Re: Re: when someone tells you that you are just like your mother, yikes!

[Guest guest]

Sorry - I bet that hurt! Delete and block has been covered, but my T would

add that you should not give this person any power over your life. If an

asshole thinks you are a jerk - so what - they are an asshole.

And I would add that what that weirdo said sounds like something he has

probably heard from his own FOO about 500 times. So clearly he cannot think

for himself!!!

XOXO GS

On Mon, Jul 11, 2011 at 4:28 PM, Stacey Corsa wrote:

> **

>

>

> Totally Agree! Delete.BLOCK.Do <http://delete.block.do/> not reply.

>

> ~~Velvet_Tears74~~

>

> Whatever it takes.....

>

> From: WTOAdultChildren1

> [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of anuria67854

> Sent: Monday, July 11, 2011 5:06 PM

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Subject: Re: when someone tells you that you are just

> like your mother, yikes!

>

>

> I was stalked/harassed via Internet & e-mail by a former friend for over 3

> years. After the first year I blocked her e-mail address and stopped

> responding to any contact attempts, and it still took another couple of

> years for her to give up.

>

> That's what they advise at the anti-stalking websites: block their address,

> block their phone number, do not respond. Ever.

>

> Each response encourages them and prolongs the time they will attempt to

> keep contacting you.

>

> My harasser knew that I belonged to various interest group forums and

> Groups, so she joined them and harassed me that way by creating new IDs for

> herself, but since I was able to spot her pretty easily I was able to just

> not respond to any of her forum posts or Group posts. But still, it took

> nearly two freaking years for her to lose interest even though I'd stopped

> responding.

>

> Best of luck with this. Block, block, block.

> And Do Not Respond. Ever. Period.

>

> -Annie

>

>

> >

> > Sorry, I may not have been clear towards the end of my email:

> >

> > I wondered if anyone has experience and insight around how to deal with

> such a person who is harrassing or haranguing? I'm pretty much unprotected,

> even though this is a recovery forum! I'd like TO KNOW if it is typical for

> listserv administrators of forums related to mental health, to have a

> completely hands off attitude towards private correspondence.

> >

> > For example, if someone sends a disturbing private email to me here, are

> loop moderators likely to take action, or tell me that I communicate

> privately at my own risk?

> >

> >

> > Best,

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

You are VERY right about that Annie! Definitely you have lots of experience

with this. I only discovered this recently.

N

> Any reply you make to a hostile e-mail is a " win " for the sender. It will

encourage the hostile sender to keep attempting contact with you.

>

> So, my advice is to ignore a hostile e-mail and block the sender's e-mail

address. Do Not Respond.

>

> Sometimes the only way to win is to not play.

> (from the movie " War Games " )

>

> -Annie

>

>

> >

> > On another (non-KO) forum, I received a note from a person I'd known for a

long while (that I stayed in correspondence with them is a painful example to me

of how innocent I've been about the need to have good boundaries)...

> >

> > I'd decided recently that I needed a break from that forum and took my leave

quietly, changing my email address in the process. Unfortunately, my departure

came coincidental with an exchange of emails in which I realized I had finally

had enough of how this person speaks sideways and derogatorily about people very

much like myself.

> >

> > I left the forum weeks ago....and Occasionally I STILL receive unsolicited

email from this person.

> >

> > In their last email they have actually delivered one of my most troubling

messages. That I am just like my mom. And that I am addicted to her. And even

more know-it-all wisdom that is judgmental and irritating and shaming (I think).

They think I am sulking. Plus, they seem to think my final email to them, which

was gentle and honest... was horrible and rude. Yet they intimated they want me

back on that forum. (What, for more abuse?)

> >

> > What do I care about what they think, really....

> >

> > The truth is that I long ago gave up sharing about my mom in that forum

unless I had the issue resolved (processing with this person around began to

feel intrusive).... I shared privately with folks that were on the same

spiritual page as I, and with my therapist.. and did my Alanon work face to face

(Alanon is for family members of active and recovering drunks, and folks that

act like nada and fada)...

> >

> > The truth is I have a great husband and son who know who I am, and that I am

now at work on the addictive aspects of my inner self, who still would

appreciate unconditional love from nada, but knows she is not going to get it.

> >

> > For now, I am trusting it is best to ignore them. Not answering this

mean-spirited person is quite the trial for many reasons. Occasionally I come up

with both smart replies and ones designed to be boring as if I were dealing with

a man nada.

> >

> > I wondered if anyone has experience and insight around how to deal with such

a person or communication. I'm pretty much unprotected, even though this is a

recovery forum! I'd like if it is typical for listserv administrators of forums

related to mental health, to have a completely hands off attitude towards

private correspondence. I've done and said nothing bad to this person, which is

why their righteous forgiveness feels downright weird.

> >

> > I am fortunate, I have like-minded fellow travelers in the forum in

question, that are helping me with this, but none are affected by having grown

up with borderline parents.

> >

> > I am pretty sure that the person who has attacked me in private had nasty

parents. Hubby took a look at one email and has declared the problem person a

sociopath.

> >

> > Has anyone had this happen to them and how on God's green earth did you deal

with it?

> >

> > Best,

> >

> >