Hello

[Guest guest]

Lorraine,

I am not a parent of a child with CHARGE, but a professional on this list. I am

sure that MANY parents will be getting to you as soon as they read your post.

There are several parents here who have lost their little ones and they will

bring you some comfort, I am sure, in terms of how they went on living and

loving with their families while holding their angels in their hearts.

I am sorry that life is so hard for you--I hope that finding us will help and

that we will be able to help in some way.

The parents here are so very wonderful--you will be welcomed with open arms.

best,

pam

hello

I'm new to this site and am still tring to find my way around. I have

read a few things and have noticed that the childeren are doing well.

My daughter was 10 days off 4 mths old when she passed, I am happy to

see that not all have gone threw what my family and I did. I was

hoping to be able to talk to some one that has lost as well, I don't

think I have fully come to terms with it, as certain members of my

family pushed me into moving on. Having a husband and 2 other children

to care for, that is what I did. I now find myself crying myself to

sleep at nights, or finding myself locked in the toilet crying. All I

would like is some one to talk to. It has been 6 years in December

since the angels took her and think it is time that I work threw what

I am feeling. I would also like to know what others have been told

about CHARGE, because all I got was that there wasn't much known and

then was sent stuff that I could ony partly understand. Thank you for

listening.

CHARGE SYNDROME LISTSERV PHOTO PAGE:

http://www.imagestation.com/album/?id=2117043995

Membership of this email support group does not constitute membership in the

CHARGE Syndrome Foundation; for information about the CHARGE Syndrome

Foundation or to become a member (and get the newsletter),

please contact marion@... or visit

the web site at http://www.chargesyndrome.org

8th International

CHARGE Syndrome Conference, July, 2007. Information will be available at

www.chargesyndrome.org or by calling 1-.

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry for your pain. I forwarded your message to a friend of mine who

lost her baby at nine months old from Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA). She is

involved in a group called Compassionate Friends

http://www.compassionatefriends.com/ and it has helped her. I hope you get the

support you need to ease your pain.

Lori Myers

Mom to (9), CHARGE (6), Emma (almost 4)

Dallas Texas

hello

I'm new to this site and am still tring to find my way around. I have

read a few things and have noticed that the childeren are doing well.

My daughter was 10 days off 4 mths old when she passed, I am happy to

see that not all have gone threw what my family and I did. I was

hoping to be able to talk to some one that has lost as well, I don't

think I have fully come to terms with it, as certain members of my

family pushed me into moving on. Having a husband and 2 other children

to care for, that is what I did. I now find myself crying myself to

sleep at nights, or finding myself locked in the toilet crying. All I

would like is some one to talk to. It has been 6 years in December

since the angels took her and think it is time that I work threw what

I am feeling. I would also like to know what others have been told

about CHARGE, because all I got was that there wasn't much known and

then was sent stuff that I could ony partly understand. Thank you for

listening.

[Guest guest]

Thank you I will look into that for sure. Thank you again.

>

>Reply-To: CHARGE

>To: <CHARGE >

>Subject: Re: hello

>Date: Tue, 17 Oct 2006 21:17:43 -0500

>

>I am so sorry for your pain. I forwarded your message to a friend of mine

>who lost her baby at nine months old from Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA).

>She is involved in a group called Compassionate Friends

>http://www.compassionatefriends.com/ and it has helped her. I hope you

>get the support you need to ease your pain.

>

>Lori Myers

>Mom to (9), CHARGE (6), Emma (almost 4)

>Dallas Texas

>

>

>

> hello

>

>

> I'm new to this site and am still tring to find my way around. I have

> read a few things and have noticed that the childeren are doing well.

> My daughter was 10 days off 4 mths old when she passed, I am happy to

> see that not all have gone threw what my family and I did. I was

> hoping to be able to talk to some one that has lost as well, I don't

> think I have fully come to terms with it, as certain members of my

> family pushed me into moving on. Having a husband and 2 other children

> to care for, that is what I did. I now find myself crying myself to

> sleep at nights, or finding myself locked in the toilet crying. All I

> would like is some one to talk to. It has been 6 years in December

> since the angels took her and think it is time that I work threw what

> I am feeling. I would also like to know what others have been told

> about CHARGE, because all I got was that there wasn't much known and

> then was sent stuff that I could ony partly understand. Thank you for

> listening.

