Judgement weekend fast approaching!

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone

I hope you're all well. I haven't posted for about a week. I have been reading

your posts and learning through your experience. Thank-you.

Well this weekend is it! This will be my first physical interaction with my nada

since setting some pretty significant boundaries. Of course nada is unhappy with

me but it's been great being in control. Significantly I allowed my

mother-in-law to watch our girl's for 2 days while hubby and I went on a quick

getaway. This was huge as nada has been the primary in fact Only babysitter.

When I told nada about this I could feel the rage in her voice BUT I stayed

grounded and strong. As a result of that boundary she tried to get at me by NOT

calling my daughter on her birthday until 6pm at night. I answered the phone and

she just said " can I speak to my granddaughter " . The tone of her voice and

bluntness just made me think of her as a 4yr old who can't have their way! My

daughter kept it short and we didn't allow nada an opportunity to ruin her day.

After her " trying to hurt my daughter " didn't work she is now in Hoover mode.

Nice as pie, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, etc but talking about me to

friends and family in a terrible way. I've told people to save it as I'm really

not interested. I'm ready for her his weekend. We are meant to staying over but

I just know she wants to rage against all the boundaries set = only speak x 1 a

week, other people watch the children, refusal to listen to her negative talk!

It's been life changing and I'm so much happier and my family too.

So I thought I would view this weekends interaction like going into battle but

then I realized she has no power in this situation, I am in control of me!!!

It's such a great place to be in and has diluted a lot of my anger. I just see

my nada as a sad, self hating 65 yr old woman clutching at any relationships

she hasn't devestated. I would hate to be her and just pity her as I protect me

and my family.

Have a great week and I will post once I have completed what I thought would be

mission I impossible!!

Here's to a great dayI

Mel x

[Guest guest]

Mel,

I hope things go well for you this weekend. It sounds like you

have a good attitude going into it. I think that realizing that

you can be in control is one of the most important steps in

successfully having any kind of relationship with a nada.

Actually being in control all the time is easier said than done,

but the realization that you can take control is so very

important. Looking through the anger to see how pathetic nadas

really are helps a lot too in my experience. I can't see any

point to staying seriously angry with my nada. She is what she

is and isn't going to change, and I'd hate to be her.

At 08:49 AM 02/14/2012 wrote:

>Hi everyone

>

>I hope you're all well. I haven't posted for about a week. I

>have been reading your posts and learning through your

>experience. Thank-you.

>

>Well this weekend is it! This will be my first physical

>interaction with my nada since setting some pretty significant

>boundaries. Of course nada is unhappy with me but it's been

>great being in control. Significantly I allowed my

>mother-in-law to watch our girl's for 2 days while hubby and I

>went on a quick getaway. This was huge as nada has been the

>primary in fact Only babysitter. When I told nada about this I

>could feel the rage in her voice BUT I stayed grounded and

>strong. As a result of that boundary she tried to get at me by

>NOT calling my daughter on her birthday until 6pm at night. I

>answered the phone and she just said " can I speak to my

>granddaughter " . The tone of her voice and bluntness just made

>me think of her as a 4yr old who can't have their way! My

>daughter kept it short and we didn't allow nada an opportunity

>to ruin her day.

>After her " trying to hurt my daughter " didn't work she is now

>in Hoover mode. Nice as pie, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth,

>etc but talking about me to friends and family in a terrible

>way. I've told people to save it as I'm really not interested.

>I'm ready for her his weekend. We are meant to staying over but

>I just know she wants to rage against all the boundaries set =

>only speak x 1 a week, other people watch the children, refusal

>to listen to her negative talk! It's been life changing and I'm

>so much happier and my family too.

>

>So I thought I would view this weekends interaction like going

>into battle but then I realized she has no power in this

>situation, I am in control of me!!! It's such a great place to

>be in and has diluted a lot of my anger. I just see my nada as

>a sad, self hating 65 yr old woman clutching at any

>relationships she hasn't devestated. I would hate to be her and

>just pity her as I protect me and my family.

>

>Have a great week and I will post once I have completed what I

>thought would be mission I impossible!!

>

>Here's to a great dayI

>

>Mel x

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Mel,

I want to make sure I read right that you are supposed to be " staying over " as

in at her house? If you are, please have your escape plan in place, no matter

how inconvenient it may be for you to leave immediately if she violates your

boundaries. Are your daughters old enough to understand the issues with nada and

to be prepared to help in the evacuation if necessary? I had a plan to take my

nada to the airport if she misbehaved again when she was out here. I will never

go in without a well planned escape route ever again!

C

>

> Hi everyone

>

> I hope you're all well. I haven't posted for about a week. I have been reading

your posts and learning through your experience. Thank-you.

