Mom rewrites history, and thinks that she is you

[Guest guest]

This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if anyone

else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd dog, a

springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked the

dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog, and I

remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed, claiming

separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and said, no, I

named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named the main

character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming he named

the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because she thinks

she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself, she doesn't

understand that I am not an entity of her.

I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married an NPD

(in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass himself, so

I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I think

about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was crazy.

And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

[Guest guest]

I can totally relate to this. And I can relate to the feelings of being

invalidated and having your history stolen. My father does this crap all the

time...the latest b.s. he pulled was making the insane comment that he and his

siblings " would have " hired help to take care of his mother if she had needed

nursing care. I lived with her for the last three years of her life when she had

parkinsons and alzheimers and needed someone there with her all the time, his

brother and sister rotated with me so that she was never alone in the house. At

the end of her life expecially in the last six weeks i did most of the

diaper/bedding changes/feeding/morphine etc, because no one else had the stomach

for it. When I made that comment to me, I literally felt like I had been

slapped across the face. He was denying that she ever needed nursing care at

all.

And he does this as much as he can with *any* positive contribution I make

toward any situation in any way. And he makes up things that I am supposed to

have done, as well, or exaggerates what negative there is. He is a malignant

narcissist though, the kind it's just better to NEVER have contact with (my

dream for the future).

>

> This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if

anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

>

> About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog, and I

remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed, claiming

separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and said, no, I

named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named the main

character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming he named

the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because she thinks

she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself, she doesn't

understand that I am not an entity of her.

>

> I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married an NPD

(in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass himself, so

I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

>

> I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I think

about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was crazy.

And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I don't know about BPD, but I have noticed a few times that my brother rewrites

history: denies he ever said or did anything or that I said or did something,

even when I have proof, like a text message or a voicemail or email. He

definitely has co-dependency issues, why else would he marry the woman he

decided to marry? It could just be his FLEAS.

Have you ever had them tell you back a memory and change places with you in that

memory?

> >

> > This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if

anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

> >

> > About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog, and

I remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed, claiming

separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and said, no, I

named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named the main

character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming he named

the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because she thinks

she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself, she doesn't

understand that I am not an entity of her.

> >

> > I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married an

NPD (in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass himself,

so I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

> >

> > I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I

think about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was

crazy. And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My stepmom had a memory that I have absolutely no recollection of.  She said

that one night, she and my dad were getting ready to be " intimate " , and I walked

in the bedroom wondering what they were doing, and she had to explain the birds

and the bees to me.  I do not remember this happening.  I already knew about

the birds and the bees, and I would remember if I had caught them having sex. 

I think every child remembers the time they caught their parents in the act.  I

wonder if maybe she confused me with my brother, or maybe one of her kids had

caught her and their dad in the act.  It's one of those things that I have

thought about so much over the years, that it almost has become a real memory. 

I know that it never happened though. 

Janet

 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own

understanding.

 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

 It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Friday, July 15, 2011 6:08 PM

Subject: Re: Mom rewrites history, and thinks that she is

you

 

I don't know about BPD, but I have noticed a few times that my brother rewrites

history: denies he ever said or did anything or that I said or did something,

even when I have proof, like a text message or a voicemail or email. He

definitely has co-dependency issues, why else would he marry the woman he

decided to marry? It could just be his FLEAS.

Have you ever had them tell you back a memory and change places with you in that

memory?

> >

> > This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if

anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

> >

> > About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog, and

I remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed, claiming

separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and said, no, I

named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named the main

character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming he named

the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because she thinks

she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself, she doesn't

understand that I am not an entity of her.

> >

> > I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married an

NPD (in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass himself,

so I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

> >

> > I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I

think about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was

crazy. And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

,

Trust your memory and your instincts. Those kind of near and dear to our heart

memories and sources are too important for you to be wrong here. As a writer you

would never forget that name and where you got it - out of one of your own

stories.