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Lorraine,

I'm sorry that you are going through this and know that the people on this site

will give you great support.

My son, n , died at six weeks of age a little bit over a year ago.

I've learned more about CHARGE, genetics, the NICU, " modern " medicine and what

the human body & spirit can endure than I ever imagined. I'm more than willing

to share what I've come to learn in my experience.

My personal email is annabritta123@... if you'd like to talk. Also, I know

there is a group called Footprints that deals with infant death, still birth,

miscarriage, etc. I only have the number for the Tucson chapter but I'm sure

they could tell you if there is something in your town .

I hope you find some peace in this journey and I'm glad you've reached out.

Britta

lorrainebowkett wrote:

I'm new to this site and am still tring to find my way around. I have

read a few things and have noticed that the childeren are doing well.

My daughter was 10 days off 4 mths old when she passed, I am happy to

see that not all have gone threw what my family and I did. I was

hoping to be able to talk to some one that has lost as well, I don't

think I have fully come to terms with it, as certain members of my

family pushed me into moving on. Having a husband and 2 other children

to care for, that is what I did. I now find myself crying myself to

sleep at nights, or finding myself locked in the toilet crying. All I

would like is some one to talk to. It has been 6 years in December

since the angels took her and think it is time that I work threw what

I am feeling. I would also like to know what others have been told

about CHARGE, because all I got was that there wasn't much known and

then was sent stuff that I could ony partly understand. Thank you for

listening.

---------------------------------

Stay in the know. Pulse on the new Yahoo.com. Check it out.

[Guest guest]

I have not experienced the loss you've endured. However, as Pam has

written, many arms will be open for you through this site. We help and

soothe one another. Others who have been through what you have will be

writing shortly, I'm sure.

Know that my arms are there for you.

Martha

[Guest guest]

pls know we r all here for you we r all herer for each other in here im a

charger who has come near death many times with my medical contiions and

still going at 21 also i have lost a few friends from hosptial none to

charge but many who i have known on this list but none acutaly in hosp with

me have died of charge im in aus sydney i have often found it hard to cope

when a certain person at hosp died id think oh ill b next but now im so much

better i dotn have this though so much i still do get it though at times and

dotn really know why i do sinceim so much healthier maybe its got soemthing

to do with the fact that i know that it coudl of been me or soemthing like

that i hope you know what i mean hugs ellen

>

> I have not experienced the loss you've endured. However, as Pam has

> written, many arms will be open for you through this site. We help and

> soothe one another. Others who have been through what you have will be

> writing shortly, I'm sure.

> Know that my arms are there for you.

> Martha

>

>

[Guest guest]

WOW! you have made my day hearing from you. could u pls tell me what sort of

things you have had to go through? Again you have made my day. My smile is

from ear to ear.

>

>Reply-To: CHARGE

>To: CHARGE

>Subject: Re: hello

>Date: Wed, 18 Oct 2006 15:00:48 +1000

>

>pls know we r all here for you we r all herer for each other in here im a

>charger who has come near death many times with my medical contiions and

>still going at 21 also i have lost a few friends from hosptial none to

>charge but many who i have known on this list but none acutaly in hosp with

>me have died of charge im in aus sydney i have often found it hard to cope

>when a certain person at hosp died id think oh ill b next but now im so

>much

>better i dotn have this though so much i still do get it though at times

>and

>dotn really know why i do sinceim so much healthier maybe its got soemthing

>to do with the fact that i know that it coudl of been me or soemthing like

>that i hope you know what i mean hugs ellen

>

>

> >

> > I have not experienced the loss you've endured. However, as Pam has

> > written, many arms will be open for you through this site. We help and

> > soothe one another. Others who have been through what you have will be

> > writing shortly, I'm sure.

> > Know that my arms are there for you.

> > Martha

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

ive coem close coz of my tummy and many of my toehr things

>

> WOW! you have made my day hearing from you. could u pls tell me what

> sort of

> things you have had to go through? Again you have made my day. My smile is

>

> from ear to ear.

