Guest guest Posted July 13, 2011 Report Share Posted July 13, 2011 My Aunt (nada's sister) is terminally ill. Thing is the only relative we have in the Fort Worth area where she is, is my BPD cousin 'Lupe'. I dread the thought of sleeping over at her house because she is a piece of work. Lupe purposely kept my aunt completely isolated from the rest of the family for YEARS. She wouldn't allow my nada or any of my uncles to speak to my aunt until she was recently diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. I don't forget actions like that easily and a few months back she told my nada that she couldn't have anyone over because her new house wasn't finished yet. Oh but that's not all, I also suspect Lupe passed my Social Security number on to someone in her household and they ended up raking medical bills in excess of $3,000 under my name. They never paid and thus ruined my credit, it took me roughly 2 years to get everything straightened out. I reminded my nada of that and she said, " I don't want to talk about it. " I swear that's her answer to anything I bring up that's remotely unpleasant and it makes me furious. She also likes to do stuff on the fly because then she has a license to explode (at ME) when things don't work out exactly the way she wants. I mentioned that I could take care of arranging for transportation from the airport to Fort Worth only to have her reply that she could always 'ask around' herself. I told her that's a great way to get lost when I can plan out an exact route etc. via the internet in 3 minutes. It's almost was if my suggestions weren't even worth bringing up because she doesn't need me. Regardless, I bought the plane tickets and nada said we were going to drop in my cousin unexpectedly so as to not give her time to say 'no'. I didn't think that was a very good idea even though I saw her point. I asked her why we even needed to get my cousin involved and that it may be best to simply go to the hospice during visiting hours UNLESS my aunt was under her care. Then nada snapped at me, " Where do you think your aunt is at! In the street? " I said that there are terminally ill patients who opt to stay in their homes and that I should know because I work in healthcare *facepalm*. Then nada admitted that she didn't know exactly where my aunt was! I told her that I have contacts in the area that we can stay with for three nights but that I need to give them a heads up a few days ahead of time. Then she tells me that we are spending 5 days in Fort Worth instead of 4 as originally planned, which would be fine if we weren't staying at my cousin's house. So I told her that 2 days over my cousin's house was more than enough and that we should go elsewhere for the remainder. Imagine if my cousin flips out! I do NOT want to deal with that, I think that seeing my aunt on what will probably be her deathbed is emotionally draining as it is. I smiled somewhat sarcastically when I said this to nada because I was sick and tired of her nonsensical counterarguments. She said I was a bad daughter because I told her that the lack of planning and honest communication in her family was unacceptable. Then she told me to notify some other relatives in McKinney that we are going to go visit after we saw my aunt. But then she demanded that I not mention under ANY circumstances that she knew they bought a new house because they owe her money. That they might think she is implying that they should pay her. Oh and that another relative told her so they might get mad at that other person for being indiscreet. OMG, the whole time I wanted to scream in frustration: WHY make such a HUGE issue out of nothing?!? I mean they ARE going to tell us exactly where they live when I call them! I thought the pretense was so ridiculous that I actually laughed which only annoyed nada more. She said that I she KNEW that I was going to tell them anyway because I only wanted to contradict her. I told her that I didn't need to because their own SON already told ME 3 months ago! That caught her by surprise and then I told her that I don't appreciate her habit of keeping things from me but that I have other ways of finding things out. I did say I found her attempts to control me stupid and that she apparently thinks I am an idiot. She then said she'd rather not talk to me about some things because I liked to argue. Maybe I was overly snide but her dismissive and self-centered attitude really rubbed me the wrong way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 16, 2011 Report Share Posted July 16, 2011 You have my sympathy. I will never, ever, travel with a Borderline again! > > My Aunt (nada's sister) is terminally ill. Thing is the only relative we have in the Fort Worth area where she is, is my BPD cousin 'Lupe'. I dread the thought of sleeping over at her house because she is a piece of work. Lupe purposely kept my aunt completely isolated from the rest of the family for YEARS. She wouldn't allow my nada or any of my uncles to speak to my aunt until she was recently diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. I don't forget actions like that easily and a few months back she told my nada that she couldn't have anyone over because her new house wasn't finished yet. Oh but that's not all, I also suspect Lupe passed my Social Security number on to someone in her household and they ended up raking medical bills in excess of $3,000 under my name. They never paid and thus ruined my credit, it took me roughly 2 years to get everything straightened out. I reminded my nada of that and she said, " I don't want to talk about it. " I swear that's her answer to anything I bring up that's remotely unpleasant and it makes me furious. She also likes to do stuff on the fly because then she has a license to explode (at ME) when things don't work out exactly the way she wants. > > I mentioned that I could take care of arranging for transportation from the airport to Fort Worth only to have her reply that she could always 'ask around' herself. I told