I have never sensed that my nada was treating me as an extension of herself,

although I sometimes see and hear her strongly identifying with one of my

sisters - it can be extreme - like she is trying to impress her and would like

to be her. Makes me uncomfortable.

>

> This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if

anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

>

> About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog, and I

remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed, claiming

separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and said, no, I

named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named the main

character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming he named

the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because she thinks

she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself, she doesn't

understand that I am not an entity of her.

>

> I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married an NPD

(in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass himself, so

I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

>

> I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I think

about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was crazy.

And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I can relate to some of this. The being invalidated, not heard, invisible - my

stomach aches just reading your entry.

You know the truth, your grandmother knew, your aunt and uncle know and he

knows. He can't rewrite your history.

> >

> > This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if

anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

> >

> > About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog, and

I remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed, claiming

separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and said, no, I

named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named the main

character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming he named

the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because she thinks

she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself, she doesn't

understand that I am not an entity of her.

> >

> > I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married an

NPD (in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass himself,

so I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

> >

> > I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I

think about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was

crazy. And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

No, but sounds like projection to me. I have been accused of things that are

absurd, but the person accusing, probably did it.

> > >

> > > This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if

anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

> > >

> > > About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog,

and I remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed,

claiming separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and

said, no, I named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named

the main character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming

he named the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because

she thinks she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself,

she doesn't understand that I am not an entity of her.

> > >

> > > I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married an

NPD (in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass himself,

so I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

> > >

> > > I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I

think about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was

crazy. And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Janet,

Trust your instincts. You would remember that!

> > >

> > > This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if

anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

> > >

> > > About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog,

and I remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed,

claiming separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and

said, no, I named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named

the main character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming

he named the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because

she thinks she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself,

she doesn't understand that I am not an entity of her.

> > >

> > > I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married an

NPD (in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass himself,

so I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

> > >

> > > I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I

think about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was

crazy. And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

oh god yes. I have had fada take credit for positive things I have done. Hijack

is the word i like to use, he hijacks any positive contribution on my part and

he minimizes or outright denies it. And stupendously exaggerates anything bad,

if not outright makes up lies about me. This has been going on to a severe

extent my entire life but I only came to terms with it after moving back here.

it actually frightens me to think of the prospect of having gone through the

rest of my life not knowing what I have gleaned living here. I had forgotten

about 50% and had misattributed about a quarter of what I did remember, meaning

blamed myself when I was not at fault. It is a ginormous cluster-eff, to say the

least. I feel like I have spent 8 years surfing through paradigms trying to get

the real picture. it is changing again right now because of the situations with

the kids/SIL and me asking for my bequest after 22 years.

For further clarification, he is undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder.

He is the 2nd of four children, the 2nd boy, and was followed by a girl and then

the youngest boy. His father was also a narcissist who would not let his wife

drive or have any say whatever in the spending of the family's income, after he

died she went out and bought frilly curtains and feminine furnishings for the

bathroom *for the first time since marrying him*, since he would not allow her

to spend any of HIS money on such things, or on anything that HE did not choose.

She had endometriosis very badly and was in the bed for days during her cycle.

All this to say that I do not think she had a very happy marriage or motherhood.

But in particular my mother has told me that he felt 'lost', not being the

oldest boy, youngest boy, or only girl. After having witnessed the horrible

abandonment of my oldest nephew by my sister in law after the birth of the 2nd

child I can see how a child's world can be totally devastated and forever

changed by the birth of a sibling, and I strongly suspect that my grandmother

doted on her girl child to the exclusion of my father, who was only 2 at the

time of her birth. It's very possible his feeling of abandonment was based in

actual reality, as he has spent my entire life trying to annihilate me or

minimize my existence in my family. So I am pretty confident that this is the

root cause of his projection onto me of his childhood issues. After witnessing

what happened to my nephew I have a huge appreciation for the damage that can be

done to children prior to their ability to articulate or remember the damage

done. So there possibly might not even be an even formless, shapeless guess in

their mind about just what it is that is wrong with them and why they are in so

much pain, anxiety, and fear, if they have zero conscious memory of what

happened to them as children. It's really devastating to think about.