>

> >From: " ellen howe " <ellen.howe@... <ellen.howe%40gmail.com>>

> >Reply-To: CHARGE <CHARGE%40yahoogroups.com>

> >To: CHARGE <CHARGE%40yahoogroups.com>

> >Subject: Re: hello

> >Date: Wed, 18 Oct 2006 15:00:48 +1000

> >

> >pls know we r all here for you we r all herer for each other in here im a

> >charger who has come near death many times with my medical contiions and

> >still going at 21 also i have lost a few friends from hosptial none to

> >charge but many who i have known on this list but none acutaly in hosp

> with

> >me have died of charge im in aus sydney i have often found it hard to

> cope

> >when a certain person at hosp died id think oh ill b next but now im so

> >much

> >better i dotn have this though so much i still do get it though at times

> >and

> >dotn really know why i do sinceim so much healthier maybe its got

> soemthing

> >to do with the fact that i know that it coudl of been me or soemthing

> like

> >that i hope you know what i mean hugs ellen

> >

> >On 18/10/06, lewcap@... <lewcap%40mchsi.com>

<lewcap@...<lewcap%40mchsi.com>>

> wrote:

> > >

> > > I have not experienced the loss you've endured. However, as Pam has

> > > written, many arms will be open for you through this site. We help and

> > > soothe one another. Others who have been through what you have will be

> > > writing shortly, I'm sure.

> > > Know that my arms are there for you.

> > > Martha

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Hi Lorraine,

I'm sorry to hear about your baby girl; I can't imagine what that would've

been like. I'm glad you found us; I hope we can be of some help as you sort

things through. Please feel free to ask as many questions as you like,

we're more than happy to answer them. Also, there is another group for

families who have lost a child to CHARGE, it's at

http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/CHARGE_angels/ I don't think it's very

active right now, but if you joined and introduced yourself, I'm sure

someone would respond. Please post when you can, nice to meet you.

http://www.chargesyndrome.info

>

> I'm new to this site and am still tring to find my way around. I have

> read a few things and have noticed that the childeren are doing well.

> My daughter was 10 days off 4 mths old when she passed, I am happy to

> see that not all have gone threw what my family and I did. I was

> hoping to be able to talk to some one that has lost as well, I don't

> think I have fully come to terms with it, as certain members of my

> family pushed me into moving on. Having a husband and 2 other children

> to care for, that is what I did. I now find myself crying myself to

> sleep at nights, or finding myself locked in the toilet crying. All I

> would like is some one to talk to. It has been 6 years in December

> since the angels took her and think it is time that I work threw what

> I am feeling. I would also like to know what others have been told

> about CHARGE, because all I got was that there wasn't much known and

> then was sent stuff that I could ony partly understand. Thank you for

> listening.

>

>

>

--

" It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in

delusion, however satisfying and reassuring. " --Carl Sagan

[Guest guest]

lis thanks for putting that coz i was thinking of it to tell her but i

couldnt remember it ay could we put that in thelinks pls love u

>

> Hi Lorraine,

> I'm sorry to hear about your baby girl; I can't imagine what that would've

> been like. I'm glad you found us; I hope we can be of some help as you

> sort

> things through. Please feel free to ask as many questions as you like,

> we're more than happy to answer them. Also, there is another group for

> families who have lost a child to CHARGE, it's at

> http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/CHARGE_angels/ I don't think it's

> very

> active right now, but if you joined and introduced yourself, I'm sure

> someone would respond. Please post when you can, nice to meet you.

>

> http://www.chargesyndrome.info

>

> On 10/17/06, lorrainebowkett

<angel_raine@...<angel_raine%40hotmail.com>>

> wrote:

> >

> > I'm new to this site and am still tring to find my way around. I have

> > read a few things and have noticed that the childeren are doing well.

> > My daughter was 10 days off 4 mths old when she passed, I am happy to

> > see that not all have gone threw what my family and I did. I was

> > hoping to be able to talk to some one that has lost as well, I don't

> > think I have fully come to terms with it, as certain members of my

> > family pushed me into moving on. Having a husband and 2 other children

> > to care for, that is what I did. I now find myself crying myself to

> > sleep at nights, or finding myself locked in the toilet crying. All I

> > would like is some one to talk to. It has been 6 years in December

> > since the angels took her and think it is time that I work threw what

> > I am feeling. I would also like to know what others have been told

> > about CHARGE, because all I got was that there wasn't much known and

> > then was sent stuff that I could ony partly understand. Thank you for

> > listening.

