Guest guest Posted January 31, 2012 Report Share Posted January 31, 2012 I'm in shock. My brother's house burned down, due to a crack in the flew of the fireplace. The house burned from the top down. Everyone got out safely, but now Nada is having to live with me. She is so happy and has made a 'miraculous' recovery. The thing is, it has only been two weeks and I know it won't last. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 31, 2012 Report Share Posted January 31, 2012 (((Hugs, and hugs to you!))) I am so sorry for this terrific difficulty. Of course Nada is being " good " she is receiving a great deal of BPD emotional supply from the fire - Nadas love drama and attention, and she's probably getting lots of validation for surviving, getting to tell her account ad-nauseum, etc. My own Nada was terrific in disasters, simply seemed to thrive on them! Is your Nada a waif, queen, witch or what permutation there-of? That info may give you some indication of where she will go with all of this, and how long you have of her " good behavior " time. Usually, not too long after experiencing an adrenaline charged " tragedy, " my own Nada would have to recreate some kind of drama, like an addict going after another fix. If only there was some kind of BPD extinguisher, like the big red fire extinguishers! They'd be a permanent part of my wardrobe! I'd strap that baby to my back, 'n spray 'em at the very first sign of *BPD crazy*behavior, just one sidelong glance, one divisive word to my kid, one disparaging word about my husband, and I'd take proactive steps, and crank that baby up to full spray! Nada moving into your home is every sense as much a disaster as the fire, only it is on " slow burn " mode. Protect yourself, protect your family. Just because other people may not recognize the emotional danger that you, and your family may be in, doesn't mean that it isn't there. I'm reminded of the ancient Greek story of the kind woodsman, who found a frozen, but still living snake, which he took home, and allowed to warm up by his fire. The well intended woodcutter was horrified, when, after warming up, the damn thing bit his little daughter. The poor,desperate man clutched his wounded child, and demanded an accounting of the snakes action, who replied " You knew I was a snake, when you brought me in! " and, stuck out its tongue, and slithered out the door. With the BPD, we often know we are in danger, but no-one else recognizes it, or diminishes the potential damage, with the old standby " but she's your mother! " The maternal tie is a terribly strong one, and very very difficult to negate, we, as KOs' are more loyal to our BPD parent, than they will ever be to us, and yet, they feel so entitled to abuse and misuse that loyalty, and compassion, I think this is, mainly because they simply have no capacity such feelings within themselves. They lack the emotional\biochemical wiring for such emotions. Trying to describe compassion to a BPD, is like trying to describe the color blue to someone who is colorblind. I don't have any really constructive suggestions - sending her on a " recovery " cruise or vacation is probably not possible, and I don't know what kind of insurance options for such a disaster may be available through hers, or your brothers ins. My own Nada could last, at the very longest, about three weeks, unless we could find something else for her to focus her insatiable emotional hungers on, like book-club, survivor counseling (with her doing the counseling, of course!) One friend, whose Nada had a house fire, became active in a quilting group, who made quilts for survivors of tragedies, where she got to repeat her own tragic stories, recount her surgeries, and bitch about her family for many, many happy hours on end. My hope, and prayers for you, if you give me permission to pray for you, is, first for the protection of you and your immediate family, from the BPD who has been thrust into your midst. Secondly, that your brother and his family make a speedy and complete recovery, and take Nada back just as fast as they can! > ** > > > I'm in shock. My brother's house burned down, due to a crack in the flew > of the fireplace. The house burned from the top down. Everyone got out > safely, but now Nada is having to live with me. She is so happy and has > made a 'miraculous' recovery. The thing is, it has only been two weeks and > I know it won't last. > The very Best of Luck to you and your family, May Nada find herself very sleepy, and take lots, and lots of naps! May you find respite! Sunspot > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 31, 2012 Report Share Posted January 31, 2012 Your post reminded me that whenever I'd visit with my nada, I could count on only two or three days of good behavior from her before her irritability and harping criticisms would start in. I discovered that the only way to prolong her good behaviors was to visit her in a place where she was highly entertained and highly distracted, such as meeting her in Las Vegas or on a vacation trip where she was being catered to and getting to do lots of things she enjoyed. Back when I was still rather enmeshed with my nada, she was going to have a major life-saving operation and I volunteered to come care for her / be her live-in " aide " for about 10 weeks; the result was true clinical depression for me. I could do nothing right, and had very little time to myself, very little opportunity to just decompress and revitalize myself. At the end of those 10 weeks I felt like an empty husk of a human being, that all the joy had been drained out of me, and like the empty insect casings left in the spider's web. It took me weeks to start feeling like my old self, once I returned home. So I highly recommend checking out the possibility of enrolling nada in a " senior day care " placement during the day, with her returning to your house at night to sleep, basically, so you can have at least some time alone in your own home with your own husband and kids and have some nada-free time. If not every day, maybe three days a week. Just so you can have a break, and nada can get some socializing/activities in with others her age. If not, you are in real danger of " care-giver burnout " , aka scary, dangerous depression. Just a suggestion, my two cents' worth. -Annie > > > ** > > > > > > I'm in shock. My brother's house burned down, due to a crack in the flew > > of the fireplace. The house burned from the top down. Everyone got out > > safely, but now Nada is having to live with me. She is so happy and has > > made a 'miraculous' recovery. The thing is, it has only been two weeks and > > I know it won't last. > > > The very Best of Luck to you and your family, May Nada find herself > very sleepy, and take lots, and lots of naps! May you find respite! > Sunspot > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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