How To Bounce Back from Surviving A Borderline Parent

[Guest guest]

I found this at another site for the support of the adult children of borderline

pd parents & thought I'd post it here.

The list below describes some traits that were mostly withheld from me or

discouraged in me, but I have some of these traits of resiliency, at least to

some

degree:

" Kimberlee Roth and Freda B. Friedman in their book Surviving the Borderline

Parent have a section called " How to Bounce Back " They say: " Recalling a

difficult past and examining how it affect your development and your life today

can be painful. Moving forward may seem overwhelming at times, but humans are

amazingly resilient creatures. It's important to give yourself credit for the

strength and other qualities you possess that allowed you to survive and

accomplish all that you have, thus far. "

(original poster writes: I agree that when faced with a childhood fraught with

chaos and toxicity it is especially important to evaluate and give ourselves

credit for our strengths.

They have an excellent exercise called: Resiliency Builders where they list

resilient qualities and ask us to reflect on them, how you have used them in the

past and how you use them now. They define resilience as " the ability to

overcome adversity. " )

The resilient qualities they list along with their explanations are:

Adaptable

(You adjust to new, changing or difficult situations with relative ease)

Confident

(You feel a sense of competence in at least some of the important areas of your

life; you possess a sense of self-respect)

Curious

(You have an innate inquisitiveness and interest in the world around you)

Engaged

(You have the ability to connect with others, to give and accept support)

Humorous

(You're able to find humor in situations)

Intuitive

(You have good hunches when it comes to understanding others and how they

behave)

Inventive

(You have the ability to see things in different ways; to come up with

alternatives to problems; and to express yourself through creative endeavors)

Optimistic

(You possess a sense of hope and a solid belief that the future will be fine, or

better)

Persistent

(You're tenacious and have the ability to work at something that's important to

you)

Self-directed

(When something truly needs to be done, you're able to recognize it on your own

and muster the inner resources to do it)

Spiritual

(You believe in some force larger than yourself and our own [and others'] human

abilities)

So self-assessment time: Which of these qualities do you have? Which would you

like to develop? How has your growing up in the household of a pwBPD taught you

some of these qualities (and which ones)? "

*****

Now, me personally, I'm neutral regarding the " spirituality " aspect, but if

having spiritual or religious beliefs helps you cope and gain resilience, then,

that's very cool.

Whatever serves to help us heal the bewildered, abused, neglected child inside

us, and helps us grow stronger and become real adults (instead of remaining

children in thrall to our disordered parents) is a good thing, in my opinion.

-Annie

[Guest guest]

Thanks for this, Annie. I liked it. It was fun!

For me, the traits I have, esp from growing up with 2 pd parents are:

-being adaptable (as much as I hate change, I do adapt to it pretty easily);

-humorous (I laugh at almost anything!!);

-intuitive (I can read people's signals very well, after being with easily hurt

and offended and enraged nada and narcissistic and easily provoked fada, I

learned fast);

-spiritual (this has always been very important to me).

The traits I wish I had MUCH more of are:

-optimism (I am SO, SO drawn to people who are optimistic. they make me hopeful

and happy.

-confidence (I definitely struggle with insecurity)

-engaged (wish I could connect more easily with others; small talk conversations

are a hassle for me)

-inventive (ugh, I inherited a lack of this from my parents, that very small

vision way of looking at things, like there's only one solution for it and if it

can't be done, they that's it. I would love, love to be more inventive)

-self-directed (am definitely not this; am so used to being told what to do and

when to do it. I feel like I am slowly gaining more of this, but very slowly.)

>

> I found this at another site for the support of the adult children of

borderline pd parents & thought I'd post it here.

>

> The list below describes some traits that were mostly withheld from me or

> discouraged in me, but I have some of these traits of resiliency, at least to

some

> degree:

>

> " Kimberlee Roth and Freda B. Friedman in their book Surviving the Borderline

> Parent have a section called " How to Bounce Back " They say: " Recalling a

> difficult past and examining how it affect your development and your life

today

> can be painful. Moving forward may seem overwhelming at times, but humans are

> amazingly resilient creatures. It's important to give yourself credit for the

> strength and other qualities you possess that allowed you to survive and

> accomplish all that you have, thus far. "

>

> (original poster writes: I agree that when faced with a childhood fraught with

chaos and toxicity it is especially important to evaluate and give ourselves

credit for our strengths.

>

> They have an excellent exercise called: Resiliency Builders where they list

> resilient qualities and ask us to reflect on them, how you have used them in

the

> past and how you use them now. They define resilience as " the ability to

> overcome adversity. " )

>

> The resilient qualities they list along with their explanations are:

>

> Adaptable

> (You adjust to new, changing or difficult situations with relative ease)

>

> Confident

> (You feel a sense of competence in at least some of the important areas of

your

> life; you possess a sense of self-respect)

>

> Curious

> (You have an innate inquisitiveness and interest in the world around you)

>

> Engaged

> (You have the ability to connect with others, to give and accept support)

>

> Humorous

> (You're able to find humor in situations)

>

> Intuitive

> (You have good hunches when it comes to understanding others and how they

> behave)

>

> Inventive

> (You have the ability to see things in different ways; to come up with

> alternatives to problems; and to express yourself through creative endeavors)

>

> Optimistic

> (You possess a sense of hope and a solid belief that the future will be fine,

or

> better)

>

> Persistent

> (You're tenacious and have the ability to work at something that's important

to

> you)

>

> Self-directed

> (When something truly needs to be done, you're able to recognize it on your

own

> and muster the inner resources to do it)

>

> Spiritual

> (You believe in some force larger than yourself and our own [and others']

human

> abilities)

>

> So self-assessment time: Which of these qualities do you have? Which would you

> like to develop? How has your growing up in the household of a pwBPD taught

you

> some of these qualities (and which ones)? "

>

> *****

>

> Now, me personally, I'm neutral regarding the " spirituality " aspect, but if

having spiritual or religious beliefs helps you cope and gain resilience, then,

that's very cool.

>

> Whatever serves to help us heal the bewildered, abused, neglected child inside

us, and helps us grow stronger and become real adults (instead of remaining

children in thrall to our disordered parents) is a good thing, in my opinion.

>

> -Annie

>