> >

> >

> >

>

> --

> " It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in

> delusion, however satisfying and reassuring. " --Carl Sagan

>

>

[Guest guest]

loraine my experience have been great you wanted me to elaborate i believe

well most of it comes down to the fact i often got so sick with central line

infections and a few were life threatening and soem tests which havent gone

to plan as drs would of liked them to of and i have also lost friend in hosp

as ive told u they have had cf and they were the best when id loose oen i

would feel i might b next as often i was sick but hwne mel went earlier this

year it was mor elike the feeling of liek ive been healthy but shed had a

succesful transpant and it was more like ummm so if she can go well maybe i

will to death has allways brought this fear speicaly when i was real sick

dont knowhow or y it does it i cant really explain it its lie iknow it will

happen and im scared bout it but then it will pass and i can move on but

deep down i will b scared but it only really surface3s when sxomeone goes

although when famous people go liek steve irwin people like that i dotn

really get it i dotn understnad that my guess with him would b i didtn like

him i didnt really no him would that make sence to you i dotn no if you

wanna email me private my email is ellen.howe@... love ellen

>

> lis thanks for putting that coz i was thinking of it to tell her but i

> couldnt remember it ay could we put that in thelinks pls love u

>

>

> >

> > Hi Lorraine,

> > I'm sorry to hear about your baby girl; I can't imagine what that

> > would've

> > been like. I'm glad you found us; I hope we can be of some help as you

> > sort

> > things through. Please feel free to ask as many questions as you like,

> > we're more than happy to answer them. Also, there is another group for

> > families who have lost a child to CHARGE, it's at

> > http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/CHARGE_angels/ I don't think it's

> > very

> > active right now, but if you joined and introduced yourself, I'm sure

> > someone would respond. Please post when you can, nice to meet you.

> >

> > http://www.chargesyndrome.info

> >

> > On 10/17/06, lorrainebowkett <

angel_raine@...<angel_raine%40hotmail.com>>

> > wrote:

> > >

> > > I'm new to this site and am still tring to find my way around. I have

> > > read a few things and have noticed that the childeren are doing well.

> > > My daughter was 10 days off 4 mths old when she passed, I am happy to

> > > see that not all have gone threw what my family and I did. I was

> > > hoping to be able to talk to some one that has lost as well, I don't

> > > think I have fully come to terms with it, as certain members of my

> > > family pushed me into moving on. Having a husband and 2 other children

> > > to care for, that is what I did. I now find myself crying myself to

> > > sleep at nights, or finding myself locked in the toilet crying. All I

> > > would like is some one to talk to. It has been 6 years in December

> > > since the angels took her and think it is time that I work threw what

> > > I am feeling. I would also like to know what others have been told

> > > about CHARGE, because all I got was that there wasn't much known and

> > > then was sent stuff that I could ony partly understand. Thank you for

> > > listening.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> > --

> > " It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist

> > in

> > delusion, however satisfying and reassuring. " --Carl Sagan

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I linked it Ellen,

>

> lis thanks for putting that coz i was thinking of it to tell her but i

> couldnt remember it ay could we put that in thelinks pls love u

>

> On 18/10/06, Weir <kawfolks@... <kawfolks%40gmail.com>> wrote:

> >

> > Hi Lorraine,

> > I'm sorry to hear about your baby girl; I can't imagine what that

> would've

> > been like. I'm glad you found us; I hope we can be of some help as you

> > sort

> > things through. Please feel free to ask as many questions as you like,

> > we're more than happy to answer them. Also, there is another group for

> > families who have lost a child to CHARGE, it's at

> > http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/CHARGE_angels/ I don't think it's

> > very

> > active right now, but if you joined and introduced yourself, I'm sure

> > someone would respond. Please post when you can, nice to meet you.

> >

> > http://www.chargesyndrome.info

> >

> > On 10/17/06, lorrainebowkett

<angel_raine@...<angel_raine%40hotmail.com>

> <angel_raine%40hotmail.com>>

> > wrote:

> > >

> > > I'm new to this site and am still tring to find my way around. I have

> > > read a few things and have noticed that the childeren are doing well.