>

> Well this weekend is it! This will be my first physical interaction with my

nada since setting some pretty significant boundaries. Of course nada is unhappy

with me but it's been great being in control. Significantly I allowed my

mother-in-law to watch our girl's for 2 days while hubby and I went on a quick

getaway. This was huge as nada has been the primary in fact Only babysitter.

When I told nada about this I could feel the rage in her voice BUT I stayed

grounded and strong. As a result of that boundary she tried to get at me by NOT

calling my daughter on her birthday until 6pm at night. I answered the phone and

she just said " can I speak to my granddaughter " . The tone of her voice and

bluntness just made me think of her as a 4yr old who can't have their way! My

daughter kept it short and we didn't allow nada an opportunity to ruin her day.

> After her " trying to hurt my daughter " didn't work she is now in Hoover mode.

Nice as pie, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, etc but talking about me to

friends and family in a terrible way. I've told people to save it as I'm really

not interested. I'm ready for her his weekend. We are meant to staying over but

I just know she wants to rage against all the boundaries set = only speak x 1 a

week, other people watch the children, refusal to listen to her negative talk!

It's been life changing and I'm so much happier and my family too.

>

> So I thought I would view this weekends interaction like going into battle but

then I realized she has no power in this situation, I am in control of me!!!

It's such a great place to be in and has diluted a lot of my anger. I just see

my nada as a sad, self hating 65 yr old woman clutching at any relationships

she hasn't devestated. I would hate to be her and just pity her as I protect me

and my family.

>

> Have a great week and I will post once I have completed what I thought would

be mission I impossible!!

>

> Here's to a great dayI

>

> Mel x

>

[Guest guest]

Hi C

Thanks so much for your post and yes! I have a plan B! Despite a 6 hour drive

from here to Florida we will leave the moment she clicks into nada mode. My

husband is optimistic if we stay in control and not get angry we will be okay,

however, my gut has been churning all week and I just know that a few hours

(maybe 45 mins) after being in HER home she will rage! I'm not taking it

anymore! I think my hubby wants her to act out so the rest of the family don't

focus on us! At this stage I have really started to check- out emotionally and

have no problem getting in our car and leaving!!! Her behavior is predictable

but I want to say bye to my father who is leaving to work abroad for 6 months

(his escape route from nada). Otherwise I would not be going at all!

In fact it may be a useless task but tonight I sent her an email telling her

how I feel and how to be in her company I will only tolerate these certain

boundaries. I thought it useful to do that just because A- I can't reason with

her and B -if and when we probably leave it gives her a written reason to back

up my " mum it's obvious that you can't treat me or my family with respect so we

are going to leave " .

This crazy, crazy world of Oz is draining but I have ignored this for years and

my soul will not allow it any longer.

My girls will be fine if/ when she starts we are going to head to the beach to

look for sand dollars then drive home. They have already said " nanny can be

mean " but are still excited to visit her!

I came up with an idea in my immediate family for us all to collaborate on the

rules of our house, e.g, 1 - do not shout, 2 - listen to people talk, 3 -

understand how someone is feeling, 4 - no one has a right to physically or

verbally attack you, 5 - listen, respect and love. Whether it's priming them or

not we are trying to implement some core values in between my hubby, girls ad I.

This way when nada acts up, they know we do not tolerate it as an individual or

family!

Thanks for looking out for me. I will feel better come Monday night!!!

One day at a time though

Mel xxxx

It's such

> >

> > Hi everyone

> >

> > I hope you're all well. I haven't posted for about a week. I have been

reading your posts and learning through your experience. Thank-you.

> >

> > Well this weekend is it! This will be my first physical interaction with my

nada since setting some pretty significant boundaries. Of course nada is unhappy

with me but it's been great being in control. Significantly I allowed my

mother-in-law to watch our girl's for 2 days while hubby and I went on a quick

getaway. This was huge as nada has been the primary in fact Only babysitter.

When I told nada about this I could feel the rage in her voice BUT I stayed

grounded and strong. As a result of that boundary she tried to get at me by NOT

calling my daughter on her birthday until 6pm at night. I answered the phone and

she just said " can I speak to my granddaughter " . The tone of her voice and

bluntness just made me think of her as a 4yr old who can't have their way! My

daughter kept it short and we didn't allow nada an opportunity to ruin her day.

> > After her " trying to hurt my daughter " didn't work she is now in Hoover

mode. Nice as pie, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, etc but talking about me

to friends and family in a terrible way. I've told people to save it as I'm

really not interested. I'm ready for her his weekend. We are meant to staying

over but I just know she wants to rage against all the boundaries set = only

speak x 1 a week, other people watch the children, refusal to listen to her

negative talk! It's been life changing and I'm so much happier and my family

too.

> >

> > So I thought I would view this weekends interaction like going into battle

but then I realized she has no power in this situation, I am in control of me!!!

