Why I am so...

[Guest guest]

....ANGRY all the time?

I mean, I was angry before when Nada did something obnoxious, but now I just

feel all pissed off every time I think about her, over everything she does.

She watches TV, I'm mad because she usually commandeers it.

She cooks dinner, I'm mad because she doesn't do it every night but ACTS like

she does and like it's such a great sacrifice for her (oh poor her with no job

and nothing to do all day but shop!).

She rips down the old wallpaper in the bathroom for a paint project, I'm mad

because it's yet another art project that will not be finished anytime soon but

know she'll be on one of my siblings asses for not doing their chore quickly.

It's just *every little thing* she does makes me mad for some reason or another.

Maybe it's because I'm still relatively new to BPD, maybe it's because I'm new

to the group and I'm learning that it's actually OK to be mad about things, or

maybe it's just the anger part of the grieving process.

Anyway you slice, it sucks. I just don't like being mad all the time. I don't

really have any outlets for any of it except this. I don't know...I'm confused.

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I am out here in cyberspace...just reading the posts and I am glad i came back

and saw this because i was thinking about this tonight. I stay constantly angry

when around my fada. Alot of men in his generation don't know how to relate to

women anyway and they just chick hassle them rather than honestly interact with

them which is annoying, intentionally. But I do notice that when he goes on

vacation with nada...I return to sanity. Voila! So I know it is them. But I do

walk around angry all the time. And I know it is a waste of my precious minutes

of my life, and I am sad about it. I suspect it's because we are...wait for

it...normal. And they are nuts, and behave in a ridiculous fashion, and it's

normal to be angry about that. I know it doesn't help though. Hugs.

>

> ...ANGRY all the time?

>

> I mean, I was angry before when Nada did something obnoxious, but now I just

feel all pissed off every time I think about her, over everything she does.

>

> She watches TV, I'm mad because she usually commandeers it.

> She cooks dinner, I'm mad because she doesn't do it every night but ACTS like

she does and like it's such a great sacrifice for her (oh poor her with no job

and nothing to do all day but shop!).

> She rips down the old wallpaper in the bathroom for a paint project, I'm mad

because it's yet another art project that will not be finished anytime soon but

know she'll be on one of my siblings asses for not doing their chore quickly.

>

> It's just *every little thing* she does makes me mad for some reason or

another. Maybe it's because I'm still relatively new to BPD, maybe it's because

I'm new to the group and I'm learning that it's actually OK to be mad about

things, or maybe it's just the anger part of the grieving process.

>

> Anyway you slice, it sucks. I just don't like being mad all the time. I don't

really have any outlets for any of it except this. I don't know...I'm confused.

>

[Guest guest]

,

I think being angry all the time is normal. Things shouldn't be so hard, and all

about your nada. Especially if you are new to seeing and realizing all of this.

It is so difficult. I am new to all of this too and can't stop thinking about it

most of the time too. I don't live with my nada which helps, it sounds like you

do? If you do, any chance you will be moving out anytime soon?

I know my mother-in-law has BP or NP or both now as well as my mother. My

husband instinctively knew he needed to stay away from her and keeps us (his

family) away from her too. A little goes a long way. I know some of his stress

comes from all the years he lived with her as a kid. I think his childhood was

harder than mine because I had my dad who kind of took the brunt of nada and

unbeknownst to us protected us somewhat from her. My husband didn't have that,

his dad was gone all the time working (imagine!). And he is also the middle

child, but unlike me who I think was the invisible child, he was the scape goat.

Fortunatly for him he was able to put up walls as he had to early on. Perhaps it

is different for boys/men. Not easier, but different. Daughters feel the need or

want more connection, to fix it? I am not sure, but I am definately more back

and forth with my feelings than he is. Fortunately he is patient and supportive

, but I know he thinks I shouldn't let my nada hurt me. Building the wall - but

it takes time.

Give yourself credit for recognizing what is going on. Be good to you.

