Guest guest Posted July 14, 2011 Report Share Posted July 14, 2011 appears nada (NPD definitely, probably BPD, too) hasn't paid income taxes or property taxes in years. her house will go to auction next summer unless she pays the back property taxes...BUT, she ALSO has a very large IRS tax lien. oh brother. unless the lien is satisfied plus the property taxes, she's screwed. the house is not worth all the money she owes on it. nada's mother wants to " help " . she is getting paperwork in order (my nada has 7 months of unopened mail, if that gives you any idea what grandmother is up against) to take to CPA and/or tax attorney to pursue " saving the house " . it's nada's house (and mess), mind you. not grandma's. oh, but grandma has no recovery so she still thinks she's going to be able to save her daughter...even though there's 65 years of evidence to the contrary. last background fact: nada does not have a clue that my sis and i know about the taxes/liens/etc. or the unopened mail or any of it. nada believes she has kept her sickness's symptoms in hiding from us. (make it STOP!) my sis called me today to say that grandma went to nada's and got all the mail and maybe some other papers. my sis tried to convince her not to do that. sis also said she doesn't support that decision and no, she will NOT help grandma arrange any paperwork " for " nada (GO SIS!!) the reason my sis was calling me was to tell me that grandma is determined to do this. she also asked me to consider telling nada that we know everything and there's no need for secrets or lies anymore. i didn't agree or disagree. i said i'd think about it. i'm just not sure if having that kind of discussion w/nada is going to help any of us. what do you guys think? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2011 Report Share Posted July 14, 2011 What a mess. It sounds like your mother/nada isn't really mentally competent to take care of herself properly, but it sounds like her mother/your grandmother is willing to step in and " rescue " her even though your grandmother must be rather elderly. Its a hard call to make, to decide whether to step in and help someone when they've screwed up so badly. I guess for me it would depend on whether the lack of responsibility is a long-time, repetitive behavior due to just being immature and lazy, or being an alcoholic, or if its a new behavior due to some kind of mental disorder, brain injury, etc. Is it possible for your mother/nada to get a psychiatric evaluation to determine her level of mental competence? -Annie > > appears nada (NPD definitely, probably BPD, too) hasn't paid income taxes or property taxes in years. her house will go to auction next summer unless she pays the back property taxes...BUT, she ALSO has a very large IRS tax lien. oh brother. unless the lien is satisfied plus the property taxes, she's screwed. > > the house is not worth all the money she owes on it. > > nada's mother wants to " help " . she is getting paperwork in order (my nada has 7 months of unopened mail, if that gives you any idea what grandmother is up against) to take to CPA and/or tax attorney to pursue " saving the house " . it's nada's house (and mess), mind you. not grandma's. oh, but grandma has no recovery so she still thinks she's going to be able to save her daughter...even though there's 65 years of evidence to the contrary. > > last background fact: nada does not have a clue that my sis and i know about the taxes/liens/etc. or the unopened mail or any of it. nada believes she has kept her sickness's symptoms in hiding from us. (make it STOP!) > > my sis called me today to say that grandma went to nada's and got all the mail and maybe some other papers. my sis tried to convince her not to do that. sis also said she doesn't support that decision and no, she will NOT help grandma arrange any paperwork " for " nada (GO SIS!!) > > the reason my sis was calling me was to tell me that grandma is determined to do this. > > she also asked me to consider telling nada that we know everything and there's no need for secrets or lies anymore. > i didn't agree or disagree. i said i'd think about it. > > i'm just not sure if having that kind of discussion w/nada is going to help any of us. > > what do you guys think? > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2011 Report Share Posted July 14, 2011 my mother has no idea she is mentally ill. she is narcissistic which means she, by definition, has no problems, knows best about everything and is a subject-matter expert. just ask her, she'll tell you.  so, no, a psychiatric eval is out of the question.  i am leaning towards NOT telling my mom that i know her financial woes. she is not asking me for any help. it's my grandma who is stepping in and trying to " help " nada. i can't see any good coming from some kind of confrontation of me saying to mom, " momma, i know you have an IRS lien and property tax sale on your house " .  she loves to be the subject of another's worry and fret. she would eat that up!  thank you for writing.  