OT: To GOD from the DOG (humor) - HelperDogs, this one is for you

[Guest guest]

TO: GOD

FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one

another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still

the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the

mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a

dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride!

Would it be so hard to rename the " Chrysler Eagle " the " Chrysler Beagle " ?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him,

is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can under stand human verbal instructions, hand signals,

whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy

fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to

apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember

to be a good dog.

1 . I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it

up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc, just because I like

the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying

" hello " .

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee

table.

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not

after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that

noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

[Guest guest]

Loved it! It's amazing how many describe my four dogs:)

>

> TO: GOD

>

> FROM: THE DOG

>

> Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever,

smell one

> another?

>

> Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is

it still

> the same old story?

>

> Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar,

the

> mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named

for a

> dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a

nice ride!

> Would it be so hard to rename the " Chrysler Eagle " the " Chrysler

Beagle " ?

>

> Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human

hears him,

> is he still a bad dog?

>

> Dear God: We dogs can under stand human verbal instructions, hand

signals,

> whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic

energy

> fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

>

> Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

>

> Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to

> apologize?

>

>

> Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must

remember

> to be a good dog.

>

> 1 . I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they

throw it

> up.

>

> 2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc, just

because I like

> the way they smell.

>

> 3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

>

> 4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

>

>

> 5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

>

> 6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on

the toilet.

>

> 7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way

of saying

> " hello " .

>

> 8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the

coffee

> table.

>

> 9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the

house - not

> after.

>

> 10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

>

> 11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my

crotch.

>

> 12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he

makes that

> noise, it's usually not a good thing.

>

> P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

>