her that's a great way to get lost when I can plan out an exact route etc. via the internet in 3 minutes. It's almost was if my suggestions weren't even worth bringing up because she doesn't need me. Regardless, I bought the plane tickets and nada said we were going to drop in my cousin unexpectedly so as to not give her time to say 'no'. I didn't think that was a very good idea even though I saw her point. I asked her why we even needed to get my cousin involved and that it may be best to simply go to the hospice during visiting hours UNLESS my aunt was under her care. Then nada snapped at me, " Where do you think your aunt is at! In the street? " I said that there are terminally ill patients who opt to stay in their homes and that I should know because I work in healthcare *facepalm*. Then nada admitted that she didn't know exactly where my aunt was! > > I told her that I have contacts in the area that we can stay with for three nights but that I need to give them a heads up a few days ahead of time. Then she tells me that we are spending 5 days in Fort Worth instead of 4 as originally planned, which would be fine if we weren't staying at my cousin's house. So I told her that 2 days over my cousin's house was more than enough and that we should go elsewhere for the remainder. Imagine if my cousin flips out! I do NOT want to deal with that, I think that seeing my aunt on what will probably be her deathbed is emotionally draining as it is. I smiled somewhat sarcastically when I said this to nada because I was sick and tired of her nonsensical counterarguments. She said I was a bad daughter because I told her that the lack of planning and honest communication in her family was unacceptable. Then she told me to notify some other relatives in McKinney that we are going to go visit after we saw my aunt. But then she demanded that I not mention under ANY circumstances that she knew they bought a new house because they owe her money. That they might think she is implying that they should pay her. Oh and that another relative told her so they might get mad at that other person for being indiscreet. OMG, the whole time I wanted to scream in frustration: WHY make such a HUGE issue out of nothing?!? I mean they ARE going to tell us exactly where they live when I call them! > > I thought the pretense was so ridiculous that I actually laughed which only annoyed nada more. She said that I she KNEW that I was going to tell them anyway because I only wanted to contradict her. I told her that I didn't need to because their own SON already told ME 3 months ago! That caught her by surprise and then I told her that I don't appreciate her habit of keeping things from me but that I have other ways of finding things out. I did say I found her attempts to control me stupid and that she apparently thinks I am an idiot. She then said she'd rather not talk to me about some things because I liked to argue. Maybe I was overly snide but her dismissive and self-centered attitude really rubbed me the wrong way. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 16, 2011 Report Share Posted July 16, 2011 that's really rich, the comment that you 'like to argue'. That just makes me want to roll on the floor. Who WOULDN'T argue when you have someone telling you the sky is green and the grass is blue every day of your life. Many hugs, I don't get in cars with my family, period. I can't even remember the last time that I did. The more of them in the vehicle or room, the more torture it is for me, the only exception is when the grandkids are around because their energy is so light and pure. It truly makes me believe that children are from heaven or utopia because of their ability to dispel the negative vibes in my family that exist when all of us are together. > > My Aunt (nada's sister) is terminally ill. Thing is the only relative we have in the Fort Worth area where she is, is my BPD cousin 'Lupe'. I dread the thought of sleeping over at her house because she is a piece of work. Lupe purposely kept my aunt completely isolated from the rest of the family for YEARS. She wouldn't allow my nada or any of my uncles to speak to my aunt until she was recently diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. I don't forget actions like that easily and a few months back she told my nada that she couldn't have anyone over because her new house wasn't finished yet. Oh but that's not all, I also suspect Lupe passed my Social Security number on to someone in her household and they ended up raking medical bills in excess of $3,000 under my name. They never paid and thus ruined my credit, it took me roughly 2 years to get everything straightened out. I reminded my nada of that and she said, " I don't want to talk about it. " I swear that's her answer to anything I bring up that's remotely unpleasant and it makes me furious. She also likes to do stuff on the fly because then she has a license to explode (at ME) when things don't work out exactly the way she wants. > > I mentioned that I could take care of arranging for transportation from the airport to Fort Worth only to have her reply that she could always 'ask around' herself. I told her that's a great way to get lost when I can plan out an exact route etc. via the internet in 3 minutes. It's almost was if my suggestions weren't even worth bringing up because she doesn't need me. Regardless, I bought the plane tickets and nada said we were going to drop in my cousin unexpectedly so as to not give her time to say 'no'. I didn't think that was a very good idea even though I saw her point. I asked her why we even needed to get my cousin involved and that it may be best to simply go to the hospice during visiting hours UNLESS my aunt was under her care. Then nada snapped at me, " Where do you think your aunt is at! In the street? " I said that there are terminally ill patients who opt to stay in their homes and that I should know because I work in healthcare *facepalm*. Then nada admitted that she didn't know exactly where my aunt