

> > > >

> > > > -Coal Miner's Daughter

> > > > p.s. Just the sound of her voice or a glance at her photo is like the

> > sound of nails on a chalkboard. My sister asked me about this once because

> > she had the same experience and, of course, felt guilty.

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>