>

> ...ANGRY all the time?

>

> I mean, I was angry before when Nada did something obnoxious, but now I just

feel all pissed off every time I think about her, over everything she does.

>

> She watches TV, I'm mad because she usually commandeers it.

> She cooks dinner, I'm mad because she doesn't do it every night but ACTS like

she does and like it's such a great sacrifice for her (oh poor her with no job

and nothing to do all day but shop!).

> She rips down the old wallpaper in the bathroom for a paint project, I'm mad

because it's yet another art project that will not be finished anytime soon but

know she'll be on one of my siblings asses for not doing their chore quickly.

>

> It's just *every little thing* she does makes me mad for some reason or

another. Maybe it's because I'm still relatively new to BPD, maybe it's because

I'm new to the group and I'm learning that it's actually OK to be mad about

things, or maybe it's just the anger part of the grieving process.

>

> Anyway you slice, it sucks. I just don't like being mad all the time. I don't

really have any outlets for any of it except this. I don't know...I'm confused.

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, . Your response has actually helped me be a lot calmer already. I'm

just frustrated because I've already spent so much time trying to have a decent

relationship before I knew what was really going on and now I know it was so

much wasted effort. Now I have to expend more effort to keep her at bay. At the

same time I feel selfish for saying that because so many other people, even just

on the board alone, have had it far worse than I have.

I am living in the same house as Nada at the moment. I didn't realize until you

mentioned it, but the trouble didn't really start until I moved back home. Now

that I'm typing it here, it seems painfully obvious. Hopefully I won't be stuck

here much longer.

I can't say for other but I think at least for myself and my siblings you might

be right about daughters wanting more to fix the connection than sever it. Seems

like my brothers are more, well, practical than my sisters and I. Not that it's

easy to do either thing. Kudos to your husband for being supportive and

understanding, and to you for being aware of what's going on.

Subject: Re: Why I am so...

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Saturday, July 16, 2011, 6:05 AM

 

,

I think being angry all the time is normal. Things shouldn't be so hard, and all

about your nada. Especially if you are new to seeing and realizing all of this.

It is so difficult. I am new to all of this too and can't stop thinking about it

most of the time too. I don't live with my nada which helps, it sounds like you

do? If you do, any chance you will be moving out anytime soon?

I know my mother-in-law has BP or NP or both now as well as my mother. My

husband instinctively knew he needed to stay away from her and keeps us (his

family) away from her too. A little goes a long way. I know some of his stress

comes from all the years he lived with her as a kid. I think his childhood was

harder than mine because I had my dad who kind of took the brunt of nada and

unbeknownst to us protected us somewhat from her. My husband didn't have that,

his dad was gone all the time working (imagine!). And he is also the middle

child, but unlike me who I think was the invisible child, he was the scape goat.

Fortunatly for him he was able to put up walls as he had to early on. Perhaps it

is different for boys/men. Not easier, but different. Daughters feel the need or

want more connection, to fix it? I am not sure, but I am definately more back

and forth with my feelings than he is. Fortunately he is patient and supportive

, but I know he thinks I

shouldn't let my nada hurt me. Building the wall - but it takes time.

Give yourself credit for recognizing what is going on. Be good to you.

[Guest guest]

Hi llel11,

I'm so glad it's not just me struggling with this, that does help a lot even if

it doesn't change nada's behavior. it's so nice to be able to say, " i'm normal.

nada/fada are nuts. " and have people believe you! At the same time I'm sorry

you're having the same problem. I've only got one PD parent, I can't imagine

dealing with two. Major props to you. (hugs)

Subject: Re: Why I am so...