was! > > I told her that I have contacts in the area that we can stay with for three nights but that I need to give them a heads up a few days ahead of time. Then she tells me that we are spending 5 days in Fort Worth instead of 4 as originally planned, which would be fine if we weren't staying at my cousin's house. So I told her that 2 days over my cousin's house was more than enough and that we should go elsewhere for the remainder. Imagine if my cousin flips out! I do NOT want to deal with that, I think that seeing my aunt on what will probably be her deathbed is emotionally draining as it is. I smiled somewhat sarcastically when I said this to nada because I was sick and tired of her nonsensical counterarguments. She said I was a bad daughter because I told her that the lack of planning and honest communication in her family was unacceptable. Then she told me to notify some other relatives in McKinney that we are going to go visit after we saw my aunt. But then she demanded that I not mention under ANY circumstances that she knew they bought a new house because they owe her money. That they might think she is implying that they should pay her. Oh and that another relative told her so they might get mad at that other person for being indiscreet. OMG, the whole time I wanted to scream in frustration: WHY make such a HUGE issue out of nothing?!? I mean they ARE going to tell us exactly where they live when I call them! > > I thought the pretense was so ridiculous that I actually laughed which only annoyed nada more. She said that I she KNEW that I was going to tell them anyway because I only wanted to contradict her. I told her that I didn't need to because their own SON already told ME 3 months ago! That caught her by surprise and then I told her that I don't appreciate her habit of keeping things from me but that I have other ways of finding things out. I did say I found her attempts to control me stupid and that she apparently thinks I am an idiot. She then said she'd rather not talk to me about some things because I liked to argue. Maybe I was overly snide but her dismissive and self-centered attitude really rubbed me the wrong way. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 16, 2011 Report Share Posted July 16, 2011 Hugs to you and a big kudos for dealing with this situation so well. And I agree ,kids do help ease the tension and strain. A sense of humor like you both seem to have helps a lot! > > > > My Aunt (nada's sister) is terminally ill. Thing is the only relative we have in the Fort Worth area where she is, is my BPD cousin 'Lupe'. I dread the thought of sleeping over at her house because she is a piece of work. Lupe purposely kept my aunt completely isolated from the rest of the family for YEARS. She wouldn't allow my nada or any of my uncles to speak to my aunt until she was recently diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. I don't forget actions like that easily and a few months back she told my nada that she couldn't have anyone over because her new house wasn't finished yet. Oh but that's not all, I also suspect Lupe passed my Social Security number on to someone in her household and they ended up raking medical bills in excess of $3,000 under my name. They never paid and thus ruined my credit, it took me roughly 2 years to get everything straightened out. I reminded my nada of that and she said, " I don't want to talk about it. " I swear that's her answer to anything I bring up that's remotely unpleasant and it makes me furious. She also likes to do stuff on the fly because then she has a license to explode (at ME) when things don't work out exactly the way she wants. > > > > I mentioned that I could take care of arranging for transportation from the airport to Fort Worth only to have her reply that she could always 'ask around' herself. I told her that's a great way to get lost when I can plan out an exact route etc. via the internet in 3 minutes. It's almost was if my suggestions weren't even worth bringing up because she doesn't need me. Regardless, I bought the plane tickets and nada said we were going to drop in my cousin unexpectedly so as to not give her time to say 'no'. I didn't think that was a very good idea even though I saw her point. I asked her why we even needed to get my cousin involved and that it may be best to simply go to the hospice during visiting hours UNLESS my aunt was under her care. Then nada snapped at me, " Where do you think your aunt is at! In the street? " I said that there are terminally ill patients who opt to stay in their homes and that I should know because I work in healthcare *facepalm*. Then nada admitted that she didn't know exactly where my aunt was! > > > > I told her that I have contacts in the area that we can stay with for three nights but that I need to give them a heads up a few days ahead of time. Then she tells me that we are spending 5 days in Fort Worth instead of 4 as originally planned, which would be fine if we weren't staying at my cousin's house. So I told her that 2 days over my cousin's house was more than enough and that we should go elsewhere for the remainder. Imagine if my cousin flips out! I do NOT want to deal with that, I think that seeing my aunt on what will probably be her deathbed is emotionally draining as it is. I smiled somewhat sarcastically when I said this to nada because I was sick and tired of her nonsensical counterarguments. She said I was a bad daughter because I told her that the lack of planning and honest communication in her family was unacceptable. Then she told me to notify some other relatives in McKinney that we are going to go visit after we saw my aunt. But then she demanded that I not mention under ANY circumstances that she knew they bought a new house because they owe her money. That they might think she is implying that they should pay her. Oh and that another relative told her so they might get mad at that other person for being indiscreet. OMG, the whole time I wanted to scream in frustration: WHY