NC with Nada is affecting my first grader

[Guest guest]

It has been a while since I posted. We've been N/C with Nada for three

years. Truly, our lives are better for being N/C.

My daughter was three when we went N/C. She had lots of questions (off

and on) about not seeing Nada. We tried to give her truthful but age

appropriate (I hope) answers.

NADA called over Christmas. She didn't leave a message, but my husband,

daughter and I all watched the cell phone flash her name and we didn't

pick it up. Afterwards, my daughter said, " Maybe she's calling to tell

you she's changed. "

Now, my daughter (age 6) is going through a phase where she is asking

about Nada a lot. She is alternately scared that Nada will show up

(which happened at Father's Day last year--we left when Nada surprised

everyone, but there was much hoopla--we didn't get to eat with the

family or see the new baby cousin) and also says she misses Nada. When

her teacher was gently correcting her behavior the other day, my

daughter started a thirty-minute out-pouring about how we don't see Nada

and why. Overall, she is a happy (and LOVED) child who is doing well is

school. But she seems has anxiety in regards to Nada.

One example: " Mom, Mimi knows where we live, right? I remember she came

here when I was little. And she knows what car we drive. We've had our

car forever, Mom. Mimi could come up our driveway far enough and we

wouldn't even see her. She could come through the garage and into the

kitchen before we even know she is here. "

I tell her Mimi wouldn't do that. " How do you know? " she asks. " You

can't guarantee she won't. " And the thing is, I can't. I told her that

she has never done it before (though she's done some mighty similar

things at my business that my daughter doesn't even know about). I tell

her that I don't think Mimi would do that and if she did, it would all

be okay. Mom and Dad would handle it. Mimi's not going to hurt anyone

(physically). That the absoulte very worst case scenerio is that the

adults talk loudly and that she has to go to her room and wait it out.

Has anyone been through this? Any advice on how to help her?

Bunny

[Guest guest]

Hi Bunny. Sorry things are so rough with your daughter right now. I

agree, she sounds very anxious.

My hubby said my step daughter went through some anxiety in

kindergarten/first grade. They opted to take her to therapy. For

her, the therapy worked but it took some time. She actually started

having panic attack type symptoms. So her physician had actually

given them a very low dose of xanax to give her.

I know that's probably the last thing you want to do to your child.

But, perhaps she doesn't need a medication, just a little therapy.

Have you tried to ask open ended questions in regards to why she feels

the way she feels about your nada? Try to validate her as best you

can. " It sounds like you're really scared, honey. " See if she rolls

with that. Some kids/patients will.

Sure wish I had a magical answer for you, but my best recommendation

would be to keep talking to her, validate her feelings, and correct

any misinformation she may have. And possibly therapy.

It sure doesn't mean there is anything at all wrong with her at all.

(I know that was something my husband had mentioned had him worried

when his daughter went through it. Now she is pretty well adjusted &

a pretty normal pre-teen.)

Anyway, best of luck to you and your daughter!

Mia

On Sat, Feb 11, 2012 at 6:25 PM, bunny.montgomery

wrote:

>

>

>

>

> It has been a while since I posted. We've been N/C with Nada for three

> years. Truly, our lives are better for being N/C.

>

> My daughter was three when we went N/C. She had lots of questions (off

> and on) about not seeing Nada. We tried to give her truthful but age

> appropriate (I hope) answers.

>

> NADA called over Christmas. She didn't leave a message, but my husband,

> daughter and I all watched the cell phone flash her name and we didn't

> pick it up. Afterwards, my daughter said, " Maybe she's calling to tell

> you she's changed. "

>

> Now, my daughter (age 6) is going through a phase where she is asking

> about Nada a lot. She is alternately scared that Nada will show up

> (which happened at Father's Day last year--we left when Nada surprised

> everyone, but there was much hoopla--we didn't get to eat with the

> family or see the new baby cousin) and also says she misses Nada. When

> her teacher was gently correcting her behavior the other day, my

> daughter started a thirty-minute out-pouring about how we don't see Nada

> and why. Overall, she is a happy (and LOVED) child who is doing well is

> school. But she seems has anxiety in regards to Nada.

>

> One example: " Mom, Mimi knows where we live, right? I remember she came

> here when I was little. And she knows what car we drive. We've had our

> car forever, Mom. Mimi could come up our driveway far enough and we

> wouldn't even see her. She could come through the garage and into the

> kitchen before we even know she is here. "

>

> I tell her Mimi wouldn't do that. " How do you know? " she asks. " You

> can't guarantee she won't. " And the thing is, I can't. I told her that

> she has never done it before (though she's done some mighty similar

> things at my business that my daughter doesn't even know about). I tell

> her that I don't think Mimi would do that and if she did, it would all

> be okay. Mom and Dad would handle it. Mimi's not going to hurt anyone

> (physically). That the absoulte very worst case scenerio is that the

> adults talk loudly and that she has to go to her room and wait it out.

>

> Has anyone been through this? Any advice on how to help her?

