Quit faking it

February 12, 2012

I'm siting here with " Influenza Like Illness " (ILI) which started

Friday night with a mild sore throat and some head congestion. By

Saturday morning, I had no voice, a raging sore throat, headache &

body aches of doom. Started spiking a mid-grade fever so went to the

urgent care clinic to make sure I didn't have strep and go the ILI

diagnosis. In other words, I have a nasty viral infection that could

kick a cold's butt in a fight but isn't the flu.

Bring on the guilt.

As a kid, every time I got sick I was told, " quit faking it! " . I'd be

burning up with a 102 fever and accused of faking, even though she'd

sit there & watch me with the thermometer under my tongue. To this

day, any time I get sick like this where I just can't function, I feel

that damned guilt. And it's making me mad.

I have a long history of bronchitis and strep issues. Even as an

adult. As a kid, though, I had bronchitis and strep at least once a

year. Not so as an adult, thankfully. But you'd have thought that

any normal person could have thought to themselves, " Gee, my kid has a

history of these types of illnesses. " and take them to the doctor.

But nope, I think she thought that because I had a history of those

types of things that I knew the symptoms so I could try & fake them.

I'd end up being sent to school with high fevers and hacking up a lung

only to be sent to the office by a teacher. They'd call my nada, have

her pick me up and then she'd begrudgingly take me to the doctor, all

the while bitching that I had " pulled one over " on my teachers. Then,

lo & behold, positive strep test or chest x-ray reveals bronchitis and

suddenly I'm no longer faking it.

Oy.

The thing I realize now, though, is what a hypocrite she was. I'd be

accused of faking, told to " suck it up " and expected to perform at

100%. But then, when nada got sick, oh dear god... biggest baby in

the world. I'd take care of her, bring her food, hot tea, and when I

could drive, be sent to the store to get whatever she needed/wanted.

And she never went to the doctor.

Oh, another one I used to hear from her was, " you're not missing

school unless you're bleeding out your eyes! " . So instead, she'd send

a sick kid into a school which inevitably got other kids sick every

stinking time. I think that's why they'd send me to the office to try

& thin out the inevitable outbreak lol.

So what is the deal with BPDs and illness? Wonder if they're all like

that, thinking that everyone else is faking but when they're sick it's

the end of the world?

Just got to thinking about that as I try to squelch this lingering

guilt I get every time I'm sick.

Mia

February 12, 2012

You're definitely not the only one. I have horrible guilt anytime I get

sick--because my fada would alternately take us to the dr immediately even

if we got the sniffles, and tell us we're faking it when we're really sick.

(similarly, my brother always thought I was faking it when I had extreme

pain from my periods).

So, I have a fear of going to the dr to find out I don't have anything,

making me avoid it even when I need a doctor. And then I also have a fear

of calling into work because I'm afraid they may think I'm faking it. (they

never do--very nice people).

I'm glad my husband had a normal childhood and is quite sane and steady,

because he's often the one telling me I should go to the doctor, and my

friends on FB have been amazing in helping me figure out whether I should

call out of work, call the doctor, etc. I'm slowly making progress in

figuring out what the " normal " thing to do regarding illnesses.

In fact, it's both my FB friends and my husband who told me that I'm not

crazy for deciding I need to see a psych about my anxiety/PTSD and figure

out if I need to change my medicines or not. (I got lucky--managed to get

an appointment this week). That's the worst kind of illnesses, I think.

That was the kind my fada would most think I was faking it and told me I

was spoiled, etc. I actually got punished by doing all sorts of menial

tasks around the house, in my senior year of high school, after I told him

I was struggling with severe depression and wanted help. (fuck you, fada).

Anyway--you're not the only one, and I really do hope you get well soon.

ILI sounds awful!

Holly

> **

>

> I'm siting here with " Influenza Like Illness " (ILI) which started

> Friday night with a mild sore throat and some head congestion. By

> Saturday morning, I had no voice, a raging sore throat, headache &

> body aches of doom. Started spiking a mid-grade fever so went to the

> urgent care clinic to make sure I didn't have strep and go the ILI

> diagnosis. In other words, I have a nasty viral infection that could

> kick a cold's butt in a fight but isn't the flu.

>

> Bring on the guilt.

>

> As a kid, every time I got sick I was told, " quit faking it! " . I'd be

> burning up with a 102 fever and accused of faking, even though she'd

> sit there & watch me with the thermometer under my tongue. To this

> day, any time I get sick like this where I just can't function, I feel

> that damned guilt. And it's making me mad.

>

> I have a long history of bronchitis and strep issues. Even as an

> adult. As a kid, though, I had bronchitis and strep at least once a

> year. Not so as an adult, thankfully. But you'd have thought that

> any normal person could have thought to themselves, " Gee, my kid has a

> history of these types of illnesses. " and take them to the doctor.

> But nope, I think she thought that because I had a history of those

> types of things that I knew the symptoms so I could try & fake them.

>

> I'd end up being sent to school with high fevers and hacking up a lung

> only to be sent to the office by a teacher. They'd call my nada, have

> her pick me up and then she'd begrudgingly take me to the doctor, all

> the while bitching that I had " pulled one over " on my teachers. Then,

> lo & behold, positive strep test or chest x-ray reveals bronchitis and

> suddenly I'm no longer faking it.

>

> Oy.

>

> The thing I realize now, though, is what a hypocrite she was. I'd be

> accused of faking, told to " suck it up " and expected to perform at

> 100%. But then, when nada got sick, oh dear god... biggest baby in

> the world. I'd take care of her, bring her food, hot tea, and when I

> could drive, be sent to the store to get whatever she needed/wanted.