> > >

> > > This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if

anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

> > >

> > > About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog,

and I remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed,

claiming separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and

said, no, I named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named

the main character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming

he named the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because

she thinks she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself,

she doesn't understand that I am not an entity of her.

> > >

> > > I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married an

NPD (in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass himself,

so I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

> > >

> > > I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I

think about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was

crazy. And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oh, yes! Both my BPD mother and NPD father do this. They rewrite it to Flatter

themselves - always. Words in my mouth, switched roles, absent lines - sometimes

completely deleting a scene. One great example is my mother insisting she did

not color my hair for me numerous times in junior high when I wanted to be

blonde because she would " NEVER do that!!! " (as if that would truly be the most

awful thing shed ever done). She was " treating me for lice. " She also takes

credit for stuff I did/said, ideas I've had, stuff like that. And she really

believes it. Maddening. She " quoted " me on FB recently as having said something

really unkind about half of my fb friends. Sheesh. Love theta delete button.

> > > >

> > > > This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if

anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

> > > >

> > > > About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog,

and I remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed,

claiming separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and

said, no, I named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named

the main character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming

he named the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because

she thinks she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself,

she doesn't understand that I am not an entity of her.

> > > >

> > > > I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married

an NPD (in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass

himself, so I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

> > > >

> > > > I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I

think about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was

crazy. And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

PS She has done this in front of my husband with conversations he has witnessed

and we just look at each other and try not to laugh. When she gets out of

earshot, he hums the theme from Twilight Zone.

> > > > >

> > > > > This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering

if anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

> > > > >

> > > > > About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the

dog, and I remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed,

claiming separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and

said, no, I named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named

the main character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming

he named the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because

she thinks she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself,

she doesn't understand that I am not an entity of her.

> > > > >

> > > > > I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married

an NPD (in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass

himself, so I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

> > > > >

> > > > > I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time

I think about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was

crazy. And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for that, Kim. I really needed to know if anyone else had

experienced that switching roles or them saying they said or had ideas that were

yours. It's very crazy making!

> > > > >

> > > > > This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering

if anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

> > > > >

> > > > > About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the

dog, and I remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed,

claiming separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and

said, no, I named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named

the main character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming

he named the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because

she thinks she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself,

she doesn't understand that I am not an entity of her.

> > > > >

> > > > > I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married

an NPD (in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass

himself, so I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

> > > > >

> > > > > I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time

I think about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was

crazy. And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

my guess is it's a memory from her own childhood and she has become the parent

rather than the child and placed you in her spot of being the child walking in

on the parents. It sounds horribly incestuous and I bet a thousand dollars it's

part of her trauma history. And because it's par for the course for the bpd that

have trauma, whatever trauma they had in childhood they project onto their own

kids, since they can't or won't process it.

> > >

> > > This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if

anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

> > >

> > > About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog,

and I remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed,

claiming separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and

said, no, I named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named

the main character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming

he named the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because

she thinks she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself,

she doesn't understand that I am not an entity of her.

> > >

> > > I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married an

NPD (in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass himself,

so I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

> > >

> > > I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I

think about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was

crazy. And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

That is so weird!

We had a dog I named. I remember because I never named a pet in my life and it

was such a big deal for me that anyone in the family listened to me at all. It

was SO important in my 12 year-old world.

Of course, nada later claimed she named the dog. This has happened many times

with many issues. Good thing is that my sis is basically sane and can confirm

with me that the memories are miscontrued by nada to benefit her own view of

herself.

-Coal Miner's Daughter

p.s. For me, some issues that seem the smallest are very important and have been

so invalidating for me. I know there are bigger fish to fry, so-to-speak, but

sometimes these types of things hurt and aggravate more than the big, more

obviously abusive actions.