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Date: Saturday, July 16, 2011, 1:45 AM

 

Hi ,

I am out here in cyberspace...just reading the posts and I am glad i came back

and saw this because i was thinking about this tonight. I stay constantly angry

when around my fada. Alot of men in his generation don't know how to relate to

women anyway and they just chick hassle them rather than honestly interact with

them which is annoying, intentionally. But I do notice that when he goes on

vacation with nada...I return to sanity. Voila! So I know it is them. But I do

walk around angry all the time. And I know it is a waste of my precious minutes

of my life, and I am sad about it. I suspect it's because we are...wait for

it...normal. And they are nuts, and behave in a ridiculous fashion, and it's

normal to be angry about that. I know it doesn't help though. Hugs.

[Guest guest]

Hey, just wanted to say be careful about saying others have it easier. Its

not a wang measuring contest (ha ha). The fact is, you have your pain, it is

legitimate and it doesn't matter if someone else was stuffed in a car trunk

for 36 hour periods, because your pain and probs are real and yours to deal

with. I think one of the early steps is to say " it was that bad " 10 timeds

fast every hour for a week. It really was/is that bad!!!!

> **

>

>

> Hi llel11,

> t

> I'm so glad it's not just me struggling with this, that does help a lot

> even if it doesn't change nada's behavior. it's so nice to be able to say,

> " i'm normal. nada/fada are nuts. " and have people believe you! At the same

> time I'm sorry you're having the same problem. I've only got one PD parent,

> I can't imagine dealing with two. Major props to you. (hugs)

>

>

>

>

>

> Subject: Re: Why I am so...

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Saturday, July 16, 2011, 1:45 AM

>

>

>

>

> Hi ,

>

> I am out here in cyberspace...just reading the posts and I am glad i came

> back and saw this because i was thinking about this tonight. I stay

> constantly angry when around my fada. Alot of men in his generation don't

> know how to relate to women anyway and they just chick hassle them rather

> than honestly interact with them which is annoying, intentionally. But I do

> notice that when he goes on vacation with nada...I return to sanity. Voila!

> So I know it is them. But I do walk around angry all the time. And I know it

> is a waste of my precious minutes of my life, and I am sad about it. I

> suspect it's because we are...wait for it...normal. And they are nuts, and

> behave in a ridiculous fashion, and it's normal to be angry about that. I

> know it doesn't help though. Hugs.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you for this post because I know I went through a lot, we all have,

but there are times when you feel that it's been so long ago that you think

you are being unreasonable to feel this angry over something that might have

happened when you were 5. I guess sometimes we forget that it doesn't matter

how old the wound is, it is still fresh or can be. We all are reopening our

wounds and still receiving new ones. This is where we stick together and

grow stronger.

There comes a time where WE TAKE CONTROL & STOP BEING the VICTIMS and say we

are wounded, we are in pain, it is real but it won't happen anymore...WE ARE

NOT GOING TO BE VICTIMIZED ANY LONGER. I try to chant this to myself

everyday...no one person's pain is worse than another's.

We are all in this together with similar experiences, similar pain, similar

wounds...a ton of emotions a minute flying by and millions of tears have and

are being shed. Here is where we can learn to let those wounds close and to

protect ourselves from getting new ones. This is where you learn that YOU DO

COUNT! YOU ARE SPECIAL! YOU ARE WORTH IT! YOU ARE LOVED!

~~Velvet_Tears74~~

Whatever it takes.....

Re: Why I am so...

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Date: Saturday, July 16, 2011, 1:45 AM

>

>

>

>

> Hi ,

>

> I am out here in cyberspace...just reading the posts and I am glad i came

> back and saw this because i was thinking about this tonight. I stay

> constantly angry when around my fada. Alot of men in his generation don't

> know how to relate to women anyway and they just chick hassle them rather

> than honestly interact with them which is annoying, intentionally. But I

do

> notice that when he goes on vacation with nada...I return to sanity.

Voila!

> So I know it is them. But I do walk around angry all the time. And I know

it

> is a waste of my precious minutes of my life, and I am sad about it. I

> suspect it's because we are...wait for it...normal. And they are nuts, and

> behave in a ridiculous fashion, and it's normal to be angry about that. I

> know it doesn't help though. Hugs.

>

>