> And she never went to the doctor.

>

> Oh, another one I used to hear from her was, " you're not missing

> school unless you're bleeding out your eyes! " . So instead, she'd send

> a sick kid into a school which inevitably got other kids sick every

> stinking time. I think that's why they'd send me to the office to try

> & thin out the inevitable outbreak lol.

>

> So what is the deal with BPDs and illness? Wonder if they're all like

> that, thinking that everyone else is faking but when they're sick it's

> the end of the world?

>

> Just got to thinking about that as I try to squelch this lingering

> guilt I get every time I'm sick.

>

> Mia

>

February 12, 2012

Yuck Holly. Yeah, your fada's a piece of work too. Such a shame

that some people feel the need to be that way when others are sick.

But yes, I remember the few times I called off work sick and was so

scared they wouldn't believe me! I do worry about that these days,

but with the nastiness of this viral thing, no logical person could

deny I'm sick. I can't even talk, no voice! I guess that could be

faked though too. But grrr. I hate the guilt attached to being sick.

And yes, like you, depression wasn't a " real " thing in nada's house.

It was a " suck it up " kind of thing for them.

Sadly, I don't think all the education about depression & other mental

illnesses in the world could change my nada's mind (and likely not

your fada's either). They're just not living in reality; In BPD

fantasy land, these things don't exist!

Anyway, thanks for the reply. Was pretty sure I'd read on here before

that others have nadas/fadas who disbelieve any form of

illness/disease. So thought I'd ask away.

Plus since I can't talk, this is nice socialization. When I do try to

talk, it takes so much effort and it's so hard to hear me... and hubby

keeps cutting me off. I had to tell him to stop cutting me off &

finish because it takes a lot of effort. He keeps whispering to me

too which makes me kind of laugh. I guess that's a natural

reaction... when someone's " whispering " , we tend to whisper back.

Mia

On Sun, Feb 12, 2012 at 8:02 AM, Holly Lipschultz

wrote:

> You're definitely not the only one. I have horrible guilt anytime I get

> sick--because my fada would alternately take us to the dr immediately even

> if we got the sniffles, and tell us we're faking it when we're really sick.

> (similarly, my brother always thought I was faking it when I had extreme

> pain from my periods).

>

> So, I have a fear of going to the dr to find out I don't have anything,

> making me avoid it even when I need a doctor. And then I also have a fear

> of calling into work because I'm afraid they may think I'm faking it. (they

> never do--very nice people).

>

> I'm glad my husband had a normal childhood and is quite sane and steady,

> because he's often the one telling me I should go to the doctor, and my

> friends on FB have been amazing in helping me figure out whether I should

> call out of work, call the doctor, etc. I'm slowly making progress in

> figuring out what the " normal " thing to do regarding illnesses.

>

> In fact, it's both my FB friends and my husband who told me that I'm not

> crazy for deciding I need to see a psych about my anxiety/PTSD and figure

> out if I need to change my medicines or not. (I got lucky--managed to get

> an appointment this week). That's the worst kind of illnesses, I think.

> That was the kind my fada would most think I was faking it and told me I

> was spoiled, etc. I actually got punished by doing all sorts of menial

> tasks around the house, in my senior year of high school, after I told him

> I was struggling with severe depression and wanted help. (fuck you, fada).

>

> Anyway--you're not the only one, and I really do hope you get well soon.

> ILI sounds awful!

>

> Holly

>

>> **

>>

>> I'm siting here with " Influenza Like Illness " (ILI) which started

>> Friday night with a mild sore throat and some head congestion. By

>> Saturday morning, I had no voice, a raging sore throat, headache &

>> body aches of doom. Started spiking a mid-grade fever so went to the

>> urgent care clinic to make sure I didn't have strep and go the ILI

>> diagnosis. In other words, I have a nasty viral infection that could

>> kick a cold's butt in a fight but isn't the flu.

>>

>> Bring on the guilt.

>>

>> As a kid, every time I got sick I was told, " quit faking it! " . I'd be

>> burning up with a 102 fever and accused of faking, even though she'd

>> sit there & watch me with the thermometer under my tongue. To this

>> day, any time I get sick like this where I just can't function, I feel

>> that damned guilt. And it's making me mad.

>>

>> I have a long history of bronchitis and strep issues. Even as an

>> adult. As a kid, though, I had bronchitis and strep at least once a

>> year. Not so as an adult, thankfully. But you'd have thought that

>> any normal person could have thought to themselves, " Gee, my kid has a

>> history of these types of illnesses. " and take them to the doctor.

>> But nope, I think she thought that because I had a history of those

>> types of things that I knew the symptoms so I could try & fake them.

>>

>> I'd end up being sent to school with high fevers and hacking up a lung

>> only to be sent to the office by a teacher. They'd call my nada, have

>> her pick me up and then she'd begrudgingly take me to the doctor, all

>> the while bitching that I had " pulled one over " on my teachers. Then,

>> lo & behold, positive strep test or chest x-ray reveals bronchitis and

>> suddenly I'm no longer faking it.

>>

>> Oy.

>>

>> The thing I realize now, though, is what a hypocrite she was. I'd be

>> accused of faking, told to " suck it up " and expected to perform at

>> 100%. But then, when nada got sick, oh dear god... biggest baby in

>> the world. I'd take care of her, bring her food, hot tea, and when I

>> could drive, be sent to the store to get whatever she needed/wanted.

>> And she never went to the doctor.

>>

>> Oh, another one I used to hear from her was, " you're not missing

>> school unless you're bleeding out your eyes! " . So instead, she'd send

>> a sick kid into a school which inevitably got other kids sick every

>> stinking time. I think that's why they'd send me to the office to try

>> & thin out the inevitable outbreak lol.

