Guest guest Posted July 14, 2011 Report Share Posted July 14, 2011 I'm hanging on to nc with nada. She has been calling me over and over and over at home and at work. I've ignored her calls, deleted her messages without listening to them. My brother is now starting her campaign. He just called me. Ugh, my stomach hurts just seeing their numbers on the ID screen. I wrote her a long-ish letter telling her how I feel. I doubt she'll get it. Bottom line I told her is I'm sick of calling her every day. I'm just tired of it. Please help me be strong and not give in to guilt and fear! Fiona Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2011 Report Share Posted July 14, 2011 (((hugs))) Can you detach your phones for a while at home and work--even just for a day? On Thu, Jul 14, 2011 at 9:28 AM, Fiona wrote: > ** > > > I'm hanging on to nc with nada. > > She has been calling me over and over and over at home and at work. I've > ignored her calls, deleted her messages without listening to them. > > My brother is now starting her campaign. He just called me. Ugh, my stomach > hurts just seeing their numbers on the ID screen. > > I wrote her a long-ish letter telling her how I feel. I doubt she'll get > it. Bottom line I told her is I'm sick of calling her every day. I'm just > tired of it. > > Please help me be strong and not give in to guilt and fear! > > Fiona > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2011 Report Share Posted July 14, 2011 FUD...fear, uncertainty and doubt. When I'm living in those, I have to hit a few Al-Anon meetings or something like that to bolster my determination to stay out of default reactions rather than carefully considered choices. Congratulations on asking for help. Asking for help is such a big thing; people just don't realize how much courage it takes. Best, Cassie To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Thursday, July 14, 2011 9:29 AM Subject: Re: please hold me up (((hugs))) Can you detach your phones for a while at home and work--even just for a day? On Thu, Jul 14, 2011 at 9:28 AM, Fiona wrote: > ** > > > I'm hanging on to nc with nada. > > She has been calling me over and over and over at home and at work. I've > ignored her calls, deleted her messages without listening to them. > > My brother is now starting her campaign. He just called me. Ugh, my stomach > hurts just seeing their numbers on the ID screen. > > I wrote her a long-ish letter telling her how I feel. I doubt she'll get > it. Bottom line I told her is I'm sick of calling her every day. I'm just > tired of it. > > Please help me be strong and not give in to guilt and fear! > > Fiona > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2011 Report Share Posted July 14, 2011 Sometimes it helps to replace the fear and guilt with anger. Anger is a powerful emotion, like a powerful weapon, and it helps me to access my anger when I feel like I'm sliding into a paralyzing fear, or inappropriate, misplaced guilt, or into despair. The only problem is to not stay angry. But in the short term, I see no harm in accessing a " How DARE you think you have the right to violate my boundaries? How DARE you show such contempt for and disrespect for my wishes, needs and feelings, you bullies! " From my point of view, if I have a choice in the matter, anger is better than fear, guilt, or despair. -Annie > > I'm hanging on to nc with nada. > > She has been calling me over and over and over at home and at work. I've ignored her calls, deleted her messages without listening to them. > > My brother is now starting her campaign. He just called me. Ugh, my stomach hurts just seeing their numbers on the ID screen. > > I wrote her a long-ish letter telling her how I feel. I doubt she'll get it. Bottom line I told her is I'm sick of calling her every day. I'm just tired of it. > > Please help me be strong and not give in to guilt and fear! > > Fiona > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2011 Report Share Posted July 14, 2011 Hey Fiona, I am going through the SAME issue. And i have to add, it is so awful when your own family doesn't support you in respecting your boundaries. I would say first more than anything, you need to get your family to respect your decision to maintain NC. Borderlines don't hear your pain, they hear their own pain and will attack you even more when you stress your need for boundaries (well that's what happened to me), but your brother is hopefully not a borderline and you can have change there. when i made the decision not to see my mom when she visits this summer, my decision was met with a lot of " are you sure you won't regret this? " " it is your mother after all " . I put my foot down and said to my sister and father, this is my decision, please respect it. I would support you if this was your choice. And they backed down. Having their support has been priceless. Don't give in to guilt and fear, ultimately the decision is you or her, and it has to be you! Choose you! You can look into blocking her number? Unfortunately this is the way it has to be when you're working with a BP, but good luck, we're here for you! > > > > I'm hanging on to nc with nada. > > > > She has been calling me over and over and over at home and at work. I've ignored her calls, deleted her messages without listening to them. > > > > My brother is now starting her campaign. He just called me. Ugh, my stomach hurts just seeing their numbers on the ID screen. > > > > I wrote her a long-ish letter telling her how I feel. I doubt she'll get it. Bottom line I told her is I'm sick of calling her every day. I'm just tired of it. > > > > Please help me be strong and not give in to guilt and fear! > > > > Fiona > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2011 Report Share Posted July 14, 2011 I know what you mean about the Caller ID. I'm sorry they're putting you through that. ((hugs)) Hang in there, Fiona. If anything, this behavior just reinforces why you need NC in the first place. I'm proud of you for standing up for yourself, for communicating what you need. You've done all you can do now. However they choose to react is not your fault. You're doing a good job. Keep posting; take time to do something you really enjoy (for me it's a few minutes outside or a good cup of coffee...or chocolate!); just take care of yourself. Unplug your phones for a few days. At work, maybe you could let your calls go to voicemail first for a while, so you can screen them? I don't know if that is possible at your job or if you are already doing that. You're going to make it through this. You've already made it through so much, strong one! > > I'm hanging on to nc with nada. > > She has been calling me over and over and over at home and at work. I've ignored her calls, deleted her messages without listening to them. > > My brother is now starting her campaign. He just called me. Ugh, my stomach hurts just seeing their numbers on the ID screen. > > I wrote her a long-ish letter telling her how I feel. I doubt she'll get it. Bottom line I told her is I'm sick of calling her every day. I'm just tired of it. > > Please help me be strong and not give in to guilt and fear! > > Fiona > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2011 Report Share Posted July 14, 2011 Hold tight and change your numbers? Maybe? Is it possible? On Thu, Jul 14, 2011 at 11:36 AM, distresseddaughter wrote: > ** > > > Hey Fiona, > I am going through the SAME issue. And i have to add, it is so awful when > your own family doesn't support you in respecting your boundaries. > > I would say first more than anything, you need to get your family to > respect your decision to maintain NC. Borderlines don't hear your pain, they > hear their own pain and will attack you even more when you stress your need > for boundaries (well that's what happened to me), but your brother is > hopefully not a borderline and you can have change there. when i made the > decision not to see my mom when she visits this summer, my decision was met > with a lot of " are you sure you won't regret this? " " it is your mother after > all " . I put my foot down and said to my sister and father, this is my > decision, please respect it. I would support you if this was your choice. > And they backed down. Having their support has been priceless. > > Don't give in to guilt and fear, ultimately the decision is you or her, and > it has to be you! Choose you! You can look into blocking her number? > b > Unfortunately this is the way it has to be when you're working with a BP, > but good luck, we're here for you! > > > > > > > > > I'm hanging on to nc with nada. > > > > > > She has been calling me over and over and over at home and at work. > I've ignored her calls, deleted her messages without listening to them. > > > > > > My brother is now starting her campaign. He just called me. Ugh, my > stomach hurts just seeing their numbers on the ID screen. > > > > > > I wrote her a long-ish letter telling her how I feel. I doubt she'll > get it. Bottom line I told her is I'm sick of calling her every day. I'm > just tired of it. > > > > > > Please help me be strong and not give in to guilt and fear! > > > > > > Fiona > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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