> > > My daughter was 10 days off 4 mths old when she passed, I am happy to

> > > see that not all have gone threw what my family and I did. I was

> > > hoping to be able to talk to some one that has lost as well, I don't

> > > think I have fully come to terms with it, as certain members of my

> > > family pushed me into moving on. Having a husband and 2 other children

> > > to care for, that is what I did. I now find myself crying myself to

> > > sleep at nights, or finding myself locked in the toilet crying. All I

> > > would like is some one to talk to. It has been 6 years in December

> > > since the angels took her and think it is time that I work threw what

> > > I am feeling. I would also like to know what others have been told

> > > about CHARGE, because all I got was that there wasn't much known and

> > > then was sent stuff that I could ony partly understand. Thank you for

> > > listening.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> > --

> > " It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist

> in

> > delusion, however satisfying and reassuring. " --Carl Sagan

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Hi,

My daughter, Zoey Faith, was six days into her third month when she

passed away on July 31, 2006. I can say I understand your feelings

first hand. This has been an emotional roller coaster ride from

start to finish and I have found myself lost in emotions I never

knew were possible. I belong to an online support group for any kind

of child loss(stillbirth, neonatal, infant- all the way through

adulthood) It has been Godsend. Missfoundation.org- My personal

email is Kalhayd@...(I think it automatically post in the

listserve).. I am so very sorry you lost your child.

Zoey's passing shocked everyone- because she had been doing so

well- both physically and developmentally.

, Mama to Zoey, CHargE(April 25th- July 31st 2006)

>

> I'm new to this site and am still tring to find my way around. I

have

> read a few things and have noticed that the childeren are doing

well.

> My daughter was 10 days off 4 mths old when she passed, I am happy

to

> see that not all have gone threw what my family and I did. I was

> hoping to be able to talk to some one that has lost as well, I

don't

> think I have fully come to terms with it, as certain members of my

> family pushed me into moving on. Having a husband and 2 other

children

> to care for, that is what I did. I now find myself crying myself

to

> sleep at nights, or finding myself locked in the toilet crying.

All I

> would like is some one to talk to. It has been 6 years in December

> since the angels took her and think it is time that I work threw

what

> I am feeling. I would also like to know what others have been told

> about CHARGE, because all I got was that there wasn't much known

and

> then was sent stuff that I could ony partly understand. Thank you

for

> listening.

>

[Guest guest]

Tia,

Welcome to the group!! I my CHARGEr is Eva and she is 18 months old.

We live in Illinois and she has 2 brothers and . I cant

wait to learn more about Aysia.

Feel free to check out Eva's website

http://www.babysites.com/sites/crystalm1476/

Hugs,

Crystal mom to (10), (3), and Eva (18 month old CHARGEr)

wife to Dan in Illinois

-- In CHARGE , Tia Holland wrote:

>

> my name is tia and y daughter name is aysia and her b-day is may 24,

1995 and she has charge also and we live in md and yes I have chatted

with the other parent name tia as well. our address is p.o. box 71

dowell md 20629 and we looking forward hearing all of you.

> tia

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> All-new Yahoo! Mail - Fire up a more powerful email and get things

done faster.

>

>

[Guest guest]

welcome tia xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

>

> Tia,

> Welcome to the group!! I my CHARGEr is Eva and she is 18 months old.

> We live in Illinois and she has 2 brothers and . I cant

> wait to learn more about Aysia.

> Feel free to check out Eva's website

> http://www.babysites.com/sites/crystalm1476/

>

> Hugs,

> Crystal mom to (10), (3), and Eva (18 month old CHARGEr)

> wife to Dan in Illinois

>

> -- In CHARGE <CHARGE%40yahoogroups.com>, Tia Holland

> wrote:

> >

> > my name is tia and y daughter name is aysia and her b-day is may 24,

> 1995 and she has charge also and we live in md and yes I have chatted

> with the other parent name tia as well. our address is p.o. box 71

> dowell md 20629 and we looking forward hearing all of you.

> > tia

> >

> >

> > ---------------------------------

> > All-new Yahoo! Mail - Fire up a more powerful email and get things

> done faster.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Raine,

All the best right back at you!!!

pam

>

>

>

>

> Hello to all of you. I haven't been on lately because my computer has a

> virus and 12 days ago was Taylyah's 6 year anniversary. I got threw it well

> and i have you guys to thank for the information you have given me. I have

> been reading aand keeping up to date as much as i can. I would also like to

> say MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR! Thank you all very much, talk

> again soon. Raine.

>

> __________________________________________________________

> Advertisement: Amazing holiday rentals?