It's such a great place to be in and has diluted a lot of my anger. I just see

my nada as a sad, self hating 65 yr old woman clutching at any relationships

she hasn't devestated. I would hate to be her and just pity her as I protect me

and my family.

> >

> > Have a great week and I will post once I have completed what I thought would

be mission I impossible!!

> >

> > Here's to a great dayI

> >

> > Mel x

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi there

No it's okay, it's not a downer but a very relevant emotion you discuss. For me,

I have or should I say am learning to place value on me and how I feel when it

comes to nada. The book I suggested earlier gets you to journal some pretty

tough aspects of childhood and through this process I have learnt that I was

manipulated to be my mother's emotional caretaker. Now I have children I realize

that they need me more then nada and I am charged with their emotional health

before my nada's, even if I still struggle to truly value my self worth.

It's a daily process and by no means am I continuously strong. I continue to

educate myself on BPD and shift the spotlight onto me and my family. Nada is 65

and I am not responsible for her childhood, life or current unhappiness. It's

not my fault, it's NOT my fault, IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!,

Give yourself an opportunity to learn, realize and make change.

I'm here to listen and not judged. We all understand here.

Mel x

> > >Hi everyone

> > >

> > >I hope you're all well. I haven't posted for about a week. I

> > >have been reading your posts and learning through your

> > >experience. Thank-you.

> > >

> > >Well this weekend is it! This will be my first physical

> > >interaction with my nada since setting some pretty significant

> > >boundaries. Of course nada is unhappy with me but it's been

> > >great being in control. Significantly I allowed my

> > >mother-in-law to watch our girl's for 2 days while hubby and I

> > >went on a quick getaway. This was huge as nada has been the

> > >primary in fact Only babysitter. When I told nada about this I

> > >could feel the rage in her voice BUT I stayed grounded and

> > >strong. As a result of that boundary she tried to get at me by

> > >NOT calling my daughter on her birthday until 6pm at night. I

> > >answered the phone and she just said " can I speak to my

> > >granddaughter " . The tone of her voice and bluntness just made

> > >me think of her as a 4yr old who can't have their way! My

> > >daughter kept it short and we didn't allow nada an opportunity

> > >to ruin her day.

> > >After her " trying to hurt my daughter " didn't work she is now

> > >in Hoover mode. Nice as pie, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth,

> > >etc but talking about me to friends and family in a terrible

> > >way. I've told people to save it as I'm really not interested.

> > >I'm ready for her his weekend. We are meant to staying over but

> > >I just know she wants to rage against all the boundaries set =

> > >only speak x 1 a week, other people watch the children, refusal

> > >to listen to her negative talk! It's been life changing and I'm

> > >so much happier and my family too.

> > >

> > >So I thought I would view this weekends interaction like going

> > >into battle but then I realized she has no power in this

> > >situation, I am in control of me!!! It's such a great place to

> > >be in and has diluted a lot of my anger. I just see my nada as

> > >a sad, self hating 65 yr old woman clutching at any

> > >relationships she hasn't devestated. I would hate to be her and

> > >just pity her as I protect me and my family.

> > >

> > >Have a great week and I will post once I have completed what I

> > >thought would be mission I impossible!!

> > >

> > >Here's to a great dayI

> > >

> > >Mel x

> >

> > --

> > Katrina

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Mel,

You are such an inspiration. I'm just starting to deal with all of this. I hope

to one day get to the point that you are at. How did you get through the hurt

that your nada caused you when you were a kid and accepting that she won't ever

change? For me right now that is where I am stuck. I just want her to understand

what she has done to me. But logically I know that will never happen. But I have

this little girl inside me that keeps stomping her feet saying no, maybe she

will!! Good luck with your nada and I hope for the best with you.

> > >

> > > Hi everyone

> > >

> > > I hope you're all well. I haven't posted for about a week. I have been

reading your posts and learning through your experience. Thank-you.

> > >

> > > Well this weekend is it! This will be my first physical interaction with

my nada since setting some pretty significant boundaries. Of course nada is

unhappy with me but it's been great being in control. Significantly I allowed my

mother-in-law to watch our girl's for 2 days while hubby and I went on a quick

getaway. This was huge as nada has been the primary in fact Only babysitter.

When I told nada about this I could feel the rage in her voice BUT I stayed

grounded and strong. As a result of that boundary she tried to get at me by NOT

calling my daughter on her birthday until 6pm at night. I answered the phone and

she just said " can I speak to my granddaughter " . The tone of her voice and

bluntness just made me think of her as a 4yr old who can't have their way! My

daughter kept it short and we didn't allow nada an opportunity to ruin her day.