>>

>> So what is the deal with BPDs and illness? Wonder if they're all like

>> that, thinking that everyone else is faking but when they're sick it's

>> the end of the world?

>>

>> Just got to thinking about that as I try to squelch this lingering

>> guilt I get every time I'm sick.

>>

>> Mia

>>

>

February 12, 2012

Hm - when I got really sick (flu, mumps, measles, etc.), my nada was

actually very nice to me, and a good caretaker. In fact, sometimes I'd try

to fake illness so she'd treat me well. I was a lousy faker, though.

However, when it came to health problems that involved appearances, she did

accuse me of faking, and would get really angry and yell at me and hit me

when I asked for help.

For instance, when I was10 years old, I started to need glasses. I started

falling way behind in math because I couldn't see the numbers on the

blackboard. Everything around me was blurry. I begged my nada for glasses,

and her response was that I was faking, I could see perfectly well, and

besides, I'd look ugly in glasses. Finally the teacher, who knew I couldn't

see well, had a long conference with my nada, and lo and behold, I got

those glasses. I was so happy to be able to see! But I was rarely allowed

to wear them. If I wasn't watching TV or something, my nada would say, " You

look ugly! " and reach out and snatch the glasses off my face. Up until I

left home, I'd hear " TAKE OFF THOSE DAMN GLASSES " and get them snatched off

my face, and sometimes she slapped me as well.

I also had asthma, which my nada thought was the funniest thing ever. When

I'd start gasping and wheezing, she'd laugh and tell me to stop it, and get

angry when I couldn't stop. In fact, my whole family had a joke about it.

One of the things that triggered an asthma attack was when I laughed, so

whenever I'd get an attack, the family joke was, " She laughed! HAHAHAHA! "

My nada referred to it as a " little allergy, " and never told the doctor

about those symptoms. It wasn't until I was an adult that I found out it

wasn't a " little allergy " but asthma, and got medication for it.

When I was 12, I got diagnosed with scoliosis. I was in pain a good deal

of the time. The doctor said that I should wear a back brace for a while,

which I was fine with, because I wanted the pain to stop. My nada refused

to get me the back brace because it would make me look ugly, so I never got

treated for the scoliosis, and over the years I developed chronic pain

syndrome in my back, shoulders and neck.

But when anything was wrong healthwise with my nada - whether it was

something big like the flu, or something smaller, like needing glasses -

she went all out. Went to the doctor for every little thing,including the

sniffles, a spot on her fingernail, a toe she thought was misaligned. She

was on an array of medications - diet pills (she thought she was fat, but

she wasn't), Valium, thyroid pills (nothing was wrong with her thyroid, but

she thought it would help her lose weight), diuretics, prescription skin

creams (nothing was wrong with her skin) I don't know how she convinced

doctors to prescribe these things.

Sigh.

> **

>

> I'm siting here with " Influenza Like Illness " (ILI) which started

> Friday night with a mild sore throat and some head congestion. By

> Saturday morning, I had no voice, a raging sore throat, headache &

> body aches of doom. Started spiking a mid-grade fever so went to the

> urgent care clinic to make sure I didn't have strep and go the ILI

> diagnosis. In other words, I have a nasty viral infection that could

> kick a cold's butt in a fight but isn't the flu.

>

> Bring on the guilt.

>

> As a kid, every time I got sick I was told, " quit faking it! " . I'd be

> burning up with a 102 fever and accused of faking, even though she'd

> sit there & watch me with the thermometer under my tongue. To this

> day, any time I get sick like this where I just can't function, I feel

> that damned guilt. And it's making me mad.

>

> I have a long history of bronchitis and strep issues. Even as an

> adult. As a kid, though, I had bronchitis and strep at least once a

> year. Not so as an adult, thankfully. But you'd have thought that

> any normal person could have thought to themselves, " Gee, my kid has a

> history of these types of illnesses. " and take them to the doctor.

> But nope, I think she thought that because I had a history of those

> types of things that I knew the symptoms so I could try & fake them.

>

> I'd end up being sent to school with high fevers and hacking up a lung

> only to be sent to the office by a teacher. They'd call my nada, have

> her pick me up and then she'd begrudgingly take me to the doctor, all

> the while bitching that I had " pulled one over " on my teachers. Then,

> lo & behold, positive strep test or chest x-ray reveals bronchitis and

> suddenly I'm no longer faking it.

>

> Oy.

>

> The thing I realize now, though, is what a hypocrite she was. I'd be

> accused of faking, told to " suck it up " and expected to perform at

> 100%. But then, when nada got sick, oh dear god... biggest baby in

> the world. I'd take care of her, bring her food, hot tea, and when I

> could drive, be sent to the store to get whatever she needed/wanted.

> And she never went to the doctor.

>

> Oh, another one I used to hear from her was, " you're not missing

> school unless you're bleeding out your eyes! " . So instead, she'd send

> a sick kid into a school which inevitably got other kids sick every

> stinking time. I think that's why they'd send me to the office to try

> & thin out the inevitable outbreak lol.

>

> So what is the deal with BPDs and illness? Wonder if they're all like

> that, thinking that everyone else is faking but when they're sick it's

> the end of the world?

>

> Just got to thinking about that as I try to squelch this lingering

> guilt I get every time I'm sick.

>

> Mia

>

February 12, 2012

Me personally, I think that particular behavior is more due to the presence of

narcissistic pd traits more than borderline pd. Narcissists highly resent being

told that another person needs their time, attention and care; npds see that as

taking that good stuff away from their own self and they RESENT it. So,

perhaps your nada was more of a Queen bpd, which is bpd + narcissistic pd

together. (Mine was a Queen/Witch for most of my life.)