>

> This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if

anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

>

> About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog, and I

remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed, claiming

separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and said, no, I

named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named the main

character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming he named

the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because she thinks

she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself, she doesn't

understand that I am not an entity of her.

>

> I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married an NPD

(in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass himself, so

I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

>

> I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I think

about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was crazy.

And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

yep, yep, yep my guess is the same as yours.. my nada's incestuous trauma was

never processed by her either.. and instead she passed it along to me.. but, the

abuse cycle stopped with me i am glad to say.  processing is a choice so much

more supported by our culture and times now than it was when she was coping with

it.  little as it really is even now.  and so it remains a choice for all of

us, and with help it can be done.  there is hope for all of us i believe.

Subject: Re: Mom rewrites history, and thinks that she is

you

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Saturday, July 16, 2011, 5:34 PM

 

my guess is it's a memory from her own childhood and she has become the parent

rather than the child and placed you in her spot of being the child walking in

on the parents. It sounds horribly incestuous and I bet a thousand dollars it's

part of her trauma history. And because it's par for the course for the bpd that

have trauma, whatever trauma they had in childhood they project onto their own

kids, since they can't or won't process it.

> > >

> > > This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if

anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

> > >

> > > About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog,

and I remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed,

claiming separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and

said, no, I named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named

the main character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming

he named the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because

she thinks she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself,

she doesn't understand that I am not an entity of her.

> > >

> > > I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married an

NPD (in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass himself,

so I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

> > >

> > > I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I

think about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was

crazy. And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

So glad you have sis to back you up and confirm your reality.

> >

> > This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if

anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

> >

> > About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog, and

I remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed, claiming

separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and said, no, I

named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named the main

character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming he named

the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because she thinks

she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself, she doesn't

understand that I am not an entity of her.

> >

> > I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married an

NPD (in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass himself,

so I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

> >

> > I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I

think about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was

crazy. And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, , I can!

My entire life I was told I remembered things wrong, from whole stories to just

some of the details. Honestly, most of us remember things somewhat differently,

but BPDs seem to have this constant need to " be right " in their memories. Most

often edited out those scenes that they find embarrassing, or change the details

to make them the hero.

I spent the better part of 40 years trying to honor my mother's fairy tales

while it didn't jibe with my own memories. Because I thought I was the defective

one. Huh!

>

> This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if

anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

>

> About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog, and I

remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed, claiming

separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and said, no, I

named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named the main

character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming he named

the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because she thinks

she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself, she doesn't

understand that I am not an entity of her.

>

> I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married an NPD

(in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass himself, so

I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

>

> I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I think

about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was crazy.

And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My nada does it all the time! It's crazy making for certain.

Since she is a waif/hermit type, she also has this thing of taking on

everyones illnesses and symptoms. For example she became really involved with

a friend whose husband has Lyme disease. At the time my nada was positive

she was being poisoned by black mold in her apartment. (don't get me

started on that!) So she had these symptoms in her mind - from the black mold,

but then if you talked to her for any length of time she would end up

talking about the friend's husband with Lyme.. and somehow HER symptoms began

to

be HIS symptoms, and it was this total twilight zone feeling where you felt

her confusing herself and melding the symptoms and situations... It was

eery. Another example is that I've been sick recently with ovarian cysts and

endometriosis. I'm having surgery next week. My nada, who is in her 60s,

has started telling me that she's having cramps and pains in her ovary

area and wondering what's going on. She even said at one point, " Are you

sending me these cramps?? " Good Lord, woman, seriously?! When I reacted with

a stunned reply, she of course just said the usual " I was just kidding " .

This past week I had a suspect mole removed from my shoulder -- low and

behold, nada has some scary moles she needs checked out. I guess it's an

attention thing? Not enough sympathy, love, stress and drama surrounding her?

We had a weird discussion just this week where she insisted that when I was

little we went antique shopping together and how much I loved it. WTH?!

