Re: when does need for validation end?? & Feeling like I have outgrown my family

July 14, 2011

Annie,

Journaling....Thank you for this simple, but so helpful recommendation. I have

been reading all the responses to this question about validation and have been

taking everyone's responses in and I am going to do the journaling about this. I

don't know why I haven't thought of it earlier. Probably because I have always

tried to minimize and generalize and forget the hurtful lashing out comments

throughout my life from my nada. I have so often given nada the benefit of the

doubt and rationalized that I had done something, not thought of something,

missed something that made her hurt or made her angry, and therefore somehow

deserved her mean outburst. Even though they never made sense to me. I am 52 and

just now putting this all together. I still struggle with the validation issue

and am struggling badly now with knowing I have to figure out how to truly put

up more of a wall to protect myself when I do interact with her, and limit the

time I am with her. I keep subconciously thinking we will have a good time, and

I am usually upset and hurt or at least disappointed after a visit. Once in a

blue moon we'll have a great phone converstion. Less is more with nada. But I

have to put the boundries up and I know I am not consistant enough with this. It

is particularly tricky now as my father died six months ago and nada is alone

and me and my two sisters are trying to be there for nada, but she seems worse

now with the mean comments and unpredictable behavior, probably because she

feels abandoned by dad. But I can't let her hurt me so much, nor my family. What

makes things worse for me personally is that only my family sees her behaviors

as a problem. I don't think either of my sisters do at this point. Younger

sister is a lot like mom and older sister is single and in tight with mom after

years of astrangemnt. I feel like I have outgrown my family of origin and they

all want to be tight still. I find this takes up much of my thinking and I hate

that. I feel like a hostage to it sometimes.

Anyone else have this problem?

> >

> > Lately, maybe I'm just feeling vulnerable, I've been needing more and more

validation from others.

> >

> > you know, like, " No, really, nada really is that bad! Did I tell you what

she did to me last week? " , etc.

> >

> > When does that stop? And if it's stopped for any of you, that need to be

understood and affirmed, HOW did it stop?

> >

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