Narcissists only like receiving attention, not giving it, and have no moral

objections to faking illness or exaggerating it to get attention and care for

themselves, even at the expense of others. (aka Munchausen's or factitious

disorder.) Your mother was indeed projecting: accusing you of doing something

she, herself would do (and probably relished doing as often as she could get

away with it.)

I myself got to a point even as a young child that I simply wouldn't tell my

nada if I'd gotten hurt or felt sick, because I'd get attacked instead of

comforted. I too recall being sent to school sick. I still recall nearly going

insane from being left alone in a dark room for days, for hours at a time when I

had measles; nada didn't come in often to keep me company. She fed me, but I

felt she resented the extra time and care that a sick child needed and said it

was too dark to read to me. It bored her to just talk to me. She left me the

radio but she would not let me watch TV (that would mean leaving the dark room)

because it was " too bright. " (This was back in the Dark Ages of the last

century, when TVs were only black and white and as heavy as a refrigerator, and

there were no home computers.) I recall being afraid to ask for a ride home

from school because I would usually have bad menstrual cramps that aspirin or

Midol wouldn't touch, because nada would yell at me and accuse me of faking.

The fact that I would be bleeding heavily and in a great deal of pain wasn't an

issue for nada. When I finally went to the doctor for this as an adult I was

found to have fibroid tumors.)

So, I think that bpd people who also have a lot of narcissistic pd traits behave

like that: they react with resentment and anger when their child is ill or

injured and needs them.

And it does result in the child/adult child growing to believe that he or she

doesn't have the right to have any needs, or have their needs met; it derails

the child's sense of self-worth, to treat them like an object that isn't

supposed to have needs or feelings.

And I think THAT kind of thinking and behavior is the OPPOSITE of parenting,

that's more like exploitation or torture of the child, or treating the child

like an appliance, and THAT is precisely why those with bpd and/or npd (or any

Cluster B disorder for that matter) should NOT be parenting children at all

without heavy, heavy monitoring and close supervision. Or, in the worst cases,

the child needs to be removed and placed in the care of an actual feeling,

responsible, empathetic adult care-giver.

A parent who actively resents her child, resents having to care for her child,

refuses to respond to her child's real needs and feelings (emotional neglect,

under-the-radar physical neglect) and refuses to provide medical care unless

some other adult forces the issue.... that person is too f**king mentally ill to

be caring for a pet hamster, let alone a human being. In my opinion.

I'm sorry you had to experience that kind of treatment.

Keep reminding yourself that your feelings of guilt for being ill are

inappropriate and misplaced, and brainwashed into you by a mentally ill person.

Everybody gets sick now and then; it doesn't make you a bad person to have a

vulnerability to strep and flu like viruses. Your immune system probably had

its gears stripped at an early age due to stress. (Me too; both my parents

smoked constantly, I was living in an emotional mine field, expected to be

perfect, and I bit my nails til they bled; I was guaranteed to get

colds/flus/bronchitis often.)

You have done nothing wrong; take care of yourself. What your mother did to her

small child (and what mine did to me) on the other hand, was not only very

wrong, it was reprehensible.

-Annie

>

> I'm siting here with " Influenza Like Illness " (ILI) which started

> Friday night with a mild sore throat and some head congestion. By

> Saturday morning, I had no voice, a raging sore throat, headache &

> body aches of doom. Started spiking a mid-grade fever so went to the

> urgent care clinic to make sure I didn't have strep and go the ILI

> diagnosis. In other words, I have a nasty viral infection that could

> kick a cold's butt in a fight but isn't the flu.

>

> Bring on the guilt.

>

> As a kid, every time I got sick I was told, " quit faking it! " . I'd be

> burning up with a 102 fever and accused of faking, even though she'd

> sit there & watch me with the thermometer under my tongue. To this

> day, any time I get sick like this where I just can't function, I feel

> that damned guilt. And it's making me mad.

>

> I have a long history of bronchitis and strep issues. Even as an

> adult. As a kid, though, I had bronchitis and strep at least once a

> year. Not so as an adult, thankfully. But you'd have thought that

> any normal person could have thought to themselves, " Gee, my kid has a

> history of these types of illnesses. " and take them to the doctor.

> But nope, I think she thought that because I had a history of those

> types of things that I knew the symptoms so I could try & fake them.

>

> I'd end up being sent to school with high fevers and hacking up a lung

> only to be sent to the office by a teacher. They'd call my nada, have

> her pick me up and then she'd begrudgingly take me to the doctor, all

> the while bitching that I had " pulled one over " on my teachers. Then,

> lo & behold, positive strep test or chest x-ray reveals bronchitis and

> suddenly I'm no longer faking it.

>

> Oy.

>

> The thing I realize now, though, is what a hypocrite she was. I'd be

> accused of faking, told to " suck it up " and expected to perform at

> 100%. But then, when nada got sick, oh dear god... biggest baby in

> the world. I'd take care of her, bring her food, hot tea, and when I

> could drive, be sent to the store to get whatever she needed/wanted.

> And she never went to the doctor.

>

> Oh, another one I used to hear from her was, " you're not missing

> school unless you're bleeding out your eyes! " . So instead, she'd send

> a sick kid into a school which inevitably got other kids sick every

> stinking time. I think that's why they'd send me to the office to try

> & thin out the inevitable outbreak lol.

>

> So what is the deal with BPDs and illness? Wonder if they're all like

> that, thinking that everyone else is faking but when they're sick it's

> the end of the world?