I have zero recollection of anything even remotely like that, and I can

remember my childhood really well... certainly far better than her twisted

perception of it! I said, " I really don't remember that at all! " and she

just shrugged it off - " I guess you were too young " . But then proceeded to

tell me cheerily how I would find little things I liked and wanted. When I

told my husband he said, " ... and that she wouldn't ever buy for you. " We

both had to laugh, because that would certainly be the case!!

*Star

[Guest guest]

I don't experience the editing of memories so much from my nada, but throughout

my life she was often editing my reality. Once when I was about 8 I was in our

backyard playing with a neigbor friend. We got thirsty so I went into the

kitchen to ask for a glass of water for each of us. Nada said everyone should go

to their own house for something to eat or drink. So, no water came out with me,

and I was a bit embarrased, so like any kid I said something like " Oh Mom must

be in a bad mood " . Later that day when I was inside and my friend was gone, my

mother pulled me aside and clearly and firmly said she was never moody and I

would never again tell anyone that she was. She was so mad! I guess she heard me

out of the window. Being the peacemaker, I don't think I ever talked badly about

my parents again, even prided myself in that I didn't, especially when in teen

years all my friends would complain about the normal stuff. I totally bought

into it.

I put both my parents on pedistals for a very long time. I guess it was

survival.

> >

> > This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if

anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

> >

> > About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog, and

I remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed, claiming

separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and said, no, I

named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named the main

character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming he named

the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because she thinks

she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself, she doesn't

understand that I am not an entity of her.

> >

> > I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married an

NPD (in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass himself,

so I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

> >

> > I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I

think about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was

crazy. And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

> >

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

mine does the same thing.

when I first started identifying asperger symptoms her reactons were a) well I

can see it in your brother but not you (because he is the golden child and I am

just rotten and evil, innately) and " well, I'm that way too so maybe you got

it from me " . the only way she was interested in it was if it was related to her.

sigh...

>

> My nada does it all the time! It's crazy making for certain.

>

> Since she is a waif/hermit type, she also has this thing of taking on

> everyones illnesses and symptoms. For example she became really involved

with

> a friend whose husband has Lyme disease. At the time my nada was positive

> she was being poisoned by black mold in her apartment. (don't get me

> started on that!) So she had these symptoms in her mind - from the black

mold,

> but then if you talked to her for any length of time she would end up

> talking about the friend's husband with Lyme.. and somehow HER symptoms began

to

> be HIS symptoms, and it was this total twilight zone feeling where you felt

> her confusing herself and melding the symptoms and situations... It was

> eery. Another example is that I've been sick recently with ovarian cysts and

> endometriosis. I'm having surgery next week. My nada, who is in her 60s,

> has started telling me that she's having cramps and pains in her ovary

> area and wondering what's going on. She even said at one point, " Are you

> sending me these cramps?? " Good Lord, woman, seriously?! When I reacted

with

> a stunned reply, she of course just said the usual " I was just kidding " .

> This past week I had a suspect mole removed from my shoulder -- low and

> behold, nada has some scary moles she needs checked out. I guess it's an

> attention thing? Not enough sympathy, love, stress and drama surrounding

her?

>

> We had a weird discussion just this week where she insisted that when I was

> little we went antique shopping together and how much I loved it. WTH?!

> I have zero recollection of anything even remotely like that, and I can

> remember my childhood really well... certainly far better than her twisted

> perception of it! I said, " I really don't remember that at all! " and she

> just shrugged it off - " I guess you were too young " . But then proceeded to

> tell me cheerily how I would find little things I liked and wanted. When I

> told my husband he said, " ... and that she wouldn't ever buy for you. " We

> both had to laugh, because that would certainly be the case!!

>

> *Star

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

She used the shame card to shut you down. YOU didn't put her on a pedestal, she

did! Hope you had fun shoving her off!

I know that was probably mean~~I just get so darn angry for the innocent

children we were getting stifled like that, by people who had no right to demand

perfection under the circumstances.