> > > After her " trying to hurt my daughter " didn't work she is now in Hoover

mode. Nice as pie, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, etc but talking about me

to friends and family in a terrible way. I've told people to save it as I'm

really not interested. I'm ready for her his weekend. We are meant to staying

over but I just know she wants to rage against all the boundaries set = only

speak x 1 a week, other people watch the children, refusal to listen to her

negative talk! It's been life changing and I'm so much happier and my family

too.

> > >

> > > So I thought I would view this weekends interaction like going into battle

but then I realized she has no power in this situation, I am in control of me!!!

It's such a great place to be in and has diluted a lot of my anger. I just see

my nada as a sad, self hating 65 yr old woman clutching at any relationships

she hasn't devestated. I would hate to be her and just pity her as I protect me

and my family.

> > >

> > > Have a great week and I will post once I have completed what I thought

would be mission I impossible!!

> > >

> > > Here's to a great dayI

> > >

> > > Mel x

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Mel,

first of all, good for you for the boundaries you have set. I know how hard that

is to do and enforce.

I agree with other post recommending you have an evacuation plan. Spending a

weekend with nada sounds risky, but then your kids might serve as buffers. Just

be on the alert and ready to make a run for it if necessary.

I *haaaaaate* these kind of visits with my nada. It's mentally exhausting for

me, esp when I began setting stricter boundaries, to stay on my game and to

remind myself, as you said, of who is in control.

Let us know how it goes!

Hugs,

Fiona

> >

> > Hi everyone

> >

> > I hope you're all well. I haven't posted for about a week. I have been

reading your posts and learning through your experience. Thank-you.

> >

> > Well this weekend is it! This will be my first physical interaction with my

nada since setting some pretty significant boundaries. Of course nada is unhappy

with me but it's been great being in control. Significantly I allowed my

mother-in-law to watch our girl's for 2 days while hubby and I went on a quick

getaway. This was huge as nada has been the primary in fact Only babysitter.

When I told nada about this I could feel the rage in her voice BUT I stayed

grounded and strong. As a result of that boundary she tried to get at me by NOT

calling my daughter on her birthday until 6pm at night. I answered the phone and

she just said " can I speak to my granddaughter " . The tone of her voice and

bluntness just made me think of her as a 4yr old who can't have their way! My

daughter kept it short and we didn't allow nada an opportunity to ruin her day.

> > After her " trying to hurt my daughter " didn't work she is now in Hoover

mode. Nice as pie, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, etc but talking about me

to friends and family in a terrible way. I've told people to save it as I'm

really not interested. I'm ready for her his weekend. We are meant to staying

over but I just know she wants to rage against all the boundaries set = only

speak x 1 a week, other people watch the children, refusal to listen to her

negative talk! It's been life changing and I'm so much happier and my family

too.

> >

> > So I thought I would view this weekends interaction like going into battle

but then I realized she has no power in this situation, I am in control of me!!!

It's such a great place to be in and has diluted a lot of my anger. I just see

my nada as a sad, self hating 65 yr old woman clutching at any relationships

she hasn't devestated. I would hate to be her and just pity her as I protect me

and my family.

> >

> > Have a great week and I will post once I have completed what I thought would

be mission I impossible!!

> >

> > Here's to a great dayI

> >

> > Mel x

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Good morning

Phew that's a tough one!! As a child I was labelled as the angry pain in the ass

with a bad attitude, a bully at school and continuosly blamed by nada as the

root of all our family turbulence. But in reality anger was my parachute that

saved my life, it was my friend that protected me and I'm grateful that I had

anger on my side! However, as an adult,anger is the monkey on my back, its now a

powerful negative emotion that has the ability to eat me alive. As an adult I am

learning that anger is killing my healthy relationships and stopping me reaching

true 'happiness'. I always have my guard up ready to pounce should anyone take a

strike at me. It distorts my perception of genuinely loving people, kills my

trust and negatively effects my children.

Overcoming anger and resentment is a daily process for me. I don't specifically

grieve for my lost childhood but get angry with nada when I fail as an adult to

be an adult. For example in any conflict I USED to just go off at the person and

display a lot of anger. It worked for me as the conflict diminished but now I

see that adult conflict resolution isn't about displaying anger. I can get my

needs met through effective communication, active listening and keeping my anger

at bay. It's certainly is a challenge for me but just being aware of my anger is

really helpful! Obviously around nada I am not going to get the same reaction

that I would a normally healthy adult and containing my anger with her is my

greatest obstacle!

In the book surviving the borderline parent chapter 6 is all about anger! It's

great it explores x 2 crucial questions. 1. Who would you be without anger? 2.

But who are you with your Anger? I can tell you that exploring these questions

and journalling are really helping me come to terms with myself. I know that my

anger has caused me to suffer from acid reflux, teeth grinding, depression, self

esteem, conflict at work, how I treat my children Oh my the list goes on. But

For me how I treat my children has been huge in reconciling my anger.