>

> Just got to thinking about that as I try to squelch this lingering

> guilt I get every time I'm sick.

>

> Mia

>

February 12, 2012

My nada acted weird (completely psycho) about me needing glasses as well.

Physical appearance and attractiveness were very important to her.

She even traumatized me by making me think that I " made myself blind " that time

when I had the measles. I'd become so crazed with boredom from being in a dark

room for so long that I snuck out and into my own bedroom to look for books to

read, and when nada found me there she screamed at me and raged at me that if I

went blind it would be my own fault, not hers. I became hysterical with fear,

crying uncontrollably, thinking that I was going to go blind at any moment

(which I of course didn't.)

But later in third grade when I did need glasses, nada reminded me that I'd done

it to myself, acted ashamed of me when I'd wear the eyeglasses, told me the

glasses made me look ugly and no boy would ever want me, and would angrily tell

me to not wear them unless I needed to see the blackboard at school.

That registers as child torture in my book. My nada was just way, way too

mentally ill to have been raising kids, bottom line.

-Annie

>

> > **

> >

> > I'm siting here with " Influenza Like Illness " (ILI) which started

> > Friday night with a mild sore throat and some head congestion. By

> > Saturday morning, I had no voice, a raging sore throat, headache &

> > body aches of doom. Started spiking a mid-grade fever so went to the

> > urgent care clinic to make sure I didn't have strep and go the ILI

> > diagnosis. In other words, I have a nasty viral infection that could

> > kick a cold's butt in a fight but isn't the flu.

> >

> > Bring on the guilt.

> >

> > As a kid, every time I got sick I was told, " quit faking it! " . I'd be

> > burning up with a 102 fever and accused of faking, even though she'd

> > sit there & watch me with the thermometer under my tongue. To this

> > day, any time I get sick like this where I just can't function, I feel

> > that damned guilt. And it's making me mad.

> >

> > I have a long history of bronchitis and strep issues. Even as an

> > adult. As a kid, though, I had bronchitis and strep at least once a

> > year. Not so as an adult, thankfully. But you'd have thought that

> > any normal person could have thought to themselves, " Gee, my kid has a

> > history of these types of illnesses. " and take them to the doctor.

> > But nope, I think she thought that because I had a history of those

> > types of things that I knew the symptoms so I could try & fake them.

> >

> > I'd end up being sent to school with high fevers and hacking up a lung

> > only to be sent to the office by a teacher. They'd call my nada, have

> > her pick me up and then she'd begrudgingly take me to the doctor, all

> > the while bitching that I had " pulled one over " on my teachers. Then,

> > lo & behold, positive strep test or chest x-ray reveals bronchitis and

> > suddenly I'm no longer faking it.

> >

> > Oy.

> >

> > The thing I realize now, though, is what a hypocrite she was. I'd be

> > accused of faking, told to " suck it up " and expected to perform at

> > 100%. But then, when nada got sick, oh dear god... biggest baby in

> > the world. I'd take care of her, bring her food, hot tea, and when I

> > could drive, be sent to the store to get whatever she needed/wanted.

> > And she never went to the doctor.

> >

> > Oh, another one I used to hear from her was, " you're not missing

> > school unless you're bleeding out your eyes! " . So instead, she'd send

> > a sick kid into a school which inevitably got other kids sick every

> > stinking time. I think that's why they'd send me to the office to try

> > & thin out the inevitable outbreak lol.

> >

> > So what is the deal with BPDs and illness? Wonder if they're all like

> > that, thinking that everyone else is faking but when they're sick it's

> > the end of the world?

> >

> > Just got to thinking about that as I try to squelch this lingering

> > guilt I get every time I'm sick.

> >

> > Mia

> >

>

February 12, 2012

Judy & Annie, so sorry you had to deal with a " mother' like that. I

also wear glasses, but I don't recall that being a huge issue. When

my teacher informed her that she thought I needed them, I went to the

eye doctor. In fact, she took me regularly, every year, to have my

eyes checked & order new glasses as is the case with kids. (once

yearly).

I remember once when I was trying on new frames that she kept putting

red colored frames on me. I kept telling her I didn't like red,

didn't want red glasses, but she insisted they were " adorable " and

that I'd look like Sally Jessy Raphael. First of all, I knew who SJR

was - a talk show host. I was a kid, in elementary school. Do you

think I wanted to look like an older woman or would find that to be a

particularly good compliment? Uh, not really. Like I said, I knew

who she was, but it's not like I watched her show or anything. Maybe

projection?

We always butted heads when it came to clothing too. She thought I

had strange taste in clothes due to lack of consistency and the fact

that I preferred darker colors. Now I was by no means dressing like

an early 90s " goth kid " , but I did prefer black, dark blue, deep

browns, etc. Still do to this day! (I realized that all the scrubs I

bought for work are dark - black with neutral colors on them, slate

gray, etc. Told hubby I hope they don't think I'm trying to be a

" goth nurse " lol. I just like dark colors, and I pretty much loathe

pink!)

I never could figure out what she meant by " lack of consistency " . I

think she meant that I liked different styles. I don't know if she

expected me to have the same pair of jeans in different colors & the

same 5 tops, also in different colors, or what? But actually, I think

I was consistent. I liked (and still do) to be comfortable. I had a

couple pairs of jeans, different cuts & styles, and I liked to wear

t-shirts. That's pretty much what I wore in high school. That's

pretty much what most of the kids were wearing.