> http://a.ninemsn.com.au/b.aspx?URL=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Eninemsn%2Erealestate%2Ec

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>

>

>

--

Pamela J. , M.A., CAGS

Licensed Educational Psychologist

Deafblind Program

Perkins School for the Blind

175 N. Beacon St.

Watertown, MA 02472

[Guest guest]

same to u and talk to u and jay on msn soon

>

> Raine,

> All the best right back at you!!!

> pam

>

> On 12/12/06 7:32 AM, " raine bowkett "

<angel_raine@...<angel_raine%40hotmail.com>>

> wrote:

>

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > Hello to all of you. I haven't been on lately because my computer has a

> > virus and 12 days ago was Taylyah's 6 year anniversary. I got threw it

> well

> > and i have you guys to thank for the information you have given me. I

> have

> > been reading aand keeping up to date as much as i can. I would also like

> to

> > say MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR! Thank you all very much, talk

> > again soon. Raine.

> >

> > __________________________________________________________

> > Advertisement: Amazing holiday rentals?

> >

> http://a.ninemsn.com.au/b.aspx?URL=http%3A%2F%2Fwww%2Eninemsn%2Erealestate%2Ec

> >

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>

> --

> Pamela J. , M.A., CAGS

> Licensed Educational Psychologist

> Deafblind Program

> Perkins School for the Blind

> 175 N. Beacon St.

> Watertown, MA 02472

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hello. I am reading " stop walking on eggshells " by Randi K. and am

realizing that my mom most likely has BPO. I think one of my sisters may

also. I am hoping for some support through this community as I do feel

very isolated and stuck. Although I do have two young adult children and

my husband, all whom are very supportive of me and see the same things

going on, so I feel support from them, but since my dad died recently I

feel my mother's behaviors towards me and my husband have gotten worse,

as have my sister's . They " act " loving and socially correct, but will

occassionaly lash out with a cutting or hurtful comment, and then

sometimes are supportive and generous and kind. Confusing! Dad was my

(our) silent ally and I not only moarn the loss of him as my dad, but

feel the loss of his protection and level headedness overall. Now I even

have guilt over not recognizing what he must have been going through

alone with mom. They were married 50 years. I always connected with

him, even in just looks and comic relief, but now without him I feel

this terrible hole and sense of being lost and not so safe at times with

extended family. I am the middle of three daughters and am discovering

that my mother and sister are capable of being more caddy and mean than

I ever expected towards me and my husband and I feel stuck because I

cannot talk to them about my feelings as I have learned this only makes

things worse. They either lash out, deny my feelings or what happened,

or use the information later to laugh at me or worse, my husband. I love

them and strongly dislike them all at once and feel so confused. I also

have a niece and nephew ( my sister's children) whom my husband and I

and kids are very close to and my sister and her husband fight a lot and

are very controlling and do not seem to like the fact that their kids

like us so much and that we are close. It makes for a complicated

atmosphere. So, I am hoping for some connection with others who may

identify with my situation and share their successful coping skills with

me as I feel like I am drowning here sometimes. I feel my wonderful

husband gets the brunt of my mother's just below the surface anger and

judgement and on the other hand she gushes, literally gushes over

anything my brother-in-law and sister do in general, or for her.

Sometimes I feel like I am in bizarro world.

[Guest guest]

Hi smlygrl87,

Thank you for your response. I feel so silly being 52 and just realizing what bp

is and identifying it in my mom. She is so rigid and sees things in such a set

way. It's as if once she gets an idea in her head about something - that's it.

NO changing her mind! And the splitting thing that goes on, the all good or all

bad about people. It is brutal. I now recognize I have seen her do this to

others throughout my life but didn't see it for what it was. I figured whomever

it was had wronged her. NOw that I and my husband are in the wrong it is so

painful and hurtful. My dad was a buffer but died six months ago and now mom is

worse. She seems to be clinging to my sister, like she did my dad, and I suspect

my sister is either np or bp or both.

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > New to this site but not new to dealing with bpds. I have been in theropy

> > > for 6 years now and I am dong well. I have cut the toxic ones out and

> > > grieved them all. I just realized in the past month that I never grieved a

> > > good relationship I had with a boyfriend from 10 years ago. I ran from him

> > > because I felt scared of something good and my nada went to all ends of

the

> > > earth to break us up. She is dead now. Do not miss her at all. I wish her

> > > peace in the next life but do not miss her. My life is so much better

> > > without all them. So I am grieving that old relationship and the what ifs

> > > now. Funny, thought I was through all that stuff. I am getting ready to

> > > start dating again after years of being by myself because I was so drained

> > > from all the toxic people that I needed time to heal and recharge. It is

> > > scarey. I hide for the past 6 years to heal. I still have things come up

> > > from time to time. Not to good at letting the guard down because I always

> > > got my feelings squashed like a bug. Any advice on letting the guard down

> > > abit?

