Should I confront my mother about her BPD

[Guest guest]

I'm pretty sure my mother has BPD. Should I tell her?

If not, then how exactly do I get her to see a therapist?

Any advice?

[Guest guest]

In general, trying to tell someone with BPD that you think they

have it is likely to cause an explosion and get you nowhere. It

may make things worse rather than better. Part of having BPD is

being unable to admit to there being anything wrong. Rarely

someone with it will admit to having a problem and want help,

but if your mother was in that category, you'd probably know it

and not be asking this question.

Sadly, you probably don't get her to see a therapist. She has to

want to see a therapist. Even if you could get her to see one,

she'd have to admit that she has a problem and needs help before

going to see one would actually help. You can't help someone if

they don't want to be helped. When people with BPD go to

therapists, they tend to go for the wrong reasons. Sometimes

they go to " prove " that there's nothing wrong with them.

Sometimes they go because they say they need help for other

people in their family because in their view if we don't get

along with them and do what they want, we're the ones who have

something wrong with us. Whatever their reasons for going, they

don't tend to accept any attempt to diagnose them with BPD or

treat them for it.

The best advice I can give you is that the only person you can

change is yourself. It is best to find ways of dealing with her

BPD that protect you rather than trying to " fix " her.

At 07:16 AM 07/17/2011 freelegends wrote:

>I'm pretty sure my mother has BPD. Should I tell her?

>If not, then how exactly do I get her to see a therapist?

>

>Any advice?

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Katrina, I just wanted to say thank you for this response. It has answered a lot

of my own questions re: my mom being in therapy. I've often wondered how she can

have gone to therapy for so many years and gone through many different

practitioners without any changes to bpd behaviors or even acknowledgement of

them. I understand that BPs often can't bear to have such a diagnosis because of

their thinking patterns, but it always seemed strange to me that other diagnoses

are fine. Depression? Fine. Bipolar? Fine. PTSD? Ok. But a PD? Hell no.

Anyway, thanks for your insight.

Sent from my iPhone

> In general, trying to tell someone with BPD that you think they

> have it is likely to cause an explosion and get you nowhere. It

> may make things worse rather than better. Part of having BPD is

> being unable to admit to there being anything wrong. Rarely

> someone with it will admit to having a problem and want help,

> but if your mother was in that category, you'd probably know it

> and not be asking this question.

>

> Sadly, you probably don't get her to see a therapist. She has to

> want to see a therapist. Even if you could get her to see one,

> she'd have to admit that she has a problem and needs help before

> going to see one would actually help. You can't help someone if

> they don't want to be helped. When people with BPD go to

> therapists, they tend to go for the wrong reasons. Sometimes

> they go to " prove " that there's nothing wrong with them.

> Sometimes they go because they say they need help for other

> people in their family because in their view if we don't get

> along with them and do what they want, we're the ones who have

> something wrong with us. Whatever their reasons for going, they

> don't tend to accept any attempt to diagnose them with BPD or

> treat them for it.

>

> The best advice I can give you is that the only person you can

> change is yourself. It is best to find ways of dealing with her

> BPD that protect you rather than trying to " fix " her.

>

> At 07:16 AM 07/17/2011 freelegends wrote:

> >I'm pretty sure my mother has BPD. Should I tell her?

> >If not, then how exactly do I get her to see a therapist?

> >

> >Any advice?

>

> --

> Katrina

>

>

[Guest guest]

It's just the nature of it. Think about it: PERSONALITY DISORDER. Something

fundamentally wrong with you. That doesn't sit too well with anyone.

BPDs can manipulate and fool therapists quite well actually. It's part of what

makes them so hard to treat. Also, they will often stop seeing a therapist once

that therapist starts to catch on to their manipulations and tricks.

I agree with the previous commenter. Focus on yourself. You are the only person

you can change.

> > >I'm pretty sure my mother has BPD. Should I tell her?

> > >If not, then how exactly do I get her to see a therapist?

> > >

> > >Any advice?

> >

> > --

> > Katrina

> >

> >

>

>

>