I remember once after completing high school, I had a job interview at

her work. Go figure, my " office casual " clothes weren't good enough,

I guess. She said she wanted to take me shopping & pay for two new

office outfits for me for the job (I knew I'd get the job, the

interview was just a formality - I was told such.) I picked out a

very nice women's short sleeved suit. The jacket zipped up in the

front and it looked really nice on me. It was black. It also came in

purple. I expressed how much I preferred the black, how I felt it

looked better on me, and could then be mixed-and-matched- with other

items in my office wardrobe. She said, " Fine, but you're getting the

purple as well " . And those were the two outfits she bought me.

Because I didn't want the purple, she forced it upon me and I then had

2 identical suits - one in black, and one in this hideous purple that

looked terrible on me. Of course, I had to be gracious.

BTW - working with her was a HUGE mistake! I was never known by my

name. I was always, always, always referred to as " <nada's name>'s

daughter " . Even the CRAZY (wow, don't get me started on her)

receptionist would PAGE over the PA, " Nada's daughter, call on line 2.

Nada's daughter, line 2 " . UGH! And if anyone was upset by my nada,

who worked directly for the head of the company and not directly with

me, they would come to me and bitch & complain all the time, " Do you

know what your nada did? " ly, no... I don't know what she did.

I was too busy back here taking care of 3 very busy project managers

to worry about what nada has done or said to you. URG!

As to if nada had/has NPD or not as well, possibly. However,

according to " Understanding the Borderline Mother " , my nada was more

of a Hermit/Witch. I do tend to see Queen in her as well, rarely

though did I see the Waif. As Annie says, the woman is a walking

cluster B.

Mia

>

> My nada acted weird (completely psycho) about me needing glasses as well.

Physical appearance and attractiveness were very important to her.

>

> She even traumatized me by making me think that I " made myself blind " that

time when I had the measles. I'd become so crazed with boredom from being in a

dark room for so long that I snuck out and into my own bedroom to look for books

to read, and when nada found me there she screamed at me and raged at me that if

I went blind it would be my own fault, not hers. I became hysterical with fear,

crying uncontrollably, thinking that I was going to go blind at any moment

(which I of course didn't.)

>

> But later in third grade when I did need glasses, nada reminded me that I'd

done it to myself, acted ashamed of me when I'd wear the eyeglasses, told me the

glasses made me look ugly and no boy would ever want me, and would angrily tell

me to not wear them unless I needed to see the blackboard at school.

>

> That registers as child torture in my book. My nada was just way, way too

mentally ill to have been raising kids, bottom line.

>

> -Annie

>

> >

> > > **

> > >

> > > I'm siting here with " Influenza Like Illness " (ILI) which started

> > > Friday night with a mild sore throat and some head congestion. By

> > > Saturday morning, I had no voice, a raging sore throat, headache &

> > > body aches of doom. Started spiking a mid-grade fever so went to the

> > > urgent care clinic to make sure I didn't have strep and go the ILI

> > > diagnosis. In other words, I have a nasty viral infection that could

> > > kick a cold's butt in a fight but isn't the flu.

> > >

> > > Bring on the guilt.

> > >

> > > As a kid, every time I got sick I was told, " quit faking it! " . I'd be

> > > burning up with a 102 fever and accused of faking, even though she'd

> > > sit there & watch me with the thermometer under my tongue. To this

> > > day, any time I get sick like this where I just can't function, I feel

> > > that damned guilt. And it's making me mad.

> > >

> > > I have a long history of bronchitis and strep issues. Even as an

> > > adult. As a kid, though, I had bronchitis and strep at least once a

> > > year. Not so as an adult, thankfully. But you'd have thought that

> > > any normal person could have thought to themselves, " Gee, my kid has a

> > > history of these types of illnesses. " and take them to the doctor.

> > > But nope, I think she thought that because I had a history of those

> > > types of things that I knew the symptoms so I could try & fake them.

> > >

> > > I'd end up being sent to school with high fevers and hacking up a lung

> > > only to be sent to the office by a teacher. They'd call my nada, have

> > > her pick me up and then she'd begrudgingly take me to the doctor, all

> > > the while bitching that I had " pulled one over " on my teachers. Then,

> > > lo & behold, positive strep test or chest x-ray reveals bronchitis and

> > > suddenly I'm no longer faking it.

> > >

> > > Oy.

> > >

> > > The thing I realize now, though, is what a hypocrite she was. I'd be

> > > accused of faking, told to " suck it up " and expected to perform at

> > > 100%. But then, when nada got sick, oh dear god... biggest baby in

> > > the world. I'd take care of her, bring her food, hot tea, and when I

> > > could drive, be sent to the store to get whatever she needed/wanted.

> > > And she never went to the doctor.

> > >

> > > Oh, another one I used to hear from her was, " you're not missing

> > > school unless you're bleeding out your eyes! " . So instead, she'd send

> > > a sick kid into a school which inevitably got other kids sick every

> > > stinking time. I think that's why they'd send me to the office to try

> > > & thin out the inevitable outbreak lol.

> > >

> > > So what is the deal with BPDs and illness? Wonder if they're all like

> > > that, thinking that everyone else is faking but when they're sick it's

> > > the end of the world?

> > >

> > > Just got to thinking about that as I try to squelch this lingering

> > > guilt I get every time I'm sick.

> > >

> > > Mia

> > >

> >

February 12, 2012

My Nada is psyco about illness. she thinks we have nothing between us. She brags

all the time about our superior healthy genes(she has diabetes, hypertension,

(not to mention BPD) her denial goes as far as to lead her to say things like

" sister-in-Law has MS but it did not show up in her brain scans because it is in

the early stage, and the doctor is reluctant to call it that because of

insurance reasons. " to describe sister-in-laws fiber myalga. I was diagnosed

with ADD in fourth grade (because a teacher made it happen). I " grew out of it "

within a year.

at our house the rule was if you don't have a fever, and are not puking than you

are not sick.

due to Pelvic floor dysfunction I get chronic UTI's. my symptoms are somewhat

unique, but not rare and they follow a pretty consistent trend. I got better at

noticing the more subtle symptoms as I got older, but as a kid sometimes I had

to be pretty sick for anyone to be convinced.