> > >

> > > This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if

anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

> > >

> > > About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog,

and I remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed,

claiming separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and

said, no, I named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named

the main character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming

he named the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because

she thinks she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself,

she doesn't understand that I am not an entity of her.

> > >

> > > I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married an

NPD (in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass himself,

so I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

> > >

> > > I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I

think about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was

crazy. And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

yes i can also get very very angry at the kinds of treatments we all got from

parents who had no business 'raising' us as they did.. it takes all kinds of

training and licensing to do various things in our culture from driving a car to

cutting hair.. yet there is absolutely nooooo training even available on a

voluntary basis for parenting that i know of nor ways to make parents

accountable for their repeated failures to be truly nurturing and supportive of

their children.  makes my blood boil just thinking of the injustices of it all,

and so unnecessary in my opinion.  maybe if we can teach our children in school

how to balance a check book perhaps we can also provide some basic classes in

decent parenting, again on a voluntary basis if needed.  something needs to be

done i think.  parenting is the very hardest and very most important job there

is, period imho.  and the more help there is out there for parents the better

off we all may be in the

future.  

Subject: Re: Mom rewrites history, and thinks that she is

you

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Sunday, July 17, 2011, 3:37 PM

 

She used the shame card to shut you down. YOU didn't put her on a

pedestal, she did! Hope you had fun shoving her off!

I know that was probably mean~~I just get so darn angry for the innocent

children we were getting stifled like that, by people who had no right to demand

perfection under the circumstances.

> > >

> > > This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if

anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

> > >

> > > About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog,

and I remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed,

claiming separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and

said, no, I named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named

the main character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming

he named the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because

she thinks she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself,

she doesn't understand that I am not an entity of her.

> > >

> > > I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married an

NPD (in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass himself,

so I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

> > >

> > > I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I

think about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was

crazy. And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My mom has done this too. Sometimes, though, the thing she makes up is not

about something she has done, but the reverse - about something I have done.

One time she told someone a story about me as a child, and the story was

actually an event from a comic strip we were reading years ago. She actually

believed what went on in the comic strip was something that had actually taken

place. Unbelievable! Now it wasn't anything serious and I know better than to

confront her on such an issue as it will only produce a rage, but still!

As for the getting angry part - this is something I am working on - to not take

her crazy behavior personally. I find that the anger starts to consume me, and

it's not healthy. I just have to keep reminding myself - there is nothing that

I can do to change the situation or make her better. The ONLY one I can do

anything about is myself. I know the truth, and that is what matters. REALITY

is what matters. If someone thinks something bad about me, then so be it (this

is very hard for me to take) but again, I have had enough times where the TRUTH

has revealed itself over time with her. Being angry about her antics

(especially the past) has NEVER helped me one bit - it has only hurt me. It's

still a work in progress. My biggest initiative is that my mother never let go

of the past and can rage about things from her childhood - still! I see myself

very easily following in her footsteps if I don't catch myself.

>

> This one memory has been bugging me a bit lately, and I was wondering if

anyone else had a similar experience. When I was maybe 12 or 13, we got a 2nd

dog, a springer spaniel. Nada, dad, and I went to get the dog. Nada and I picked

the dog up. Up until that time in my life I had been a writer, writing little

stories all the time. Nada and dad had this computer with Word Perfect on it,

and I used it to write all sorts of stories. I was a creative little story

teller. I suggested we name the dog a certain name after the main character in a

story I was writing. For anonymity's sake, let's say the dog's name was Krissy.

So we named the dog after the character in my story, although I never told

anyone that's where I got the name for the dog.

>

> About a decade later, my brother, nada and I were talking about the dog, and I

remembered how I had named the dog. Both brother and nada disagreed, claiming

separately that they had both named the dog. I argued with them and said, no, I

named the dog, because I was writing a story and that's what I named the main

character. Now, I don't know what was going on with my brother claiming he named

the dog, but I honestly think nada thought she named the dog because she thinks

she is me sometimes. She can't differentiate herself between myself, she doesn't

understand that I am not an entity of her.