I refuse to allow anger to consume the way I treat my daughters. I hardly yell

at them, never hit them, never manipulate them, never belittle them. I always

compliment them, respect their privacy and feelings and tell and show them how

much I love them. The rewards for keeping tabs on my aged are beautiful! My

daughters are well adjusted, compassionate, confident girls. I may have lost my

childhood but dealing with my anger has resulted in a gift = The opportunity to

give a childhood!

I hope you can find a way to manage your anger and place emphasis on YOU! You

deserve a healthy, happy life. Nada's life is not your responsibility, you are

not her emotional caretaker. It's hard but you have to believe that you are

worthy of better!

I'm right with you! I completely operate on a one day at at time basis and take

all that energy I used to devote to my nada and give it to myself, my husband

and my girls. Being LC has really helped me find my way.

Be good to yourself today and always because you deserve it!

Mel x

Unfortunately, I don't know if I will ever be rid of it but the more I learn

about BPD, the more I am starting to realize that my childhood was

uncontrollable, it's gone and yes, I was treated terribly! But I have choices

now and I'll be damned if I allow nada the power to ruin my adulthood.

I would say being LC has helped me find clarity. Previously having nada in my

life full-time caused complete madness in my life. I couldn't distinguish

between healthy and unhealthy relationships, trusted no one, flared up at

> > > >

> > > > Hi everyone

> > > >

> > > > I hope you're all well. I haven't posted for about a week. I have been

reading your posts and learning through your experience. Thank-you.

> > > >

> > > > Well this weekend is it! This will be my first physical interaction with

my nada since setting some pretty significant boundaries. Of course nada is

unhappy with me but it's been great being in control. Significantly I allowed my

mother-in-law to watch our girl's for 2 days while hubby and I went on a quick

getaway. This was huge as nada has been the primary in fact Only babysitter.

When I told nada about this I could feel the rage in her voice BUT I stayed

grounded and strong. As a result of that boundary she tried to get at me by NOT

calling my daughter on her birthday until 6pm at night. I answered the phone and

she just said " can I speak to my granddaughter " . The tone of her voice and

bluntness just made me think of her as a 4yr old who can't have their way! My

daughter kept it short and we didn't allow nada an opportunity to ruin her day.

> > > > After her " trying to hurt my daughter " didn't work she is now in Hoover

mode. Nice as pie, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, etc but talking about me

to friends and family in a terrible way. I've told people to save it as I'm

really not interested. I'm ready for her his weekend. We are meant to staying

over but I just know she wants to rage against all the boundaries set = only

speak x 1 a week, other people watch the children, refusal to listen to her

negative talk! It's been life changing and I'm so much happier and my family

too.

> > > >

> > > > So I thought I would view this weekends interaction like going into

battle but then I realized she has no power in this situation, I am in control

of me!!! It's such a great place to be in and has diluted a lot of my anger. I

just see my nada as a sad, self hating 65 yr old woman clutching at any

relationships she hasn't devestated. I would hate to be her and just pity her as

I protect me and my family.

> > > >

> > > > Have a great week and I will post once I have completed what I thought

would be mission I impossible!!

> > > >

> > > > Here's to a great dayI

> > > >

> > > > Mel x

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Team W2O

I'm pleased to report that I successfully accomplished my mission!!! Phew, how

stressed was I being around nada for 2 whole days but I stuck to my boundaries,

kept redirecting her if I could see her starting to slip and ensured we got out

of there alive without compromising or just giving in!!

It was a strange atmosphere and I expected her to completely rage at some point

but I didn't see her downing vodka, soaybe that helped, I don't know! I spoke to

my dad reference the email I sent her before I arrived clearly defining my

boundaries and he said she read it, wasn't happy at all but he wanted a stress

free weekend do not to approach it! This is his usual spineless behavior. There

were moments when I could see her biting her tongue and dying to say something

but she didn't!! Why? Could she be hoovering? Has anyone else set boundaries

with their BPD and been suprises by their reaction, e.g no raging?? It was a

strange feeling and I found myself at times feeling unsure of what I was feeling

(bit like a stunned fish). But, I managed to stay calm and just mindful of my

behavior and talk.

When we drove away Igave a huge sigh of relief and said toy husband " can you

believe that we managed to be around her for x 2 days minus conflict " ? I did

send her a post email to positively reinforce the good behavior and this morning

she called me from the airport seeing my dad off. She did say " call me later "

but I told her " no, I have a really busy day today, I'll catch you later this

week " . I can see she thinks I'm going to be her phone buddy again but I just

can't go backwards.

Anyway I'm mumbling but I just wanted to share my success even if it only lasts

x 2 days it's a start. Not sure what to expect now but need to keep the focus on

me.