>

> Bunny

>

>

[Guest guest]

At six, your daughter is right at the age when kids have become very physically

competent, and start evaluating what they may not be able to control in their

world. Lots of times they become a bit obsessed; this is the time they fear

monsters in the closets and under their beds again, i.e. unknown but potentially

close-by things. In your daughter's case, she has your nada to focus that

fear/anxiety on. FWIW, it's a " normal stage " and usually doesn't last very long,

a few weeks, maybe. If it goes beyond that, you might want to enlist some extra

help, as was suggested here, to get her over this bump in the road.

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > It has been a while since I posted. We've been N/C with Nada for three

> > years. Truly, our lives are better for being N/C.

> >

> > My daughter was three when we went N/C. She had lots of questions (off

> > and on) about not seeing Nada. We tried to give her truthful but age

> > appropriate (I hope) answers.

> >

> > NADA called over Christmas. She didn't leave a message, but my husband,

> > daughter and I all watched the cell phone flash her name and we didn't

> > pick it up. Afterwards, my daughter said, " Maybe she's calling to tell

> > you she's changed. "

> >

> > Now, my daughter (age 6) is going through a phase where she is asking

> > about Nada a lot. She is alternately scared that Nada will show up

> > (which happened at Father's Day last year--we left when Nada surprised

> > everyone, but there was much hoopla--we didn't get to eat with the

> > family or see the new baby cousin) and also says she misses Nada. When

> > her teacher was gently correcting her behavior the other day, my

> > daughter started a thirty-minute out-pouring about how we don't see Nada

> > and why. Overall, she is a happy (and LOVED) child who is doing well is

> > school. But she seems has anxiety in regards to Nada.

> >

> > One example: " Mom, Mimi knows where we live, right? I remember she came

> > here when I was little. And she knows what car we drive. We've had our

> > car forever, Mom. Mimi could come up our driveway far enough and we

> > wouldn't even see her. She could come through the garage and into the

> > kitchen before we even know she is here. "

> >

> > I tell her Mimi wouldn't do that. " How do you know? " she asks. " You

> > can't guarantee she won't. " And the thing is, I can't. I told her that

> > she has never done it before (though she's done some mighty similar

> > things at my business that my daughter doesn't even know about). I tell

> > her that I don't think Mimi would do that and if she did, it would all

> > be okay. Mom and Dad would handle it. Mimi's not going to hurt anyone

> > (physically). That the absoulte very worst case scenerio is that the

> > adults talk loudly and that she has to go to her room and wait it out.

> >

> > Has anyone been through this? Any advice on how to help her?

> >

> > Bunny

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

and Mia,

I have read both your replies several times and really appreciate the advice and

support. Knowing we are not alone means so very much.

It had not occured to me that it might be a normal stage, but Chris's message

made me remember that at 6 1/2 my little sister was scared dinosaurs were going

to come get her and couldn't be convinced otherwise---the problem left as

quickly as it came. My daughter's fixation reminds me very much of that time in

my sister's life. I am going to wait a few weeks, and if it doesn't get better,

call a family therapist. If it just goes away, then I am going to file it with

" dinosaurs. "

Bunny

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > It has been a while since I posted. We've been N/C with Nada for three

> > > years. Truly, our lives are better for being N/C.

> > >

> > > My daughter was three when we went N/C. She had lots of questions (off

> > > and on) about not seeing Nada. We tried to give her truthful but age

> > > appropriate (I hope) answers.

> > >

> > > NADA called over Christmas. She didn't leave a message, but my husband,

> > > daughter and I all watched the cell phone flash her name and we didn't

> > > pick it up. Afterwards, my daughter said, " Maybe she's calling to tell

> > > you she's changed. "

> > >

> > > Now, my daughter (age 6) is going through a phase where she is asking

> > > about Nada a lot. She is alternately scared that Nada will show up

> > > (which happened at Father's Day last year--we left when Nada surprised

> > > everyone, but there was much hoopla--we didn't get to eat with the

> > > family or see the new baby cousin) and also says she misses Nada. When

> > > her teacher was gently correcting her behavior the other day, my

> > > daughter started a thirty-minute out-pouring about how we don't see Nada

> > > and why. Overall, she is a happy (and LOVED) child who is doing well is

> > > school. But she seems has anxiety in regards to Nada.

> > >

> > > One example: " Mom, Mimi knows where we live, right? I remember she came

> > > here when I was little. And she knows what car we drive. We've had our

> > > car forever, Mom. Mimi could come up our driveway far enough and we

> > > wouldn't even see her. She could come through the garage and into the

> > > kitchen before we even know she is here. "

> > >

> > > I tell her Mimi wouldn't do that. " How do you know? " she asks. " You

> > > can't guarantee she won't. " And the thing is, I can't. I told her that

> > > she has never done it before (though she's done some mighty similar

> > > things at my business that my daughter doesn't even know about). I tell

> > > her that I don't think Mimi would do that and if she did, it would all

> > > be okay. Mom and Dad would handle it. Mimi's not going to hurt anyone

> > > (physically). That the absoulte very worst case scenerio is that the

> > > adults talk loudly and that she has to go to her room and wait it out.

> > >

> > > Has anyone been through this? Any advice on how to help her?

> > >

> > > Bunny

> > >

> > >

> >

>