>

> I don't know why brother would claim to have named the dog; he married an NPD

(in my opinion) and he's turned into quite the narcissistic jackass himself, so

I'm guessing it's coming from some of his underlying issues.

>

> I don't know why this story makes me so angry, but it does. Every time I think

about it, I get furious. Those two jerks tried to make me think I was crazy.

And I did. I doubted my memory of the occasion and was began to doubt my

memories of many other things. But I don't anymore. I know what happened. And I

know that I named the dog. Period.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Your post reminded me of this thing my nada does occasionally, when she thinks

you have done something wrong and need a " talking to " . She basically acts like

she is in some movie-of-the-week or after-school special and tries to do like

the intervention thing, turns on the waterworks and tries to accuse you of

things that are nowhere near related to what is actually going on. Once I

actually called her on it and said " mom, you need to butt out. This is not a

movie-of-the-week, I'm not a drug addict, I'm not a loser, I'm not a failure.

I'm a person going through grad school who is looking for a job that I can do

while I'm in school. I'm not having a hard time, I've only been looking for a

few weeks. Jobs don't come instantaneously. You are not supporting me so back

off and butt out. " Or something to the gyst of that but not nearly as nice is

what I said. I do recall I was angry with her and showed it in my tone of voice.

SHe really liked to pretend that she was Sally Field or something. She really

thought that that was who she was. It was so ridiculous, laughable even, to see

her get into her Sally Field mode. So sad.

>

> My mom has done this too. Sometimes, though, the thing she makes up is not

about something she has done, but the reverse - about something I have done.

One time she told someone a story about me as a child, and the story was

actually an event from a comic strip we were reading years ago. She actually

believed what went on in the comic strip was something that had actually taken

place. Unbelievable! Now it wasn't anything serious and I know better than to

confront her on such an issue as it will only produce a rage, but still!

>

> As for the getting angry part - this is something I am working on - to not

take her crazy behavior personally. I find that the anger starts to consume me,

and it's not healthy. I just have to keep reminding myself - there is nothing

that I can do to change the situation or make her better. The ONLY one I can do

anything about is myself. I know the truth, and that is what matters. REALITY

is what matters. If someone thinks something bad about me, then so be it (this

is very hard for me to take) but again, I have had enough times where the TRUTH

has revealed itself over time with her. Being angry about her antics

(especially the past) has NEVER helped me one bit - it has only hurt me. It's

still a work in progress. My biggest initiative is that my mother never let go

of the past and can rage about things from her childhood - still! I see myself

very easily following in her footsteps if I don't catch myself.

[Guest guest]

I can soooooooooooo relate to that. My parents are very disappointed that none

of us turned out to be criminals. We really have let them down in terms of

producing drama for them to feel victimized by. Congrats on being in grad

school, that is an amazing acheivement!

> >

> > My mom has done this too. Sometimes, though, the thing she makes up is not

about something she has done, but the reverse - about something I have done.

One time she told someone a story about me as a child, and the story was

actually an event from a comic strip we were reading years ago. She actually

believed what went on in the comic strip was something that had actually taken

place. Unbelievable! Now it wasn't anything serious and I know better than to

confront her on such an issue as it will only produce a rage, but still!

> >

> > As for the getting angry part - this is something I am working on - to not

take her crazy behavior personally. I find that the anger starts to consume me,

and it's not healthy. I just have to keep reminding myself - there is nothing

that I can do to change the situation or make her better. The ONLY one I can do

anything about is myself. I know the truth, and that is what matters. REALITY

is what matters. If someone thinks something bad about me, then so be it (this

is very hard for me to take) but again, I have had enough times where the TRUTH

has revealed itself over time with her. Being angry about her antics

(especially the past) has NEVER helped me one bit - it has only hurt me. It's

still a work in progress. My biggest initiative is that my mother never let go

of the past and can rage about things from her childhood - still! I see myself

very easily following in her footsteps if I don't catch myself.

>