Thanks everyone for their encouragement and non- judgmental posts!!!

I feel mentally exhausted today! Think I'm going to do something nice for me to

unwind!!!

One day at a time for sure

Mel x

> > >Hi everyone

> > >

> > >I hope you're all well. I haven't posted for about a week. I

> > >have been reading your posts and learning through your

> > >experience. Thank-you.

> > >

> > >Well this weekend is it! This will be my first physical

> > >interaction with my nada since setting some pretty significant

> > >boundaries. Of course nada is unhappy with me but it's been

> > >great being in control. Significantly I allowed my

> > >mother-in-law to watch our girl's for 2 days while hubby and I

> > >went on a quick getaway. This was huge as nada has been the

> > >primary in fact Only babysitter. When I told nada about this I

> > >could feel the rage in her voice BUT I stayed grounded and

> > >strong. As a result of that boundary she tried to get at me by

> > >NOT calling my daughter on her birthday until 6pm at night. I

> > >answered the phone and she just said " can I speak to my

> > >granddaughter " . The tone of her voice and bluntness just made

> > >me think of her as a 4yr old who can't have their way! My

> > >daughter kept it short and we didn't allow nada an opportunity

> > >to ruin her day.

> > >After her " trying to hurt my daughter " didn't work she is now

> > >in Hoover mode. Nice as pie, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth,

> > >etc but talking about me to friends and family in a terrible

> > >way. I've told people to save it as I'm really not interested.

> > >I'm ready for her his weekend. We are meant to staying over but

> > >I just know she wants to rage against all the boundaries set =

> > >only speak x 1 a week, other people watch the children, refusal

> > >to listen to her negative talk! It's been life changing and I'm

> > >so much happier and my family too.

> > >

> > >So I thought I would view this weekends interaction like going

> > >into battle but then I realized she has no power in this

> > >situation, I am in control of me!!! It's such a great place to

> > >be in and has diluted a lot of my anger. I just see my nada as

> > >a sad, self hating 65 yr old woman clutching at any

> > >relationships she hasn't devestated. I would hate to be her and

> > >just pity her as I protect me and my family.

> > >

> > >Have a great week and I will post once I have completed what I

> > >thought would be mission I impossible!!

> > >

> > >Here's to a great dayI

> > >

> > >Mel x

> >

> > --

> > Katrina

> >

>

[Guest guest]

good for you for being able to do it.

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Tuesday, February 21, 2012 9:27 AM

Subject: Re: Judgement weekend fast approaching!

Â

Team W2O

I'm pleased to report that I successfully accomplished my mission!!! Phew, how

stressed was I being around nada for 2 whole days but I stuck to my boundaries,

kept redirecting her if I could see her starting to slip and ensured we got out

of there alive without compromising or just giving in!!

It was a strange atmosphere and I expected her to completely rage at some point

but I didn't see her downing vodka, soaybe that helped, I don't know! I spoke to

my dad reference the email I sent her before I arrived clearly defining my

boundaries and he said she read it, wasn't happy at all but he wanted a stress

free weekend do not to approach it! This is his usual spineless behavior. There

were moments when I could see her biting her tongue and dying to say something

but she didn't!! Why? Could she be hoovering? Has anyone else set boundaries

with their BPD and been suprises by their reaction, e.g no raging?? It was a

strange feeling and I found myself at times feeling unsure of what I was feeling

(bit like a stunned fish). But, I managed to stay calm and just mindful of my

behavior and talk.

When we drove away Igave a huge sigh of relief and said toy husband " can you

believe that we managed to be around her for x 2 days minus conflict " ? I did

send her a post email to positively reinforce the good behavior and this morning

she called me from the airport seeing my dad off. She did say " call me later "

but I told her " no, I have a really busy day today, I'll catch you later this

week " . I can see she thinks I'm going to be her phone buddy again but I just

can't go backwards.

Anyway I'm mumbling but I just wanted to share my success even if it only lasts

x 2 days it's a start. Not sure what to expect now but need to keep the focus on

me.

Thanks everyone for their encouragement and non- judgmental posts!!!

I feel mentally exhausted today! Think I'm going to do something nice for me to

unwind!!!

One day at a time for sure

Mel x

> > >Hi everyone

> > >

> > >I hope you're all well. I haven't posted for about a week. I

> > >have been reading your posts and learning through your

> > >experience. Thank-you.

> > >

> > >Well this weekend is it! This will be my first physical

> > >interaction with my nada since setting some pretty significant

> > >boundaries. Of course nada is unhappy with me but it's been

> > >great being in control. Significantly I allowed my

> > >mother-in-law to watch our girl's for 2 days while hubby and I

> > >went on a quick getaway. This was huge as nada has been the

> > >primary in fact Only babysitter. When I told nada about this I

> > >could feel the rage in her voice BUT I stayed grounded and

> > >strong. As a result of that boundary she tried to get at me by

> > >NOT calling my daughter on her birthday until 6pm at night. I

> > >answered the phone and she just said " can I speak to my

> > >granddaughter " . The tone of her voice and bluntness just made

> > >me think of her as a 4yr old who can't have their way! My

> > >daughter kept it short and we didn't allow nada an opportunity

> > >to ruin her day.

> > >After her " trying to hurt my daughter " didn't work she is now

> > >in Hoover mode. Nice as pie, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth,

> > >etc but talking about me to friends and family in a terrible

> > >way. I've told people to save it as I'm really not interested.

> > >I'm ready for her his weekend. We are meant to staying over but

> > >I just know she wants to rage against all the boundaries set =

> > >only speak x 1 a week, other people watch the children, refusal

> > >to listen to her negative talk! It's been life changing and I'm

> > >so much happier and my family too.

> > >

> > >So I thought I would view this weekends interaction like going

> > >into battle but then I realized she has no power in this

> > >situation, I am in control of me!!! It's such a great place to

> > >be in and has diluted a lot of my anger. I just see my nada as

> > >a sad, self hating 65 yr old woman clutching at any

> > >relationships she hasn't devestated. I would hate to be her and

> > >just pity her as I protect me and my family.

> > >

> > >Have a great week and I will post once I have completed what I

> > >thought would be mission I impossible!!

> > >

> > >Here's to a great dayI

> > >

> > >Mel x

> >

> > --

> > Katrina

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That is so AWESOME, I am giving you a big virtual " high five " of

congratulations!

)))))SMAK!(((((

Woo HOOO! That totally rocks! You have proved that taking the upper hand as

an adult, taking charge and setting the rules of the relationship with a nada

CAN WORK!

You go, girrrrl!

-Annie

> > > >Hi everyone

> > > >

> > > >I hope you're all well. I haven't posted for about a week. I

> > > >have been reading your posts and learning through your

> > > >experience. Thank-you.

> > > >

> > > >Well this weekend is it! This will be my first physical

> > > >interaction with my nada since setting some pretty significant

> > > >boundaries. Of course nada is unhappy with me but it's been

> > > >great being in control. Significantly I allowed my

> > > >mother-in-law to watch our girl's for 2 days while hubby and I

> > > >went on a quick getaway. This was huge as nada has been the

> > > >primary in fact Only babysitter. When I told nada about this I

> > > >could feel the rage in her voice BUT I stayed grounded and

> > > >strong. As a result of that boundary she tried to get at me by

> > > >NOT calling my daughter on her birthday until 6pm at night. I

> > > >answered the phone and she just said " can I speak to my

> > > >granddaughter " . The tone of her voice and bluntness just made

> > > >me think of her as a 4yr old who can't have their way! My

> > > >daughter kept it short and we didn't allow nada an opportunity

> > > >to ruin her day.

> > > >After her " trying to hurt my daughter " didn't work she is now

> > > >in Hoover mode. Nice as pie, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth,

> > > >etc but talking about me to friends and family in a terrible

> > > >way. I've told people to save it as I'm really not interested.

> > > >I'm ready for her his weekend. We are meant to staying over but

> > > >I just know she wants to rage against all the boundaries set =

> > > >only speak x 1 a week, other people watch the children, refusal

> > > >to listen to her negative talk! It's been life changing and I'm

> > > >so much happier and my family too.

> > > >

> > > >So I thought I would view this weekends interaction like going

> > > >into battle but then I realized she has no power in this

> > > >situation, I am in control of me!!! It's such a great place to

> > > >be in and has diluted a lot of my anger. I just see my nada as

> > > >a sad, self hating 65 yr old woman clutching at any

> > > >relationships she hasn't devestated. I would hate to be her and

> > > >just pity her as I protect me and my family.

> > > >

> > > >Have a great week and I will post once I have completed what I

> > > >thought would be mission I impossible!!

> > > >

> > > >Here's to a great dayI

> > > >

> > > >Mel x

> > >

> > > --

> > > Katrina

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Annie

It wasn't easy by any means but I did it! Now I think she is walking on

eggshells trying to figure out how she fits in this new dimension. I know the

road ahead is long, long, long BUT it feels amazing to take steps in the right

direction!!!! Phew!!!

Thanks sooooo much for being my virtual friend and supporter Annie

Your words resonated with me all weekend " momma bear with anger on a leash, use

it wisely " :-) I have a picture in my mind of who I'm becoming thanks to you! I

love it!!!!

Mel x

> > > > >Hi everyone

> > > > >

> > > > >I hope you're all well. I haven't posted for about a week. I

> > > > >have been reading your posts and learning through your

> > > > >experience. Thank-you.