I understand doctor visits are not cheap but, I became more convincing to

everyone when my uncle who is a doctor moved to town and we were able to get

antibiotics without an appointment.

when I was in 8th grade I got appendicitis. at about 2 A.M. I woke up. I took

Tylenol and tried to go back to bed. about 1/2 an hour later I realized the pain

had not been helped by the medicine. at 3 I woke up my mom and told her what was

going on. she told me to go back to bed and try to sleep it off. I never did get

back to sleep.

when my mom came in to wake me up I curled up on a corner on the couch.

Everyone began to question my illness. they said things like why aren't you

getting ready? and you don't even have a fever, and you are just faking to get

out of school. I laid in that spot all day. I was unable to eat, or sleep, and

too weak to even turn on a movie or read.

when everyone got home from school and my mom resumed her music lessons in her

studio, my brothers and sisters congratulated me on faking and skipping school.

And I was reminded that the reason I was probably weak and sick was probably

because I had not eaten all day.

after everyone got home that evening, and found me still there I was informed

that this had gone on long enough. when I did not respond to this chiding, my

mom finally convinced that I may be sick decided to take me to my uncle's

clinic, but as it happens, it was late enough (about 9:30 pm) he demanded my mom

take me to the emergency room. so she did. because I had not slept in about 19

hrs, and had not eaten, my vital signs started to be erratic, so they gave me a

room and sedated me, and gave me an IV. because it was so late when we arrived,

there was only 1 O.R. in operation at the time so I was not operated on until

about 3 A.M.

when I was released form the hospital and got home " faker " became a joke among

my siblings. they did not understand why I did not like the joke and thought I

needed a sense of humor. my mom whenever i mention anything about this

experience always says evasive things like " it really could not have been that

long. "

in high school I got sick one day.everyone called me a faker and accused me of

trying to get out of tests, and school. (something I would never do)my mom told

me I was not going to win and demanded I get dressed and go to school, and if I

wanted to starve myself I was welcome to.

the first class was her orchestra.

as I sat playing I suddenly became so weak I could no longer hold up my

instrument. as I slumped in my chair my mom glared daggers at me and mouthed

" stop this now. " that was the last thing I remember before waking up in a heap

on the floor in a pile of puke all over my instrument.

I was not faking after all.

I was allowed to go home at that point, but not until orchestra was over 1/2 hr

later.

Meikjn

> > >

> > > > **

> > > >

> > > > I'm siting here with " Influenza Like Illness " (ILI) which started

> > > > Friday night with a mild sore throat and some head congestion. By

> > > > Saturday morning, I had no voice, a raging sore throat, headache &

> > > > body aches of doom. Started spiking a mid-grade fever so went to the

> > > > urgent care clinic to make sure I didn't have strep and go the ILI

> > > > diagnosis. In other words, I have a nasty viral infection that could

> > > > kick a cold's butt in a fight but isn't the flu.

> > > >

> > > > Bring on the guilt.

> > > >

> > > > As a kid, every time I got sick I was told, " quit faking it! " . I'd be

> > > > burning up with a 102 fever and accused of faking, even though she'd

> > > > sit there & watch me with the thermometer under my tongue. To this

> > > > day, any time I get sick like this where I just can't function, I feel

> > > > that damned guilt. And it's making me mad.

> > > >

> > > > I have a long history of bronchitis and strep issues. Even as an

> > > > adult. As a kid, though, I had bronchitis and strep at least once a

> > > > year. Not so as an adult, thankfully. But you'd have thought that

> > > > any normal person could have thought to themselves, " Gee, my kid has a

> > > > history of these types of illnesses. " and take them to the doctor.

> > > > But nope, I think she thought that because I had a history of those

> > > > types of things that I knew the symptoms so I could try & fake them.

> > > >

> > > > I'd end up being sent to school with high fevers and hacking up a lung

> > > > only to be sent to the office by a teacher. They'd call my nada, have

> > > > her pick me up and then she'd begrudgingly take me to the doctor, all

> > > > the while bitching that I had " pulled one over " on my teachers. Then,

> > > > lo & behold, positive strep test or chest x-ray reveals bronchitis and

> > > > suddenly I'm no longer faking it.

> > > >

> > > > Oy.

> > > >

> > > > The thing I realize now, though, is what a hypocrite she was. I'd be

> > > > accused of faking, told to " suck it up " and expected to perform at

> > > > 100%. But then, when nada got sick, oh dear god... biggest baby in

> > > > the world. I'd take care of her, bring her food, hot tea, and when I

> > > > could drive, be sent to the store to get whatever she needed/wanted.

> > > > And she never went to the doctor.

> > > >

> > > > Oh, another one I used to hear from her was, " you're not missing

> > > > school unless you're bleeding out your eyes! " . So instead, she'd send

> > > > a sick kid into a school which inevitably got other kids sick every

> > > > stinking time. I think that's why they'd send me to the office to try

> > > > & thin out the inevitable outbreak lol.

> > > >

> > > > So what is the deal with BPDs and illness? Wonder if they're all like

> > > > that, thinking that everyone else is faking but when they're sick it's

> > > > the end of the world?

> > > >

> > > > Just got to thinking about that as I try to squelch this lingering

> > > > guilt I get every time I'm sick.