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

When my dad died (he was a sweet but kind of dishraggy, enabling husband) my

nada ( " nada " = bpd mom) got more demanding, clingy and needy toward my Sister

who lives fairly close to nada. I think our dad was an emotionally stabilizing

influence on nada, and she was more dependent on him than she let on. Fear of

abandonment is one of the key traits/issues of borderline pd, so the death of a

long-time spouse is probably earth-shattering to them.

So, I think it could be a rather common behavior for the bpd spouse to become

even more unstable once their non-pd spouse dies.

-Annie

> > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > New to this site but not new to dealing with bpds. I have been in

theropy

> > > > for 6 years now and I am dong well. I have cut the toxic ones out and

> > > > grieved them all. I just realized in the past month that I never grieved

a

> > > > good relationship I had with a boyfriend from 10 years ago. I ran from

him

> > > > because I felt scared of something good and my nada went to all ends of

the

> > > > earth to break us up. She is dead now. Do not miss her at all. I wish

her

> > > > peace in the next life but do not miss her. My life is so much better

> > > > without all them. So I am grieving that old relationship and the what

ifs

> > > > now. Funny, thought I was through all that stuff. I am getting ready to

> > > > start dating again after years of being by myself because I was so

drained

> > > > from all the toxic people that I needed time to heal and recharge. It is

> > > > scarey. I hide for the past 6 years to heal. I still have things come up

> > > > from time to time. Not to good at letting the guard down because I

always

> > > > got my feelings squashed like a bug. Any advice on letting the guard

down

> > > > abit?

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Annie,

Hi. Thank you for sharing this. I was wondering why so many had a nada. Seems as

if I do to! Yeah, that does make sense. My nada is very clingy to my younger

sister who turns out to be a lot like her. Makes for a very bad combination for

everyone. My sister owns a second home right next to my nada's 6 months of the

year so they see one another more and I find the one most present in her life is

the one she favors. I am odd man out and have been for a few years, but with dad

alive I think he must have done a lot of stabalizing. I call nada almost daily

and see her when I can. The worst are family gatherings. She gushes on my sister

and her husband to an unhealthy level and it is rough to take. We never say

anything, just set up boundries so we leave now when it works for us. My niece

and nephew are late teens now and have told my husband and I they really like

spending time with us as we are so relaxed. They feel so much tension at home.

My sister tries to control everything. I feel badly, and just listen and am

there for them ,as is my family. But I know it is a source of tension between my

family and my sister and husband. No one says anything, it is the elephant in

the room. I really miss my dad. It is very difficult right now. I feel I should

be there and supportive of my nada, but need my space. I don't ask my family to

come with me to see her anymore, I just tell them when I am going and they come

if they want too. It is too much to ask. Of course that makes us the bad family

as my sister makes her family all go a lot, or it is war! I am not sure where

this is all going to end up.

> > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > > New to this site but not new to dealing with bpds. I have been in

theropy

> > > > > for 6 years now and I am dong well. I have cut the toxic ones out and

> > > > > grieved them all. I just realized in the past month that I never

grieved a

> > > > > good relationship I had with a boyfriend from 10 years ago. I ran from

him

> > > > > because I felt scared of something good and my nada went to all ends

of the

> > > > > earth to break us up. She is dead now. Do not miss her at all. I wish

her

> > > > > peace in the next life but do not miss her. My life is so much better

> > > > > without all them. So I am grieving that old relationship and the what

ifs

> > > > > now. Funny, thought I was through all that stuff. I am getting ready

to

> > > > > start dating again after years of being by myself because I was so

drained

> > > > > from all the toxic people that I needed time to heal and recharge. It

is

> > > > > scarey. I hide for the past 6 years to heal. I still have things come

up

> > > > > from time to time. Not to good at letting the guard down because I

always

> > > > > got my feelings squashed like a bug. Any advice on letting the guard

down

> > > > > abit?

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >