just hoping to meet with other people with the same situations as I am in.

July 11, 2011

So..This is my 1st time on here. I really do not even know where to begin. I

am in counseling, and the very 1st day that I went in to see him, I told him

that I was having issues with my mother. He asked me just a couple of question

and no kidding, in the 1st 5minutes told me that she had BPD. Dr had to explain

it to me and after a year with him, he is still trying to knock it into my thick

skull...I dont get it. I am a mom of 6 kids..2 biological and 4 steps. I do

not like the step term..to me they are all my children. My husband even adopted

my 2 kids. My mother has over-ruled, corrected ME, and we fight something

horrible because she thinks I am a horrible mom. This is coming from the woman

who did a horrible job as a mother. When me and her fight, it's the same stuff

over and over. My youngest son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes 4 1/2 yrs

ago. If he isnt checking his blood sugars..Yep..my fault. By the way...He is

now 19 yrs old and lives on his own...Still my fault. Last summer, my youngest

son went to stay with her for awhile...When I knew in my heart that he was not

coming back home, I wrote him 3 page letter telling him that as much as I dont

want to deal with this subject, I would still stand behind him as I know that he

would not be coming home. Honestly this letter was read by several trusted

people and they thought it was well written. I left it in his car. He went to

his grandma's house and instead of letting her read the letter...he just flat

out told her that me and dad kicked him out and that I had kicked him off of our

health insurance. All of this was a load of garbage. She instantly called and

my hubby put her on speaker phone...She kept asking about me and why wouldnt I

talk to her...I finally spoke up and said...Hi Mom, I just came in the room.

She asked me about the insurance, I told her I had not done anything yet...and

she said. " You are the Epitome of Evil " and hung up on me. This is the garbage

that I have had all my life. And believe me this is just the tip of the

iceberg. Any advice is welcome...

I didnt not speak to her for several months...then we had a death in the family

and I bit my tongue and just talked to her...Then this past April...it was our

Daughter's wedding shower...My mother showed up...I went to her and gave her a

hug, told her she looked fabulous..everything. 3 days later is when she told me

that she enjoyed the shower very much...she just didnt want to see me!! Nice,

huh?? Help me...please!! Thanks for taking the time for me.

July 12, 2011

Welcome Deb, I would definitely trust your therapist when it comes to what he

has told you about your mother. Keep posting and talking about it, that is what

this group is for. Sometimes it helps me just to come here and go 'this is what

drives me nuts' and express it and odds are someone or many others will be

helped and validated by what you are posting about because they have experienced

it too. The other day a member posted about how BPD parents have a 'compulsive

need' to hurt us and and it sure sounds like that is the situation with your

mom, the comment about 'not wanting to see you' was just that, aimed at hurting

your feelings. It's almost like someone with Tourette's syndrome, you would be

able to understand that uncontrollabe instinct to speak. I think BPD/NPD people

are like that as well, but the only way to protect ourselves is to either cut

off contact or limit it as much as possible. I think her behavior about your

kids is just projection about her own behavior as a mother. You need a lot of

support and validation to begin to believe in your 'side' of the situation, and

I hope you will find that here. Hugs.

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> So..This is my 1st time on here. I really do not even know where to begin. I