Guest guest Posted January 29, 2012 Report Share Posted January 29, 2012 Echobabes earlier post about what her daughter said when visiting got me thinking about the gifts of being raised by a BPD parent. I love the line at the end of that movie/book Eat, Pray, Love. The one about " the physics of the quest " and that " everyone and everything is a teacher on our journey " . I sometimes think that I got put into a crash course in this lifetime. These are a few things I have learned from being raised by a BPD. That I would rather figure out how to do things myself than make the lives of everyone around me miserable with inncessant demands. In the quest for that, I have learned that I am quite handy and that I enjoy that aspect of my personality. Being " self-sufficient " is something that I take pride in. I never had screaming fits at my husband about doing stuff. I remember one of the first times I just couldn't stand it anymore and picked up a screwdriver and tightened the handles on all of the saute pots in my nada's kitchen. She was ranting at my father about doing this and he, as usual, in the face of her rages retreated to his workshop to avoid her. I just remember thinking... " what the hell is so damn hard about picking up a screwdriver and doing it yourself and saving all that drama and aggravation? " At some later point, I realized that nada felt that picking up tools wasn't her " job " and that was a husbands job and he was going to do it " or else! " I am fairly certain that is when my desire to learn how to fix/maintain things myself began. It was a good thing too. My darling husband wasn't very handy and he was also deathly afraid of spiders and hated getting his hands grimey. I was the one that changed out the battery on his car last time it went out. I was also the one that climbed down into the crawl space to change out the furnace filter when it needed to be done. (lots of spidies down there!) He did try, and I loved him for that. C Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2012 Report Share Posted January 30, 2012 Good for you for being willing to learn new things and be stretched. Yeah, I saw how you described your nada (demanding and clawing at your father to do things that he was " supposed " to do) in my nada as well. It's funny you mention the fixing of the pot handles. A bunch of years ago, I did the same thing, I thought " why am I waiting for husband to do this?? I could just try for myself! " And it felt so good to handle it on my own. > > Echobabes earlier post about what her daughter said when visiting got me thinking about the gifts of being raised by a BPD parent. I love the line at the end of that movie/book Eat, Pray, Love. The one about " the physics of the quest " and that " everyone and everything is a teacher on our journey " . I sometimes think that I got put into a crash course in this lifetime. These are a few things I have learned from being raised by a BPD. > > That I would rather figure out how to do things myself than make the lives of everyone around me miserable with inncessant demands. In the quest for that, I have learned that I am quite handy and that I enjoy that aspect of my personality. Being " self-sufficient " is something that I take pride in. I never had screaming fits at my husband about doing stuff. I remember one of the first times I just couldn't stand it anymore and picked up a screwdriver and tightened the handles on all of the saute pots in my nada's kitchen. She was ranting at my father about doing this and he, as usual, in the face of her rages retreated to his workshop to avoid her. I just remember thinking... " what the hell is so damn hard about picking up a screwdriver and doing it yourself and saving all that drama and aggravation? " At some later point, I realized that nada felt that picking up tools wasn't her " job " and that was a husbands job and he was going to do it " or else! " I am fairly certain that is when my desire to learn how to fix/maintain things myself began. > > It was a good thing too. My darling husband wasn't very handy and he was also deathly afraid of spiders and hated getting his hands grimey. I was the one that changed out the battery on his car last time it went out. I was also the one that climbed down into the crawl space to change out the furnace filter when it needed to be done. (lots of spidies down there!) He did try, and I loved him for that. > > C > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2012 Report Share Posted January 30, 2012 Fiona, Darling Husband and I had a real reversal of roles going on thru our entire marriage. He cooked, he was pretty good at it too. He even did laundry, tho I had to sort for stains ahead of him so things wouldn't get permanently set in. I addition to all that, he was a straightener. Liked things tidy, but cracked me up because he would leave a hand towel in the bathroom or the kitchen until it smelled like sour milk and was stiff from dirt. EEEEeeww. About the only " guy " thing that he did was take out the trash and mow the yard. Of course if the mower was acting up or flooded, I stepped in. I've had a number of teacher/mentors over the years too and I learned a lot about cars and plumbing. My thought has always been, how hard can this be if I am patient? nada of course thinks I am foolish and that a " man " should do these things and that I am not much of a woman if I can't manipulate some sap into doing it all for me! One of the few accomplishments i've had is convincing her, finally, that I enjoy doing this stuff and I am okay with that. She is amazed at some of the things that I have done on my own, but I am sure there is that part of her that thinks someone else should be doing it and not me. C > > > > Echobabes earlier post about what her daughter said when visiting got me thinking about the gifts of being raised by a BPD parent. I love the line at the end of that movie/book Eat, Pray, Love. The one about " the physics of the quest " and that " everyone and everything is a teacher on our journey " . I sometimes think that I got put into a crash course in this lifetime. These are a few things I have learned from being raised by a BPD. > > > > That I would rather figure out how to do things myself than make the lives of everyone around me miserable with inncessant demands. In the quest for that, I have learned that I am quite handy and that I enjoy that aspect of my personality. Being " self-sufficient " is something that I take pride in. I never had screaming fits at my husband about doing stuff. I remember one