make such a HUGE issue out of nothing?!? I mean they ARE going to tell us exactly where they live when I call them! > > > > I thought the pretense was so ridiculous that I actually laughed which only annoyed nada more. She said that I she KNEW that I was going to tell them anyway because I only wanted to contradict her. I told her that I didn't need to because their own SON already told ME 3 months ago! That caught her by surprise and then I told her that I don't appreciate her habit of keeping things from me but that I have other ways of finding things out. I did say I found her attempts to control me stupid and that she apparently thinks I am an idiot. She then said she'd rather not talk to me about some things because I liked to argue. Maybe I was overly snide but her dismissive and self-centered attitude really rubbed me the wrong way. > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 17, 2011 Report Share Posted July 17, 2011 Ohmygod, don't go!!! Go on your own, visit, stay where you wish and come back. Nada can plan her own trip. What the hell - nada wants to drop in to stay with someone for 5 days with no warning? I would flip out! > ** > > > > Hugs to you and a big kudos for dealing with this situation so well. And I > agree ,kids do help ease the tension and strain. A sense of humor like you > both seem to have helps a lot! > > > > > > > > > My Aunt (nada's sister) is terminally ill. Thing is the only relative > we have in the Fort Worth area where she is, is my BPD cousin 'Lupe'. I > dread the thought of sleeping over at her house because she is a piece of > work. Lupe purposely kept my aunt completely isolated from the rest of the > family for YEARS. She wouldn't allow my nada or any of my uncles to speak to > my aunt until she was recently diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor. I > don't forget actions like that easily and a few months back she told my nada > that she couldn't have anyone over because her new house wasn't finished > yet. Oh but that's not all, I also suspect Lupe passed my Social Security > number on to someone in her household and they ended up raking medical bills > in excess of $3,000 under my name. They never paid and thus ruined my > credit, it took me roughly 2 years to get everything straightened out. I > reminded my nada of that and she said, " I don't want to talk about it. " I > swear that's her answer to anything I bring up that's remotely unpleasant > and it makes me furious. She also likes to do stuff on the fly because then > she has a license to explode (at ME) when things don't work out exactly the > way she wants. > > > > > > I mentioned that I could take care of arranging for transportation from > the airport to Fort Worth only to have her reply that she could always 'ask > around' herself. I told her that's a great way to get lost when I can plan > out an exact route etc. via the internet in 3 minutes. It's almost was if my > suggestions weren't even worth bringing up because she doesn't need me. > Regardless, I bought the plane tickets and nada said we were going to drop > in my cousin unexpectedly so as to not give her time to say 'no'. I didn't > think that was a very good idea even though I saw her point. I asked her why > we even needed to get my cousin involved and that it may be best to simply > go to the hospice during visiting hours UNLESS my aunt was under her care. > Then nada snapped at me, " Where do you think your aunt is at! In the > street? " I said that there are terminally ill patients who opt to stay in > their homes and that I should know because I work in healthcare *facepalm*. > Then nada admitted that she didn't know exactly where my aunt was! > > > > > > I told her that I have contacts in the area that we can stay with for > three nights but that I need to give them a heads up a few days ahead of > time. Then she tells me that we are spending 5 days in Fort Worth instead of > 4 as originally planned, which would be fine if we weren't staying at my > cousin's house. So I told her that 2 days over my cousin's house was more > than enough and that we should go elsewhere for the remainder. Imagine if my > cousin flips out! I do NOT want to deal with that, I think that seeing my > aunt on what will probably be her deathbed is emotionally draining as it is. > I smiled somewhat sarcastically when I said this to nada because I was sick > and tired of her nonsensical counterarguments. She said I was a bad daughter > because I told her that the lack of planning and honest communication in her > family was unacceptable. Then she told me to notify some other relatives in > McKinney that we are going to go visit after we saw my aunt. But then she > demanded that I not mention under ANY circumstances that she knew they > bought a new house because they owe her money. That they might think she is > implying that they should pay her. Oh and that another relative told her so > they might get mad at that other person for being indiscreet. OMG, the whole > time I wanted to scream in frustration: WHY make such a HUGE issue out of > nothing?!? I mean they ARE going to tell us exactly where they live when I > call them! > > > > > > I thought the pretense was so ridiculous that I actually laughed which > only annoyed nada more. She said that I she KNEW that I was going to tell > them anyway because I only wanted to contradict her. I told her that I > didn't need to because their own SON already told ME 3 months ago! That > caught her by surprise and then I told her that I don't appreciate her habit > of keeping things from me but that I have other ways of finding things out. > I did say I found her attempts to control me stupid and that she apparently > thinks I am an idiot. She then said she'd rather not talk to me about some > things because I liked to argue. Maybe I was overly snide but her dismissive > and self-centered attitude really rubbed me the wrong way. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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