Tomorrow is dooms day

February 3, 2012

Tomorrow ... er actually later today... hubby & I are meeting with his

ex at the restaurant at noon. We ended up changing the format of the

documentation that I was working on. Instead of going with rules for

engagement, we're just going to tell her we'd like to keep this civil.

BUT...

Since we had no way to guarantee she would agree to any contract,

hubby has decided that he is going to give her a written " Notice of

acceptable future communications. " In a nutshell, it outlines how he

wishes to communicate with her, and that HE will only communicate with

her in writing. He made a special email account just for her. The

way we wrote it out, it doesn't matter if she agrees to it. It sets

strong limits and I did it in outline format so it also states what

will happen if those boundaries are breeched, such as " Law enforcement

will be contacted " Or " Legal counsel will be contacted " . Basically

it lets her know if she continues we will view it as harassment and

file a harassment suit against her.

He's done, he's absolutely had it so he wants very LC with her. I had

recommended this ages ago because they are so high conflict. A friend

of his family who also happens to be a lawyer also suggested something

like this.

If she refuses to take it from him, we decided to send it to her via

registered mail. Then she has no excuse for constantly breaking his

boundaries... she's been warned.

I reminded him that he must must must abide by the conditions of the

" notice " as well. Under no circumstances shall he EVER break the

rule, because even if it's " just this once " that will snowball into

getting back to the point we're at now, or worse!

We like this a lot better because it doesn't require her signature,

yet it fully expresses his wishes for limited contact and clearly

outlines that breaking the " rules " , he will see it as harassment.

So I have been combing over sections in SWOE that deal with

communicating with a BP with my hubby. I've been trying to get him to

read SWOE for a long time. He liked a lot of what I read to him and

said he hadn't thought about things in the way the book states them

before, and that it made sense. So here's to hoping he's ready to

dive into SWOE and really really put his foot down.

And... just in case things do get really ugly and because of my

violent childhood history... yes, I am a bit nervous about that. So I

let my dad, a friend, and my therapist know where we will be tomorrow.

I emailed my dad & friend and gave them hubby's ex's address too.

Let's hope it doesn't come to that, but if we go missing, at least

someone knows where we were and who's info the police will need.

I feel prepared. Nervous, scared, but yet prepared. We've agreed to

just get up and walk out if she gets out of control. We've also

agreed if she shows up drunk, we will not talk to her. She's told him

before that she " needs to drink before I talk to you " . Nice. Talk

about projection!!!!

Unfortunately, I guess the resturant serves beer. So we also agreed

if she orders beer we're getting up & walking out.

Wish us both lots of luck. And longevity >.<

Mia

February 4, 2012

I wish you all the luck you'll need for the meeting later today. You guys

are amazingly strong.

> **

>

> Tomorrow ... er actually later today... hubby & I are meeting with his

> ex at the restaurant at noon. We ended up changing the format of the

> documentation that I was working on. Instead of going with rules for

> engagement, we're just going to tell her we'd like to keep this civil.

> BUT...

>

> Since we had no way to guarantee she would agree to any contract,

> hubby has decided that he is going to give her a written " Notice of

> acceptable future communications. " In a nutshell, it outlines how he

> wishes to communicate with her, and that HE will only communicate with

> her in writing. He made a special email account just for her. The

> way we wrote it out, it doesn't matter if she agrees to it. It sets

> strong limits and I did it in outline format so it also states what

> will happen if those boundaries are breeched, such as " Law enforcement

> will be contacted " Or " Legal counsel will be contacted " . Basically

> it lets her know if she continues we will view it as harassment and

> file a harassment suit against her.

>

> He's done, he's absolutely had it so he wants very LC with her. I had

> recommended this ages ago because they are so high conflict. A friend

> of his family who also happens to be a lawyer also suggested something

> like this.

>

> If she refuses to take it from him, we decided to send it to her via

> registered mail. Then she has no excuse for constantly breaking his

> boundaries... she's been warned.

>

> I reminded him that he must must must abide by the conditions of the

> " notice " as well. Under no circumstances shall he EVER break the

> rule, because even if it's " just this once " that will snowball into

> getting back to the point we're at now, or worse!

>

> We like this a lot better because it doesn't require her signature,

> yet it fully expresses his wishes for limited contact and clearly

> outlines that breaking the " rules " , he will see it as harassment.

>

> So I have been combing over sections in SWOE that deal with

> communicating with a BP with my hubby. I've been trying to get him to

> read SWOE for a long time. He liked a lot of what I read to him and

> said he hadn't thought about things in the way the book states them

> before, and that it made sense. So here's to hoping he's ready to

> dive into SWOE and really really put his foot down.

>

> And... just in case things do get really ugly and because of my

> violent childhood history... yes, I am a bit nervous about that. So I

> let my dad, a friend, and my therapist know where we will be tomorrow.

> I emailed my dad & friend and gave them hubby's ex's address too.

> Let's hope it doesn't come to that, but if we go missing, at least

> someone knows where we were and who's info the police will need.