of the first times I just couldn't stand it anymore and picked up a screwdriver and tightened the handles on all of the saute pots in my nada's kitchen. She was ranting at my father about doing this and he, as usual, in the face of her rages retreated to his workshop to avoid her. I just remember thinking... " what the hell is so damn hard about picking up a screwdriver and doing it yourself and saving all that drama and aggravation? " At some later point, I realized that nada felt that picking up tools wasn't her " job " and that was a husbands job and he was going to do it " or else! " I am fairly certain that is when my desire to learn how to fix/maintain things myself began. > > > > It was a good thing too. My darling husband wasn't very handy and he was also deathly afraid of spiders and hated getting his hands grimey. I was the one that changed out the battery on his car last time it went out. I was also the one that climbed down into the crawl space to change out the furnace filter when it needed to be done. (lots of spidies down there!) He did try, and I loved him for that. > > > > C > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2012 Report Share Posted January 30, 2012 Well, as fate would have it, I had two PD parents. The gift that I came out with is an uncanny ability to " read " body language and facial expressions. I know what people are feeling even when they do not and I can almost always tell when someone is lying. It is pretty handy. HC > > Echobabes earlier post about what her daughter said when visiting got me thinking about the gifts of being raised by a BPD parent. I love the line at the end of that movie/book Eat, Pray, Love. The one about " the physics of the quest " and that " everyone and everything is a teacher on our journey " . I sometimes think that I got put into a crash course in this lifetime. These are a few things I have learned from being raised by a BPD. > > That I would rather figure out how to do things myself than make the lives of everyone around me miserable with inncessant demands. In the quest for that, I have learned that I am quite handy and that I enjoy that aspect of my personality. Being " self-sufficient " is something that I take pride in. I never had screaming fits at my husband about doing stuff. I remember one of the first times I just couldn't stand it anymore and picked up a screwdriver and tightened the handles on all of the saute pots in my nada's kitchen. She was ranting at my father about doing this and he, as usual, in the face of her rages retreated to his workshop to avoid her. I just remember thinking... " what the hell is so damn hard about picking up a screwdriver and doing it yourself and saving all that drama and aggravation? " At some later point, I realized that nada felt that picking up tools wasn't her " job " and that was a husbands job and he was going to do it " or else! " I am fairly certain that is when my desire to learn how to fix/maintain things myself began. > > It was a good thing too. My darling husband wasn't very handy and he was also deathly afraid of spiders and hated getting his hands grimey. I was the one that changed out the battery on his car last time it went out. I was also the one that climbed down into the crawl space to change out the furnace filter when it needed to be done. (lots of spidies down there!) He did try, and I loved him for that. > > C > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 30, 2012 Report Share Posted January 30, 2012 HC you should work in an organization like that show called " Lie to Me " That is a handy skill to have. Do you find you have any " blind spots " I am pretty good too, but I find if I am too close to a situation that I am not always as objective. Personal feelings get in the way. C > > Well, as fate would have it, I had two PD parents. The gift that I came out with is an uncanny ability to " read " body language and facial expressions. I know what people are feeling even when they do not and I can almost always tell when someone is lying. It is pretty handy. > > HC > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 31, 2012 Report Share Posted January 31, 2012 My one big blind spot is that I am so drawn to try to save waify women. I'm getting a little better at not getting sucked in, but that is a tough one for me. It is like a gravitational pull. HC > > > > Well, as fate would have it, I had two PD parents. The gift that I came out with is an uncanny ability to " read " body language and facial expressions. I know what people are feeling even when they do not and I can almost always tell when someone is lying. It is pretty handy. > > > > HC > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 2, 2012 Report Share Posted February 2, 2012 I'm curious to know if any other of you KO's are drawn to rescue waify women? You know how some people bring home stray cats? Historically, I have brought home wounded women. Anyone else so inclined? HC > > > > > > Well, as fate would have it, I had two PD parents. The gift that I came out with is an uncanny ability to " read " body language and facial expressions. I know what people are feeling even when they do not and I can almost always tell when someone is lying. It is pretty handy. > > > > > > HC > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 2, 2012 Report Share Posted February 2, 2012 With me it's more that the magnetic attraction seems to be with women that need a " stabilizer " type friend. When I am around them I become very calm, stable, practical and need-free - probably how I act with my mother most of the time. That is who I can be but not really who I am if I'm really free to be myself. These women are impractical, emotional, entitled and have awful judgment. So not quite the " waif " type like you describe but a related pattern nonetheless...and a tough one for me to break. I still attract and am attracted to them but I figure out to back away much sooner. Heartful, I bet your radar is pretty fine tuned by now too. Eliza Oh btw thank you much for the book list from a few days ago! I'm not on the board as consistently these days...tough to keep up. > > > > > > > > Well, as fate would have it, I had two PD parents. The gift that I came out with is an uncanny ability to " read " body language and facial expressions. I know what people are feeling even when they do not and I can almost always tell when someone is lying. It is pretty handy. > > > > > > > > HC > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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