Cassie  To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Thursday, July 14, 2011 8:07 PM Subject: Re: here she goes again  What a mess. It sounds like your mother/nada isn't really mentally competent to take care of herself properly, but it sounds like her mother/your grandmother is willing to step in and " rescue " her even though your grandmother must be rather elderly. Its a hard call to make, to decide whether to step in and help someone when they've screwed up so badly. I guess for me it would depend on whether the lack of responsibility is a long-time, repetitive behavior due to just being immature and lazy, or being an alcoholic, or if its a new behavior due to some kind of mental disorder, brain injury, etc. Is it possible for your mother/nada to get a psychiatric evaluation to determine her level of mental competence? -Annie > > appears nada (NPD definitely, probably BPD, too) hasn't paid income taxes or property taxes in years.  her house will go to auction next summer unless she pays the back property taxes...BUT, she ALSO has a very large IRS tax lien.  oh brother.  unless the lien is satisfied plus the property taxes, she's screwed. > > the house is not worth all the money she owes on it.  > > nada's mother wants to " help " .  she is getting paperwork in order (my nada has 7 months of unopened mail, if that gives you any idea what grandmother is up against) to take to CPA and/or tax attorney to pursue " saving the house " .  it's nada's house (and mess), mind you.  not grandma's.  oh, but grandma has no recovery so she still thinks she's going to be able to save her daughter...even though there's 65 years of evidence to the contrary. > > last background fact:  nada does not have a clue that my sis and i know about the taxes/liens/etc. or the unopened mail or any of it.  nada believes she has kept her sickness's symptoms in hiding from us.  (make it STOP!) > > my sis called me today to say that grandma went to nada's and got all the mail and maybe some other papers.  my sis tried to convince her not to do that.  sis also said she doesn't support that decision and no, she will NOT help grandma arrange any paperwork " for " nada (GO SIS!!) > > the reason my sis was calling me was to tell me that grandma is determined to do this. > > she also asked me to consider telling nada that we know everything and there's no need for secrets or lies anymore. > i didn't agree or disagree.  i said i'd think about it. > > i'm just not sure if having that kind of discussion w/nada is going to help any of us.  > > what do you guys think? > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2011 Report Share Posted July 14, 2011 wow...my heart goes out to you. when I was reading this i was struck by how much it sounds like my sister in law. I am sure this is how she is going to end up. I don't think you need to tell nada that you 'know everything'...just let her stay on the hamster wheel. I think telling her that might just end up opening the door for more involvement which I can't imagine you would want. Hugs. > > appears nada (NPD definitely, probably BPD, too) hasn't paid income taxes or property taxes in years. her house will go to auction next summer unless she pays the back property taxes...BUT, she ALSO has a very large IRS tax lien. oh brother. unless the lien is satisfied plus the property taxes, she's screwed. > > the house is not worth all the money she owes on it. > > nada's mother wants to " help " . she is getting paperwork in order (my nada has 7 months of unopened mail, if that gives you any idea what grandmother is up against) to take to CPA and/or tax attorney to pursue " saving the house " . it's nada's house (and mess), mind you. not grandma's. oh, but grandma has no recovery so she still thinks she's going to be able to save her daughter...even though there's 65 years of evidence to the contrary. > > last background fact: nada does not have a clue that my sis and i know about the taxes/liens/etc. or the unopened mail or any of it. nada believes she has kept her sickness's symptoms in hiding from us. (make it STOP!) > > my sis called me today to say that grandma went to nada's and got all the mail and maybe some other papers. my sis tried to convince her not to do that. sis also said she doesn't support that decision and no, she will NOT help grandma arrange any paperwork " for " nada (GO SIS!!) > > the reason my sis was calling me was to tell me that grandma is determined to do this. > > she also asked me to consider telling nada that we know everything and there's no need for secrets or lies anymore. > i didn't agree or disagree. i said i'd think about it. > > i'm just not sure if having that kind of discussion w/nada is going to help any of us. > > what do you guys think? > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 14, 2011 Report Share Posted July 14, 2011 > she also asked me to consider telling nada that we know everything and there's no need for secrets or lies anymore. > i didn't agree or disagree. i said i'd think about it. > > i'm just not sure if having that kind of discussion w/nada is going to help any of us. > > what do you guys think? > If it were me, I'd just stay completely out of it. No need to get involved at all. I don't think it would help anyone, in fact it will probably just end up making you a target. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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