> > > > >

> > > > >Well this weekend is it! This will be my first physical

> > > > >interaction with my nada since setting some pretty significant

> > > > >boundaries. Of course nada is unhappy with me but it's been

> > > > >great being in control. Significantly I allowed my

> > > > >mother-in-law to watch our girl's for 2 days while hubby and I

> > > > >went on a quick getaway. This was huge as nada has been the

> > > > >primary in fact Only babysitter. When I told nada about this I

> > > > >could feel the rage in her voice BUT I stayed grounded and

> > > > >strong. As a result of that boundary she tried to get at me by

> > > > >NOT calling my daughter on her birthday until 6pm at night. I

> > > > >answered the phone and she just said " can I speak to my

> > > > >granddaughter " . The tone of her voice and bluntness just made

> > > > >me think of her as a 4yr old who can't have their way! My

> > > > >daughter kept it short and we didn't allow nada an opportunity

> > > > >to ruin her day.

> > > > >After her " trying to hurt my daughter " didn't work she is now

> > > > >in Hoover mode. Nice as pie, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth,

> > > > >etc but talking about me to friends and family in a terrible

> > > > >way. I've told people to save it as I'm really not interested.

> > > > >I'm ready for her his weekend. We are meant to staying over but

> > > > >I just know she wants to rage against all the boundaries set =

> > > > >only speak x 1 a week, other people watch the children, refusal

> > > > >to listen to her negative talk! It's been life changing and I'm

> > > > >so much happier and my family too.

> > > > >

> > > > >So I thought I would view this weekends interaction like going

> > > > >into battle but then I realized she has no power in this

> > > > >situation, I am in control of me!!! It's such a great place to

> > > > >be in and has diluted a lot of my anger. I just see my nada as

> > > > >a sad, self hating 65 yr old woman clutching at any

> > > > >relationships she hasn't devestated. I would hate to be her and

> > > > >just pity her as I protect me and my family.

> > > > >

> > > > >Have a great week and I will post once I have completed what I

> > > > >thought would be mission I impossible!!

> > > > >

> > > > >Here's to a great dayI

> > > > >

> > > > >Mel x

> > > >

> > > > --

> > > > Katrina

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

woo hoooo!!! that's fantastic, Mel!!

I particularly liked that you didn't even let her get away with the " Call me

later " she tried to throw in there. Big applause and high fives from me! I'll

usually let those go and tell nada I didn't hear her when she asks why i didn't

call! I admire that you took it head-on.

good job!

Fiona

> > > >Hi everyone

> > > >

> > > >I hope you're all well. I haven't posted for about a week. I

> > > >have been reading your posts and learning through your

> > > >experience. Thank-you.

> > > >

> > > >Well this weekend is it! This will be my first physical

> > > >interaction with my nada since setting some pretty significant

> > > >boundaries. Of course nada is unhappy with me but it's been

> > > >great being in control. Significantly I allowed my

> > > >mother-in-law to watch our girl's for 2 days while hubby and I

> > > >went on a quick getaway. This was huge as nada has been the

> > > >primary in fact Only babysitter. When I told nada about this I

> > > >could feel the rage in her voice BUT I stayed grounded and

> > > >strong. As a result of that boundary she tried to get at me by

> > > >NOT calling my daughter on her birthday until 6pm at night. I

> > > >answered the phone and she just said " can I speak to my

> > > >granddaughter " . The tone of her voice and bluntness just made

> > > >me think of her as a 4yr old who can't have their way! My

> > > >daughter kept it short and we didn't allow nada an opportunity

> > > >to ruin her day.

> > > >After her " trying to hurt my daughter " didn't work she is now

> > > >in Hoover mode. Nice as pie, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth,

> > > >etc but talking about me to friends and family in a terrible

> > > >way. I've told people to save it as I'm really not interested.

> > > >I'm ready for her his weekend. We are meant to staying over but

> > > >I just know she wants to rage against all the boundaries set =

> > > >only speak x 1 a week, other people watch the children, refusal

> > > >to listen to her negative talk! It's been life changing and I'm

> > > >so much happier and my family too.

> > > >

> > > >So I thought I would view this weekends interaction like going

> > > >into battle but then I realized she has no power in this

> > > >situation, I am in control of me!!! It's such a great place to

> > > >be in and has diluted a lot of my anger. I just see my nada as

> > > >a sad, self hating 65 yr old woman clutching at any

> > > >relationships she hasn't devestated. I would hate to be her and

> > > >just pity her as I protect me and my family.

> > > >

> > > >Have a great week and I will post once I have completed what I

> > > >thought would be mission I impossible!!

> > > >

> > > >Here's to a great dayI

> > > >

> > > >Mel x

> > >

> > > --

> > > Katrina

> > >

> >

>