> > > >

> > > > Mia

> > > >

> > >

February 12, 2012

Good Lord, no child should have to endure that kind of abuse. In my book that

qualifies as torture. Its reprehensible. Prisoners of war are treated better

than you were. It just makes my blood boil to read things like this. I'm

sorry, I just want to pinch your mother's head off like a bug.

Lord, please help the abused children.

-Annie

>

> My Nada is psyco about illness. she thinks we have nothing between us. She

brags all the time about our superior healthy genes(she has diabetes,

hypertension, (not to mention BPD) her denial goes as far as to lead her to say

things like " sister-in-Law has MS but it did not show up in her brain scans

because it is in the early stage, and the doctor is reluctant to call it that

because of insurance reasons. " to describe sister-in-laws fiber myalga. I was

diagnosed with ADD in fourth grade (because a teacher made it happen). I " grew

out of it " within a year.

>

> at our house the rule was if you don't have a fever, and are not puking than

you are not sick.

>

> due to Pelvic floor dysfunction I get chronic UTI's. my symptoms are somewhat

unique, but not rare and they follow a pretty consistent trend. I got better at

noticing the more subtle symptoms as I got older, but as a kid sometimes I had

to be pretty sick for anyone to be convinced.

>

> I understand doctor visits are not cheap but, I became more convincing to

everyone when my uncle who is a doctor moved to town and we were able to get

antibiotics without an appointment.

>

> when I was in 8th grade I got appendicitis. at about 2 A.M. I woke up. I took

Tylenol and tried to go back to bed. about 1/2 an hour later I realized the pain

had not been helped by the medicine. at 3 I woke up my mom and told her what was

going on. she told me to go back to bed and try to sleep it off. I never did get

back to sleep.

>

> when my mom came in to wake me up I curled up on a corner on the couch.

Everyone began to question my illness. they said things like why aren't you

getting ready? and you don't even have a fever, and you are just faking to get

out of school. I laid in that spot all day. I was unable to eat, or sleep, and

too weak to even turn on a movie or read.

>

> when everyone got home from school and my mom resumed her music lessons in

her studio, my brothers and sisters congratulated me on faking and skipping

school. And I was reminded that the reason I was probably weak and sick was

probably because I had not eaten all day.

>

> after everyone got home that evening, and found me still there I was informed

that this had gone on long enough. when I did not respond to this chiding, my

mom finally convinced that I may be sick decided to take me to my uncle's

clinic, but as it happens, it was late enough (about 9:30 pm) he demanded my mom

take me to the emergency room. so she did. because I had not slept in about 19

hrs, and had not eaten, my vital signs started to be erratic, so they gave me a

room and sedated me, and gave me an IV. because it was so late when we arrived,

there was only 1 O.R. in operation at the time so I was not operated on until

about 3 A.M.

>

> when I was released form the hospital and got home " faker " became a joke among

my siblings. they did not understand why I did not like the joke and thought I

needed a sense of humor. my mom whenever i mention anything about this

experience always says evasive things like " it really could not have been that

long. "

>

> in high school I got sick one day.everyone called me a faker and accused me of

trying to get out of tests, and school. (something I would never do)my mom told

me I was not going to win and demanded I get dressed and go to school, and if I

wanted to starve myself I was welcome to.

>

> the first class was her orchestra.

>

> as I sat playing I suddenly became so weak I could no longer hold up my

instrument. as I slumped in my chair my mom glared daggers at me and mouthed

" stop this now. " that was the last thing I remember before waking up in a heap

on the floor in a pile of puke all over my instrument.

>

> I was not faking after all.

> I was allowed to go home at that point, but not until orchestra was over 1/2

hr later.

>

> Meikjn

>

February 12, 2012

Good grief, Meikjn =( I'm so so sorry that you had to endure that

type of horror. My gosh.

Sounds like a good thing your physician uncle moved to town... at

least you got *some* kind of medical treatment! I hate to think of

what might have happened if they had insisted your appendicitis was

" fake " . That kills people.

Mia

>

> My Nada is psyco about illness. she thinks we have nothing between us. She

brags all the time about our superior healthy genes(she has diabetes,

hypertension, (not to mention BPD) her denial goes as far as to lead her to say

things like " sister-in-Law has MS but it did not show up in her brain scans

because it is in the early stage, and the doctor is reluctant to call it that

because of insurance reasons. " to describe sister-in-laws fiber myalga. I was

diagnosed with ADD in fourth grade (because a teacher made it happen). I " grew

out of it " within a year.

>

> at our house the rule was if you don't have a fever, and are not puking than

you are not sick.

>

> due to Pelvic floor dysfunction I get chronic UTI's. my symptoms are somewhat

unique, but not rare and they follow a pretty consistent trend. I got better at

noticing the more subtle symptoms as I got older, but as a kid sometimes I had

to be pretty sick for anyone to be convinced.

>

> I understand doctor visits are not cheap but, I became more convincing to

everyone when my uncle who is a doctor moved to town and we were able to get

antibiotics without an appointment.

>

> when I was in 8th grade I got appendicitis. at about 2 A.M. I woke up. I took

Tylenol and tried to go back to bed. about 1/2 an hour later I realized the pain

had not been helped by the medicine. at 3 I woke up my mom and told her what was

going on. she told me to go back to bed and try to sleep it off. I never did get

back to sleep.

>

> when my mom came in to wake me up I curled up on a corner on the couch.

Everyone began to question my illness. they said things like why aren't you

getting ready? and you don't even have a fever, and you are just faking to get

out of school. I laid in that spot all day. I was unable to eat, or sleep, and

too weak to even turn on a movie or read.

>

> when everyone got home from school and my mom resumed her music lessons in her