>

> I feel prepared. Nervous, scared, but yet prepared. We've agreed to

> just get up and walk out if she gets out of control. We've also

> agreed if she shows up drunk, we will not talk to her. She's told him

> before that she " needs to drink before I talk to you " . Nice. Talk

> about projection!!!!

>

> Unfortunately, I guess the resturant serves beer. So we also agreed

> if she orders beer we're getting up & walking out.

>

> Wish us both lots of luck. And longevity >.<

>

> Mia

>

February 4, 2012

Thanks Holly. I sure don't feel strong!

But we did have a perfect example of why we are concerned happen this morning.

My step son (5 years) got a hold of his mother's cell phone and was

texting gibberish to my hubby starting around 4:50 am. He tried to

call the phone, no answer. He called the grandmother's phone and woke

her up to tell her.

Sadly, this is not the first time my step son has been unattended in

the wee hours of the night/morning. Usually he prefers to get

condiments out of the fridge & spread them all over the house. (A

problem we've never had here). I mean, I can see a young child doing

that once or twice and the parents waking up to a messy surprise, but

this has happened with my step son repeatedly.

*SIGH*

Mia

On Sat, Feb 4, 2012 at 9:46 AM, Holly Lipschultz

wrote:

> I wish you all the luck you'll need for the meeting later today. You guys

> are amazingly strong.

>

>> **

>>

>> Tomorrow ... er actually later today... hubby & I are meeting with his

>> ex at the restaurant at noon. We ended up changing the format of the

>> documentation that I was working on. Instead of going with rules for

>> engagement, we're just going to tell her we'd like to keep this civil.

>> BUT...

>>

>> Since we had no way to guarantee she would agree to any contract,

>> hubby has decided that he is going to give her a written " Notice of

>> acceptable future communications. " In a nutshell, it outlines how he

>> wishes to communicate with her, and that HE will only communicate with

>> her in writing. He made a special email account just for her. The

>> way we wrote it out, it doesn't matter if she agrees to it. It sets

>> strong limits and I did it in outline format so it also states what

>> will happen if those boundaries are breeched, such as " Law enforcement

>> will be contacted " Or " Legal counsel will be contacted " . Basically

>> it lets her know if she continues we will view it as harassment and

>> file a harassment suit against her.

>>

>> He's done, he's absolutely had it so he wants very LC with her. I had

>> recommended this ages ago because they are so high conflict. A friend

>> of his family who also happens to be a lawyer also suggested something

>> like this.

>>

>> If she refuses to take it from him, we decided to send it to her via

>> registered mail. Then she has no excuse for constantly breaking his

>> boundaries... she's been warned.

>>

>> I reminded him that he must must must abide by the conditions of the

>> " notice " as well. Under no circumstances shall he EVER break the

>> rule, because even if it's " just this once " that will snowball into

>> getting back to the point we're at now, or worse!

>>

>> We like this a lot better because it doesn't require her signature,

>> yet it fully expresses his wishes for limited contact and clearly

>> outlines that breaking the " rules " , he will see it as harassment.

>>

>> So I have been combing over sections in SWOE that deal with

>> communicating with a BP with my hubby. I've been trying to get him to

>> read SWOE for a long time. He liked a lot of what I read to him and

>> said he hadn't thought about things in the way the book states them

>> before, and that it made sense. So here's to hoping he's ready to

>> dive into SWOE and really really put his foot down.

>>

>> And... just in case things do get really ugly and because of my

>> violent childhood history... yes, I am a bit nervous about that. So I

>> let my dad, a friend, and my therapist know where we will be tomorrow.

>> I emailed my dad & friend and gave them hubby's ex's address too.

>> Let's hope it doesn't come to that, but if we go missing, at least

>> someone knows where we were and who's info the police will need.

>>

>> I feel prepared. Nervous, scared, but yet prepared. We've agreed to

>> just get up and walk out if she gets out of control. We've also

>> agreed if she shows up drunk, we will not talk to her. She's told him

>> before that she " needs to drink before I talk to you " . Nice. Talk

>> about projection!!!!

>>

>> Unfortunately, I guess the resturant serves beer. So we also agreed

>> if she orders beer we're getting up & walking out.

>>

>> Wish us both lots of luck. And longevity >.<

>>

>> Mia

>>

>

February 4, 2012

I hope this goes well for you, but IF it doesn't I recommend that all future

communication be through your lawyers only. And regarding rules, I'm also

hoping that the exw doesn't get to " decide " simply on her whim or out of

vengeance whether or not to hand over the children for their court-mandated

visitation with their dad. (Barring real reasons like illness, school events,

etc.)

If exw is blocking or manipulating to avoid the kids' court-mandated visitation,

then your lawyer needs to know that; that could be another valuable piece of

information to facilitate a new hearing and custody re-evaluation, and get the

custody changed to full, sole physical custody by their dad with only supervised

visitation with their mom.

Best of luck to you, your husband, and the kids. You are an amazingly selfless

and compassionate person; my heart goes out to you and I hope it all turns out

well with as little pyrotechnics as possible.

-Annie