when does need for validation end??

[Guest guest]

Lately, maybe I'm just feeling vulnerable, I've been needing more and more

validation from others.

you know, like, " No, really, nada really is that bad! Did I tell you what she

did to me last week? " , etc.

When does that stop? And if it's stopped for any of you, that need to be

understood and affirmed, HOW did it stop?

[Guest guest]

I wish I knew. I find myself talking about her, the bizarre mean things she does

and then I realize nobody truly understands or wants to hear about it. I clam up

and feel embarrassed. All my friends have their own problems with family,

health, work. Listening to me try to explain my nada goes nowhere. The only one

who gets it is my husband because he deals with her as well. So we try to limit

our discussions/complaints to just the two of us. Do you have someone nearby

that you can talk to, who understands, who won't say " but she's your mother! "

Bleecchh.

>

> Lately, maybe I'm just feeling vulnerable, I've been needing more and more

validation from others.

>

> you know, like, " No, really, nada really is that bad! Did I tell you what she

did to me last week? " , etc.

>

> When does that stop?  And if it's stopped for any of you, that need to be

understood and affirmed, HOW did it stop?

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yeah, I find it's something that almost never ends too.

I have a relationship with my dad, where I talk to him about nada, and he then

validates my feelings and tells me all the good things, it;s not my fault,

etc... Lately I've finally begun to feel like this pattern is not helping

anymore, that I shouldn't need all this constant nada-analysis and pep-talking.

And I stop needing it for a while, until she does something. Then I immediately

call dad for my validation-of-my-feelings fix.

I also used to complain about her to everyone I ever met. I'm embarrassed about

this now. I think I've kicked it, I try to not bring her up at all. If I do, now

I usually bring up BPD as well. That makes people quiet, at least they don't try

and make it all right. They don't know what to do with that. But also, it's not

like they understand. Only people who have had to deal with her over a long time

really understand. As you know.

So I guess my answer is I don't think the need for validation ever ends. Don't

feel bad about it. If you have someone who helps you, just feel grateful for

that.

Terri

>

> Lately, maybe I'm just feeling vulnerable, I've been needing more and more

validation from others.

>

> you know, like, " No, really, nada really is that bad! Did I tell you what she

did to me last week? " , etc.

>

> When does that stop?  And if it's stopped for any of you, that need to be

understood and affirmed, HOW did it stop?

>

>

[Guest guest]

Personally, I think validation is a need all humans share. That's why constant

invalidation is considered abusive.

I don't think it's a bad thing in itself to need a little validation from time

to time, especially when dealing with someone as crazy-making as our BPDd

parents. But if it gets to the point where you don't know who you are or how you

feel without other people telling you, or if you are constantly fishing for

sympathy or compliments, you might benefit from some professional help in that

area.

sva

> >

> > Lately, maybe I'm just feeling vulnerable, I've been needing more and more

validation from others.

> >

> > you know, like, " No, really, nada really is that bad! Did I tell you what

she did to me last week? " , etc.

> >

> > When does that stop?  And if it's stopped for any of you, that need to be

understood and affirmed, HOW did it stop?

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

It is that bad!!! I promise!!!!!!!

> **

>

>

> Personally, I think validation is a need all humans share. That's why

> constant invalidation is considered abusive.

>

> I don't think it's a bad thing in itself to need a little validation from

> time to time, especially when dealing with someone as crazy-making as our

> BPDd parents. But if it gets to the point where you don't know who you are

> or how you feel without other people telling you, or if you are constantly

> fishing for sympathy or compliments, you might benefit from some

> professional help in that area.

>

> sva

>

>

>

> > >

> > > Lately, maybe I'm just feeling vulnerable, I've been needing more and

> more validation from others.

> > >

> > > you know, like, " No, really, nada really is that bad! Did I tell you

> what she did to me last week? " , etc.

> > >

> > > When does that stop? And if it's stopped for any of you, that need to

> be understood and affirmed, HOW did it stop?

> > >

> > >