Re: please hold me up- question for Cassie

[Guest guest]

Cassie,

thanks for saying that; you're right; it wasnt easy, but felt so good to turn to

this group.

Cassie, would Al-Anon be helpful for someone like myself who's not dealing with

an alcoholic but with a codependent (and I myself am probably codependent)?

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > I'm hanging on to nc with nada.

> >

> > She has been calling me over and over and over at home and at work.  I've

> > ignored her calls, deleted her  messages without listening to them.

> >

> > My brother is now starting her campaign. He just called me. Ugh, my stomach

> > hurts just seeing their numbers on the ID screen.

> >

> > I wrote her a long-ish letter telling her how I feel. I doubt she'll get

> > it. Bottom line I told her is I'm sick of calling her every day. I'm just

> > tired of it.

> >

> > Please help me be strong and not give in to guilt and fear!

> >

> > Fiona

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

al-anon is ALL about overcoming codependency. Â bpd (and many other personality

disorders) has side effects akin to the addict's acting out. Â so, yes, i would

say give several meetings and try and see what you think.

there are phone meetings. Â just google al-anon phone meetings and away you will

go.

Â

Â

Cassie

Â

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Thursday, July 14, 2011 5:09 PM

Subject: Re: please hold me up- question for Cassie

Â

Cassie,

thanks for saying that; you're right; it wasnt easy, but felt so good to turn to

this group.

Cassie, would Al-Anon be helpful for someone like myself who's not dealing with

an alcoholic but with a codependent (and I myself am probably codependent)?

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > I'm hanging on to nc with nada.

> >

> > She has been calling me over and over and over at home and at work. I've

> > ignored her calls, deleted her messages without listening to them.

> >

> > My brother is now starting her campaign. He just called me. Ugh, my stomach

> > hurts just seeing their numbers on the ID screen.

> >

> > I wrote her a long-ish letter telling her how I feel. I doubt she'll get

> > it. Bottom line I told her is I'm sick of calling her every day. I'm just

> > tired of it.

> >

> > Please help me be strong and not give in to guilt and fear!

> >

> > Fiona

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

There was a discussion here a few weeks back about 12-step programs like

alcoholics anonymous, regarding the part of the 12-step program that involves

apologizing to those you have harmed.

The point being that in the case of those of us with unprocessed childhood

trauma, it can be counterproductive to apologize to our abusers, particularly if

they are still actively abusive toward you. An abused child has done nothing

to apologize for; its the abusive parents who need to do the apologizing.

Just something to consider. I can see the value of owning up to having an

addiction and apologizing to those you've mistreated while under the influence

of your addictive substance, but it seems to me that the abusee has no business

apologizing to the abuser, particularly if it puts the abusee in harm's way

again.

-Annie

> >

> > > **

> > >

> > >

> > > I'm hanging on to nc with nada.

> > >

> > > She has been calling me over and over and over at home and at work. I've

> > > ignored her calls, deleted her messages without listening to them.

> > >

> > > My brother is now starting her campaign. He just called me. Ugh, my

stomach

> > > hurts just seeing their numbers on the ID screen.

> > >

> > > I wrote her a long-ish letter telling her how I feel. I doubt she'll get

> > > it. Bottom line I told her is I'm sick of calling her every day. I'm just

> > > tired of it.

> > >

> > > Please help me be strong and not give in to guilt and fear!

> > >

> > > Fiona

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

this is a big trigger for many.

Adult Children of Alcoholics anonymous groups (ACOA), though, have basically

re-written the 12-steps with a tenderness towards our particularities around not

asking our parents' forgiveness for what THEY did to us! Â i found them online.

 Their phone meeting " info line " has recorded talks that are helpful to me. Â

Talks about re-parenting the inner-child, etc. Â

Just another option for anyone who is interested.

Â

Â

Cassie

Â

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wednesday, July 20, 2011 3:12 PM

Subject: Re: please hold me up- question for Cassie

Â

There was a discussion here a few weeks back about 12-step programs like

alcoholics anonymous, regarding the part of the 12-step program that involves

apologizing to those you have harmed.

The point being that in the case of those of us with unprocessed childhood

trauma, it can be counterproductive to apologize to our abusers, particularly if

they are still actively abusive toward you. An abused child has done nothing

to apologize for; its the abusive parents who need to do the apologizing.

Just something to consider. I can see the value of owning up to having an

addiction and apologizing to those you've mistreated while under the influence

of your addictive substance, but it seems to me that the abusee has no business

apologizing to the abuser, particularly if it puts the abusee in harm's way

again.

-Annie

> >

> > > **

> > >

> > >

> > > I'm hanging on to nc with nada.

> > >

> > > She has been calling me over and over and over at home and at work.ÂÂ

I've

> > > ignored her calls, deleted her messages without listening to them.

> > >

> > > My brother is now starting her campaign. He just called me. Ugh, my

stomach

> > > hurts just seeing their numbers on the ID screen.

> > >

> > > I wrote her a long-ish letter telling her how I feel. I doubt she'll get

> > > it. Bottom line I told her is I'm sick of calling her every day. I'm just

> > > tired of it.

> > >

> > > Please help me be strong and not give in to guilt and fear!

> > >

> > > Fiona

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

i have found acoa meetings to be helpful as well.. thanks for this reminder.

Subject: Re: Re: please hold me up- question for Cassie

To: " WTOAdultChildren1 " <WTOAdultChildren1 >

Date: Wednesday, July 20, 2011, 6:26 PM

 

this is a big trigger for many.

Adult Children of Alcoholics anonymous groups (ACOA), though, have basically

re-written the 12-steps with a tenderness towards our particularities around not

asking our parents' forgiveness for what THEY did to us!  i found them online.

 Their phone meeting " info line " has recorded talks that are helpful to me.

 Talks about re-parenting the inner-child, etc.  

Just another option for anyone who is interested.

 

 

Cassie

 

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wednesday, July 20, 2011 3:12 PM

Subject: Re: please hold me up- question for Cassie

 

There was a discussion here a few weeks back about 12-step programs like

alcoholics anonymous, regarding the part of the 12-step program that involves

apologizing to those you have harmed.

The point being that in the case of those of us with unprocessed childhood

trauma, it can be counterproductive to apologize to our abusers, particularly if

they are still actively abusive toward you. An abused child has done nothing

to apologize for; its the abusive parents who need to do the apologizing.

Just something to consider. I can see the value of owning up to having an

addiction and apologizing to those you've mistreated while under the influence

of your addictive substance, but it seems to me that the abusee has no business

apologizing to the abuser, particularly if it puts the abusee in harm's way

again.

-Annie

> >

> > > **

> > >

> > >

> > > I'm hanging on to nc with nada.

> > >

> > > She has been calling me over and over and over at home and at work. 

I've

> > > ignored her calls, deleted her  messages without listening to them.

> > >

> > > My brother is now starting her campaign. He just called me. Ugh, my

stomach

> > > hurts just seeing their numbers on the ID screen.

> > >

> > > I wrote her a long-ish letter telling her how I feel. I doubt she'll get

> > > it. Bottom line I told her is I'm sick of calling her every day. I'm just

> > > tired of it.

> > >

> > > Please help me be strong and not give in to guilt and fear!

> > >

> > > Fiona

> > >

> > >